Cake Cutting without feeding each other?

ashley8918

So, We have decided to do a modified version of the traditional cake cutting. I would feel super weird and uncomfortable feeding each other in front of our nearest and dearest (probably just because i'm awkward), and and top of that, we both truly despise cake/all sweets. We're only having one because our guests are cake-eaters.

Anyhow, I have 2 young (4 and 6-year-old) children from a previous marriage that FI has essentially raised and will be adopting. They are the FG and RB. Instead of us feeding each other a piece of cake, I was thinking we might each feed a bite to one of the kids. I am probably over-thinking it, but does this seem weird to you?

Alternately, we just cut the cake and then, I don't know, walk away?

Maggie0829

I think that seems weird. Why not get a picture of you two in the midst of cutting a slice and then call it a day? You could always just put the slice on a plate and then you each take a bite with a fork. You don't even have to make a big production out of it if you don't want. H and I didn't even announce we were cutting the cake (well we also didn't decide to cut it until about 10 minutes before hand). We grabbed our photog, cut it, fed each other a bite for picture sake and that was it. Some people saw and others didn't. We really didn't care.

ashley8918

@maggie0829

Thanks! I really appreciate your opinion. I definitely don't want to weird my guests out.

We really have no interest in even taking a bite of the cake (did i mention that i HATE cake? yuck!), so it sounds like cut-photo-walk away might be the way to go.

MairePoppy

That would be odd and pointless. If you don't want to feed each other, just skip it. If you don't like cake, you could have a different dessert - cookies, pie or fruit dipped in chocolate. 

ashley8918

MairePoppy said: That would be odd and pointless. If you don't want to feed each other, just skip it. If you don't like cake, you could have a different dessert - cookies, pie or fruit dipped in chocolate.  I already stated that we don't like any desserts/sweets, but our guests like cake. It's also included with our venue (along with a mini dessert buffet). So a cake we shall have.

I appreciate the input regarding it being odd (though "pointless" was a little harsh). If this is how others will feel, I think we will just cut it and be done with it. Thank you.

JoanE2012

ashley8918 said:

MairePoppy said:

That would be odd and pointless. If you don't want to feed each other, just skip it. If you don't like cake, you could have a different dessert - cookies, pie or fruit dipped in chocolate. 

I already stated that we don't like any desserts/sweets, but our guests like cake. It's also included with our venue (along with a mini dessert buffet). So a cake we shall have.

I appreciate the input regarding it being odd (though "pointless" was a little harsh). If this is how others will feel, I think we will just cut it and be done with it. Thank you.

I took it to mean.....you don't like cake, you don't want to feed each other anyone.....so what's the point of having a traditional cake cutting?  Just to have pictures?   You don't have to follow each tradition.....do what works for you.  In this case, I'd just have the venue take the cake away to cut up (or skip it altogether and have an alternate dessert or a buffet of mini desserts!)

ETA - Reading fail....I missed the first part.  Just have the venue take the cake away and cut it....no need to even had a cake cutting.  Good luck!

ashley8918

JoanE2012 Thank you for your input.

I like the cake cutting, just not the creepy feeding part. I don't understand why I can't just cut it and be done with it? I get that the general consensus that the thing with the kids is weird, but I havent heard that about the just cut and be done with it approach.

MairePoppy

Well, ashely8918,  just cut it and be done with it. The wedding police aren't going to bust you and put a halt to your festivities. 

ashley8918

MairePoppy said:

Well, ashely8918,  just cut it and be done with it. The wedding police aren't going to bust you and put a halt to your festivities. 

Well, all right then. I guess i'm not allowed to ask for opinions on traditions on a board called "customs and traditions".

Damn. Some people can be so snotty.

NYCMercedes

ashley8918 said:

MairePoppy said:

Well, ashely8918,  just cut it and be done with it. The wedding police aren't going to bust you and put a halt to your festivities. 

Well, all right then. I guess i'm not allowed to ask for opinions on traditions on a board called "customs and traditions".

Damn. Some people can be so snotty.

Not allowed?

ashley8918

NYCMercedes said:

ashley8918 said:

MairePoppy said:

Well, ashely8918,  just cut it and be done with it. The wedding police aren't going to bust you and put a halt to your festivities. 

