Help me fill in our 4 hour gap

soontobemrsbuccheri

I've been getting texts from friends/family that are invited to our wedding asking if there is anything planned for between our Ceremony and Reception. Our ceremony is at 1pm with a full catholic mass and our cocktail hour starts at 6pm with reception starting at 7pm.  By the time mass is over, it'll be about 2pm.  So, there is a pretty large gap.  I had planned to have a hospitality room set up for them at the hotel, BUT all of the suites that would be big enough for this, are booked so that can't happen.  There will be a reception going on prior to our cocktail hour starting, so we are pretty limited with what we can do.  When speaking with my FI, he said that we can give them a list of places that they can visit that are local to the church and reception venue (Grounds for Sculpture, Princeton Battlefield, Veteran's Park, QB Mall, Princeton Forrestal Village). A good amount of our guests have booked rooms at the hotel, so we can always tell them to go get settled in their hotel room and rest before a night of dancing and fun.  

Obviously, the bridal party will be busy with pictures until round 4:30 when we head to the venue to check in to our hotel rooms and get pictures taken in the court yard.  Does anyone have any ideas as to what we can tell our guests to do? Our wedding is March 15th, in the Mercer County Area.  I don't know what the weather is going to be like, so places may be limited.  I plan to put the list of things to do on our program (probably back page).  Please help! Thanks!

Jenn7778

I am having the same issue.  I was going to do the hospitality room at the hotel also but I feel like that is going to turn into a cocktail hour before the cocktail hour which I am trying to avoid.  There is not much to do around where the church or the reception venue is.  Any ideas are appreciated.

Gordo2014

I imagine it's already been considered but I'll ask the question anyway; is it not possible to move your ceremony time back?

Jenn7778

We are not able to move it back.  When you get married in the church you have to have the ceremony between masses.  For me it was 3:00 and we have to be done and the florist cleared out by the 5:00pm mass.  My gap will be a bt less like 3 hours.  But it is still a lot of time.

soontobemrsbuccheri

Gordo2014 said:

I imagine it's already been considered but I'll ask the question anyway; is it not possible to move your ceremony time back?

Sadly, no. We tried to move it back but its just not possible. Since we are getting married during lent, we have to be out of the church no later than 2:30 as the church has prayer groups and masses starting at 3:30. That was the first thing I tried to do prior to sending invites out.

SewInLoveWithDMB

Honestly, there isn't much you can do, other than plan differently. Since that ship sailed, your guests are kinda out of luck.

It is rude to only attend the reception and not the ceremony, but if you are already receiving calls/texts about this, be prepared that it will happen - and in this case, I wouldn't blame them. A 4 hour gap is a really long time. And, if you are busy doing other things (pictures) and not able to hang out with them in any way, shape or form, there really isn't much they can do. (It's not like you are hosting a "gap party" at some other location where you can still mingle with guests. They come to the church...and then wait for 4 hours for a glass of wine or piece of bread? Doesn't sound that appealing.) 

I really don't mean to sound like a jerk, but you probably will lose a portion of guests at the church due to the timing.

soontobemrsbuccheri

MaidofToy said:

I don't know what your budget is like, but I do think you should do something.  I've been a guest to a wedding with over a 3 hour gap and it was absolutely ridiculous.  The majority of people didn't come to the ceremony.  My husband was in the wedding so I was by myself allllllll day.  There was nothing to do in the area with the exception of a Ruby Tuesdays.  Terrible.  

Can you try to offer something in a meeting room at the hotel?  Just something simple like a mini muffin and cookie bar with coffee, tea and water.  Not everyone will be there the entire gap, but they can trickle in and out, pick up a cookie and some coffee, take it to their room, whatever.  And if your hotel has an outdoor seating area, you could maybe try to reserve the area for your guests as well.

I have already tried to get a meeting room - being that there is a reception before ours, we can't use the room that far ahead of time.  

soontobemrsbuccheri

SewInLoveWithDMB said:

Honestly, there isn't much you can do, other than plan differently. Since that ship sailed, your guests are kinda out of luck.

It is rude to only attend the reception and not the ceremony, but if you are already receiving calls/texts about this, be prepared that it will happen - and in this case, I wouldn't blame them. A 4 hour gap is a really long time. And, if you are busy doing other things (pictures) and not able to hang out with them in any way, shape or form, there really isn't much they can do. (It's not like you are hosting a "gap party" at some other location where you can still mingle with guests. They come to the church...and then wait for 4 hours for a glass of wine or piece of bread? Doesn't sound that appealing.) 

I really don't mean to sound like a jerk, but you probably will lose a portion of guests at the church due to the timing.

