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Moving 1 month before wedding...

Jayceestar27Jayceestar27 member
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in Wedding Party
Ugh. My best friend of 6 years just told me she is moving out of state one month before my wedding.. :/ Not sure how to feel or if i should expect her to even attained the wedding. Has anyone had this happen? I know this is probably childish but I don't want to talk her about it just yet. Need to get my head straight so I don't say anything stupid and upset her.
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Re: Moving 1 month before wedding...

  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moving-1-month-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:29d2e31f-f49e-4830-bbc4-836f897ce833Post:133574e1-1a63-41fb-83fb-615a106ac487">Moving 1 month before wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ugh. My best friend of 6 years just told me she is moving out of state one month before my wedding.. :/ Not sure how to feel or if i should expect her to even attained the wedding. Has anyone had this happen? I know this is probably childish but I don't want to talk her about it just yet. Need to get my head straight so I don't say anything stupid and upset her.
    Posted by Jayceestar27[/QUOTE]

    She can come back into the state you know. You only expect her (or anyone for that matter) to attend if they RSVP back "Yes".

    I'd get over this really quickly.  It's understandable that you are going to miss her but big moves are stressful enough for a person without having to deal with a friend who is acting like it is a personal affront to her.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    It'll be fine. Don't say anything to her. I moved from the state 2 months before my sister's wedding. I just told my potential employers that I had a previous engagement from x date to y date to cover what I'd committed to as her MOH. I still got the job and I still was able to be at the wedding.

    So, really, if you talk to her, just be happy and excited for her. She'll make it work if it's at all possible to do so.
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  • Jayceestar27Jayceestar27 member
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    I agree with you, I am taking this way to personal. Its like part of me is saying "wow go her, this could be very good advancement to her future career" and another small part of me (the childish stupid one whom i'm trying to throw down by her hair) Is like" Why would she do this, wedding or not. There are people here who need her."  I have made sure however not to say anything negative about it. I guess I've been avoiding the topic all together. I'm worried I'll start bailing my eyes out or start yelling. Neither of which I want to do.

    As for visiting, its not really an option for her. She defiantly will not have the finance to come back and forth. She is going to something like a boarding school and they have strict policies so even if finances weren't an issue I don't think she could.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm not sure this is that big of a deal. My HUSBAND was unexpectedly living out of the state when we got married. He managed to make it to the wedding, and if your friend wants to and can, she will, too. If not, it's a bummer, but people have to do what they have to do in their own lives, and sometimes our weddings don't take precedence.  
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moving-1-month-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:29d2e31f-f49e-4830-bbc4-836f897ce833Post:c415f76e-c161-4787-9fc7-716516429d03">Re: Moving 1 month before wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with you, I am taking this way to personal. Its like part of me is saying "wow go her, this could be very good advancement to her future career" and another small part of me (the childish stupid one whom i'm trying to throw down by her hair) Is like" Why would she do this, wedding or not. There are people here who need her."  I have made sure however not to say anything negative about it. I guess I've been avoiding the topic all together. I'm worried I'll start bailing my eyes out or start yelling. Neither of which I want to do. As for visiting, its not really an option for her. She defiantly will not have the finance to come back and forth. <strong>She is going to something like a boarding school and they have strict policies so even if finances weren't an issue I don't think she could.
    </strong>Posted by Jayceestar27[/QUOTE]


    How old is she?  If she is an adult the only place that could keep her against her will is a prison (or court ordered mental facility).
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  • Jayceestar27Jayceestar27 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moving-1-month-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:29d2e31f-f49e-4830-bbc4-836f897ce833Post:3d8785c3-745c-4beb-a4ec-b42aec3f6769">Re: Moving 1 month before wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]People move all the time. Not that big of a deal. Is she in the wedding party or just a guest? I'm sure she will try her best to make it. But please don't make her moving all about you.
    Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]


    She is in the wedding party. I guess it isn't even about the wedding, yeah it makes it suck all the more but mostly i'm upset overall. We have helped eachother through a lot and I feel like recently our friendship has been slipping, I feel like its coming to an end and I'm not sure how to handle.
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  • Jayceestar27Jayceestar27 member
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    She is 20. She can leave, They aren't going to hold her against her will (Atleast I hope not or we have huge problems! xD). They can kick her out of the school though. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moving-1-month-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:29d2e31f-f49e-4830-bbc4-836f897ce833Post:af455a6b-6f59-448a-a612-07467c354876">Re: Moving 1 month before wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]She is 20. She can leave, They aren't going to hold her against her will (Atleast I hope not or we have huge problems! xD). They can kick her out of the school though. 
    Posted by Jayceestar27[/QUOTE]

    If she tries to explain, though, generally people are pretty understanding about weddings.
    Two more examples:
    1) My cousin had a destination wedding which required me to take about a week off from the beginning of a semester of college. The registrar warned me that missing the first two classes could be counted as an automatic drop if the professors wanted it to. I emailed them all personally and not a single one had an issue (though they gave me lots of reading to keep me occupied on the plane).
    2) One of my best friends got married while I was in college, taking a course where I had to work on a theatre production. No one got to pick when they had to work - it just was picked for you and if you missed a single night, you failed. I, again, talked to the professor, and she adjusted my schedule so I was free the weekend of the wedding.

