is a cash bar really that bad?

ericalynn818 · October 2010

I have seen a lot of negative comments about cash bars through out some other posts. Personally I find nothing wrong with it and I plan to have one at my wedding because we don't have enough in our budget to cover the extra expense. Are people really that offended by being asked to pay for their own drinks?

ootmother2 · October 2010

Yes, people are really THAT offended by being asked to pay for their drinks when they are YOUR guest

portialoveschris · October 2010

Prepare for an onslaught of negative comments. Just a friendly heads up.

Me personally, I would mostly mind if soda pop/juice wasn't free at a wedding or any event for that matter but I'm not a big drinker.

Maybe try having a limited open bar if that fits with your budget better.

I don't know. It's up to you girl. Only you know your peeps best.

Good luck and I hope you don't have a thin skin!...

kellyjellybelly · October 2010

I have been to probably 20+ weddings in the past 10 years. Not one has had a cash bar. Honestly, for me, I would be put off by a cash bar. Not much I could do about it, but I would be annoyed.

If every wedding I've been to in the past 10 years has had a cash bar, I suppose I wouldn't think much of it.

In my group, it would be judged harshly, especially if you went all out with the reception. But, then again, I'm used to rehearsal dinners with open bars as well. So take my thoughts with that i mind.

ootmother2 · October 2010

Please don't come back with the "it's customary here to have a cash bar" because it isn't. I'm from your area originally and, in fact, just got back from Boston. I've been to a dozen weddings there and not one cash bar.

kellyjellybelly · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:f0820a52-6f2c-4919-8770-50f12284d517">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Please don't come back with the "it's customary here to have a cash bar" because it isn't. I'm from your area originally and, in fact, just got back from Boston. I've been to a dozen weddings there and not one cash bar.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
Well, there you go. Yes, it is that bad.

kaesha · October 2010

I think the weddings I've been to have been split pretty well half and half down the middle between cash bar/open bar. I don't hate on my family who have done the cash bar route, but I certainly think it's much, much better to pay for booze. Your guests will appreciate it far more than flowers or chair sashes, you know? You wouldn't host a dinner party at your place and expect your guests to bring their own bottles of wine, would you? If you can't host a full open bar, how's about providing beer & wine and maybe a signature drink or two.

golden1215 · October 2010

My advice, invite less people so as to give those guests who are still invited a nicer evening/reception.

I was very annoyed at the wedding I went to over the summer that was cash bar. I supposed, if you have a smaller, budget wedding overall- and I can tell youre trying to save money- I wouldnt be mad, just annoyed. But, if you throw an otherwise nicer/fancier wedding (like the one I went to) with no booze for guests- I'd be ticked off.

Skimp on favors- since no one ever remembers those anyways- or programs, since no one really reads along anyway- and spring for AT LEAST beer and wine.

srkropf · October 2010

Lots of people are offended by cash bars, people who take children to restaurants, and several other hundred things. However, I know that more people would complain about there being no booze rather than paying for booze. The two family weddings I've gone to have both been cash bars. We're paying for a champagne toast and that's it, because that's what I want. As for people's comments about people coming to your house and you charging for booze, well, they also don't drink $500+ of booze, and if there is that much drinking, they contribute to the booze stash. So do what you need/want to do-- and worry less about others. At the end of the day you're getting married to the one person you love most in the world, that's what's the most important thing, not whether someone has to pay $6 for a glass of wine.

kellyjellybelly · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:fcc7e8e9-0057-4899-88e5-2661780692f5">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Lots of people are offended by cash bars, people who take children to restaurants, and several other hundred things. However, I know that more people would complain about there being no booze rather than paying for booze. The two family weddings I've gone to have both been cash bars. We're paying for a champagne toast and that's it, because that's what I want. As for people's comments about people coming to your house and you charging for booze, well, they also don't drink $500+ of booze, and if there is that much drinking, they contribute to the booze stash. <strong>So do what you need/want to do-- and worry less about others. At the end of the day you're getting married to the one person you love most in the world, that's what's the most important thing, not whether someone has to pay $6 for a glass of wine.</strong>
Posted by srkropf[/QUOTE]<div>I would never throw a party and not worry about if my guests were going to enjoy it. My friends and family are big drinkers. I could not imagine inviting them to a party and not paying for the drinks. I invited them I am hosting them.

</div>

Kristin789 · October 2010

I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar.

But your original post looks like you have already decided to do this.

So my suggestion is to structure your wedding reception so that people pay for more than just the cash bar.

Talk to the catering director so that when the waitstaff serves the cake, they collect $5 from eachc person.

Talk to your DJ, get him to ask for requests every 15 minutes, and when someone goes over to request a song, collect $10 from the requestor.

