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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

already married-courthouse, reception with family now

My husband I married in oct 12 in a courthouse ceremony for some legal reasons. (we had to be married to legally finish the adoption of my husbands oldest daughter)  So we married at the courthouse with our parents, my sister and our two close friends. Now were having our actual reception this october because we had already been planning and booked things. So I have a few questions:
Since we are already married, I'm planning on just doing a small vow renewal something. I dont really know if we should just go ahead and do the whole regular ceremony even though were married or just vow renewal?
Second question, whatever type of vow renewal or ceremony we have will be in our reception hall. I was planning on guest entering sitting down and then us entering just like a regular ceremony & going through the whole thing. After the ceremony should we leave & then come back in like 15 minutes later? & re enter with the whole wedding party just a regular reception?
Also in our venue, we will be married in the center of the room in the middle of the dancefloor with our guess sitting at round tables to our left & right. We have a sort of backdrop made to be behind us that will be moved behind the head table during the reception & dinner.The backdrop is all different lengths of draped ribbons in cream and these hanging glass globes with tea lights in them. Do I still need an isle runner?
Thanks in advance!
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Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now

  • Oh, Aly5402, this is not a good post for your first post. Frown

    CMGr has it summed up pretty well. Sorry, but you don't get a "do-over" unless you want to ignore a lot of etiquette rules.


    Your invitations would read something along the lines of:

    Mr and Mrs Aly and DHFirst DHLast

    Request the pleasure of your company
    at a reception celebrating their marriage

    Saturday, the fifth of October, two thousand thirteen
    at 5 o'clock

    XYZ Venue
    123 Main Street
    Anytown, Missouri
  • Ditto CMGr, word for word.  Since you got married last October, and you are planning this party for next October, just have an anniversary party and have your friends and family celebrate with you.

    But no do-over wedding - you're already married.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You're not a "bride" any more that you're already married.  So you don't get a wedding or a reception.  You can have a celebration, but no vows, no big white dress, no wedding party, no gifts or registries, or anything else that's wedding-related.  That boat has sailed.
  • CMGr nailed it.

    You're not a bride. You don't get to do the things brides do. You made your choice to get married at a JOP and now you must live with it.

    Think of a wedding as you would any other event in your life.

    My family couldn't afford a graduation party for me when I graduated high school so I didn't have one. Now we can. Should I have a high school graduation party now, at 25, because I didn't get one before? No. A wedding should not be any different.

    But you should absolutely have a party and a ton of fun. But don't register, have a groomsmen & bridemaids, wear a wedding dress or any of the other things others have mentioned because they apply to a wedding and you have already had yours.
  • So i should just cancel all the reservations i had made before last october for my wedding this october & not do anything? We only got married because WE HAD TO BE MARRIED TO FOR ME TO ADOPT HIS DAUGHTER FROM HIS CRAZY EX-WIFE? You do realize everything for my wedding was already booked minus my dj. So it's wrong for me to want to still have my wedding on my original date when none of our family were there or celebrated with us!?
    I didn't make that choice just to get it over with I did it for the wellfare of my child.  I didnt have a wedding i stood in a room among a million other people and said my vows. I cant believe this no dress no nothing? Im supposed to just act like that 5 minutes was it that was the day i dreamed of my whole life!?
    Btw I appreciate being called tacky, that was very sweet of you.I asked for advice not a tear down. Geez  
  • Hah. Everyone was much nicer here than they/we usually are.

    You are an adult. You made a decision (regardless of the reason) and now you must live with it.

    No one deserves a big wedding. You deserve what you choose and you deserve to live with your choices.