I know I'll lose attendance at the ceremony because of the gap, but there really isn't anything I can do.  We don't have the $$ in the budget to provide additional food and drink for people, not to mention, the room that we could book for a meeting place is booked for the wedding reception before us and we can't use it.  We didn't think it would be too big of an issue when we booked everything.  We tried to move ceremony time and even tried to move our reception back to earlier, but it couldn't be done.  SO we are left with a gap.  FFIL will be having his family at his house after the ceremony for a little relaxation time.  My family will most likely go and check into their hotels, etc...or they may just follow us to the picture location (a bar/bowling alley) for drinks.  

shannyb41

That's a really large gap. Suggesting people go check out the sights is a little unrealistic.  If I'm in a dress and heals for a wedding I'm not going to go for a stroll around Princeton.
I don't know what your guest list looks like but if you have enough people on it that all know each other and are staying at the hotel maybe they will have their own little pre-cocktail party. 

JoanE2012

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

I've been getting texts from friends/family that are invited to our wedding asking if there is anything planned for between our Ceremony and Reception. Our ceremony is at 1pm with a full catholic mass and our cocktail hour starts at 6pm with reception starting at 7pm.  By the time mass is over, it'll be about 2pm.  So, there is a pretty large gap.  I had planned to have a hospitality room set up for them at the hotel, BUT all of the suites that would be big enough for this, are booked so that can't happen.  There will be a reception going on prior to our cocktail hour starting, so we are pretty limited with what we can do.  When speaking with my FI, he said that we can give them a list of places that they can visit that are local to the church and reception venue (Grounds for Sculpture, Princeton Battlefield, Veteran's Park, QB Mall, Princeton Forrestal Village). A good amount of our guests have booked rooms at the hotel, so we can always tell them to go get settled in their hotel room and rest before a night of dancing and fun.  

Obviously, the bridal party will be busy with pictures until round 4:30 when we head to the venue to check in to our hotel rooms and get pictures taken in the court yard.  Does anyone have any ideas as to what we can tell our guests to do? Our wedding is March 15th, in the Mercer County Area.  I don't know what the weather is going to be like, so places may be limited.  I plan to put the list of things to do on our program (probably back page).  Please help! Thanks!

All of this is poor planning on your part.  Why didn't you plan a reception that started immediately after the ceremony from the beginning?  Please don't tell me it's because you wanted an evening reception.  It's incredibly rude to let your guests fend for themselves (and be bored to tears) waiting around for you.  

Giving me a list of things to do is ridiculous.  I am not going to walk around the Grounds for Sculpture in my heels (have you ever been there??  It's not really the best place for being all dressed up!) or walk around the mall in my cocktail dress.  

You need to host food and drinks at a designated location during this time.  You say you can't afford this but, quite frankly, this is something you should have thought about BEFORE you booked a ceremony/reception with a gap.  

And if you can't afford to host your guests with food and drink during this gap, what exactly are you trying to do now?  Book a room and then just have everyone stand around in that room for a few hours twiddling their thumbs?

JCbride2015

JoanE2012 said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

I've been getting texts from friends/family that are invited to our wedding asking if there is anything planned for between our Ceremony and Reception. Our ceremony is at 1pm with a full catholic mass and our cocktail hour starts at 6pm with reception starting at 7pm.  By the time mass is over, it'll be about 2pm.  So, there is a pretty large gap.  I had planned to have a hospitality room set up for them at the hotel, BUT all of the suites that would be big enough for this, are booked so that can't happen.  There will be a reception going on prior to our cocktail hour starting, so we are pretty limited with what we can do.  When speaking with my FI, he said that we can give them a list of places that they can visit that are local to the church and reception venue (Grounds for Sculpture, Princeton Battlefield, Veteran's Park, QB Mall, Princeton Forrestal Village). A good amount of our guests have booked rooms at the hotel, so we can always tell them to go get settled in their hotel room and rest before a night of dancing and fun.  

Obviously, the bridal party will be busy with pictures until round 4:30 when we head to the venue to check in to our hotel rooms and get pictures taken in the court yard.  Does anyone have any ideas as to what we can tell our guests to do? Our wedding is March 15th, in the Mercer County Area.  I don't know what the weather is going to be like, so places may be limited.  I plan to put the list of things to do on our program (probably back page).  Please help! Thanks!

All of this is poor planning on your part.  Why didn't you plan a reception that started immediately after the ceremony from the beginning?  Please don't tell me it's because you wanted an evening reception.  It's incredibly rude to let your guests fend for themselves (and be bored to tears) waiting around for you.  