Well, all right then. I guess i'm not allowed to ask for opinions on traditions on a board called "customs and traditions".

Damn. Some people can be so snotty.

Not allowed?

*****SITB****

Apparently not, because instead of actual responses I get bitchy non-responses like the bolded above. It was a genuine question - would people also find the cut it and be done approach weird as they obviously do with the kids thing?

ashley8918

Thank you, everyone who gave actual input. I will not include the kids.

MairePoppy

ashley8918 said:

Thank you, everyone who gave actual input. I will not include the kids.

You're welcome.

ashley8918

MairePoppy said: ashley8918 said: Thank you, everyone who gave actual input. I will not include the kids. You're welcome.

Yes thank you, also, for your totally bitchy and pointless comment.

mysticl

I think it depends on how you cut it.  If you cut it, remove a slice, and then trash it because you have not desire to ingest even a molecule of cake that's wasteful and going to confuse your guests.  Now if you just make the first cut and then have the venue do the rest of the cutting and plating it would probably work. 

ashley8918

mysticl said:

I think it depends on how you cut it.  If you cut it, remove a slice, and then trash it because you have not desire to ingest even a molecule of cake that's wasteful and going to confuse your guests.  Now if you just make the first cut and then have the venue do the rest of the cutting and plating it would probably work. 

Ah, yes I should have clarified. We would just make the first cut.

lilacck28

I'm a little confused. I'm all for bucking tradition but... you said that you like the tradition of cake cutting, but not the actual cake or feeding each other bit. So... what makes you like cake cutting? Knives? I don't mean to be snarky... I'm just curious. 

And for the record, I think just cutting the cake and not eating it is fine. I also think its fine if you don't ceremonially cut it, but your venue cuts and passes it out at the end of your meal without fanfare. 

beachyone15

Well, count me in the minority b/c I think your idea of sharing the first bite with your kids is cute. I know none of my guests would think that's "creepy", "odd", or "pointless".

ashley8918

lilacck28 said:

I'm a little confused. I'm all for bucking tradition but... you said that you like the tradition of cake cutting, but not the actual cake or feeding each other bit. So... what makes you like cake cutting? Knives? I don't mean to be snarky... I'm just curious. 

And for the record, I think just cutting the cake and not eating it is fine. I also think its fine if you don't ceremonially cut it, but your venue cuts and passes it out at the end of your meal without fanfare. 

Uh, no. I like the "first activity done as a couple" meaning of it. I don't think that this has to include feeding each other the cake. I just wanted to get people's thoughts on whether or not gueats would be confused by this/think it was weird.

ETA - I'm aware that it originally had something to do with loss of virginity and whatnot. But this is what it has evolved to mean.

ashley8918

sarah1551 said:

Well, count me in the minority b/c I think your idea of sharing the first bite with your kids is cute. I know none of my guests would think that's "creepy", "odd", or "pointless".

Thanks I know I, as a guest, would think it was cute. But since we are the minority, i'd rather not do it.

emmaaa

I think just have you and your H cutting the first piece would be best. At most parties (in my family anyways) the guest(s) of honor cut the cake. You two could look at it that way.

Jen4948

There's no requirement that you eat cake, but I think it would be weird for you to feed your kids rather than yourselves if you are going to cut cake.  So I'd either cut the cake and not eat it, or just not do a "cake cutting" and just have your caterer serve it already cut.

To those who think it's "cute":  Not everything involving kids at the weddings of their parents is "cute."  And the kids themselves don't have any say about the marriage or even being there, so trying to "include" them in everything can be overkill-especially if it doesn't take their own feelings about the wedding into account.  Kids don't always feel smiley-faced about their parents' subsequent weddings-especially if their own parents are in the picture-or, even if they do, want public "recognition."

beachyone15

Jen4948 said:

There's no requirement that you eat cake, but I think it would be weird for you to feed your kids rather than yourselves if you are going to cut cake.  So I'd either cut the cake and not eat it, or just not do a "cake cutting" and just have your caterer serve it already cut.