    And yes, you did have a wedding. You did not have a pretty princess day and having one now would make you look ridiculous.
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited January 2013
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:31937a7e-d5a3-4cb2-9553-e4761ae381be">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]So i should just cancel all the reservations i had made before last october for my wedding this october & not do anything? We only got married because WE HAD TO BE MARRIED TO FOR ME TO ADOPT HIS DAUGHTER FROM HIS CRAZY EX-WIFE? You do realize everything for my wedding was already booked minus my dj. So it's wrong for me to want to still have my wedding on my original date when none of our family were there or celebrated with us!? I didn't make that choice just to get it over with I did it for the wellfare of my child. <strong> I didnt have a wedding i stood in a room among a million other people and said my vows. I cant believe this no dress no nothing? Im supposed to just act like that 5 minutes was it that was the day i dreamed of my whole life!?</strong> Btw I appreciate being called tacky, that was very sweet of you.I asked for advice not a tear down. Geez  
    Posted by aly5402[/QUOTE]

    You did have a wedding. You're legally married, right? A wedding is for a bride and you are now a wife.

    While I'm sorry for the situation with your adopted daughter's birth mother, your husband could have taken measures to protect the child without the two of you being married (I know a friend who has gained custody of his child from his crazy ex-wife, and he didn't have to marry another woman to do so). It is just the route that you and your now husband CHOSE to take.

    You can certainly host your reception, just please don't pretend like your wedding day at the courthouse with your husband never existed.</div>
  • Well I'm a little more open minded and first congrats on taking the huge step of adopting your husbands daughter! What a selfless act and huge responsibility you've taken on. Second we are living in 2013 not 1913. There are no rules to weddings anymore. I'm supposing all those who object to her having a wedding don't agree with gay marriage either because thats not conventional either. I'm assuming you didnt get to have a huge party for your family to celebrate after the court house marriage. So I say party it up! Anyone you've invited who thinks you're being tacky or rude doesn't have to show up. And you did not have a wedding imo. You got married but didnt have a wedding theres a difference. In response to your original question I don't think a runner is necessary and go ahead and leave and come back in. Then it differentiates between your ring ceremony and reception. I'm sorry so many women are so catty and I guess I'm tacky too because id do the same thing andb would have all support from people that matter!
    RebeccaDWWedReMix13Sammyantha13yessy1705
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:dfab4017-befe-4a9f-84f7-fc33a3a0c42c">Re:already marriedcourthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I'm a little more open minded and first congrats on taking the huge step of adopting your husbands daughter! What a selfless act and huge responsibility you've taken on. Second we are living in 2013 not 1913. There are no rules to weddings anymore. I'm supposing all those who object to her having a wedding don't agree with gay marriage either because thats not conventional either. I'm assuming you didnt get to have a huge party for your family to celebrate after the court house marriage. So I say party it up! Anyone you've invited who thinks you're being tacky or rude doesn't have to show up. And you did not have a wedding imo. You got married but didnt have a wedding theres a difference. In response to your original question I don't think a runner is necessary and go ahead and leave and come back in. Then it differentiates between your ring ceremony and reception. I'm sorry so many women are so catty and I guess I'm tacky too because id do the same thing andb would have all support from people that matter!
    Posted by megalita83[/QUOTE]

    Oh, you just nailed it right on the head. In fact, I don't think anyone should be able get married except for ME because it's MY day to wear my pretty princess dress and have everyone look at ME and say how pretty I am and give me presents and I can wear a tiara......... <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

    Jesus Christ on a bicycle.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" />
    mcgarci2
  • Comparing gay marriage to a PPD do-over wedding is like comparing apples and elephants.  One has nothing to do with the other. 