Giving me a list of things to do is ridiculous.  I am not going to walk around the Grounds for Sculpture in my heels (have you ever been there??  It's not really the best place for being all dressed up!) or walk around the mall in my cocktail dress.  

You need to host food and drinks at a designated location during this time.  You say you can't afford this but, quite frankly, this is something you should have thought about BEFORE you booked a ceremony/reception with a gap.  

And if you can't afford to host your guests with food and drink during this gap, what exactly are you trying to do now?  Book a room and then just have everyone stand around in that room for a few hours twiddling their thumbs?

Yes, I'm confused about this last part too.  You seem to know the gap is very rude.  But you've said you can't afford to host it, and you can't (won't) change the timing of the ceremony or reception to eliminate the gap.

Were you expecting us just to say the gap is okay?  Or say your guests can entertain themselves?

Your guests must be hosted during the gap.  Period.  It can be light snacks and non-alcoholic drinks at somebody's house, but they must be hosted.

olleb4

@PP -- Sweetheart, don't go crazy. I'm a little turned off by these adults telling you in a rude way that you're a screw up and implying that your day will be ruined because other adults cannot seem to entertain themselves. (CHILL PEOPLE - I know it's not verbatim, but read between the lines of your own posts.)

For catholic ceremonies, what else do you expect to do when your priest gives you a cutoff time to have your ceremony (for ours, 3pm is the latest) but you want to be able to take a decent amount of photos in between ceremony and cocktail hour so you can go enjoy it? Sometimes there is another wedding scheduled after yours, that you simply CANNOT book a later ceremony. See if your videographer (assuming you have one) will offer a small same-day edit to show during dinner. This way, for the guests that missed the earlier events, they now have a sneak peak. I am sure this could be a cheaper investment than BOOKING ANOTHER ROOM AND EVENT OF --goodness gracious -- MORE FOOD AND DRINKS BETWEEN YOUR WEDDING AND RECEPTION. The food/drinks of your wedding is already a huge investment. Don't go stuffing their faces more than you need to.

Jenn7778

I am pretty appalled at some of the responses on this board.  Sometimes a gap in time can not be avoided if you are having a church wedding.  For me, the latest that I could have my ceremony was 3:00-4:00 because there is a 5:00 mass and everything needs to be taken down and cleared out by then.  

My reception is beginning at 7:00 so there will be a small gap between mine.  By the time everyone leaves the church my gap will probably only be 2 hours and it is 30 minutes from the church to the hotel. It will give the out of towners enough time to check into the hotel if they are not arriving Friday night, time to freshen up if they choose or just go hang out with family at the hotel bar.  We are providing a shuttle from the hotel to the reception so people will not have to drive again. 

Not everyone wants to have their ceremony at the reception venue and sometimes (most of the time in that situation) a gap can not be avoided.  It is not rude or inconsiderate to your guests and most people, at least those that care about you, will understand and will not complain.  For all of you perfect brides that are calling the original poster names, I am glad that you are pleasing everyone and are able to so effortlessly plan the perfect, gap free day.  You should be ashamed of yourselves and some of the comments that were made.

JoanE2012

jennkurtz said:

I am pretty appalled at some of the responses on this board.  Sometimes a gap in time can not be avoided if you are having a church wedding.  For me, the latest that I could have my ceremony was 3:00-4:00 because there is a 5:00 mass and everything needs to be taken down and cleared out by then.  

My reception is beginning at 7:00 so there will be a small gap between mine.  By the time everyone leaves the church my gap will probably only be 2 hours and it is 30 minutes from the church to the hotel. It will give the out of towners enough time to check into the hotel if they are not arriving Friday night, time to freshen up if they choose or just go hang out with family at the hotel bar.  We are providing a shuttle from the hotel to the reception so people will not have to drive again. 

Not everyone wants to have their ceremony at the reception venue and sometimes (most of the time in that situation) a gap can not be avoided.  It is not rude or inconsiderate to your guests and most people, at least those that care about you, will understand and will not complain.  For all of you perfect brides that are calling the original poster names, I am glad that you are pleasing everyone and are able to so effortlessly plan the perfect, gap free day.  You should be ashamed of yourselves and some of the comments that were made.

Don't blame religion for your gap.  Of course a gap can be avoided!  You just need to book a reception that starts earlier. 

I'M appalled at the brides here that only care about themselves and have such a self-entitled attitude.  They don't give a rat's ass about making their friends and family wait around for them because it's their SPESHUL day!  Newsflash:  the moment you invite guests, it's no longer YOUR day.  The reception is your THANK YOU to your guests....so really, that's for them. 

Gap = rude host.  Plain and simple.

