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Wedding Etiquette Forum
is a cash bar really that bad?
I have seen a lot of negative comments about cash bars through out some other posts. Personally I find nothing wrong with it and I plan to have one at my wedding because we don't have enough in our budget to cover the extra expense. Are people really that offended by being asked to pay for their own drinks?
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Re: is a cash bar really that bad?
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[QUOTE]Please don't come back with the "it's customary here to have a cash bar" because it isn't. I'm from your area originally and, in fact, just got back from Boston. I've been to a dozen weddings there and not one cash bar.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
Well, there you go. Yes, it is that bad.
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I was very annoyed at the wedding I went to over the summer that was cash bar. I supposed, if you have a smaller, budget wedding overall- and I can tell youre trying to save money- I wouldnt be mad, just annoyed. But, if you throw an otherwise nicer/fancier wedding (like the one I went to) with no booze for guests- I'd be ticked off.
Skimp on favors- since no one ever remembers those anyways- or programs, since no one really reads along anyway- and spring for AT LEAST beer and wine.
[QUOTE]Lots of people are offended by cash bars, people who take children to restaurants, and several other hundred things. However, I know that more people would complain about there being no booze rather than paying for booze. The two family weddings I've gone to have both been cash bars. We're paying for a champagne toast and that's it, because that's what I want. As for people's comments about people coming to your house and you charging for booze, well, they also don't drink $500+ of booze, and if there is that much drinking, they contribute to the booze stash. <strong>So do what you need/want to do-- and worry less about others. At the end of the day you're getting married to the one person you love most in the world, that's what's the most important thing, not whether someone has to pay $6 for a glass of wine.</strong>
Posted by srkropf[/QUOTE]<div>I would never throw a party and not worry about if my guests were going to enjoy it. My friends and family are big drinkers. I could not imagine inviting them to a party and not paying for the drinks. I invited them I am hosting them.
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But your original post looks like you have already decided to do this.
So my suggestion is to structure your wedding reception so that people pay for more than just the cash bar.
Talk to the catering director so that when the waitstaff serves the cake, they collect $5 from eachc person.
Talk to your DJ, get him to ask for requests every 15 minutes, and when someone goes over to request a song, collect $10 from the requestor.
Collect $25 from whoever catches the bouquet, and $25 from whoever catches the garter.
[QUOTE]<strong>Lots of people are offended by cash bars, people who take children to restaurants, and several other hundred things.</strong> However, I know that more people would complain about there being no booze rather than paying for booze. The two family weddings I've gone to have both been cash bars. We're paying for a champagne toast and that's it, because that's what I want. As for people's comments about people coming to your house and you charging for booze, well, they also don't drink $500+ of booze, and if there is that much drinking, they contribute to the booze stash. So do what you need/want to do-- and worry less about others. At the end of the day you're getting married to the one person you love most in the world, that's what's the most important thing, not whether someone has to pay $6 for a glass of wine.
Posted by srkropf[/QUOTE]
Yes, however some of these things actually have to do with treating your guests properly.
And if you can't afford $500+ in booze even if you're buying it at cost then you can't afford your reception.
Because at the end of the day, once you choose to involve others it stops being all about what you want and you need to fulfill your duties as hosts.
Cash bars just aren't fun and they're not nice to your guests.
You might check out this article on a survey regarding cash bars.
Also, one thing a lot of people don't get is that an opposition to cash bars does not mean that you have to have an open bar at your reception. You can have a dry wedding--no alcohol at all. You can choose just to serve beer and wine. You can choose to have just a signature drink. All of these are less expensive than a full open bar, but are clearly permissible as a matter of etiquette. And it's even ok if you are at a hotel, and those of your guests who don't want to drink just what you offer can walk across the hall to the bar. What is objectionable about the cash bar is having something that is part of your reception that guests have to pay for.
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you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...
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Alcohol should not be "extra" if you were planning on having it.
[QUOTE]Stop being super bitchy... and take into consider geographic differencences... you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...