    Each couple is entitled to one wedding only, whether it's at the courthouse or a huge to do.  You make your choices, and live with the consequences.  Kind of like losing your virginity.  Just because you don't like the way it happened, doesn't mean that you can get in your time machine and go back and do it again.  It's done.  Accept your decision and move on.  It's the marriage that's important, not the wedding.
    mcgarci2
  • Oh ouch let me wipe away my tears with my veil. I could care less what you think of me sweetie. A girl asked a specific question about her wedding. She didnt ask for your approval to have it. Lol I needed a god laugh. Thanks for providing it!
    yessy1705
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:1a7a0383-2a24-422a-8f85-bb845a5414fd">Re:already marriedcourthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh ouch let me wipe away my tears with my veil. I could care less what you think of me sweetie. A girl asked a specific question about her wedding. She didnt ask for your approval to have it. Lol I needed a god laugh. Thanks for providing it!
    Posted by megalita83[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually, she asked a specific question about a party--she had her wedding, the day she got married.  You seem very ignorant to think that someone not getting their PPD is the same as not being able to legally marry, ever.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, nobody is saying that you need to cancel your reservations, venue, etc.  They're simply saying that you have to cancel the wedding piece of it since, well, you already had a wedding.  Have a great anniversary party with your family and friends and celebrate a great year of marriage, and family.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:31937a7e-d5a3-4cb2-9553-e4761ae381be">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]So i should just cancel all the reservations i had made before last october for my wedding this october & not do anything? We only got married because WE HAD TO BE MARRIED TO FOR ME TO ADOPT HIS DAUGHTER FROM HIS CRAZY EX-WIFE? You do realize everything for my wedding was already booked minus my dj. So it's wrong for me to want to still have my wedding on my original date w<u>hen none of our family were there or celebrated with us</u>!? I didn't make that choice just to get it over with I did it for the wellfare of my child.  I didnt have a wedding i stood in a room among a million other people and said my vows. I cant believe this no dress no nothing? Im supposed to just act like that 5 minutes was it that was the day i dreamed of my whole life!? Btw I appreciate being called tacky, that was very sweet of you.I asked for advice not a tear down. Geez  
    Posted by aly5402[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Wait, I'm confused though-I thought your first post said your parents and sister were there for your courthouse wedding?

    </div>
  • First let me say no where in my OP did I ask opinions on whether or not ITS OKAY FOR ME TO DO WHAT I"M DOING. According to you I may be tacky, but I dont care, this has been the plan & it will continue to be the plan. No where in my OP did i ask if I should wear a dress, have a toast or serve cake. No where did I say AM I A BRIDE? I am not asking if it's okay for me to have what you all call a DO OVER.

    i did not say I adopted her to gain custody. I said we married so I could adopt her. None of you know the ENTIRE story, and I don't feel compelled to air it out to you. So how about before we say YOU DIDNT HAVE TOO you realized there are other stipulations to the situation and you have no room to comment on that part of my situation.. just saying.

    Yes I understand THESE ARE YOUR OPINIONS however that isn't what I asked about. I asked about vow renewal vs repeat ceremony, re-entering & an isle runner. I'm sorry you don't agree with what I'm doing. I'm sure you all will have one part of your wedding or reception that someone doesn't like. That's okay though because it's what YOU & YOUR FIANCE want!

    So thank you to those who tastefully answered some of my questions. To those of you who just sounded snotty or ignorant I'm sorry if you're having a crappy day actually I'm just sorry for you if you think its okay to act that way. However good luck to all of you on your weddings.
  • If you don't care that you look like a jackass, what, exactly were you asking? If you should have an aisle runner? Are you freaking kidding me?!
    mcgarci2
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:e1b8feea-7fa3-4075-9a6a-7efd88562f60">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now : Wait, I'm confused though-I thought your first post said your parents and sister were there for your courthouse wedding?
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    When i say none of our family I mean like the rest of them. None of his brothers and sisters could be there. My side of the family is very close!  So when I said none of our family that was who I was talking about you know grandparents aunts uncles cousins..It sounds silly but my family celebrates everything and everyone is always there! So for us to not celebrate all of this would be weird!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:81e607cb-d96c-42da-b5d6-b600758ae5a2">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you don't care that you look like a jackass, what, exactly were you asking? If you should have an aisle runner? Are you freaking kidding me?!
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]
     I look like a jackass? How is that- because I'm posting to a board about weddings and everything that comes with them INCLUDING RECEPTIONS. Like I said In my previous post even though this isn't what you all call a reception  it still is for me REGARDLESS of your opinion.
    That was CLEARLY stated in my original post sorry it was hard for you to understand..
  • You look like a jackass because you are an adult having a make-believe wedding. You look like a jackass because you're pretending to do something for the first time that you have already done. You look like a jackass because women here are giving you good and honest feedback and advise on etiquette and manners - not just our own personal opinions - and you're dismissing it and acting like a child because it's not what you wanted to hear. 

