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Help me fill in our 4 hour gap

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Re: Help me fill in our 4 hour gap

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    delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    We plan to pay for the bowling, beer/wine/soda and small passed hors devors. We arent going overboard and cant scale back on the reception as everything included in the package price is whats included...no exclusions. Ive tried different angles to change it but cant. We realized the gap shortly after we booked everything and have had this long to deal with it but have hit road blocks left and right. We plan to invite those at the ceremony to go bowling on our programs.
    Covering the bowling, beer/wine/soda and apps is completely fine.  I think as long as you advertise this event to your guests (possibly put a card in your invitation?) it fills the gap.  it's not ideal, but at least you're hosting everyone from the time the cremony starts to when the reception ends.
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    Jenn7778Jenn7778 member
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    offthemarket915 said:
    "It absolutely is MY day. It is my wedding. There is nothing bridezilla about it. I am paying a lot of money for the wedding so it will absolutely be the way my FI and I want it. As myself and others have already stated, if people do not like it then don't come.

    The reception is not a Thank You to my friends and family coming to the wedding, it is a celebration of our wedding and our love. Their thank you will come in the mail in the form of a thank you letter."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Well aren't you a class act. You can twist it into whatever you like, but the reception is, in fact, a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. Ignorant much? I've noticed an alarming trend (esp among younger brides) where many brides seem to think it's just another opportunity for everyone to stand around and clap while you show off, but that doesn't make it true. Newsflash - guests don't attend to "watch" you, then come to share in your day.

    What many do not seem to grasp is that using "Tiffany" blue or some other irrelevant thing doesn't make your wedding classy, it's how you behave and treat other people.

    I am not ignorant at all and I am also not a younger bride. I am 35, a professional and extremely educated and have been (and thrown) numerous events.  And no other response is needed to your post as you have shown your class and ignorance all on your own.
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    soontobemrsbuccherisoontobemrsbuccheri member
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    delujm0 said:


    soontobemrsbuccheri said:

    We plan to pay for the bowling, beer/wine/soda and small passed hors devors. We arent going overboard and cant scale back on the reception as everything included in the package price is whats included...no exclusions. Ive tried different angles to change it but cant. We realized the gap shortly after we booked everything and have had this long to deal with it but have hit road blocks left and right. We plan to invite those at the ceremony to go bowling on our programs.
    Covering the bowling, beer/wine/soda and apps is completely fine.  I think as long as you advertise this event to your guests (possibly put a card in your invitation?) it fills the gap.  it's not ideal, but at least you're hosting everyone from the time the cremony starts to when the reception ends.


    We are making an announcement and putting it on our programs. Our bridal party will tell guests as they arrive to the ceremony as well.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Michelle & Ronald
    01/03/81
    06/18/81
    08/25/10
    05/07/13
    03/15/14
    image172 Invites sent     image 132 adults and 3 kids are party animals
    image 40 are party poopers
    image 0 awaiting reply
    Need 8 adults to make minimum.  Eek.
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    Excuse me!?!?! When we booked our CEREMONY it was based off of what the CHURCH had available.  When we booked our location we had an option of afternoon  (which started at 1pm) or an evening reception that starts at 6pm.  We weighed our options and picked the evening reception (not to mention FMIL insisted that we do an evening reception and she would pay the difference - so she HAS a say).  When we realized that there would be a gap, we tried to move the CEREMONY with the CHURCH but couldn't due to the fact we are getting married during LENT.  You have absolutely NO right to tell me that I should have booked a closer reception.  WHO are you to get off your high horse and tell someone YOU DON'T KNOW how to handle their wedding.  I'm asking for IDEAS.  We've already tried to do a hospitality suite, but we can't as there is NO ROOM BIG ENOUGH to handle guests until the cocktail hour.  I guess me saying in a PP that there is NO ROOM for us to have it at the hotel was overlooked by you.
    You are supposed to book the ceremony first, THEN the reception.  So when you go looking at reception venues, you find one that will accommodate an earlier start.  You just didn't do it.  Plain and simple.  And now you are just making excuses to cover your poor planning.