To those who think it's "cute":  Not everything involving kids at the weddings of their parents is "cute."  And the kids themselves don't have any say about the marriage or even being there, so trying to "include" them in everything can be overkill-especially if it doesn't take their own feelings about the wedding into account.  Kids don't always feel smiley-faced about their parents' subsequent weddings-especially if their own parents are in the picture-or, even if they do, want public "recognition."

SITB
To those who think it's "weird": True that the kids could feel that way, but since you don't know their family dynamics you probably shouldn't assume anything.

Jen4948

sarah1551 said:

Jen4948 said:

There's no requirement that you eat cake, but I think it would be weird for you to feed your kids rather than yourselves if you are going to cut cake.  So I'd either cut the cake and not eat it, or just not do a "cake cutting" and just have your caterer serve it already cut.

To those who think it's "cute":  Not everything involving kids at the weddings of their parents is "cute."  And the kids themselves don't have any say about the marriage or even being there, so trying to "include" them in everything can be overkill-especially if it doesn't take their own feelings about the wedding into account.  Kids don't always feel smiley-faced about their parents' subsequent weddings-especially if their own parents are in the picture-or, even if they do, want public "recognition."

SITB
To those who think it's "weird": True that the kids could feel that way, but since you don't know their family dynamics you probably shouldn't assume anything.

But to those who do know their family dynamics: First, make sure your kids are okay with their participation in any capacity, and if they don't feel 100% okay about anything you're asking them to do, don't ask them to do it.  Second, recognize that not everything about your wedding is for the benefit of the kids and that it's not always "cute" to include them.  Your wedding, after all, is about the union of you and your FI-but the kids do not have a say in it.

ashley8918

Jen4948 said:

There's no requirement that you eat cake, but I think it would be weird for you to feed your kids rather than yourselves if you are going to cut cake.  So I'd either cut the cake and not eat it, or just not do a "cake cutting" and just have your caterer serve it already cut.

To those who think it's "cute":  Not everything involving kids at the weddings of their parents is "cute."  And the kids themselves don't have any say about the marriage or even being there, so trying to "include" them in everything can be overkill-especially if it doesn't take their own feelings about the wedding into account.  Kids don't always feel smiley-faced about their parents' subsequent weddings-especially if their own parents are in the picture-or, even if they do, want public "recognition."

Oh. Huh. Okay then.

Well, my kids only know FI as their dad, and they love him. Also, they are 4 and 6... they definitely have no feelings of disapproval. They are super excited about the wedding and are happy about being included. 

ashley8918

Jen4948 said:

But to those who do know their family dynamics: First, make sure your kids are okay with their participation in any capacity, and if they don't feel 100% okay about anything you're asking them to do, don't ask them to do it.  Second, recognize that not everything about your wedding is for the benefit of the kids and that it's not always "cute" to include them.  Your wedding, after all, is about the union of you and your FI-but the kids do not have a say in it.

I will have to disagree with you here.

1) Our wedding is not only about my union to FI. It is about the joining of our families as well.

2) Of course the kids have a say! They are pretty little, but I would NEVER marry someone that my kids did not approve of/like.

Jen4948

ashley8918 said:

Jen4948 said:

But to those who do know their family dynamics: First, make sure your kids are okay with their participation in any capacity, and if they don't feel 100% okay about anything you're asking them to do, don't ask them to do it.  Second, recognize that not everything about your wedding is for the benefit of the kids and that it's not always "cute" to include them.  Your wedding, after all, is about the union of you and your FI-but the kids do not have a say in it.

I will have to disagree with you here.

1) Our wedding is not only about my union to FI. It is about the joining of our families as well.

To you only.  To your jurisdiction and everyone else present, it is not about one of you becoming a stepparent.

2) Of course the kids have a say! They are pretty little, but I would NEVER marry someone that my kids did not approve of/like.

Whether or not you would actually do it, children do not have "says" in their parents' marriages.  What would you do if one of them did disapprove of your marriage?  Obviously you don't need their "permission" to marry your FI; nor does he need their "permission" to marry you.  Nor are your kids paying for the wedding. And what "says" do they have about whether or not you stay married?  Answer: none.

