How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

Pandemonia

I'm seriously hoping the April Fools Effect kicked into some of these posts. 

Because does anyone, seriously, think that this statement is reasonable? 

"This wedding is to celebrate YOUR union and YOUR happiness not their comfort."

And that's just one of the more particularly Speshul Snowflake sentiments I've seen over the last 8 pages. 

Oh, and as for not knowing who people are 20 years later, this is pretty much normal. But then it doesn't actually matter to most of us who didn't plan to use their wedding guests as some sort of prop for the photographs. 

MrsMack10612

amrhodes23 said:

acove2006 said:

Can we STFU with all this "were the only poor souls finding OUR wedding so money is really tight!" Bullshit! Welcome to the real world folks, where adults pay their own bills! Money is NEVER an excuse to treat your loved ones so poorly. Budgets can always be tweaked and priorities can be shifted. But telling your nearest and dearest that the person they love most is not welcome is NEVER OKAY.

Sadly the only way this era of selfishness will change is when people start sticking up for etiquette and themselves. Invited without your SO? Decline and tell them why if you're asked. These special snowflakes live in a fairy tale land and maybe once they start seeing the consequences first hand they'll get their heads out of their rainbow scented asses. But probably not, they'll just whine about how rude everyone is to them. I guess I'm in fairy tale land on this one.

You know, if I can figure out how to afford a wedding where I can accommodate ALL SOs no matter how long they were together, I don't see why these SS's can't figure it out. We don't live together, so we pay two rents. We travel to see each other weekly (200 mile each way plus tolls), I pay hefty student loan bills, my rent in a boston suburb is a huge chunk of my take home pay, etc., etc. I can't stand the "we can't afford it" excuse because if I can afford it (and I HATE living on a strict budget), then others can figure it out. End rant.

I've been following along on this train wreck.  Everyone has pretty well covered all the bases.

I wanted to respond to you @amrhodes23 because this is an excellent point.  H & I make a good living between the 2 of us, but we had a 3 year engagement so that we could afford the wedding we wanted and be able to host properly.  We spent 3 years with very little extra spending money because every dime went to the wedding savings.  I live north of Boston and it's not cheap here either. 

I think the problem is that none of the SS want to wait, they are so used to getting what the want, when they want it, it doesn't occur to them to plan a little farther out and save to be able to host properly.

happywiggle

MrsMack10612 said:

---- snip ----

I've been following along on this train wreck.  Everyone has pretty well covered all the bases.

I wanted to respond to you @amrhodes23 because this is an excellent point.  H & I make a good living between the 2 of us, but we had a 3 year engagement so that we could afford the wedding we wanted and be able to host properly.  We spent 3 years with very little extra spending money because every dime went to the wedding savings.  I live north of Boston and it's not cheap here either. 

I think the problem is that none of the SS want to wait, they are so used to getting what the want, when they want it, it doesn't occur to them to plan a little farther out and save to be able to host properly.

@MrsMack10612 I live north of Boston as well (I work in Boston). We'll be engaged for almost 2 years before we're married.

Marriage is a big decision; I would think it's something people would want to wait on to make sure they're not rushing into things. I know, people don't always think that way, but alas, one can dream, right?

MrsMack10612

@amrhodes23 - I do the same - live north of and work in. 

We were together for 8 years before H proposed.  We had another 3 years before the wedding and we will be together for 13 years 4/20.

Like the regs tell the newbs around here - if it's meant to be today, it is meant to be 2, 3 or more years down the road when you're really ready for what marriage is and not just a wedding.

NYCBruin

acove2006 said:

Can we STFU with all this "were the only poor souls finding OUR wedding so money is really tight!" Bullshit! Welcome to the real world folks, where adults pay their own bills! Money is NEVER an excuse to treat your loved ones so poorly. Budgets can always be tweaked and priorities can be shifted. But telling your nearest and dearest that the person they love most is not welcome is NEVER OKAY.

Sadly the only way this era of selfishness will change is when people start sticking up for etiquette and themselves. Invited without your SO? Decline and tell them why if you're asked. These special snowflakes live in a fairy tale land and maybe once they start seeing the consequences first hand they'll get their heads out of their rainbow scented asses. But probably not, they'll just whine about how rude everyone is to them. I guess I'm in fairy tale land on this one.