    And I didn't overlook the fact that you said you tried to book a room in the hotel.  In fact, I asked you in an earlier post what the point was....I guess YOU overlooked that.  Again, you said you can't afford to have food and beverages during that time.  So what did you expect your guest to do even if you got the room?  Hang around for hours twiddling their thumbs with no food or drinks?

    And lastly, I'm not alone in my thoughts.  Others have made similar comments. No doubt you will have some guests thinking the same thing too.  I would much rather hear it from someone that has no vested interest in my wedding so I could fix it before I host a wedding that people are going to be grumbling about behind my back because I didn't host them properly.

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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    edited February 2014
    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    We plan to pay for the bowling, beer/wine/soda and small passed hors devors. We arent going overboard and cant scale back on the reception as everything included in the package price is whats included...no exclusions. Ive tried different angles to change it but cant. We realized the gap shortly after we booked everything and have had this long to deal with it but have hit road blocks left and right. We plan to invite those at the ceremony to go bowling on our programs.
    Wait, so you go from your initial post of how to fill a 4 hour gap and a subsequent post saying you cannot afford food and drinks during the gap and now all of the sudden you are paying for bowling, drinks and food? 

    So basically, you have a way to host your 4 hour gap properly (though I certainly would never go bowling wearing my cocktail dress!).  What exactly was the point of your initial post?
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    olleb4olleb4 member
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    You can all stop posting responses to OP, ya know.. she doesn't need to explain nor justify herself any more than she did, and she has already made her decisions. You're wasting your time like I am now responding to you.
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    FutureMrsPA said:
    You can all stop posting responses to OP, ya know.. she doesn't need to explain nor justify herself any more than she did, and she has already made her decisions. You're wasting your time like I am now responding to you.
    I guess you should take some of your own advice then, huh?
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    soontobemrsbuccherisoontobemrsbuccheri member
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    JoanE2012 said:
    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    We plan to pay for the bowling, beer/wine/soda and small passed hors devors. We arent going overboard and cant scale back on the reception as everything included in the package price is whats included...no exclusions. Ive tried different angles to change it but cant. We realized the gap shortly after we booked everything and have had this long to deal with it but have hit road blocks left and right. We plan to invite those at the ceremony to go bowling on our programs.
    Wait, so you go from your initial post of how to fill a 4 hour gap and a subsequent post saying you cannot afford food and drinks during the gap and now all of the sudden you are paying for bowling, drinks and food? 

    So basically, you have a way to host your 4 hour gap properly (though I certainly would never go bowling wearing my cocktail dress!).  What exactly was the point of your initial post?
    I made the initial post on JANUARY 31st.  I have since spoken with the owner (and friend) of the bowling alley that we will have our pictures taken at and asked him for help.  He said he can give me yet, another, flat rate (we are having our rehearsal dinner at the restaurant) for passed hors devours wine/beer/soda and bowling for about an hour and change.  I couldn't pass it up. He gave me a great deal, so it works out great.  This was on Tuesday. We finalized it Wednesday when I paid for everything up front.  

    When we approached the HOTEL, they wanted 3x more than what I paid for the bowling alley.  Because I would have to rent out a HOTEL ROOM (a regular room) and pay for them to stock it with soda and snacks.  Not happening, plus 140 people in a regular hotel room is absurd.  Bowling sounds much more fun then that.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Michelle & Ronald
    01/03/81
    06/18/81
    08/25/10
    05/07/13
    03/15/14
    image172 Invites sent     image 132 adults and 3 kids are party animals
    image 40 are party poopers
    image 0 awaiting reply
    Need 8 adults to make minimum.  Eek.
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    soontobemrsbuccherisoontobemrsbuccheri member
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    JoanE2012 said:
    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    Excuse me!?!?! When we booked our CEREMONY it was based off of what the CHURCH had available.  When we booked our location we had an option of afternoon  (which started at 1pm) or an evening reception that starts at 6pm.  We weighed our options and picked the evening reception (not to mention FMIL insisted that we do an evening reception and she would pay the difference - so she HAS a say).  When we realized that there would be a gap, we tried to move the CEREMONY with the CHURCH but couldn't due to the fact we are getting married during LENT.  You have absolutely NO right to tell me that I should have booked a closer reception.  WHO are you to get off your high horse and tell someone YOU DON'T KNOW how to handle their wedding.  I'm asking for IDEAS.  We've already tried to do a hospitality suite, but we can't as there is NO ROOM BIG ENOUGH to handle guests until the cocktail hour.  I guess me saying in a PP that there is NO ROOM for us to have it at the hotel was overlooked by you.
    You are supposed to book the ceremony first, THEN the reception.  So when you go looking at reception venues, you find one that will accommodate an earlier start.  You just didn't do it.  Plain and simple.  And now you are just making excuses to cover your poor planning.

