flantastic member


The Midwest
Last Active
  • Re: What to do with Family?

    MobKaz said:
      I am hoping that in your attempt to be brief, you forgot to qualify your statement.

    After the ceremony, you and Michale MUST host something for your guests.  This must be done even if your guests traveled two blocks to attend your wedding.

    What I suggested is a travel package so that she can save money on flights and hotels. Pls thanks for the advice on food and drink, the hotel made an offer but it's too much for us to afford. 
    But you are hosting *something* following the ceremony, yeah?? 
    It doesn't have to be at the hotel. Find a restaurant. Go there and buy your guests dinner. But you have to do something.
  • Re: Bridesmaid Gift Idea--What Do You Think?

    My bridesmaids are spending about $140 on their dress, and they have the option of paying for professional hair and make-up, which they are opting to do.  They can choose their own shoes and jewelry, and some of them are opting to stay in a local hotel, and I am paying for a shuttle service.  As wedding party thank-you gifts, I'm buying the ladies (Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, 3 bridesmaids, cousin-officiant, and both moms) the following:

    1. A personalized mug with a pink interior and handle (ex: "Maid of Honor Kelly" on one side and the bride and groom's names and wedding date on the other side).

    2. A small bag of coffee grounds with a custom label that says "Grounds for Celebration" and the bride and groom's initials and wedding date.

    3. A $10 Starbucks gift card.

    Altogether, this comes to about $35 per lady, not including shipping for mugs and labels.  Should I increase the value of the Starbucks cards?

    Keep in mind that for favors, every guest gets a mini cinnamon-bun-scented mason-jar candle and matchbox (both customized to reflect the wedding date and bride and groom's names).  They are in sheer white draw-string organza bags.

    Is the above enough?  Does it sound cheap?  Reasonable?  Cute?  All of these costs add up!  Thanks for your input.

    I would skip the mugs and get them each something to do with their individual interests. And do all of them drink coffee? You don't have to spend a lot, but it should be something they would actually want or use, and honestly no one needs a mug with "Bridesmaid Jenny" on it to remember your wedding. I collect mugs (most people don't) and even I wouldn't want this - I'd rather have something cute in its own right.

    The gift should not be mostly about you and your wedding. ETA: The reason for that is that the gift is meant to be a thank you for the time and effort they put in to being in your wedding party above and beyond being a guest, and if they don't actually want or need the gift, it's a relatively poor show of thanks.
  • Re: Wedding 'beef'

    banana468 said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    Dear Prudence,
    I’ve recently become engaged. I’ve been a vegetarian for ethical reasons for more than 20 years, and my fiancé, while not a vegetarian himself, often eats vegetarian food with me. I’d like our wedding dinner to be meat-free, but my fiancé is very against this. He thinks most people will expect meat (his family is full of “meat-and-potatoes” types) and won’t enjoy the meal otherwise. I don’t want to serve meat at my wedding. I feel very strongly about this, but my fiancé thinks I’m forcing my beliefs on everyone and “taking away their choice.” It’s not like I want to pass out pamphlets or tell people what to eat at other meals—I’d just like to serve a meal that’s incidentally vegetarian and delicious. I’m not sure if it matters, but his parents are not helping pay for the wedding, it is mostly us and my parents. How do we resolve this?
    —Animal Lover
    This one is really tricky IMO.

    If you do it though, I would still try to give guests choices if possible.    Some vegetarian options at weddings are meals like eggplant parmesan which I'd love but my husband would gag at.    

    And if we saw the bride getting into or out of a vehicle with leather seats or wearing leather shoes we'd roll our eyes at why she's talking out of both sides of her  mouth.

    The bottom line here though is that she's bringing up her FI's family not paying but her FI himself has spoken up.   So she and her FI need to talk about what they want for their wedding and to compromise together.   It sounds like she's trying to say, "If you want your family members to be able to eat meat then your parents need to pay for that because *I* won't let *our* money go to that.   And if that's her stance it's bullshit.  So the two of them need to communicate well without playing the money card.  
    This is the key to me. It's not that "all the family members are complaining that we made this decision" it's that they are still in the process of jointly trying to make a decision, and the FI feels differently about hospitality than she does.

    It's not inhospitable to serve a delicious vegetarian meal, but I understand wanting to increase your guests' enjoyment if possible, and her FI seems to care more about that, while she cares more about the principle of not paying to kill things. I'm not sure where the compromise lies.
  • Re: Not your typical 'kids at the wedding' question

    How many kids are you talking about? 

    If you decide that there's a few you want, maybe just ask the parents - "Hey, would you rather bring your kids with the understanding that the venue would make them GTFO by 9, or would it be easier not to bring them at all?" Then I would still invite all those kids no matter the answer (like with a decline-after-STD situation, just in case the parents change their minds) and the parents can accept or decline for them.

    But if it's a matter of inviting your 30 cousins' kids or not, especially kids of people you're not terribly close to, there's not a good logistical way to accomplish the above suggestion.
  • Re: Stop looking on apps or websites for men?

    mrsconn23 said:
    I'm on the fence with this one.  Yes, some online digging would probably happen on my end if I were to ever find myself single and trying to navigate dating. 

    But she seems to oddly...delight in having all this information and at the end she's all, "I have information they may never want to tell me."  That kind of glee feels icky to me.  Also, I'd fuck up and bring up something they never told me.  LOL 
    Yeah, I don't have a problem with trying to be safe, but it doesn't sound like she's doing this because she really wants to date people, but rather because she likes to dig until she finds a reason not to date people.