    And I promise, you will look like a jackass in a wedding gown. 

    mcgarci2
  • All I'm going to say is this: I wore my dress to our AHR, which was a month after our beautiful wedding.  I didn't want to, but my mother insisted so I relented to wear it for an hour.

    I felt like a jackass because I wasn't a bride. I was already married and just wanted to drink with my friends.  I was so grateful to get out of my gown and stop pretending I was something I wasn't.
  • okay i've got a question then, and its just a question I'm not trying to stir the pot..
    How is what I'm doing any different then someone who has a military wedding then a reception with family months later when theyre home?
    Or people who elope then celebrate with family months later? Or couples who get married out of the country then come home to celebrate months later? like i said just a question?
    I mean they're already married..

  • It's not. If they do a full-blown wedding, they're wrong too. 

    A party in itself is not a bad thing. 

    I'm having a destination wedding and having a party at home when we come back. I will not, however, be wearing a wedding gown, cutting any cake, dancing a "first" dance or any of that nonsense. No ceremony whatsoever. Just good food, good drinks, good music and a good time.

    Please have a great party and celebrate your marriage with your friends. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem is acting like it's a real wedding. Treat it like you would a giant, lavish birthday party. 


  • I dont think it's really that im trying to like remake my wedding. It was just important to us and some of our family to share our vows with them. Thats the only thing where the ceremony comes into play. Thats where I was going with my original post- I dont know how to incorporate that into the night? I dont want it to be awkward thats why im asking.. which led to my other question if we do that do I use an isle runner I mean I dont think we need one but it just seems like weird to be standing there in a big open space. Its just important for us to share a small moment like anyone else would with their family I just dont know how to incorporate it. I guess I couldve explained myself better to begin with?
    Were not really doing the rest of the wedding stuff except for the reception type thing. We will have a dj but not do "the dances". They'll be cake just a small cake because were having a dessert bar. No gift table- we live together we don't need anything- were not even registering for stuff- thats weird.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:eeb50f75-04c7-4fd6-86fd-019adead6b96">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]All I'm going to say is this: I wore my dress to our AHR, which was a month after our beautiful wedding.  I didn't want to, but my mother insisted so I relented to wear it for an hour. I felt like a jackass because I wasn't a bride. I was already married and just wanted to drink with my friends.  I was so grateful to get out of my gown and stop pretending I was something I wasn't.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is what my cousin did. She and her new husband had a very, very small ceremony (immediate family in the backyard sort of thing) and then held a bigger "reception" once they got back from the honeymoon. She wore her wedding dress at the "cocktail hour" for a couple pictures/so people could see it, but switched out of it ASAP once that was over. No cake cutting, boquets, or wedding party in sight.</div>
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
    RebeccaDW
  • Wow...I cannot believe the amount of closedminded, condescending and EVIL women on here?!?! This girl on here you all are putting down happens to be one of my friends but I would post on here if I saw any girl getting torn apart like this.

    You all were married at one point! Did you not enjoy your big day? It sounds like we have a bunch of JEALOUS people on here. Aly did a selfless thing for a little girl who needed a mother!!! and for you all to put her on blast like this is horrible and disgusting! What is wrong with you women?