Collect $25 from whoever catches the bouquet, and $25 from whoever catches the garter.

banana468 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:fcc7e8e9-0057-4899-88e5-2661780692f5">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Lots of people are offended by cash bars, people who take children to restaurants, and several other hundred things.</strong> However, I know that more people would complain about there being no booze rather than paying for booze. The two family weddings I've gone to have both been cash bars. We're paying for a champagne toast and that's it, because that's what I want. As for people's comments about people coming to your house and you charging for booze, well, they also don't drink $500+ of booze, and if there is that much drinking, they contribute to the booze stash. So do what you need/want to do-- and worry less about others. At the end of the day you're getting married to the one person you love most in the world, that's what's the most important thing, not whether someone has to pay $6 for a glass of wine.
Posted by srkropf[/QUOTE]

Yes, however some of these things actually have to do with treating your guests properly.

And if you can't afford $500+ in booze even if you're buying it at cost then you can't afford your reception.

Because at the end of the day, once you choose to involve others it stops being all about what you want and you need to fulfill your duties as hosts.

Cash bars just aren't fun and they're not nice to your guests.

ThePinkSuperhero · October 2010

I've been to cash bar weddings and honestly, it's not the end of the world.

kellyjellybelly · October 2010

Damn, Kristin, I should have had you at my wedding - based on the number of times "I'm on a boat" was requested, we would have cleared an extra $200 easily.

I think my Dj was afraid to play that one...

2dBride · October 2010

Sigh! You're new here, I see. People who have been here longer tend to just stop asking this sort of question.

You might check out this article on a survey regarding cash bars.

Also, one thing a lot of people don't get is that an opposition to cash bars does not mean that you have to have an open bar at your reception. You can have a dry wedding--no alcohol at all. You can choose just to serve beer and wine. You can choose to have just a signature drink. All of these are less expensive than a full open bar, but are clearly permissible as a matter of etiquette. And it's even ok if you are at a hotel, and those of your guests who don't want to drink just what you offer can walk across the hall to the bar. What is objectionable about the cash bar is having something that is part of your reception that guests have to pay for.

ErinGoBragh77 · October 2010

Stop being super bitchy... and take into consider geographic differencences...
you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...

singingjessi14 · October 2010

I have never been to a wedding with an open or limited bar. It's always been a cash bar with chamapagne toast or dry reception. The only time I was even slightly bothered by it was when the cash bar was way too expensive (a three-quarters full glass of cheepier wine for $9).

nda_roxybabe · October 2010

IMO, if you don't have enough budget to cover the extra expense then you did not budget correctly.
Alcohol should not be "extra" if you were planning on having it.

nda_roxybabe · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:3ca38e4d-ceb1-4eac-ab9f-95f6b8243437">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Stop being super bitchy... and take into consider geographic differencences... you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...
Posted by ErinGoBragh77[/QUOTE]
The whole geographic thing is bullshiit. There are people from all over the US, canada and elsewhere that agree cash bars are not proper etiquette. Using that as excuse is ridiculous.

mrabbito · October 2010

I would understand having a cash bar if you, you and your fam are not big drinkers.....as long as it is stated ahead of time so people don't come expecting an open bar. Find a way to mention on the invite or ahead of time that it will be cash bar. i don't think it's offensive and i would never leave a wedding just b/c of the type of bar. you're there to celebrate the couple, family and friends, why do you need booze to do that? but if you're really worried about it, beer/wine sounds like a budget friendly option and a happy medium.

cm42878 · October 2010

I am having beer and wine as an open bar, however for mixed drinks I am doing a cash bar. Here is my reason why, the place we are having our reception at is a local hotel, the hotel has a pub in it, this pub obviously serves any type or alchohol. I am worried that if they can not get missed drinks at the portable bar in the reception hall al oarge part of the guests will go hang out in the pub all night long since that is where they can get the mised drinks. I have never been to a wedding that had a complete open bar, they have either been dry weddings or they have been jjust as we are doing. As someone who has went to weddings I would never leave a wedding just because they didnt have an open bar. I dont need a drink bad enough that I would be that upset!!!

banana468 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:3ca38e4d-ceb1-4eac-ab9f-95f6b8243437">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Stop being super bitchy... and take into consider geographic differencences... you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...
Posted by ErinGoBragh77[/QUOTE]

You didn't read what OOT said did you? You can't pull the "this is what we do in Boston" card.

omgitscasey · October 2010

Lets be ladies!

If you comment that an open bar is completely tacky, what message are you giving to those low-budget brides who come looking for advice? It sends the message that they are not welcome here just because they can't afford to booze up their guests.