JoanE2012

FutureMrsPA said:

@PP -- Sweetheart, don't go crazy. I'm a little turned off by these adults telling you in a rude way that you're a screw up and implying that your day will be ruined because other adults cannot seem to entertain themselves. (CHILL PEOPLE - I know it's not verbatim, but read between the lines of your own posts.)

For catholic ceremonies, what else do you expect to do when your priest gives you a cutoff time to have your ceremony (for ours, 3pm is the latest) but you want to be able to take a decent amount of photos in between ceremony and cocktail hour so you can go enjoy it? Sometimes there is another wedding scheduled after yours, that you simply CANNOT book a later ceremony. See if your videographer (assuming you have one) will offer a small same-day edit to show during dinner. This way, for the guests that missed the earlier events, they now have a sneak peak. I am sure this could be a cheaper investment than BOOKING ANOTHER ROOM AND EVENT OF --goodness gracious -- MORE FOOD AND DRINKS BETWEEN YOUR WEDDING AND RECEPTION. The food/drinks of your wedding is already a huge investment. Don't go stuffing their faces more than you need to.

You plan an earlier reception!  I'm don't understand why this is such a difficult concept.

Jenn7778

JoanE2012 said:

FutureMrsPA said:

@PP -- Sweetheart, don't go crazy. I'm a little turned off by these adults telling you in a rude way that you're a screw up and implying that your day will be ruined because other adults cannot seem to entertain themselves. (CHILL PEOPLE - I know it's not verbatim, but read between the lines of your own posts.)

For catholic ceremonies, what else do you expect to do when your priest gives you a cutoff time to have your ceremony (for ours, 3pm is the latest) but you want to be able to take a decent amount of photos in between ceremony and cocktail hour so you can go enjoy it? Sometimes there is another wedding scheduled after yours, that you simply CANNOT book a later ceremony. See if your videographer (assuming you have one) will offer a small same-day edit to show during dinner. This way, for the guests that missed the earlier events, they now have a sneak peak. I am sure this could be a cheaper investment than BOOKING ANOTHER ROOM AND EVENT OF --goodness gracious -- MORE FOOD AND DRINKS BETWEEN YOUR WEDDING AND RECEPTION. The food/drinks of your wedding is already a huge investment. Don't go stuffing their faces more than you need to.

You plan an earlier reception!  I'm don't understand why this is such a difficult concept.

In response to your earlier post, I am not blaming religion but simply stating that those of us who get married in a church have a tome constraint on when we are allowed to hold the ceremony.  

Last time I checked MY wedding is MY and my FI's day.  If people don't like when, how or where I have chosen to hold MY wedding then they can simply RSVP No.  The gap in time is very common for catholic weddings and is generally not an issue for guests as they understand.  I will be providing my guests with a place to go for the 2 hours that they will be unattended, but as they are all adults, they should not require a babysitter.

Planning an earlier reception is not always the answer depending on availability of vendors and maybe, just maybe us brides that are getting married in a church still want our Black Tie Saturday night reception.  

JoanE2012 next time you get invited to a wedding with a gap I suggest you simply don't attend.  I am sure that you will not be missed from the BRIDE and GROOM's day 1 bit. 

JoanE2012

jennkurtz said:

JoanE2012 said:

FutureMrsPA said:

@PP -- Sweetheart, don't go crazy. I'm a little turned off by these adults telling you in a rude way that you're a screw up and implying that your day will be ruined because other adults cannot seem to entertain themselves. (CHILL PEOPLE - I know it's not verbatim, but read between the lines of your own posts.)

For catholic ceremonies, what else do you expect to do when your priest gives you a cutoff time to have your ceremony (for ours, 3pm is the latest) but you want to be able to take a decent amount of photos in between ceremony and cocktail hour so you can go enjoy it? Sometimes there is another wedding scheduled after yours, that you simply CANNOT book a later ceremony. See if your videographer (assuming you have one) will offer a small same-day edit to show during dinner. This way, for the guests that missed the earlier events, they now have a sneak peak. I am sure this could be a cheaper investment than BOOKING ANOTHER ROOM AND EVENT OF --goodness gracious -- MORE FOOD AND DRINKS BETWEEN YOUR WEDDING AND RECEPTION. The food/drinks of your wedding is already a huge investment. Don't go stuffing their faces more than you need to.

You plan an earlier reception!  I'm don't understand why this is such a difficult concept.

In response to your earlier post, I am not blaming religion but simply stating that those of us who get married in a church have a tome constraint on when we are allowed to hold the ceremony.  