If you want to "include" your kids in your wedding, it's totally okay to have them as flower girls or ring bearers or bridesmaids/men or groomsmen/maids depending on their ages.  But sorry, despite your personal beliefs, weddings only join the bride and groom in marriage.  And for that reason, kids should not have vows said to them or say vows or receive gifts at their parents' wedding ceremonies; and I would also not serve the kids "ceremonial cake" that you're not going to eat yourselves.

ashley8918

Jen4948 said:

ashley8918 said:

Jen4948 said:

But to those who do know their family dynamics: First, make sure your kids are okay with their participation in any capacity, and if they don't feel 100% okay about anything you're asking them to do, don't ask them to do it.  Second, recognize that not everything about your wedding is for the benefit of the kids and that it's not always "cute" to include them.  Your wedding, after all, is about the union of you and your FI-but the kids do not have a say in it.

I will have to disagree with you here.

1) Our wedding is not only about my union to FI. It is about the joining of our families as well.

To you only.  To your jurisdiction and everyone else present, it is not about one of you becoming a stepparent.

2) Of course the kids have a say! They are pretty little, but I would NEVER marry someone that my kids did not approve of/like.

Whether or not you would actually do it, children do not have says in their parents' marriages.  What would you do if one of them did disapprove of your marriage?

Some things in weddings just need not to have the kids in them.  

1st bolded) Uh, No. To all of my guests (all family) it is about the joining of or families through our marriage. My family will consider him part of their family and vice versa.

2nd bolded) Maybe that is the case for other parents (Though not most, I think) but my kids will always have a say in things that impact their lives. If they had a legitimate disapproval (i.e. Not something like "i don't like him because he puts me in timeout"), as i have already stated, I wouldn;t be marrying him. As a mother, My children are my #1 priority. I would never make a life altering decision that they vehemently disapproved of.

"Some things in weddings just need not to have the kids in them.  " 

Um, okay? Nobody said they had to be included in every single element. But for this situation, I don't really see the harm. I wont be doing it, for the potential/likely guest perception of weirdness - but I also don't think my kids would feel upset if we did do it. Quaite the opposite. They would love it.

Jen4948

ashley8918 said:

Jen4948 said:

ashley8918 said:

Jen4948 said:

But to those who do know their family dynamics: First, make sure your kids are okay with their participation in any capacity, and if they don't feel 100% okay about anything you're asking them to do, don't ask them to do it.  Second, recognize that not everything about your wedding is for the benefit of the kids and that it's not always "cute" to include them.  Your wedding, after all, is about the union of you and your FI-but the kids do not have a say in it.

I will have to disagree with you here.

1) Our wedding is not only about my union to FI. It is about the joining of our families as well.

To you only.  To your jurisdiction and everyone else present, it is not about one of you becoming a stepparent.

2) Of course the kids have a say! They are pretty little, but I would NEVER marry someone that my kids did not approve of/like.

Whether or not you would actually do it, children do not have says in their parents' marriages.  What would you do if one of them did disapprove of your marriage?

Some things in weddings just need not to have the kids in them.  

1st bolded) Uh, No. To all of my guests (all family) it is about the joining of or families through our marriage. My family will consider him part of their family and vice versa.

2nd bolded) Maybe that is the case for other parents (Though not most, I think) but my kids will always have a say in things that impact their lives. If they had a legitimate disapproval (i.e. Not something like "i don't like him because he puts me in timeout"), as i have already stated, I wouldn;t be marrying him. As a mother, My children are my #1 priority. I would never make a life altering decision that they vehemently disapproved of.

"Some things in weddings just need not to have the kids in them.  " 

Um, okay? Nobody said they had to be included in every single element. But for this situation, I don't really see the harm. I wont be doing it, for the potential/likely guest perception of weirdness - but I also don't think my kids would feel upset if we did do it. Quaite the opposite. They would love it.

I think there's no point to having a cake-cutting if you're going to serve it to your kids rather than eat it yourselves.  The point of a cake-cutting is to feed each other-not other people, even your kids.

ashley8918

Jen4948 

The point of a cake cutting is to cut it. That's the only point. The feeding weirdness something that is tacked onto it, and i choose not to do it.

Jen4948

@ashley8918, what we told you all along is that no "cake-cutting" is necessary at all.

Just don't try to make a "ceremony" of feeding your kids cake instead of eating it yourself.  If you don't want to feed yourselves cake, then skip the cake-cutting altogether as you indicate you plan to do!