Thank you!  I don't understand the "we are paying so it's ok" excuse AT ALL.  What people are really saying is:

"You should be so honored that we decided that we are allowing you to enjoy the pleasure of watching us wed because we are so amazing.  You should be so thrilled by this that you should worship us and there's no possible way we could do anything rude.  I mean, we are PAYING for you (other than the cash bar of course, because we don't want to pay for you to get DRUNK!) to be there, so you shouldn't be allowed to complain.  If you do complain, you are obviously a terrible person because we are amazing and can do no wrong.  Now tell me how pretty I look in my designer wedding gown!"

Maggie0829

I don't give a fuck who pays for the wedding.  All guests in a relationship (of any length or nature) should be invited with their SO.  Period.  To do otherwise is rude as fuck and your guests will think very poorly of you.

phira

MrsMack10612 said:

@amrhodes23 - I do the same - live north of and work in. 

We were together for 8 years before H proposed.  We had another 3 years before the wedding and we will be together for 13 years 4/20.

Like the regs tell the newbs around here - if it's meant to be today, it is meant to be 2, 3 or more years down the road when you're really ready for what marriage is and not just a wedding.

'Nother Bostonian here (live and work in, getting married about 35 minutes out). We knew that having the kind of wedding we wanted would be expensive ... so we're making sure that we're saving up enough to afford it on an admin assistant's salary and a grad student stipend. And if we had less to work with, we'd be scaling everything down.

It's just so frustrating hearing snowflakes talk about how, "Well, I'm sorry I'm not one of those brides with an AMAZING budget" to justify rude behavior. As if the rest of us are rolling in dough without a care in the world.

FutureMrsMerati

I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others. 

In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.

http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/etiquette/wedding-etiquette-00100000094464/page13.html

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/2014/02/wedding-bells-my-guest-list-rule/

sofakingmad

FutureMrsMerati said:

I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others. 

In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.

http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/etiquette/wedding-etiquette-00100000094464/page13.html

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/2014/02/wedding-bells-my-guest-list-rule/

OMG.  You are trying to come in here and use LAUREN CONRAD as an etiquette expert?

The world IS ending.

ETA:  To the bolded.  You didn't extend a plus one to those people, you invited their SO.  

sarawifenow

FutureMrsMerati said:

I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others. 

In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.

http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/etiquette/wedding-etiquette-00100000094464/page13.html

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/2014/02/wedding-bells-my-guest-list-rule/

So I have been following this thread, too. Do people really not read before they post?!

The second that you invite guests to your wedding, it is not all about YOU! If you wanted this, elope! These people are coming to witness your marriage and celebrate WITH you. Not FOR you!

As said dozens of times on this thread, it is nobody's place to judge the seriousness of a relationship. To the second bolded-So, if someone was in a relationship for 5 years but was not living with their SO, they would not be able to bring them?

yellowdaisies84

We took the approach of assuming every single guest would bring a +1, whether they were in a relationship or not and also that elderly widowed guests would be able to bring a guest so that they could get a drive with someone and have company. But anyway, doing this at a venue that only allows up to 50 people meant that we had to leave a lot of people off of the guest list. We actually invited family-only. That isn't for everyone, but we eventually realized that we were okay with this and we hoped that it made it much easier to make 'cuts' when friends were told that it really was family-only and we weren't choosing between our friends. 

I was happy to have everyone bring a guest. That meant that yes, there were a few people at the wedding who we had never met before which seems unappealing, doesn't it? But it was great because those closest to us were all there having a great time and we tried to treat our guests as special as we could for coming out to show us support and celebrate with us including letting them bring a guest and I think because of that everyone had a lot of fun! I even really enjoyed talking to the dates who had come and getting to know them and they were all so nice to us.

I know it's not for everyone but I do recommend that you try to allow everyone the option of bringing a guest.

