Any advice??

countrygirlbride · August 2010

My FI and I were engaged a week ago and my mom, dad, and sister were there watching from afar! It was one of the happiest days in my life! However I've run into a dilemma...his mom!

His mom went with him to pick out the ring when I went away for the weekend and he told her I didnt want a ton of people there when he asked me. She seemed to understand it then but after the fact on the morning of she seemed all upset about it. He told her if it was gonna be a big deal then come. She wasnt there and needless to say is still upset about it. When I came to church that night excited out of my mind she wasnt there and again the same thing on wednesday night. We called her thursday to pay her a visit and she told us she'd get back to us but never did. This Sunday morning she was there at the church but was so upset she made my mother cry and this is turning into something it shouldnt be!

I dont want it to be like this through the whole planning and preparation up til the wedding day! its supposed to be a happy time of your life! And if it is my fault I will gladly apoligize and try to fix it to get things back on track! I just dont know what to do!! Any advice on this will be greatly appreciated! thank you and sorry for the forever post!

Jeffie86 · August 2010

It sounds like you need to talk with your future mother in law about how involved you'd like her to be with the planning, and really explain your reasons for wanting a private proposal. And also hear her out on why she wanted to be present and how involved she wants to be.

iamjoesgurl · August 2010

So just to make sure I am reading correctly, is she upset that she wasn't there or is she upset because your family was there and she wasn't?

portialoveschris · August 2010

The woman at my bridal shop said that if there ever are any "Momzillas" in the bunch, they are almost always the mother of the groom. I think it's because they are losing their sons, and they don't have the fun part of dressing him up, and planning the girlie stuff like flowers, and decor like the mother of the bride does. The groom's mom has minimal duties, but the experience is the same--seeing their child get married.

She'll come around. Just give her time. Also, include her in the planning. She might appreciate that.

countrygirlbride · August 2010

yeah upset because she wasnt there and I guess because my family was it made it worse

aricherry · August 2010

Poor lady, and poor you. I understand both sides. Just talk to her. Apparently she loves you or she would not have helped him pick the ring. Just apologize, hear her out and you give your side also. Put it behind you guys and let her help you with planning.

GJones27 · August 2010

Terribly sorry to hear about it. I don't know what to suggest, but I hope it works out! I'm always a believe in open communication. I'd also try to include her more.

iamjoesgurl · August 2010

There was nobody we knew anywhere around us when we got engaged. I understand your desire for privacy in that intimate moment and I understand her feeling of being left out.

I agree with Portia that it might help if you involve her in the wedding planning process. I would talk to her and apologize for unintentionally hurting her feelings. Then ask her if there are some ways that she would like to be involved in the planning process. It is natural for you to involve your family in things because they are in your comfort zone. This may take time but things will work out.

Oh, and pray about it. That may help you to feel better about moving forward and being more comfortable in your relationship with your FMIL.

CHarley2B · August 2010

Congratulations on your engagement!!!

My opinion is a little different but I also didn't get the best reaction from people (my mother) when we got engaged. I don't think you should apologize because you didn't do anything. He asked you to marry him and you had no control of who was there when it happened. I think your FMIL should put her feelings to the side and stop being so selfish and running this time for you guys.

If anyone should talk to her I think it would be your FH but I don't think you should let other people's opinion/reactions dictate what you and your FH are going to do. (Easier said than done). She should be happy she was there for him picking out the ring. No one else was and that was time for her to be involved.This time should be about you and FI but instead she is trying to ruin it for everyone. Don't let her. She'll come around when she's ready.

I do agree that you can still include her in the other aspects of the wedding but if she is acting like this over the engagement not going her way the chances are high that she will continue to throw her fits and tantrums throughout the planning process (and maybe your marriage) if someone doesn't stand up to her now.

erollis · September 2010

Your Fiance needs to talk to her about not being at the proposal. She was also involved in helping pick out your ring. Your parents didn't help pick it out and they are not all upset over it.

Talk to her about being involved in the wedding planning process. She would most likely love to help out and see you try on dresses and what not.

Pray that things get better with her. It isn't your fault and prayer can help you both out.

countrygirlbride · September 2010

Thank you all for the advice! It was nice to stand back and look at it from a different perspective... I agree with the advice PRAY! If anyone can fix a situation it's God! thank you for your suggestions. I will take time to pray and talk to her, hopefully everything will work out!

beecjena08 · September 2010

So sorry about what you going through. It sounds like she is sad about loosing her son so I would agree that you need to give her time and also keep her in your prayers.

samantha1008 · September 2010

Well I think it is good that she has the relationship she seems to have with her soon. Just hope it doesn't cause to much trouble for your relationship with her or with her son. I think she is just touchy because she is losing her son. You will officially be the number one woman in his life. I think he should talk to his mother first and then if things don't get better you might need to. I think that is what I would do. Good luck!

faith12186 · September 2010

Communication is definitely the key. I can see both pov's, just explain to your FMIL why you didn't want too many people there. Talk it over with her and throughout the wedding planning phase try to include her in some things, this should make her feel good. I also agree with samantha. A lot of times it can be hard for a mother to watch her son about to be married. She still sees him as her baby and feels that she is loosing him. I would try as much as possible to reassure her that you don't want to steal her son away from her. That you want her to be there to share some of her wisdom and advice along this journey. And as a few others said, pray about it. God can fix all problems, even an upset FMIL.

Any advice??

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