    I had another friend who got married in a courthouse in Texas and then a year later she had a huge wedding celebration and it was BEAUTIFUL. Wedding dress, reception hall, buffet dinner, DJ, bouquet toss...the whole 9 yards. Who cares if she is already married? Are we not entitlied to celebrate the wonderful world of marriage? I mean, I would hope that everyone who gets married is happy with their significant other or why would they get married in the first place? Who are you to pass judgement on another? And most importantly, how would you feel if you were her and you came to other women asking for ADVICE and you get torn to shreds? Doesn't feel so good.

    As a woman who is currently planning her own wedding and going to school to be certified in wedding planning, I will welcome ANY client that wants to have a wedding, no matter if it is a vow renewal ceremony or the first time they are walking down the aisle. Who are you all to dash down someone elses dreams because you don't agree? Just disgusting. You all must lead some pretty miserable lives to be on here regularly tearing other women apart.

    Just sad....
    RebeccaDWWedReMix13Sammyantha13yessy1705
  • "Aly did a selfless thing for a little girl who needed a mother!!!"
    She got married and adopted a kid. Isn't that what Aly wanted, too? This doesn't make what she did selfless. It's not selfish, either. But it wasn't a selfless act because she benefited, as well.

    "Are we not entitlied to celebrate the wonderful world of marriage?"
    It DEFINITELY isn't "selfless" if you feel you're still entitled to something.


    Aly, if you're mature enough to be a mother, then you're mature enough to accept the consequences of getting married. Which you did. You got married. It might not have been the wedding of your dreams, but you can't always get what you want. But you got what you want, right? You got a husband and a daughter.

    Now is a great time to set an example for your daughter... that family matter more than a big AW redo wedding. Take what ever money that would have gone into all those bells and whistles and put it towards your new daughter's college fund. You have a real chance here at turning a "bad" into a "good." Make having a small wedding worth it.
    You don't have to lose your deposits. Have a party. Just not a redo wedding. Scale it all back and take the money and put it towards something your family could actually use. Mortgage payments? Rent? Bills? College fund? Swimming lessons for the kid?


