Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)

amatadei · August 2010

I really don't understand what the big deal is about honeymoon registries! Honestly, if you are being invited to a shower or wedding, I would hope that you care enough about the couple to want to get them something they will enjoy. This should not be about what an individual wants to give the bride and groom, it should be about what they would like or use or need. I think for those who cannot afford HM on their own, a honeymoon registry is a fantastic idea. Why get offended? Yes, at its core, it is a fancy way of asking for money, but isn't a gift just a tangible way of offering your money to someone anyway? I love the idea PP gave-- the honeymoon registry should be looked upon as helping people about whom you care make memories, and what gift could be more priceless than that?! If you are looking at it as "paying for someone else's vacation," as PP said, then you are in it for the satisfaction of getting the gift, not for the joy of the receiver, and that, frankly, is selfish and quite a faux pas in itself.

trix1223 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:5dbeb535-e24d-4277-b5a6-e2ebea25b2fd">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't understand what the big deal is about honeymoon registries! Honestly, if you are being invited to a shower or wedding, I would hope that you care enough about the couple to want to get them something they will enjoy. This should not be about what an individual wants to give the bride and groom, it should be about what they would like or use or need. I think for those who cannot afford HM on their own, a honeymoon registry is a fantastic idea. Why get offended? Yes, at its core, it is a fancy way of asking for money, but isn't a gift just a tangible way of offering your money to someone anyway? I love the idea PP gave-- the honeymoon registry should be looked upon as helping people about whom you care make memories , and what gift could be more priceless than that?! If you are looking at it as "paying for someone else's vacation," as PP said, then you are in it for the satisfaction of getting the gift, not for the joy of the receiver, and that, frankly, is selfish and quite a faux pas in itself.
Posted by amatadei[/QUOTE]

It's funny that you say that. Back when I was married, admittedly a long time ago, =) my aunt insisted on getting us sterling silver. We didn't think we wanted it, but she REALLY wanted to give us some place settings.

So....we chose a sterling pattern, and registered for it. My aunt and uncle (who has now passed away) got us a couple of place settings. So did others. I now have 10 completel place setting of sterling silver that I cherish and in fact, use for special occasions.

I know that had my aunt not almost begged us to register, I would not have. And now, in retrospect, I'm so glad she did. Did I need sterling silver? Nope. Am I so glad to have it now? yes.

Just a different POV, and the reason that I would never give something from a honeymoon registry as a gift. I find them in questionable taste. And I hope that someday, my niece will say at a holiday dinner: this stemware (or whatever) came from Aunt Trix.

amatadei · August 2010

Trix, I can appreciate your POV on the silver but cannot fathom why you would 'never give something from a honeymoon registry as a gift." Sure, if there is something that you feel the couple could use but for which they did not register, that's one thing (though I'd be very cautious with something like that... it could come across as arrogant or pushy, as was the case with my FI's cousin and his wife, who were coerced by the cousin's mom to register for flatware that they never use and wish could have been something they actually would use, just to give another POV on the whole "They may not know they want it, but I do!" mentality).

But, if the couple honestly is asking for help with the HM, why would you scoff at the thought of helping them to create memories? I don't know if you had a honeymoon, but I have been told by those who did that it is a wonderful time for the couple to decompress after the craziness of the wedding and to actually celebrate the life-changing thing they just did. So, why would you begrudge a couple about whom you care that opportunity, just because you would be giving them something intangible? To me, that seems selfish. "If they can't bring out my gift and say that it was from me, then I don't want to spend my money on it!"

banana468 · August 2010

In addition to Trix, I'm going to offer another perspective.

A honeymoon is a luxury. And it's a great luxury but it's still a luxury. Yes, it's great to help a couple make memories.

But if the couple already has everything that they want/need, that does not make it OK IMO to start registering for items that are 'up a tier' for the guests.

heyimbren · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:987f060b-4ec0-48e9-b8bb-a373788f752c">Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]Would love opinions!
Posted by Moon9981[/QUOTE]

Hmmm apparently not?
Andy was not rude. She answered your question in a very matter of fact way.
If you don't like watching presents get unwrapped what part of showers DO you like? Any of the showers I've been to had this: games, gifts, and food.