Last time I checked MY wedding is MY and my FI's day.  If people don't like when, how or where I have chosen to hold MY wedding then they can simply RSVP No.  The gap in time is very common for catholic weddings and is generally not an issue for guests as they understand.  I will be providing my guests with a place to go for the 2 hours that they will be unattended, but as they are all adults, they should not require a babysitter.

Planning an earlier reception is not always the answer depending on availability of vendors and maybe, just maybe us brides that are getting married in a church still want our Black Tie Saturday night reception.  

JoanE2012 next time you get invited to a wedding with a gap I suggest you simply don't attend.  I am sure that you will not be missed from the BRIDE and GROOM's day 1 bit. 

There's the truth....it's what YOU want!  It's YOUR day!  Me, me, me.  Screw the guests, it's MY day!

As I stated earlier, once you invite guests, it's no longer your DAY.  The ceremony is for you and your FI.  But the reception is for your guests.  That's the whole point of a reception....it's your way of thanking your gueststhank you for attending the ceremony.   Your job is to host them properly.  If you don't care about your friends and family, then simply elope. 

Instead, you want your cake and you want to eat it too.  You want the church wedding, but don't want to sacrifice your evening reception.  That's just selfish and rude.  

And nobody is going to tell you that to your face....but rest assured they'll be bitchin' behind your back.  No one wants to sit around for hours with nothing to do.  Really, where's the fun in that?

And FWIW....we've been to several weddings with ceremonies in a church, and most had the reception right after.  It CAN be done....you just CHOOSE not to.

olleb4

I'm done with this conversation. You're useless to OP's concerns. It sure as hell is my day if I'm paying for people to come watch me celebrate my committment to someone. People see their invitations - meaning they're invited, not obligated, to go- before they respond. They don't like it? TOUGH!

JoanE2012

FutureMrsPA said:

I'm done with this conversation. You're useless to OP's concerns. It sure as hell is my day if I'm paying for people to come watch me celebrate my committment to someone. People see their invitations - meaning they're invited, not obligated, to go- before they respond. They don't like it? TOUGH!

These statements scream "bridezilla".  

AshleyNicole1218

I get super pissed when I attend a wedding with a gap. I get even MORE pissed when I'm given a "list" of things I can do during said gap. You know, because I've always wanted to go to the local mall, or park, or coffee shop dressed to the nine. @JoanE2012 is just saying what pretty much everyone else is thinking. And I'm guessing those who are 'forgiving' of this etiquette breach are that was because they've committed the same offense themselves.

soontobemrsbuccheri

shannyb41 said:

That's a really large gap. Suggesting people go check out the sights is a little unrealistic.  If I'm in a dress and heals for a wedding I'm not going to go for a stroll around Princeton.
I don't know what your guest list looks like but if you have enough people on it that all know each other and are staying at the hotel maybe they will have their own little pre-cocktail party. 

From what I can remember from previous family weddings, those that are immediate family will definitely be at the ceremony (i.e. Aunts/Uncles/Cousins that we see on a regular basis) and a few close close friends, as well as some of the bridal partys SO's.  The family that won't be following us to the picture location (bar/bowling alley - FREE BOWLING as of last night) will most likely be going over to FFIL's home for a little "pre-cocktail - cocktail party".  

JoanE2012 said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

I've been getting texts from friends/family that are invited to our wedding asking if there is anything planned for between our Ceremony and Reception. Our ceremony is at 1pm with a full catholic mass and our cocktail hour starts at 6pm with reception starting at 7pm.  By the time mass is over, it'll be about 2pm.  So, there is a pretty large gap.  I had planned to have a hospitality room set up for them at the hotel, BUT all of the suites that would be big enough for this, are booked so that can't happen.  There will be a reception going on prior to our cocktail hour starting, so we are pretty limited with what we can do.  When speaking with my FI, he said that we can give them a list of places that they can visit that are local to the church and reception venue (Grounds for Sculpture, Princeton Battlefield, Veteran's Park, QB Mall, Princeton Forrestal Village). A good amount of our guests have booked rooms at the hotel, so we can always tell them to go get settled in their hotel room and rest before a night of dancing and fun.  

Obviously, the bridal party will be busy with pictures until round 4:30 when we head to the venue to check in to our hotel rooms and get pictures taken in the court yard.  Does anyone have any ideas as to what we can tell our guests to do? Our wedding is March 15th, in the Mercer County Area.  I don't know what the weather is going to be like, so places may be limited.  I plan to put the list of things to do on our program (probably back page).  Please help! Thanks!

All of this is poor planning on your part.  Why didn't you plan a reception that started immediately after the ceremony from the beginning?  Please don't tell me it's because you wanted an evening reception.  It's incredibly rude to let your guests fend for themselves (and be bored to tears) waiting around for you.  