    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:9b78a108-86a8-4532-acf3-2ca5ae5209de">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow...I cannot believe the amount of closedminded, condescending and EVIL women on here?!?! This girl on here you all are putting down happens to be one of my friends but I would post on here if I saw any girl getting torn apart like this. You all were married at one point!  Did you not enjoy your big day? sounds like we have a bunch of JEALOUS people on here. Aly did a selfless thing for a little girl who needed a mother!!! and for you all to put her on blast like this is horrible and disgusting! What is wrong with you women? I had another friend who got married in a courthouse in Texas and then a year later she had a huge wedding celebration and it was BEAUTIFUL. Wedding dress, reception hall, buffet dinner, DJ, bouquet toss...the whole 9 yards. Who cares if she is already married? Are we not entitlied to celebrate the wonderful world of marriage? I mean, I would hope that everyone who gets married is happy with their significant other or why would they get married in the first place? Who are you to pass judgement on another? And most importantly, how would you feel if you were her and you came to other women asking for ADVICE and you get torn to shreds? Doesn't feel so good. As a woman who is currently planning her own wedding and going to school to be certified in wedding planning, I will welcome ANY client that wants to have a wedding, no matter if it is a vow renewal ceremony or the first time they are walking down the aisle. Who are you all to dash down someone elses dreams because you don't agree? Just disgusting. You all must lead some pretty miserable lives to be on here regularly tearing other women apart. Just sad....
    Posted by mrsmarkert86[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Okay, A - I do not believe this is a different person for a freaking second. But I will answer your ridiculous questions. </div><div>
    </div><div><strong>Did you not enjoy your big day?</strong> - Yes, those of us who are married already enjoyed their weddings. I'm sure OP did too. This does not mean you get to do it all over again a different way. </div><div>
    </div><strong>sounds like we have a bunch of JEALOUS people on here</strong>. - What, exactly, do you think we're jealous of? Someone making a desision they regretted and then looking like a fool prentending to do it differently because it wasn't what she pictured as a child?<div>
    </div><div><strong>Who cares if she is already married?</strong> - Lots of people. No one would say this to a crazy woman on her fake wedding day. A couple people I know have done this. I side-eyed the shlt outta them but never really told them they were ridiculous to their faces.</div><div>
    </div><div><strong>Are we not entitlied to celebrate the wonderful world of marriage? </strong>- Sure you are, absolutely. Several posts on this thread have responded to this. There is nothing wrong with a party. No one needs a reason to have a party. You can't just pretend a wedding. OP can have a beautiful party wearing an appropiate, beautiful gown, wonderful food and a great band. She should not wear a wedding dress, have a "bridal" party, have a "first dance"  or ceremony. Adults are entitled to live with the effects of their actions. I didn't get a graduation party when I graduated high school. Should I have one now 8 years later? Should I rent out my high school and re-do the graduation ceremony? Call it a diploma renewal? </div><div>
    </div><div><strong>I mean, I would hope that everyone who gets married is happy with their significant other or why would they get married in the first place? </strong>- We are and we realize that being married is the most important thing, not a pretty princess day. I'm not married yet, but after, if my husband told me that his wedding to me "wasn't everything he dreamed of" and that he wanted to re-do it, I would be heartbroken. Yes the ceremony and reception are fun, but at the end of the day marrying him is the only thing I give a rat's ass about. </div><div>
    </div><div><strong>Who are you to pass judgement on another? - </strong>Uh, people on the internet. That's what people do on the internet. Also, OP asked a question and wanted advise. How can we not offer advise without passing some sort of judgement, whether it be good or bad?</div><div>
    </div><div><strong>And most importantly, how would you feel if you were her and you came to other women asking for ADVICE and you get torn to shreds? </strong>- I have been. Here. The honestly of faceless strangers on the internet really makes you see how the things you say make you look. No one will tell me to my face that saying "my wedding" instead of "our wedding" makes you sound like a crazed bridezilla loon. But it does. If a friend of yours got a hideous haircut, but absolutely loved it and asked you your opinion would you tell her it's gross? No. On the internet, people don't give a shlt. I can't speak for anyone else, but I didn't get sarcastic or assy until she did. No one attacked her until she suddenly got this childish attitude. </div><div>
    </div><div><strong>As a woman who is currently planning her own wedding and going to school to be certified in wedding planning, I will welcome ANY client that wants to have a wedding, no matter if it is a vow renewal ceremony or the first time they are walking down the aisle. - </strong>Of course you would. You'll be doing it for a living. Would a chef not cook something for a client because he didn't like that particular dish? No. No one refuses an opportunity to make a buck. </div><div> </div><div><strong>Who are you all to dash down someone elses dreams because you don't agree?</strong> - It's not just that we don't agree. This is against etiquette and funny looking. I understand that this is not what she asked us about, but she told us all about her bad idea and then asked for adivse on teeny tiny parts of it. If I told you I had just lost my job and was selling drugs to make extra money and I had a customer who worked at McDonalds and I needed adivise on whether I should go inside or use the drive-thru for my delivery, would you answer my irrelevant question or tell me that what I am doing is wrong? Same thing. </div><div>
    </div><div>God, I need to go to bed. I can't sleep so I just spend like 10 minutes responding to a post that I don't even believe isn't the OP..  :)</div>
    mcgarci2
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:0ae628c9-1d23-4c3c-8b6f-62e7cc23a643">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]I dont think it's really that im trying to like remake my wedding. It was just important to us and some of our family to share our vows with them. Thats the only thing where the ceremony comes into play. Thats where I was going with my original post- I dont know how to incorporate that into the night? I dont want it to be awkward thats why im asking.. which led to my other question if we do that do I use an isle runner I mean I dont think we need one but it just seems like weird to be standing there in a big open space. Its just important for us to share a small moment like anyone else would with their family I just dont know how to incorporate it. I guess I couldve explained myself better to begin with? Were not really doing the rest of the wedding stuff except for the reception type thing. We will have a dj but not do "the dances". They'll be cake just a small cake because were having a dessert bar. No gift table- we live together we don't need anything- were not even registering for stuff- thats weird.
    Posted by aly5402[/QUOTE]


    You are actually on the right track here!!  We had an AHR, so not a wedding reception.  We did great food, open bar, and lots of mingling and chatting.  It was a nice time!  We didn't try to incorporate anything too wedding-y into the evening and that was for the best.