ETA: I know that I went above and beyond what is being argued here by allowing even single people the option of bringing a guest- but I definitely wouldn't want to make someone feel like they can only come if they don't bring their boyfriend or girlfriend. I think at the very least, even if you really can't/don't want to allow dates, you should allow people in relationships to attend together. 

crunchymamaof2

FutureMrsMerati said:

I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others. 

In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.

http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/etiquette/wedding-etiquette-00100000094464/page13.html

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/2014/02/wedding-bells-my-guest-list-rule/

Your sources suck and aren't actual etiquette sources. Go ahead and think they're correct if it makes you feel better about being rude, but it doesn't change anything.

rajahmd

Wanna hear a story? My former best friend invited me to her wedding without my then FI.  She told me at the time of the invite (she knew it was wrong, so she sent a FB message ahead of the invite so I wouldn't get too upset when I saw it) that if enough people RSVP'ed no, I could bring. So not only was he not invited, but she was contemplating B-listing him! She never did tell me how many people would have to say no before he would get to come. I waited to RSVP until I knew if he would get to come or not (their deadline was also 7 weeks prior to the wedding, which complicated things). She finally told he he could come, after the deadline. I eventually had to RSVP no because I didn't know my work schedule that far in advance. She ended up defriending and blocking me on FB because of that, acting like she was the victim. Sorry dearie, but no one, and I mean no one, means more to me than my DH. It's not my fault she chose not to follow etiquette and didn't like the consequences.

yellowdaisies84

Honestly, in my opinion, it is really tricky and difficult to come up with a guest list. I don't know anyone who got to just invite everyone that they wanted to. You have to make some tough choices. It can be frustrating when some of those choices involve you crossing someone off the list who you really want there (like your fun friend from work) and instead including someone else who you're not close with (like your cousin Wendy and her husband). I think that if you're not 'up on' your wedding etiquette, and not everyone is, then of course you're going to make faux pas in an attempt to get your guest list how you want it. I say let the couple make the guest list how they see fit, even if it isn't proper etiquette or how you would do it, but like Rajah above- I wouldn't be interested in going to a wedding that my husband wasn't invited to including when we were engaged or even before that. Not that I want to be spiteful and avoid someone's wedding because they didn't invite him, but just because I wouldn't feel very close to them if they didn't invite him too and I'd probably feel like I'm not interested. I'd be happy for them and send a gift, but I doubt I'd go.

MrsMack10612

@phira - Didn't I read in another thread that you're getting married in Sharon?  Years and years ago, my family lived in Canton and I did a good chunk of my growing up in Foxboro.

I think what I find most annoying is those that think it's ok to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship.  There are plenty of examples on these boards of folks who met, got engaged and married in very short periods of time.  Some I think in less than 1 year. 

I don't give a rat's fat ass about what this, that or the other etiquette sources say - it is common courtesy to invite significant others.

H & I gave all of our truly single guests a plus one (which was the plan from the get go) and every single couple was invited together.

RebeccaB88

What the FUCK do people not get about SO's =/= plus ones? It's not that hard!!!! Geez, you guys, effing READ!!! Plus one = random friend or family member. SO = in whatever relationship they determine they're in, for whatever length of time they determine it is. The fact that people just don't seem to care, or want to care, or don't care that they don't care, about being rude to people they say they care about, is just plain scary.

phira

@MrsMack10612 Yep! I can never figure out what to call that part of MA (is it considered MetroWest?).

MrsMack10612

@phira - No Metrowest is west of 495, Worcester area.  I think it's sometimes referred as Southeast MA.

I'm pretty sure Canton is part of Metro Boston.

ETA:  Sharon/Foxboro vicinity is Southeast MA.  New Bedford/Fall River is South Coast. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Ahmahgah. THEY'RE NOT $#&@^ING "PLUS 1'S" ONCE THEY'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP! 

Single = "I am one single, solitary person. You may invite me with a +1, which is another truly single solitary person of my choosing, if you so desire." THIS IS COUNTING. 1+1 = 2, or it can just be 1 = 1. MATH.