Posted by ErinGoBragh77[/QUOTE]
The whole geographic thing is bullshiit. There are people from all over the US, canada and elsewhere that agree cash bars are not proper etiquette. Using that as excuse is ridiculous.
[QUOTE]Stop being super bitchy... and take into consider geographic differencences... you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...
Posted by ErinGoBragh77[/QUOTE]
You didn't read what OOT said did you? You can't pull the "this is what we do in Boston" card.
If you comment that an open bar is completely tacky, what message are you giving to those low-budget brides who come looking for advice? It sends the message that they are not welcome here just because they can't afford to booze up their guests.
In my opinion a cash bar doesn't say anything about the bride or groom. Even having a bar is optional! So providing a cash bar is a service to your guests. Whether or not you can provide it is not relevant.
If you don't like cash bars, there are better suggestions than making the original poster feel bad for asking.
*And for those who say that cash bars are not regional, they definitely are in the midwest. Open bars are definitely the minority in Southern Illinois.*
Were not in high school anymore. Be tactful.
[QUOTE]Stop being super bitchy... and take into consider geographic differencences... you may feel superior... but that is par for the course here...
Posted by ErinGoBragh77[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I'm getting married north of Boston, my FI's family is from MA, and nobody there has cash bars. Nice try.
And if you don't like the people here, feel free to go somewhere else. Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.
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IMO have what you can afford. If you can't afford a bar, have a dry wedding.
[QUOTE]Lets be ladies! If you comment that an open bar is completely tacky, what message are you giving to those low-budget brides who come looking for advice? It sends the message that they are not welcome here just because they can't afford to booze up their guests. In my opinion a cash bar doesn't say anything about the bride or groom. Even having a bar is optional! So providing a cash bar is a service to your guests. Whether or not you can provide it is not relevant. If you don't like cash bars, there are better suggestions than making the original poster feel bad for asking. *And for those who say that cash bars are not regional, they definitely are in the midwest. Open bars are definitely the minority in Southern Illinois.* Were not in high school anymore. Be tactful.
Posted by omgitscasey[/QUOTE]
Don't categorize the Midwest either. I've been to weddings in Ohio and a cash bar was NOT common either.
If you're on a budget there's a way to be appropriate and while in budget. Don't use the excuse that because you're on a budget then you can't afford alcohol for your guests. That excuse is poppycock.
As a wedding guest or guest of any other type of party, I don't expect to have to pay for anything. If someone invites me to any type of event that they're hosting I shouldn't have to open my wallet.
I don't know that I'd necessarily be "offended", more like WTF?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is a cash bar really that bad? : Don't categorize the Midwest either. I've been to weddings in Ohio and a cash bar was NOT common either. If you're on a budget there's a way to be appropriate and while in budget. Don't use the excuse that because you're on a budget then you can't afford alcohol for your guests. That excuse is poppycock.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Ditto all of this.
I was on a pretty strict budget and still had a full open bar. I just had to cut corners in other non-essential areas
I said they are common in Southern Illinois. Can you not read?
What is tacky.. Brides who have been married for a year and post on theknot to be mean and bully other brides. Get a life.
I am having an open bar. Its not the norm here. And I sure as hell wouldn't be offended asking to pay for alcohol. Alcohol is not a priority. As long as guests have something to drink they should be happy.
Sorry OP, but you are not going to get validation on having a cash bar. The argument that you are doing a service to your guest by providing one is weak. The arguement that "this is how it is done in my area" is equally weak, from an etiquette standpoint. Just because peopel do it, does not necessarily make it acceptable; rather its tolerable.
Is having a cash bar such a terrible, horrible, aweful thing for a couple to do? In the end this turns out to be a very personal question. You'll find a few people who will agree, but the majority will not. My FI and I decided to have a limited bar, as we wanted our guest to have an option, but could not afford a full open bar. My feeling is this; if I invite you to an event that take up 6-8 hours of your day
I don't feel that on top of anything else you've paid for to attend my wedding (new clothes, gas money, time off from work) that you should have to pay for your own drink. It's my "thanks for coming, this one is on me..."