    I think a party to celebrate is a GREAT idea.  Your ideas are there.  I don't, however, think a repeat ceremony is an awesome idea.  Most of the people you are inviting didn't see the first wedding and it's going to feel like a do-over, repeat, and inherently disingenuous if you walk down an aisle and have a whole ceremony again.

    If you really want to, I don't see a problem with doing a small toast to thank everyone for coming, then saying "We'd like to take a moment here and repeat our vows."  That would be sweet and quick! 

    Believe it not, we're trying to help you here.  I promise!  We're not evil.
  • *sigh* Nobody said you couldn't have a party, OP. In fact, they encouraged you to. But you're not a bride anymore and therefore should not wear a wedding dress, have bridesmaids, or do a 'first dance.' But there is absolutely nothing wrong with a kickass anniversary party.

    But you (and your 'friend,' who is probably also you) are just not listening and are instead pitching a fit and calling everyone mean who told you the plain truth of the situation.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:9b78a108-86a8-4532-acf3-2ca5ae5209de">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow...I cannot believe the amount of closedminded, condescending and EVIL women on here?!?! This girl on here you all are putting down happens to be one of my friends but I would post on here if I saw any girl getting torn apart like this. You all were married at one point! Did you not enjoy your big day? It sounds like we have a bunch of JEALOUS people on here. <strong>Aly did a selfless thing for a little girl who needed a mother!!!</strong> and for you all to put her on blast like this is horrible and disgusting! What is wrong with you women? I had another friend who got married in a courthouse in Texas and then a year later she had a huge wedding celebration and it was BEAUTIFUL. Wedding dress, reception hall, buffet dinner, DJ, bouquet toss...the whole 9 yards. Who cares if she is already married? Are we not entitlied to celebrate the wonderful world of marriage? I mean, I would hope that everyone who gets married is happy with their significant other or why would they get married in the first place? Who are you to pass judgement on another? And most importantly, how would you feel if you were her and you came to other women asking for ADVICE and you get torn to shreds? Doesn't feel so good. As a woman who is currently planning her own wedding and going to school to be certified in wedding planning, I will welcome ANY client that wants to have a wedding, no matter if it is a vow renewal ceremony or the first time they are walking down the aisle. Who are you all to dash down someone elses dreams because you don't agree? Just disgusting. You all must lead some pretty miserable lives to be on here regularly tearing other women apart. Just sad....
    Posted by mrsmarkert86[/QUOTE]

    Actually, crazypants, I think OP said she adopted her husband's oldest daughter. Who had a mother, his ex-wife. We are not talking about an orphan from Haiti.  I dont see how the adoption was a "selfless" act.

    OP, beyond the fact that you dont need an aisle runner, ceremony etc because you arent a bride, you should consider it an intelligent financial decision.  Put the money you'd spend on those unnecessary things towards your family.  And appreciate the marriage you have.  You dont need a do-over.

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    mcgarci2
  • I'm going to go against the grain here and say that nothing about your reception/celebration would personally offend me. I think weddings and the celebrations that occur around them are about celebrating your love and committment in front of the family and friends that you love most. It's about your families joining together and supporting you and your husband in your new journey. Because of your cirumstances you did not have the chance to do this w/ all of your loved ones. I see no harm in having a reception or vow renewal. if you feel comfroable wearing your wedding dress/using an isle runner/saying vows- go for it! Good luck. 
    WedReMix13Sammyantha13
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