Invitation wording opinions needed (long)

amgrossman · February 2011

Hi everyone! I'm finalizing my invitation... what do you think of the overall wording? Its a traditional conservative ceremony, my parents are hosting.

I'm changing the first names and location, my last name is my sn...

1) Fi & FMIL have the last name as me so notice the wording on that.. is it too confusing??? (technically Fi has a hyphenated name of both of his parents-he is changing it before the wedding- yes they are still married)

2)His parents are most likely not contributing anything (and if they do it will be very little)... should I still include them? I know its "nice" to include them, but does it imply they are contributing?

3) Is there a way to make the first paragraph more "Jewish"? I really like "unite/meet under the chuppah" but can't seem to make that work with bride's parents hosting.

4) My mother would like her name included, but her last name is the same as my father's and they are married (she is having a feminist streak). Is there any way we can do this?

mr. and mrs. John Grossman

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Jane Ellen

To

Rick George Grossman

Son of Mark Smith and Rachel Grossman

sunday, the 29^th of May

Two Thousand Eleven

Hor D’eouvres at 3 O’clock

Ceremony at 4 O’Clock

Temple *******

# ***** Road

******, Massachusetts

Dinner and dancing to follow

tenofcups4me · February 2011

1) Fi & FMIL have the last name as me so notice the wording on that.. is it too confusing??? (technically Fi has a hyphenated name of both of his parents-he is changing it before the wedding- yes they are still married)

It IS a little odd, but I imagine most people already know that and really you don't have much of a choice. His name is his name :-) However, since you're not including your last name and his name is followed by his parents' name, I wouldn't include his either (or alternatively, I'd include yours too, but that really highlights the Grossman/Grossman connection, which it sounds like you don't want to do).

2)His parents are most likely not contributing anything (and if they do it will be very little)... should I still include them? I know its "nice" to include them, but does it imply they are contributing?

No, it doesn't imply they're contributing. I don't think I've ever seen an invitation to a Jewish wedding that didn't include the groom's parents if the bride's parents are hosting.

4) My mother would like her name included, but her last name is the same as my father's and they are married (she is having a feminist streak). Is there any way we can do this?

Sure, it's easy: Susan and John Grossman
request the...

You really should do your parents and his parents the same way -- either titles for both or neither (and you currently don't have titles for his parents). Or for your parents: Mr. and Mrs. John and Susan Grossman, but that gets really long and will probably run to 2 lines instead of 1.

Also, for his parents, his mother should come first:
Son of Rachel Grossman and Mark Smith

OR
Son of Ms. Rachel Grossman and Mr. Mark Smith if you opt to stick with titles

amgrossman · February 2011

Thank you tenof!

My mother suggested forgoing the Mr & Mrs and I hesitated on account of it not sounding as "formal". But what the heck mama's always right!

And excellent idea to leave off his last name... I think that makes it a little less confusing, shorter and wont cause an argument (some of his family opposes him changing his name).

colourz · February 2011

If you want to make it more Jewish, include both sets of parents. use 'and' instead of 'to', and add your line using chuppah. Having the same name should not be confusing written this way.

Jane and John Grossman
Rachel Grossman and Mark Smith
request the honour of your presence as their children
Jane Ellen and Rick George
join their lives under the chuppah
etc

I hope this helps!

tenofcups4me · February 2011

Am, my first wedding was formal (black tie optional), but we used all first names and no titles on the invitations. I personally can't stand Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (and I know my mom would have not liked that) and Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith just ran too long. The invitations were still clearly formal and I'm positive no one was confused about that in any way.

I do agree with the PP about "and" instead of "to," but I wouldn't put his parents at the top. That DOES imply they're hosting along with your parents and that's not the case here.

penaltyshot · February 2011

I agree with tenofcups on all of these points. My wedding was black tie optional as well and my parents hosted, so at the top it said Mother and Father LastName. If you put his parents' names below yours, it will appear as though they are hosting as well. Put their names below your fiance's and it will be clearer.

amgrossman · February 2011

Thanks again!