    And I didn't overlook the fact that you said you tried to book a room in the hotel.  In fact, I asked you in an earlier post what the point was....I guess YOU overlooked that.  Again, you said you can't afford to have food and beverages during that time.  So what did you expect your guest to do even if you got the room?  Hang around for hours twiddling their thumbs with no food or drinks?

    And lastly, I'm not alone in my thoughts.  Others have made similar comments. No doubt you will have some guests thinking the same thing too.  I would much rather hear it from someone that has no vested interest in my wedding so I could fix it before I host a wedding that people are going to be grumbling about behind my back because I didn't host them properly.

    Again, I say it.  MOST Of the people attending the ceremony are those of IMMEDIATE FAMILY.  The others that are coming to the wedding are going to the RECEPTION ONLY as they have prior commitments on Saturday morning and although they live locally (with in an hour of our church/reception location) they have to arrange child care, etc for their children.  I really don't want to get into a pissing match.  I have done everything by the book and when speaking with my immediate family over the last few days, as well as family that are extended and friends, they all said that they don't mind the gap...it gives them time to travel (NJ Turnpike by where our venue is is a MESS) and check into their rooms.  So, being that I've CHECKED with everyone now (because I have a huge heart and want to please everyone), Things are fine.  

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Michelle & Ronald
    01/03/81
    06/18/81
    08/25/10
    05/07/13
    03/15/14
    image172 Invites sent     image 132 adults and 3 kids are party animals
    image 40 are party poopers
    image 0 awaiting reply
    Need 8 adults to make minimum.  Eek.
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    olleb4olleb4 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary

    And I have about twice the maturity #shoveyourcrown

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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    Oh it's on now @Cookie Pusher.

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    chasingsunlightchasingsunlight member
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    I think bowling is awesome.  I went bowling after prom and everyone trying to bowl in nice dresses was hilarious.  If you can fit your guests there and let them hang out / have a few drinks / bowl..I think that's perfectly good enough. 

    I wouldn't feel too bad about the rooms at the hotel being unavailable.  The last wedding I went to with a gap had a room setup at the reception, which was small and had a cash bar and simply not interesting for us.  Also, we were starving and ended up finding the only food around (a wendy's) rather than stand in the cramped room.  
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    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    grumbledore said:
    Oh it's on now @Cookie Pusher.
    You know you love me. ;) Besides, puppy pictures make everything better!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    JoanE2012 said:
    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    Excuse me!?!?! When we booked our CEREMONY it was based off of what the CHURCH had available.  When we booked our location we had an option of afternoon  (which started at 1pm) or an evening reception that starts at 6pm.  We weighed our options and picked the evening reception (not to mention FMIL insisted that we do an evening reception and she would pay the difference - so she HAS a say).  When we realized that there would be a gap, we tried to move the CEREMONY with the CHURCH but couldn't due to the fact we are getting married during LENT.  You have absolutely NO right to tell me that I should have booked a closer reception.  WHO are you to get off your high horse and tell someone YOU DON'T KNOW how to handle their wedding.  I'm asking for IDEAS.  We've already tried to do a hospitality suite, but we can't as there is NO ROOM BIG ENOUGH to handle guests until the cocktail hour.  I guess me saying in a PP that there is NO ROOM for us to have it at the hotel was overlooked by you.
    You are supposed to book the ceremony first, THEN the reception.  So when you go looking at reception venues, you find one that will accommodate an earlier start.  You just didn't do it.  Plain and simple.  And now you are just making excuses to cover your poor planning.