In a relationship = the MOMENT you decide you can no longer call yourself "single" to a creeper at the bar, YOU ARE NO LONGER THE NUMBER 1. You shall henceforth be counted as the number 2 because you are a COUPLE. Couple = 2. Couple = cannot be counted as 1. Couple = is not a +1, it's just a 2, always. When you make your guest list, ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE 2. Consider them conjoined twins. They cannot be separated because it's a DICK MOVE. This is not a choice you get to make, besides "both get to come or both don't get to come." If you can't afford it, just don't invite either of them! But you better take a good hard look at how much you spent on your damn dress and flowers before you tell me that you "can't afford" to invite SOMEONE'S OTHER HALF. Of course there's a cutoff. But you handle that by counting in pairs from the get-go.

phira

MrsMack10612 said:

@phira - No Metrowest is west of 495, Worcester area.  I think it's sometimes referred as Southeast MA.

I'm pretty sure Canton is part of Metro Boston.

ETA:  Sharon/Foxboro vicinity is Southeast MA.  New Bedford/Fall River is South Coast. 

Thanks! I grew up in MetroWest and was like, "I don't THINK Sharon is MetroWest ..."

kmmssg

This whole thing makes me super proud of DD.  She is getting married in June so we have been planning for awhile now.  We discussed budget first. Then she said she wanted EVERY truly single guest to be allowed to bring +1.  She is the last of her friends to get married and has been invited solo to many weddings. Sure, she knows people there but since they were all couples she was the odd one out.  Tons of fun there.

We went over the budget, decided that 150-ish guests would cover who she wanted to invite and that that number fit comfortably in the catering budget.  I left an additional 20 spaces on my budget spreadsheet just to be safe.

The only guests not invited with a guest are her grandfather (he is widowed for 14 yrs now and would be mortified/insulted at the idea, and her still in high school/middle school cousins.

She set her priorities and figured out how to make it work within the budget.  Everyone has cocktail hour immediately following the ceremony, a full dinner, and an awesome dessert buffet, and an open bar.

The reason this works is because we are willing to do more work and not use an all inclusive venue.  We could never budget for 170 with an open bar and dates for the single people if we went to a hotel or fancy golf/country club.  To make it work we chose a venue where the caterer of our choice, the DOC of our choice, the DJ of our choice, and the bartender of our choice come in.  I also hire high school cheerleaders to be my gophers the day of and help me with cleanup at the end.  The money I pay them goes into their cheerleading camp fund.  We can properly host our guests and allow plus +1's for our single guests because we think outside the box and we make sure the money is available for the help we need.  We put a lot more elbow grease into it because our guests are worth it. 

PrettyGirlLost

MrsMack10612 said:

@amrhodes23 - I do the same - live north of and work in. 

We were together for 8 years before H proposed.  We had another 3 years before the wedding and we will be together for 13 years 4/20.

Like the regs tell the newbs around here - if it's meant to be today, it is meant to be 2, 3 or more years down the road when you're really ready for what marriage is and not just a wedding.

AFREAKINGMEN.

FI and I are having 2year+ engagement in order to save and properly host everyone AND have the wedding we want.  Been together almost 13 years.

PrettyGirlLost

FutureMrsMerati said:

I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others. 

In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.

http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/etiquette/wedding-etiquette-00100000094464/page13.html

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/2014/02/wedding-bells-my-guest-list-rule/

PrettyGirlLost

CandaceAnnetteG said:

Be honest and tell them how it is.  I had to do the same thing with my wedding.  If we invited everyone we knew +1 this wedding would never happen.  My fiance and I are the ONLY people paying for our wedding, hence tight budget.  We invited people we love and want to see there.  I understand plenty of people will not want to attend a wedding alone. But if family and/or friends decline based on that, they really aren't friends or good family members.  This wedding is to celebrate YOUR union and YOUR happiness not their comfort.  They can't be alone for 5 hours? You don't have to go by the traditional "Rules."  This is 2014 and it's your money and your occasion.  I told the few people who did not get a +1 that it may open up later on, but for now it's just you.  And hey, if they don't want to go, fine.  That means you can invite someone else.

Kauris

A dear friend of mine asked me if she could bring her flavor of the week, boy-toy (her words, not mine) and I immediately thought, "Ewww, I don't want some stranger at my wedding!" I told her we had not worked out the guest list yet but would certainly be okay with her to bring a guest when the time comes, (whether it be a friend, SO or "boy-toy"). And honestly in the back of my mind, I was still thinking, "Um, no you are not bringing some fling to my wedding."