Honestly, I don't have anything against a HM registry. But I do think they're pretty pointless. Most of the time, when people give to a HM registry, you don't actually get what they bought for you. Instead you just end up with money. A lot of people give money as a wedding gift anyways.

So, if you don't like being "showered with gifts" why even bother having a shower? Just decline it. But do register for a few things, so that people who like to buy gifts like that can do so.

That's my opinion. Love it like you said you would.

trix1223 · August 2010

amatadei: I did have a honeymoon. A wonderful honeymoon. It was a week long. It was fun. We enjoyed the time away with each other. We have great memories! Was it big and lavish? Nope. It was what we could afford. On our own.

I am not at all opposed to couples taking a honeymoon. I think they're wonderful. I think memories are great.

I'm just opposed to asking other people to fund your honeymoon. I think that's a part of the wedding that should not be dependent on guests to provide.

trix1223 · August 2010

amatadei: you can keep explaining, and I get that you find it acceptable. But we're going to have to agree to disagree, because you're not going to change my mind on this.

I think that when you say you can "kind of" afford the honeymoon you've planned. And that if you don't get cash you'll "really be struggling", then your priorities are simply misplaced.

Take a honeymoon you can easily and comfortably afford. Because, in my mind, it's not a great vacation if you're wondering how you're going to pay the bills when you get home.

Let's agree to disagree on this one.

ETA: Amata: As I thought about your last post, I realized that I'm grateful to you. Because you helped me clarify my position on honeymoon registries. And here it is:

You register for things. Let's take an example for the sake of argument. You register for a rice cooker. And no one gets you the rice cooker as a wedding/shower gift. Okay. You're not out anything. If you don't get it, you live without it until you can afford to buy it yourself. And you cook your rice like I do: in one of my regular pots.

On the other hand: you book a vacation that's really beyond your means. And you hope that guests will help you pay for this vacation. If they don't, you're out the money that you don't really have. And you can't just take a different vacation, because you've booked the more expensive one. It's not like substituting the pot for the fancier rice cooker.

So my issue is: something not purchased off a regular registry has little to no impact on your everyday life. But booking a vacation and then not being able to pay for it without "struggling" has a huge impact on your everyday life.

Therein lies the difference for me.

vintageandmodern · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:df71b80e-169d-4f5c-ae11-5d015b982b24">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer) : Thanks for the suggestion. I have also found more varying opinions on the Brides.com boaards. Many women there said they have had great success with Honemoon Registries, too. One thread even mentioned doing a themed bridal shower, for example, Caribbean, to prepare for her beachy honeymoon. Guests gifted her with bathing suits, sarongs, beachy things, etc. I thought it was a great and creative idea!
Posted by Moon9981[/QUOTE]

<div>Although I did not have a HM registry for my Bridal Shower, we did have a HM and Landscaping Registry for our wedding. Although a few friends/relatives thought our registry might not go over so well that wasn't the case at all! We registered on <a href="http://www.ourwishingwell.com" title="Our Wishing Well">OurWishingWell.com </a> We chose this website because it's safe, secure and very convenient. Also, our guests didn't have to worry about mailing money to us, or bringing money in an envelope to the wedding. If you choose to do something of this nature I've written below an idea for your registry wording. I hope this helps! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div><div>
</div><div><span style="font-family:'Bookman Old Style', Verdana, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:16px;-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing:2px;-webkit-border-vertical-spacing:2px;" class="Apple-style-span">Many people have asked us if there is anything we would like, and to be honest we already have most of the things we need. With that in mind we have set up this special gift registry so you can donate to help us with our Honeymoon.