Giving me a list of things to do is ridiculous.  I am not going to walk around the Grounds for Sculpture in my heels (have you ever been there??  It's not really the best place for being all dressed up!) or walk around the mall in my cocktail dress.  

You need to host food and drinks at a designated location during this time.  You say you can't afford this but, quite frankly, this is something you should have thought about BEFORE you booked a ceremony/reception with a gap.  

And if you can't afford to host your guests with food and drink during this gap, what exactly are you trying to do now?  Book a room and then just have everyone stand around in that room for a few hours twiddling their thumbs?

Excuse me!?!?! When we booked our CEREMONY it was based off of what the CHURCH had available.  When we booked our location we had an option of afternoon  (which started at 1pm) or an evening reception that starts at 6pm.  We weighed our options and picked the evening reception (not to mention FMIL insisted that we do an evening reception and she would pay the difference - so she HAS a say).  When we realized that there would be a gap, we tried to move the CEREMONY with the CHURCH but couldn't due to the fact we are getting married during LENT.  You have absolutely NO right to tell me that I should have booked a closer reception.  WHO are you to get off your high horse and tell someone YOU DON'T KNOW how to handle their wedding.  I'm asking for IDEAS.  We've already tried to do a hospitality suite, but we can't as there is NO ROOM BIG ENOUGH to handle guests until the cocktail hour.  I guess me saying in a PP that there is NO ROOM for us to have it at the hotel was overlooked by you.

JCBride2014 said:

JoanE2012 said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

I've been getting texts from friends/family that are invited to our wedding asking if there is anything planned for between our Ceremony and Reception. Our ceremony is at 1pm with a full catholic mass and our cocktail hour starts at 6pm with reception starting at 7pm.  By the time mass is over, it'll be about 2pm.  So, there is a pretty large gap.  I had planned to have a hospitality room set up for them at the hotel, BUT all of the suites that would be big enough for this, are booked so that can't happen.  There will be a reception going on prior to our cocktail hour starting, so we are pretty limited with what we can do.  When speaking with my FI, he said that we can give them a list of places that they can visit that are local to the church and reception venue (Grounds for Sculpture, Princeton Battlefield, Veteran's Park, QB Mall, Princeton Forrestal Village). A good amount of our guests have booked rooms at the hotel, so we can always tell them to go get settled in their hotel room and rest before a night of dancing and fun.  

Obviously, the bridal party will be busy with pictures until round 4:30 when we head to the venue to check in to our hotel rooms and get pictures taken in the court yard.  Does anyone have any ideas as to what we can tell our guests to do? Our wedding is March 15th, in the Mercer County Area.  I don't know what the weather is going to be like, so places may be limited.  I plan to put the list of things to do on our program (probably back page).  Please help! Thanks!

All of this is poor planning on your part.  Why didn't you plan a reception that started immediately after the ceremony from the beginning?  Please don't tell me it's because you wanted an evening reception.  It's incredibly rude to let your guests fend for themselves (and be bored to tears) waiting around for you.  

Giving me a list of things to do is ridiculous.  I am not going to walk around the Grounds for Sculpture in my heels (have you ever been there??  It's not really the best place for being all dressed up!) or walk around the mall in my cocktail dress.  

You need to host food and drinks at a designated location during this time.  You say you can't afford this but, quite frankly, this is something you should have thought about BEFORE you booked a ceremony/reception with a gap.  

And if you can't afford to host your guests with food and drink during this gap, what exactly are you trying to do now?  Book a room and then just have everyone stand around in that room for a few hours twiddling their thumbs?

Yes, I'm confused about this last part too.  You seem to know the gap is very rude.  But you've said you can't afford to host it, and you can't (won't) change the timing of the ceremony or reception to eliminate the gap.

Were you expecting us just to say the gap is okay?  Or say your guests can entertain themselves?

Your guests must be hosted during the gap.  Period.  It can be light snacks and non-alcoholic drinks at somebody's house, but they must be hosted.

First off, I'm not REFUSING to change anything.  I CAN'T CHANGE anything.  What part of I tried everything and it was not working don't you understand? 

This is ridiculous.  I asked a question to help fill the gap and I've gotten torn apart by people I don't even know.  I shouldn't even give you all the time of day to respond to all the rude responses.  GAPS are inevitable.  I can't change anything.  I tried to and the only thing I can do now is just deal with it as it is.  I've been to weddings where there is a gap, and I don't mind it because it gives me time to get checked into my hotel room, watch a little tv, freshen up and get ready to get on the shuttle to the reception.  If people don't like the gap, then they just don't come.  SO far we have A LOT of people coming and most are from in town, so they won't the little gap, especially if they have dogs at home that they'd like to let out before heading out for the night.  Give me a damn break. 

