A Bride Abandoned

cirkusgirl · May 2012

90 out of 170 coming to my wedding! I am so devastated that only a little over half of the people we invited are attending. Half of my fiancés family is not coming because his cousin decided 6 months ago to get married the month after our wedding and people can't afford to go to two weddings. Mind you we have been engaged for a year and a half and they knew when our day was a year ago. Others are not coming for money reasons or because they don't want to find sitters for their kids. We decided to have an adults only reception because it starts at 6 and goes until 11:30 and we thought that a loud, open bar, party is not a great place for little ones. Anyway, I am feeling really bummed about this. I have put a lot in to creating my wedding and the least people could do is show up. Has this happened to anyone else or is it just me? How do I stop myself from feeling so angry about this?

Avion22 · May 2012

We had 80 out of about 125 that we invited. We missed the people who couldn't make it, but we understand that people can't go to every wedding they are invited to. 80 actually turned out to be a GREAT number -- we had an awesome crowd, got to spend time with everyone, and came in way under budget on everything.

lumilumi · May 2012

The 90 people will really enjoy your wedding and your budget will be significantly lower. 90 is not a bad size at all! Seems like the ones that cannot attend have legit reasons...not because they don't want to be there for your big day.

You should still be a happy bride no matter what

LaBellaVita23 · May 2012

I don't quite understand how you are abandoned when you still have 90 guests who are coming to celebrate with you.

You can either focus on those that are there or the ones that didn't show. Choose to focus on the ones that are there to celebrate. And whatever you do, do not hold a grudge over those who didn't come.

kmmssg · May 2012

Also, keep in mind that it is the relationship with these people that is important, not their attendance at your wedding. If they are good friends to you both and supportive of your marriage that is what counts, not their attendance at the one day party. It is that friendship and support you will need as a married couple. Don't feel abandoned, feel blessed!

cwaggoner07 · May 2012

I agree... when you have an adults-only reception sometimes people have no choice but to not attend. They are not mad or trying to make a stab at you, they just are genuinely out of other options.

goobersinlove · May 2012

1. I think you will find that a smaller wedding will be to your benefit - you get to spend more time with the people who are there because you won't be stretched so thin, and you will definitely notice a difference in your budget! Be happy celebrating with the people who are there!!

2. Don't take people declining personally. All the things that you mentioned are legitimate reasons to decline a wedding, and not to sound snarky, but their lives do not revolve around you or your wedding.

Queen Jane · May 2012

In Response to Re:A Bride Abandoned:[QUOTE]In Response to A Bride Abandoned:90 out of 170 coming to my wedding! I am so devastated that only a little over half of the people we invited are attending.nbsp; Half of my fianceacute;s family is not coming because his cousin decided 6 months ago to get married the month after our wedding and people can't afford to go to two weddings.nbsp; Mind you we have been engaged for a year and a half and they knew when our day was a year ago.nbsp; Others are not coming for money reasons or because they don't want to find sitters for their kids.nbsp; We decided to have an adults only reception because it starts at 6 and goes until 11:30 and we thought that a loud, open bar, party is not a great place for little ones.nbsp; Anyway, I am feeling really bummed about this.nbsp; I have put a lot in to creating my wedding and the least people could do is show up.nbsp; Has this happened to anyone else or is it just me?nbsp; How do I stop myself from feeling so angry about this?Posted by cirkusgirlYou made your bed.nbsp; Now you get to lay in it.No one owes you to attend your wedding. Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

This. It's not up to you to decide what's appropriate for other people's children.

FWIW, we had 70 out of 180 and I was glad for the smaller number. We had a DW with tons of people we hadn't seen in ages so it was nice to really be able to visit with them.

achiduck · May 2012

It's honestly not a slight against YOU, and your FI's cousin picked a date that worked best for them, they didn't owe you a six month buffer. Perhaps some of your FI's family is closer to that cousin then they are to him when it comes to OOT family, tough decisions have to be made.

Like PP's said, in choosing to have an adult wedding you have to accept that some people just won't come without their kids, and really if I had kids I probably wouldn't want to leave my kids with a babysitter I had never met before in a strange town.

Be glad that you've got the 90 people, that's still a sizeable number and your wedding will still be fun.

cwaggoner07 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_a-bride-abandoned?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c234bfbb-0e91-4dfe-a4c2-fc2e400a511dPost:c8ef6db4-f1d0-4175-81f3-e2a5207e9da8">Re: A Bride Abandoned</a>:
[QUOTE]If I had children and they weren't invited to your wedding but were invited to cousin's wedding I'd pick cousin's wedding too even if you did get engaged first.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Great point. Ditto.