This website is our first preference of how you can best help us if you like, but please know that what we desire most is your presence (not presents).</div><div><span style="font-family:'Bookman Old Style', Verdana, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:16px;-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing:2px;-webkit-border-vertical-spacing:2px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</div><div><span style="font-family:'Bookman Old Style', Verdana, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:16px;-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing:2px;-webkit-border-vertical-spacing:2px;" class="Apple-style-span">We look forward to seeing you at our wedding!</div><div><span style="color:#586b6d;font-family:'Bookman Old Style', Verdana, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:16px;-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing:2px;-webkit-border-vertical-spacing:2px;" class="Apple-style-span">Love from -</div>

LuluP82 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:2d8af78f-b224-4566-b968-f16ab12db192">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer) : Although I did not have a HM registry for my Bridal Shower, we did have a HM and Landscaping Registry for our wedding. Although a few friends/relatives thought our registry might not go over so well that wasn't the case at all! We registered on OurWishingWell.com We chose this website because it's safe, secure and very convenient. Also, our guests didn't have to worry about mailing money to us, or bringing money in an envelope to the wedding. If you choose to do something of this nature I've written below an idea for your registry wording. I hope this helps! Many people have asked us if there is anything we would like, and to be honest we already have most of the things we need. With that in mind we have set up this special gift registry so you can donate to help us with our Honeymoon. This website is our first preference of how you can best help us if you like, but please know that what we desire most is your presence (not presents). We look forward to seeing you at our wedding! Love from -
Posted by vintageandmodern[/QUOTE]

My issue with your wording...you're not a charity. Why are they "donating" to your honeymoon?

I think if people want to give you money, they'll give you money. Honeymoon registries bother me because it's just asking for money. Everyone always has that option-- even if you are registered.

We did a registry. We also have everything we need. Are there other household items we could use? Sure, but we don't need them. We'd much rather get cash. People have straight up asked our parents and bridal party if we'd rather have cash or the gifts we registered for, and in those cases, they've told them we're saving for a downpayment and would really appreciate cash. OF COURSE, these are just the people we ask. And we're sure that others who didn't ask, will give us cash as well (we always give cash at weddings, since we figure people can always go buy the stuff they registered for if that's what they want). But, like Trix said-- we're not counting on these cash gifts, just like we're not counting on anything in our registry wish list.

krissymcmahon · August 2010

I thought about setting up a fund for a honeymoon, which me and FI are doing on our own. We're setting up our own joint account and putting any extra money we have into to. Rolled change, birthday money, christmas money, sold textbook money - that kind of stuff. We have just under two years to save so it shouldn't be too bad. Of course, we're students so it'll be a little rough but whatever. If anyone else wants to put money in it to help us out, great - if not oh well we will do something we can afford with the money we have saved.

I think a HM registry might be okay if you have already put money away for the HM and everything else is just extra. For example - you already have the money needed to pay for the trip but would enjoy snorkeling or something like that. I personally don't find that much different than being like "oh I have a great set of dishes, but I would like another set of bowls." You already have it, but extra is always nice.

I really don't want to register but I will probably change my mind. Eventually, we will need things. Right now we don't but two years is enough time for things to break, go missing and just plain suck.

rae19 · August 2010

All these ladies with "ettiquette this and ettiquette that" are acting quite ridiculous and judgmental. I too don't see the difference between asking for money towards "gift of a honeymoon" or "brick and mortar" gifts either. Either something is "a wish of the couple" or not. I'd just want my married friends to be happy and would want to give them what made them happy. 3 of my friends had a honeymoon fund set up through their travel agent, and we gladly paid towards their trip. I highly doubt 10 years down the road my friend Melissa will be making cupcakes with my hand mixer and think fondly of me - that miser is not why we are friends.

We've owned our house for almost 3 years now and don't really want or need anything at this point. We either haven't decided on a room's color or decor, or things we need are something we need to order ourselves (a bay window, a kitchen island). We've bowed to the pressure of everyone else to make a small registry but it was quite difficult to find "enough things." Enough with conforming to all your silly standards and "rules." We picked about 10 small gifts, 8 larger gifts that our friends are going to share cost amongst a group, and none of them are offended.

WeddingBelleCR · August 2010

Personally, I'm all for honeymoon registries. I never mind contributing to them, and I am considering setting one up for myself and my fiancee as well (we could definitely use the help for that trip). I do think that honeymoon registries can be a touchy subject though...as anything can be that relates to cash. I think sometimes it might depend on who is asking for the cash gift contribution too.