    And I didn't overlook the fact that you said you tried to book a room in the hotel.  In fact, I asked you in an earlier post what the point was....I guess YOU overlooked that.  Again, you said you can't afford to have food and beverages during that time.  So what did you expect your guest to do even if you got the room?  Hang around for hours twiddling their thumbs with no food or drinks?

    And lastly, I'm not alone in my thoughts.  Others have made similar comments. No doubt you will have some guests thinking the same thing too.  I would much rather hear it from someone that has no vested interest in my wedding so I could fix it before I host a wedding that people are going to be grumbling about behind my back because I didn't host them properly.

    Again, I say it.  MOST Of the people attending the ceremony are those of IMMEDIATE FAMILY.  The others that are coming to the wedding are going to the RECEPTION ONLY as they have prior commitments on Saturday morning and although they live locally (with in an hour of our church/reception location) they have to arrange child care, etc for their children.  I really don't want to get into a pissing match.  I have done everything by the book and when speaking with my immediate family over the last few days, as well as family that are extended and friends, they all said that they don't mind the gap...it gives them time to travel (NJ Turnpike by where our venue is is a MESS) and check into their rooms.  So, being that I've CHECKED with everyone now (because I have a huge heart and want to please everyone), Things are fine.  

    To the first bolded......perhaps they are skipping the ceremony because they noticed the gaping gap.  Inform ALL your guests AHEAD of time that you have some semblance of a gap filler plan. They may rethink their idea of skipping the ceremony.  

    To the second bolded.......of course people will say they don't mind the gap.  To say they would mind is incredibly rude, and most people try to avoid being rude.  
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    mellyD2014mellyD2014 member
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    I think the bowling alley is a great idea, personally. I've been to weddings with gaps and weddings with the reception immediately following the ceremony, but always have the best time when something is hosted, gap or not. For example, when my cousins got married, a relative opened up their suite in the hotel during the gap between the ceremony and reception for all to come mingle - this has since become sort of a tradition in the family.

    The bowling alley is a great way to fix the gap - it's totally unconventional, but honestly, even if I were dressed up to the nines, I think it would be a fun time. Good for you for fixing this - your guests are going to be a lot happier with something specific to do. :)
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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    Eh, really the only way to salvage this at all is to invite everyone to the bowling alley. But really, not to beat a dead horse, but you should have planned better in the beginning.

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    shannyb41shannyb41 member
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    A church ceremony isn't really an excuse for a large gap.  I had a church ceremony that was over at 4:30. My reception venue was about 30-40 minutes away. On our contract our cocktail hour started at 6 but I made arrangements with my venue manager WELL in advance and let him know that it is likely that some guests will arrive prior to 6pm.  I asked him to accommodate them with light apps and open the bar as soon as guests arrive.  This is exactly what he did.  I made this arrangement over a year in advance, about when I booked the place. 

    I attended a wedding with a large gap and it was not great.  We ended up hanging out in the venue's lobby with nothing to do.  The poor manager rushed the earlier wedding's cocktail hour to accommodate the 30+ guests waiting in the lobby for this wedding.

    Honestly, I think a gap is something a lot of brides think of after the fact.  I thought about it ahead of time because I've been in the situation where I was an hour and a half way from my hometown attending a wedding with a 2+ hour gap...with nothing to do. 