Annas2013 · May 2012

You still have 90 people coming to your wedding. That's over half. At least you'll save on some things like food and alcohol. If you decided to have an adults-only reception, that's fine. But you should have known some people wouldn't be able to come if they can't find sitters. Plus not everyone has a ton of extra money right now to travel for a wedding (if anyone invited that declined would have had to travel). Be happy that people are coming. The people that show up will appreciate your creativity. No one owes you their presence based on how much time you put into the wedding, or owes you their presence at all. Have fun with the people that come and don't hold grudges against the people that can't.

QueerFemme · May 2012

I don't understand how 90 people attending makes you feel abandoned. If you had 25-30, I might understand how you feel. But, you had to have known that having an adult only reception would put a damper on how many "yes" RSVPs you were going to get. Especially if people have to travel to attend. That would mean getting an overnight sitter or finding a sitter in another town.

I know it takes a lot of work to throw a great reception... but, your wedding is for you & your future husband. The amount of work you put into it does not mean people are obligated to show up just because of the work you put into "creating" your wedding.

I think, you need to take a deep breath and remember, the whole point of this event is to marry your partner and begin your lives together. In the end, that's all that matters, whether its witnessed by 9, 90, or 170.

whitneymarie504 · May 2012

I'm actually HOPING for some NO RSVP's as when we sent our invites I was under the impression the hall would comfortably hold 200. mailed invites for 207 people I believe and then come to find out it REALLY comfortably hold 150-175. If we get a lot of yesses we will be a tad bit crowded.

My cousin is having a graduation party the same evening (they scheduled 1st and I was unaware until we where too far into planning to change out date) so a lot of that side of my family will go to the graduation party, miss our ceremony, and stop by on there way home for the reception. I will be happy that they stopped in and saw us at all given the short notice and situation.

Also, my parents have decided they will pay the food costs for 150 and FI and I &/or his mother will be responsible for any additional people at roughly $12PP. When we mailed our invites I was under the impression my parents where going to split the food cost and then found out later. We can manage it but knowing this I am hoping for a few more no rsvp's.

Don't get me wrong, I want to see everyone and have them share my special day but in our case smaller numbers would be a bit less stressful.

cirkusgirl · May 2012

I had no idea so many people would respond to my post. It was written after one of my best friends told me she would not be coming to my wedding. Thank you so very much to those who understand where I'm coming from. I truly appreciate your kind words and advice. I am going to look at it as an opportunity to spend more quality time with those who are attending.... and yes... spend less money as well.

In response to Queen Jane and LingerLonger1:
I am not deciding what is best for other peoples children. It was a friend with children who suggested not having kids at our wedding to save us money. I was just posting my feelings because I was sad and looking for a bit of support from my fellow brides. Isn't that what these boards are for?

Ultimately, the most important thing is that I get to marry the most amazing, loving, and supportive man I have ever met. So in reality, not much else matters.

Blessings to all!!!

lb1212 · May 2012

I know how devastating it can be to have someone you love not be able to attend your wedding. And how much it can suck to have a family choose a wedding date close to your own. Due to my church being double booked, we've picked a new wedding date, but my cousin's wedding was scheduled 6 days after my June 3rd wedding. Now, my aunt is scheduled to give a lecture at a medical conference the weekend of my August 3 wedding. You can't always win. I'm planning on having a viewing party for my nearest and dearest who can't make the wedding once we get our wedding video. Just try to focus on the positives!

cirkusgirl · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_a-bride-abandoned?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c234bfbb-0e91-4dfe-a4c2-fc2e400a511dPost:639e7378-346d-4bd2-abd1-6144062f003c">Re: A Bride Abandoned</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how devastating it can be to have someone you love not be able to attend your wedding. And how much it can suck to have a family choose a wedding date close to your own. Due to my church being double booked, we've picked a new wedding date, but my cousin's wedding was scheduled 6 days after my June 3rd wedding. Now, my aunt is scheduled to give a lecture at a medical conference the weekend of my August 3 wedding. You can't always win. I'm planning on having a viewing party for my nearest and dearest who can't make the wedding once we get our wedding video. Just try to focus on the positives!
Posted by lb1212[/QUOTE]

Viewing party! Thats a great idea!

A Bride Abandoned

Re: A Bride Abandoned

Choose Another Board

Search Boards