    People understand weddings are important and usually try to work with that.

    As for missing your friend, it sucks but it doesn't mean the end of the friendship. My sister and I are as close and ever and haven't lived closer than a plane ride away in over 10 years. Takes a little more work, sure, but she can still be the person to help you through everything. If you don't want the friendship to end, don't let it. Make an effort, email a lot, call a lot, and make it work.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moving-1-month-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:29d2e31f-f49e-4830-bbc4-836f897ce833Post:af455a6b-6f59-448a-a612-07467c354876">Re: Moving 1 month before wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]She is 20. She can leave, They aren't going to hold her against her will (Atleast I hope not or we have huge problems! xD). They can kick her out of the school though. 
    Posted by Jayceestar27[/QUOTE]

    I am sure for special events and occassions they make exceptions.  It isn't like she is just going to leave for the weekend just to leave.  Also, when it comes to events that have been on the books for awhile places are pretty easy going about them.

    Not a great comparison, but it would have been like my company hiring my new manager when they knew she was pregnant but then telling her that she couldn't go on maternity leave.  Places know that you have a life and that vacations and such may have already been planned or paid for before taking a job or enrolling in a school.

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  • Jayceestar27Jayceestar27 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moving-1-month-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:29d2e31f-f49e-4830-bbc4-836f897ce833Post:e6435e56-b638-4185-9165-dd6c3eb01752">Re: Moving 1 month before wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Moving 1 month before wedding... : If she tries to explain, though, generally people are pretty understanding about weddings. Two more examples: 1) My cousin had a destination wedding which required me to take about a week off from the beginning of a semester of college. The registrar warned me that missing the first two classes could be counted as an automatic drop if the professors wanted it to. I emailed them all personally and not a single one had an issue (though they gave me lots of reading to keep me occupied on the plane). 2) One of my best friends got married while I was in college, taking a course where I had to work on a theatre production. No one got to pick when they had to work - it just was picked for you and if you missed a single night, you failed. I, again, talked to the professor, and she adjusted my schedule so I was free the weekend of the wedding. People understand weddings are important and usually try to work with that. As for missing your friend, it sucks but it doesn't mean the end of the friendship. My sister and I are as close and ever and haven't lived closer than a plane ride away in over 10 years. Takes a little more work, sure, but she can still be the person to help you through everything. If you don't want the friendship to end, don't let it. Make an effort, email a lot, call a lot, and make it work.
    Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]


    Thanks a lot. This is quite encouraging. :)
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited January 2013
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moving-1-month-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:29d2e31f-f49e-4830-bbc4-836f897ce833Post:51ca158a-5476-4822-91d8-83df1409c5a7">Re: Moving 1 month before wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Moving 1 month before wedding... : I am sure for special events and occassions they make exceptions.  It isn't like she is just going to leave for the weekend just to leave.  Also, when it comes to events that have been on the books for awhile places are pretty easy going about them. Not a great comparison, but it would have been like my company hiring my new manager when they knew she was pregnant but then telling her that she couldn't go on maternity leave.  Places know that you have a life and that vacations and such may have already been planned or paid for before taking a job or enrolling in a school.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    Yep.  She needs to ask.  My grandpa dies my first week of law school and there was a rule that if you missed four days in a class you would automatically fail.  WIth flu season coming, I didn't want to take any chances.  The professors and Dean were horrified to find out that I hadn't gone to the funeral because that was absolutely an exception to the rule</div>.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Funny - I moved out of state a month before my best friend's wedding, too. From Milwaukee to St. Louis. Luckily it's just a 5.5 hour drive and a cheap train ride, and I made it up for both her bachelorette party and wedding, and it was all fine! Worry not, it will all work out just fine.
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2013
    My DH's siblings got out of their classes THE WEEK OF FINALS for our wedding. Instructors are usually pretty understanding of weddings and such. You said, I believe, that she's in the WP. If she can't afford it, hopefully she's gracious enough to call you and step down. As for finances, that's not always controllable. If you really want her to be there and can afford it, you could always offer to help her with travel costs. ETA: my husband started a new job three weeks before the wedding. You don't get your two weeks vacation until you've been there 6 months and they still llet him have two and a half weeks off for our wedding and HM. Just another example of how understanding people can be about major life events.
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