In my opinion a cash bar doesn't say anything about the bride or groom. Even having a bar is optional! So providing a cash bar is a service to your guests. Whether or not you can provide it is not relevant.

If you don't like cash bars, there are better suggestions than making the original poster feel bad for asking.

*And for those who say that cash bars are not regional, they definitely are in the midwest. Open bars are definitely the minority in Southern Illinois.*

Were not in high school anymore. Be tactful.

baystateapple · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:3ca38e4d-ceb1-4eac-ab9f-95f6b8243437">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Stop being super bitchy... and take into consider geographic differencences... you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...
Posted by ErinGoBragh77[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm getting married north of Boston, my FI's family is from MA, and nobody there has cash bars. Nice try.

And if you don't like the people here, feel free to go somewhere else. Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.

kimp67 · October 2010

I would be really irritated & probably leave after dinner. I don't take cash with me to weddings other than a few bucks for the bridal dance (which is the norm here). So on top of being irritated, I would be embarrassed when I went to the bar to get a drink & couldn't pay for it!
IMO have what you can afford. If you can't afford a bar, have a dry wedding.

banana468 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:b70dc430-8bff-4d4e-ae5e-554b6f7be521">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Lets be ladies! If you comment that an open bar is completely tacky, what message are you giving to those low-budget brides who come looking for advice? It sends the message that they are not welcome here just because they can't afford to booze up their guests. In my opinion a cash bar doesn't say anything about the bride or groom. Even having a bar is optional! So providing a cash bar is a service to your guests. Whether or not you can provide it is not relevant. If you don't like cash bars, there are better suggestions than making the original poster feel bad for asking. *And for those who say that cash bars are not regional, they definitely are in the midwest. Open bars are definitely the minority in Southern Illinois.* Were not in high school anymore. Be tactful.
Posted by omgitscasey[/QUOTE]

Don't categorize the Midwest either. I've been to weddings in Ohio and a cash bar was NOT common either.

If you're on a budget there's a way to be appropriate and while in budget. Don't use the excuse that because you're on a budget then you can't afford alcohol for your guests. That excuse is poppycock.

karmellah · October 2010

ive never been to a wedding or an event where it wasnt a cash bar so i see nothing wrong with it. im sure we wont get a lot of negetive comments, everyone thats coming has had a c ash bar at their wedding or event that we've attended with exception of like 2 couples.

JenGin74 · October 2010

I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. The last wedding we attended they couldn't afford a full open bar so they just served beer and wine.

As a wedding guest or guest of any other type of party, I don't expect to have to pay for anything. If someone invites me to any type of event that they're hosting I shouldn't have to open my wallet.

I don't know that I'd necessarily be "offended", more like WTF?

JenGin74 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a18fbce-ee39-42a9-b76a-841267793064Post:045cc392-fce4-462a-a9fe-7ad1a5d3a10f">Re: is a cash bar really that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is a cash bar really that bad? : Don't categorize the Midwest either. I've been to weddings in Ohio and a cash bar was NOT common either. If you're on a budget there's a way to be appropriate and while in budget. Don't use the excuse that because you're on a budget then you can't afford alcohol for your guests. That excuse is poppycock.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Ditto all of this.

I was on a pretty strict budget and still had a full open bar. I just had to cut corners in other non-essential areas

omgitscasey · October 2010

I said they are common in Southern Illinois. Can you not read?

What is tacky.. Brides who have been married for a year and post on theknot to be mean and bully other brides. Get a life.

I am having an open bar. Its not the norm here. And I sure as hell wouldn't be offended asking to pay for alcohol. Alcohol is not a priority. As long as guests have something to drink they should be happy.

arv266 · October 2010

I have never been to a wedding that had a cash bar but I highly doubt that I would be offended by the host not providing an open or limited bar. With the way the economy is, I wouldn't even have a WTF moment, as my first thought would be "oh, an open bar wasn't in their budget" versus "they are so RUDE!"

Sorry OP, but you are not going to get validation on having a cash bar. The argument that you are doing a service to your guest by providing one is weak. The arguement that "this is how it is done in my area" is equally weak, from an etiquette standpoint. Just because peopel do it, does not necessarily make it acceptable; rather its tolerable.

Is having a cash bar such a terrible, horrible, aweful thing for a couple to do? In the end this turns out to be a very personal question. You'll find a few people who will agree, but the majority will not. My FI and I decided to have a limited bar, as we wanted our guest to have an option, but could not afford a full open bar. My feeling is this; if I invite you to an event that take up 6-8 hours of your day
I don't feel that on top of anything else you've paid for to attend my wedding (new clothes, gas money, time off from work) that you should have to pay for your own drink. It's my "thanks for coming, this one is on me..."

is a cash bar really that bad?

Re: is a cash bar really that bad?

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