I've changed a few things and this way is starting to grow on me. mom likes because it has her first name and FI likes it becuse it doesnt cause confusion as to his last name.

What do you all think?

note, names are still changed.

“Ani L’dodi V’dodi li”

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine

Jane and John Grossman

Invite you to share in the joy

At the marriage uniting their daughter

Alexis Ellen

and

Rick George

Son of Rachel Grossman and Mark Smith

Sunday, the 29th of May

Two thousand eleven

25^th of Iyyar, 5771

Hor D’eouvres at 3 O’clock

Ceremony at 4 O’Clock

Temple *****

# **** Road

*******, Massachusetts

Dinner and dancing to follow

alinaandjared · February 2011

Personally,I think you need to include his parents not by saying "son of" but, Mr and Mrs Jones and Mr and Mrs Josephson request the honor of your presense at the marriage of their children sarah rachel to adam jacob.

MrsMLRB · February 2011

PP gave good advice.

We are saying:

Mrs. Margaret and Mr. Laurence R
and
Mrs. Ben B. and Mrs. Eileen L.
invite you to share in their simcha
at the marriage of their children
M:L
and
EM

which I think sounds less Christian than "request the honor of your presence"

amgrossman · February 2011

Alinaandjared & MrsMLRB-

I dont understand why I would put his parents names at the top if they are not hosting? Everything I've read about wording says that doing so implies that. Is there any reason to include his parents name at the top that I'm not aware of?

Also... if you noticed I already posted an updated version which does not say "request the honour of". JTLYK

tenofcups4me · February 2011

FWIW, "request the honor of" is traditional for Jewish wedding invitations too. There's nothing inherently Christian about that phrasing. But I like your new phrasing. One thing I forgot to note last time -- hors d'oeuvres is spelled wrong! Also, no need to cap o'clock.

penaltyshot · February 2011

My invite said "request the honour of your presence" on it. LOL It also did not list his mother (father is deceased) at the top, as she was not assisting in hosting. I believe your invite to be correct. Also, my wedding was Conservative as well.

MrsMLRB · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_invitation-wording-opinions-needed-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:84362fb0-32b8-4ceb-ba43-1624c0c3942aPost:8634dc36-3b97-47ba-a151-09b1e7f843d6">Re: Invitation wording opinions needed (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Alinaandjared & MrsMLRB- I dont understand why I would put his parents names at the top if they are not hosting? Everything I've read about wording says that doing so implies that. Is there any reason to include his parents name at the top that I'm not aware of? Also... if you noticed I already posted an updated version which does not say "request the honour of". JTLYK
Posted by amgrossman[/QUOTE]

I was just reading this yesterday and apparently in Jewish weddings it doesn't necessarily mean that. I think there is nothing wrong with saying son of I was just offering you a different option.

<a href="http://www.crane.com/etiquette/wedding/jewishwedding?RPL" rel='nofollow'>http://www.crane.com/etiquette/wedding/jewishwedding?RPL</a>

alinaandjared · February 2011

Because I think that who does or does not contribute is no one's business other than those paying for the wedding and I think is a slap in the face to word an invitation one way or another way because of $.

alinaandjared · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_invitation-wording-opinions-needed-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:84362fb0-32b8-4ceb-ba43-1624c0c3942aPost:4ff17e68-f996-430c-8a18-692ce1d75244">Re: Invitation wording opinions needed (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]PP gave good advice. We are saying: Mrs. Margaret and Mr. Laurence R and Mrs. Ben B. and Mrs. Eileen L. invite you to share in their simcha at the marriage of their children M:L and EM which I think sounds less Christian than "request the honor of your presence"
Posted by MrsMLRB[/QUOTE]

I like this language also, I do not think "honour of your presence" denotes any religious affiliation but that is neither here nor there. I would not put your parents first and his parents as "son of" or any variation of that, but that is just me.

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