Jenn7778

JoanE2012 said:

jennkurtz said:

JoanE2012 said:

FutureMrsPA said:

@PP -- Sweetheart, don't go crazy. I'm a little turned off by these adults telling you in a rude way that you're a screw up and implying that your day will be ruined because other adults cannot seem to entertain themselves. (CHILL PEOPLE - I know it's not verbatim, but read between the lines of your own posts.)

For catholic ceremonies, what else do you expect to do when your priest gives you a cutoff time to have your ceremony (for ours, 3pm is the latest) but you want to be able to take a decent amount of photos in between ceremony and cocktail hour so you can go enjoy it? Sometimes there is another wedding scheduled after yours, that you simply CANNOT book a later ceremony. See if your videographer (assuming you have one) will offer a small same-day edit to show during dinner. This way, for the guests that missed the earlier events, they now have a sneak peak. I am sure this could be a cheaper investment than BOOKING ANOTHER ROOM AND EVENT OF --goodness gracious -- MORE FOOD AND DRINKS BETWEEN YOUR WEDDING AND RECEPTION. The food/drinks of your wedding is already a huge investment. Don't go stuffing their faces more than you need to.

You plan an earlier reception!  I'm don't understand why this is such a difficult concept.

In response to your earlier post, I am not blaming religion but simply stating that those of us who get married in a church have a tome constraint on when we are allowed to hold the ceremony.  

Last time I checked MY wedding is MY and my FI's day.  If people don't like when, how or where I have chosen to hold MY wedding then they can simply RSVP No.  The gap in time is very common for catholic weddings and is generally not an issue for guests as they understand.  I will be providing my guests with a place to go for the 2 hours that they will be unattended, but as they are all adults, they should not require a babysitter.

Planning an earlier reception is not always the answer depending on availability of vendors and maybe, just maybe us brides that are getting married in a church still want our Black Tie Saturday night reception.  

JoanE2012 next time you get invited to a wedding with a gap I suggest you simply don't attend.  I am sure that you will not be missed from the BRIDE and GROOM's day 1 bit. 

There's the truth....it's what YOU want!  It's YOUR day!  Me, me, me.  Screw the guests, it's MY day!

As I stated earlier, once you invite guests, it's no longer your DAY.  The ceremony is for you and your FI.  But the reception is for your guests.  That's the whole point of a reception....it's your way of thanking your gueststhank you for attending the ceremony.   Your job is to host them properly.  If you don't care about your friends and family, then simply elope. 

Instead, you want your cake and you want to eat it too.  You want the church wedding, but don't want to sacrifice your evening reception.  That's just selfish and rude.  

And nobody is going to tell you that to your face....but rest assured they'll be bitchin' behind your back.  No one wants to sit around for hours with nothing to do.  Really, where's the fun in that?

And FWIW....we've been to several weddings with ceremonies in a church, and most had the reception right after.  It CAN be done....you just CHOOSE not to.

It absolutely is MY day.  It is my wedding.  There is nothing bridezilla about it.  I am paying a lot of money for the wedding so it will absolutely be the way my FI and I want it.  As myself and others have already stated, if people do not like it then don't come.

The reception is not a Thank You to my friends and family coming to the wedding, it is a celebration of our wedding and our love.  Their thank you will come in the mail in the form of a thank you letter.

cupcait927

Gaps are rude, period. You're making people sacrifice an entire day just for YOUR wedding. I'm sorry but I would be pissed if I had to get dressed up and ready to go to your ceremony and then have to sit around for four hours waiting for your reception, family or not. I would have zero desire to go and "sight see" all dressed up, especially considering that it's probably going to be chilly that time of year. Your reception is for your guests, NOT just you. It's fine that you and your FI decided to get married in the Catholic church. The ceremony is the most important part of the day and you're honoring your faith. The reception should be immediately following that but that ship has sailed due to your inconsiderate planning. Everyone else here has paid a ton of money for their weddings as well and thought about their guests so that doesn't make you special for "paying a lot of money". You need to find it in your budget to do SOMETHING for your poor guests for four hours. You invited these people, you need to accomodate them.

NerkelDynasty

Have you considered doing your pictures at one of those local attractions you mentioned, like the Sculpture Garden? That might make your guests more inclined to check out the attraction, and they'd still feel like they were a part of your wedding during those hours--and you might end up with some really interesting pictures!

Personally, I wouldn't mind a chance to check into the hotel between the ceremony and the reception. I'm sure most of your family and friends will understand that you had to work around the church's restrictions.