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    ArtVandalay83ArtVandalay83 member
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    first off, don't let these viscous girls talk to you like that... you do what you want to do, i am trying to figure out a similar situation

    i know i'm a little late in responding, but i can't help but to notice rude people on these forums, soo 2012...
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    Jenn7778Jenn7778 member
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    @artvandalay83 do not let them get to you.  You will notice a pattern of the same handful of people that seem to think that they are the be all end all of wedding etiquette and feel that they can bully everyone else by being rude and sometimes down right mean.  Just ignore them and don't feed into their negativity.  Some people just need to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better and it is obviously easier to do that behind the curtain of a message board then in real life...Good luck planning your wedding and PM me if you would like some constructive advice about your gap.
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    soontobemrsbuccherisoontobemrsbuccheri member
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    jennkurtz said:
    @artvandalay83 do not let them get to you.  You will notice a pattern of the same handful of people that seem to think that they are the be all end all of wedding etiquette and feel that they can bully everyone else by being rude and sometimes down right mean.  Just ignore them and don't feed into their negativity.  Some people just need to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better and it is obviously easier to do that behind the curtain of a message board then in real life...Good luck planning your wedding and PM me if you would like some constructive advice about your gap.
    I agree with @jennkurtz.  I've let the negativity of some of the posts, just roll off my back. They aren't the wedding gods.  Etiquette has been modified so much over the years that some people go old school and some go with new traditions, etc. We can all complain about a wedding but in the end, it's about the bride and groom - not them.

       At the time, I was upset by how they were responding, but realized that in the end it is MY day and I did the best that I could do in planning.  No one will ever have a PERFECT wedding.  We went by the church time available (1pm ceremony) and tried to move our reception up an hour or two but couldn't because of another wedding reception going on.  We have since made arrangements for guests and the feed back has been overwhelmingly wonderful!!!  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Michelle & Ronald
    01/03/81
    06/18/81
    08/25/10
    05/07/13
    03/15/14
    image172 Invites sent     image 132 adults and 3 kids are party animals
    image 40 are party poopers
    image 0 awaiting reply
    Need 8 adults to make minimum.  Eek.
    Report Reply
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2014
    ArtVandalay83 said:
    first off, don't let these viscous girls talk to you like that... you do what you want to do, i am trying to figure out a similar situation

    i know i'm a little late in responding, but i can't help but to notice rude people on these forums, soo 2012...
    Congrats on just joining and posting this as your first post!  Another AE?
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    ArtVandalay83ArtVandalay83 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Why thank you, and by AE do you mean alter ego? or perhaps aeronautical engineer? The simple answer is no to either of those possibilities. Just trying to get some info here
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    ArtVandalay83ArtVandalay83 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    soontobemrsbuccheri said:
    jennkurtz said:
    @artvandalay83 do not let them get to you.  You will notice a pattern of the same handful of people that seem to think that they are the be all end all of wedding etiquette and feel that they can bully everyone else by being rude and sometimes down right mean.  Just ignore them and don't feed into their negativity.  Some people just need to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better and it is obviously easier to do that behind the curtain of a message board then in real life...Good luck planning your wedding and PM me if you would like some constructive advice about your gap.
    I agree with @jennkurtz.  I've let the negativity of some of the posts, just roll off my back. They aren't the wedding gods.  Etiquette has been modified so much over the years that some people go old school and some go with new traditions, etc. We can all complain about a wedding but in the end, it's about the bride and groom - not them.

       At the time, I was upset by how they were responding, but realized that in the end it is MY day and I did the best that I could do in planning.  No one will ever have a PERFECT wedding.  We went by the church time available (1pm ceremony) and tried to move our reception up an hour or two but couldn't because of another wedding reception going on.  We have since made arrangements for guests and the feed back has been overwhelmingly wonderful!!!  
    that's great to hear! yes i agree that there will be no perfect wedding, but what matters is that it's right for you! guests will deal and be happy for you
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    ArtVandalay83ArtVandalay83 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    JoanE2012 said:
    ArtVandalay83 said:
    first off, don't let these viscous girls talk to you like that... you do what you want to do, i am trying to figure out a similar situation

    i know i'm a little late in responding, but i can't help but to notice rude people on these forums, soo 2012...
    Congrats on just joining and posting this as your first post!  Another AE?
    Why thank you, and by AE do you mean alter ego? or perhaps aeronautical engineer? The simple answer is no to either of those possibilities. Just trying to get some info here
    Report Reply
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