I just signed up to create my registry at MyRegistry.com. Haven't gotten very far with anything yet! But like I said, I'm thinking about using their cash gift fund service to set up a Honeymoon Fund for the wedding registry. The good thing about this site is that they have the option to set up a cash gift fund in addition to a universal gift list. So if you wanted to have a gift registry for your bridal shower and then a honeymoon registry for the wedding, you can take care of both of those on MyRegistrycom.

vintageandmodern · August 2010

"donation" / "contribution" - truly the same thing.

This is how I look at it: generally people who bring cash gifts to a wedding assume you're going to use it for "mad money" on your honeymoon. That's often why they bring you cash. If a couple opts ask people to contribute through a website, where you can ask them to pitch for something more specific like a HM to Hawaii or "brick and mortar", I believe it's a tasteful and ok way to do just that. This way people know exactly what they're contributing/donating cash towards for the wedding.

When my husband and I got married (recently) we already had everything for our home did not need anything. So when family, friends and guests asked us if there was anything that we needed we said no, but that we would like them to consider the online registry we set up where they could donate towards either of the 2 things we truly want. Everyone was ok with it...so just ask them. I don't think that anybody will mind or think that you are cheeky for asking, or at least most won't mind in this day and age.

Chasity08 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:1bd9300a-927e-49a3-9b6c-49e5ef5b520a">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]Towels! Register for towels - everyone needs towels :)
Posted by jillross[/QUOTE]

You have no idea how much I love new, fluffy towels. Laugh if you may...but I love me some fluffy towels =] =] =]

On another note. I am personally doing a honeymoon registry. I know my guests pretty well (Fi has a tiny family, so it consists 95% of my family, which is huge and AWESOME <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" />) and I know this is not something that they would find offensive. We're just all really laid back, don't really care too much about proper wedding etiquette (No offense to anyone who follows it to a 'T' That's awesome! Good for you!). So I know that my family will think my HM registry is awesome! (Plus, I already have all the money for my HM. I can pay for it in full as soon as airfare becomes available for my date. I just thought it would be fun for my guests to be able to pay for me and Fi to go do SOMETHING while on our HM. And we made a promise to take pictures of doing any activity that is paid for and send it in a thank you note, which I think will be fun. I may try and incorporate them in another way as well, I just haven't decided how yet. This is important however. Do not plan a HM you cannot afford!). That being said, you need to take a serious look at your guest list and decide if the HM registry is right for you. I also agree with PPs that you should have a regular registry as well. There are always things that you could replace in your home! (Like towels...hehehe)

Hope that helps! Good luck!

MissyCee · August 2010

People really seem to have an issue with HM registries because it's like asking for money....but when someone gives you a gift they had to spend money to buy it for you...so either way, they're spending money. I don't see what the huge deal is.

I agree that at showers people like to watch the bride open gifts but that doesn't mean you can't offer two registry choices, and include your HM as a choice for them. I did this and had no complaints, in fact, I think it made some people happy. They knew they weren't wasting money on some stupid kitchen item I'd never use, instead getting me the opportunity to swim with dophins in Cancun! LOL At my shower I got gift cards for Liberty Travel to use on our honeymoon and I also did get gifts ( my other registry was at Target) so everyone was happy. I wouldn't suggest the HM registry being your ONLY option as ppl do like to give you something tangible, but ask for what YOU and DH want, not what you think will make others happy.

As far as your actual honeymoon goes, I do want to agree that you should plan on doing only what you can afford because you never know what people will contribute. I was a travel agent for a couple years and there were several couples who registered for the HM and didn't get what they hoped and they had to switch everything around, which wasn't good because of all the fees, especially if airfare is already purchased.

Take a breather and don't let people's replies hurt your feelings. A lot of women are very passionate about their idea of what's appropriate for wedding related stuff and a lot of the time they won't agree with you. That doesn't mean you're wrong! Good luck on everything!

Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)

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