Consider finding a friendlier message board--reddit.com/r/weddingplanning is incredibly supportive, and they might have some good ideas about what to do during the gap!

soontobemrsbuccheri

ckel24 said:

Gaps are rude, period. You're making people sacrifice an entire day just for YOUR wedding. I'm sorry but I would be pissed if I had to get dressed up and ready to go to your ceremony and then have to sit around for four hours waiting for your reception, family or not. I would have zero desire to go and "sight see" all dressed up, especially considering that it's probably going to be chilly that time of year. Your reception is for your guests, NOT just you. It's fine that you and your FI decided to get married in the Catholic church. The ceremony is the most important part of the day and you're honoring your faith. The reception should be immediately following that but that ship has sailed due to your inconsiderate planning. Everyone else here has paid a ton of money for their weddings as well and thought about their guests so that doesn't make you special for "paying a lot of money". You need to find it in your budget to do SOMETHING for your poor guests for four hours. You invited these people, you need to accomodate them.

First of all we do have something planned. Those that attend the ceremony are invited to follow us to our bar/bowling alley to go bowling on our dime. I am not inconsiderate in the least bit but thank you for making it seen like i am. I have gone above and beyond to try and fix it and you bashing me by saying how rude it is, is disrespectful. I have been to weddings where i have to RUSH to get to my hotel in time to check in and make the shuttle to the reception. I did not like that in one bit. There is a good distance between ceremony and reception so that will fill in some time. They have the opportunity to hit the hotel bar while they wait, or join us at our picture location.

soontobemrsbuccheri

NerkelDynasty said:

Have you considered doing your pictures at one of those local attractions you mentioned, like the Sculpture Garden? That might make your guests more inclined to check out the attraction, and they'd still feel like they were a part of your wedding during those hours--and you might end up with some really interesting pictures!

Personally, I wouldn't mind a chance to check into the hotel between the ceremony and the reception. I'm sure most of your family and friends will understand that you had to work around the church's restrictions.

Consider finding a friendlier message board--reddit.com/r/weddingplanning is incredibly supportive, and they might have some good ideas about what to do during the gap!

Thanks. We have it settled as of right now. Thanks again.

olleb4

OP - I'm with you on this and I have almost an identical situation. I plan on having a limo bus for my and FI's family/friends (no BP) from out of town to take pictures by the NYC skyline. If they want to hang back, cool. If they want to see NYC as close as they ever have, GREAT. Otherwise, go check in, see ya at cocktail hour.

soontobemrsbuccheri

FutureMrsPA said:

OP - I'm with you on this and I have almost an identical situation. I plan on having a limo bus for my and FI's family/friends (no BP) from out of town to take pictures by the NYC skyline. If they want to hang back, cool. If they want to see NYC as close as they ever have, GREAT. Otherwise, go check in, see ya at cocktail hour.

Thank you so very much!

olleb4

You got it!

delujm0

I've been to dozens of weddings with gaps like this.  Largely because of the Catholic church's Saturday night mass making it difficult to have a ceremony at the preferred ceremony time.

 

I've also been to several Catholic weddings where the ceremony was held AFTER Saturday evening mass (so like a 7pm ceremony) with an 8pm cocktail hour and 9pm reception.  And I've been to weddings with a 2pm ceremony where the cocktail hour began at 3pm and reception at 4pm.

 

You're right OP, there's nothing you can do about it...NOW.  But if you had thought of this before you booked your venues, you could have changed one or the other in order to avoid the gap.  You need to think about your guests from the beginning of your planning, not just when it's too late to do anything about it.  I am saying this not for your benefit, but for the benefit of other newly engaged ladies who might be reading this thread.

 

If you are providing bowling on your dime in between events, be sure to indicate that to the people who are at the ceremony so that they know to join you.  Also, because this would be a wedding activity, you would be expected to host it (as in pay for snacks, drinks, etc) for the people who attend.  If you need to scale back your existing reception plans in order to find the budget to do this, than that's what you should do.

 

But if you really don't care about the gap, that's your perogative.  There will probably be guests complaining about it behind your back, but you've made your bed on this, and you're going to have to lie in it now.  you didn't care what your guests would think when you booked your venues, why do you care about it now?

soontobemrsbuccheri

We plan to pay for the bowling, beer/wine/soda and small passed hors devors. We arent going overboard and cant scale back on the reception as everything included in the package price is whats included...no exclusions. Ive tried different angles to change it but cant.

We realized the gap shortly after we booked everything and have had this long to deal with it but have hit road blocks left and right. We plan to invite those at the ceremony to go bowling on our programs.