FORTUNATELY, I didn't actually speak these things out loud, because boy would I have egg on my face, fast forward to present day, they are dating, pretty seriously. He will be invited, by name, on her invitation. I tell this story to say, yes, some of us do have those same special thoughts, but really, how crappy would she and I both feel had I said something like that to her and then low and behold, he is her boyfriend now. (I think they started house hunting last week...)

So please just think of how it would make you feel. These people are not just fillers, they are not just invited to look pretty and give you a present. They love you and you, hopefully, love them too, they want to support you in your commitment to your future spouse, so do the decent thing and support their commitment to their spouse in return. 

PrettyGirlLost

kasmith1 said:

A dear friend of mine asked me if she could bring her flavor of the week, boy-toy (her words, not mine) and I immediately thought, "Ewww, I don't want some stranger at my wedding!" I told her we had not worked out the guest list yet but would certainly be okay with her to bring a guest when the time comes, (whether it be a friend, SO or "boy-toy"). And honestly in the back of my mind, I was still thinking, "Um, no you are not bringing some fling to my wedding."

FORTUNATELY, I didn't actually speak these things out loud, because boy would I have egg on my face, fast forward to present day, they are dating, pretty seriously. He will be invited, by name, on her invitation. I tell this story to say, yes, some of us do have those same special thoughts, but really, how crappy would she and I both feel had I said something like that to her and then low and behold, he is her boyfriend now. (I think they started house hunting last week...)

So please just think of how it would make you feel. These people are not just fillers, they are not just invited to look pretty and give you a present. They love you and you, hopefully, love them too, they want to support you in your commitment to your future spouse, so do the decent thing and support their commitment to their spouse in return. 

WINNING!!!!!!!!

MrsMack10612

kasmith1 said:

A dear friend of mine asked me if she could bring her flavor of the week, boy-toy (her words, not mine) and I immediately thought, "Ewww, I don't want some stranger at my wedding!" I told her we had not worked out the guest list yet but would certainly be okay with her to bring a guest when the time comes, (whether it be a friend, SO or "boy-toy"). And honestly in the back of my mind, I was still thinking, "Um, no you are not bringing some fling to my wedding."

FORTUNATELY, I didn't actually speak these things out loud, because boy would I have egg on my face, fast forward to present day, they are dating, pretty seriously. He will be invited, by name, on her invitation. I tell this story to say, yes, some of us do have those same special thoughts, but really, how crappy would she and I both feel had I said something like that to her and then low and behold, he is her boyfriend now. (I think they started house hunting last week...)

So please just think of how it would make you feel. These people are not just fillers, they are not just invited to look pretty and give you a present. They love you and you, hopefully, love them too, they want to support you in your commitment to your future spouse, so do the decent thing and support their commitment to their spouse in return. 

This is a real life example of don't judge the seriousness of someone's relationship, you never know where it will end up.

WinstonsGirl

FutureMrsMerati said:

In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.

Stupid box.  To the bolded, I've said it before.  My Uncle has been dating his GF for about 20 years now.  They don't live together and never will.  They don't want to get married, and originally, his kid's Mom threatened him with taking full custody if he got married (BSC but another story).  They have no plans to change this situation ever, but they will be together like this for the rest of their lives.  But I suppose they're not serious by your rules and don't need to be invited together. 

abbyj700

"It's my wedding" can dictate that you want certain colors. "It's my wedding" made me realize I can use recycled alcohol bottles for my vases in my center pieces." "It's my wedding" made me realize that it's okay to have stations rather than a formal plated meal at our reception. "It's my wedding" does NOT given you license to be rude to your guests. Period.

phira

abbyj700 said:

"It's my wedding" can dictate that you want certain colors. "It's my wedding" made me realize I can use recycled alcohol bottles for my vases in my center pieces." "It's my wedding" made me realize that it's okay to have stations rather than a formal plated meal at our reception. "It's my wedding" does NOT given you license to be rude to your guests. Period.

YES. Well said!