.

lechols14

manateehugger

lechols14 said:

Okay, this may sound awful but I really don't feel like it would be appropriate to give my finace's parents a gift. My mom is a single mother and she has paid thousands for our big day and has had to deal with mountains of stress because of the expense. My fiancé and I have done what little we can on our own (money is pretty tight for us), but his parents have done nothing. Like nothing at all, and to make matter's worse they have just backed out of doing the rehearsal dinner. The same rehearsal dinner they agreed to do months ago.

My mom has done so much for me not only for this wedding, but for my entire life. I want to get her a gift that is meaningful and special and shows just how much I appreciate all that she has done. I expressed this to my fiancé and his response was, "so, we're not getting my parents a gift?" I literally had a mini heart attack and all I could do was look at him like, 0_0. .... am I being ridiculous/unfair? Should we get his parents a gift as well?

PLEASE HELP

I don't think it's ridiculous to not give your parents gifts upon getting married (I pretty much got my parents a really really thankful daughter and a son-in-law). 

However, I do think it's ridiculous to not get one set of parents something because they aren't financially contributing. Think about how it would sound to your fiance, "I really want to get my mom something special to show how much I love and appreciate her, but I don't want to give your parents anything because they haven't forked over cash for our wedding."

It doesn't have to be a lavish gift. It could be something as simple as a nice photo frame with a picture of the four of you from the wedding. Ask you FI what he'd like to give them. 

perdonami

lechols14 said:

Okay, this may sound awful but I really don't feel like it would be appropriate to give my finace's parents a gift. My mom is a single mother and she has paid thousands for our big day and has had to deal with mountains of stress because of the expense. My fiancé and I have done what little we can on our own (money is pretty tight for us), but his parents have done nothing. Like nothing at all, and to make matter's worse they have just backed out of doing the rehearsal dinner. The same rehearsal dinner they agreed to do months ago.

My mom has done so much for me not only for this wedding, but for my entire life. I want to get her a gift that is meaningful and special and shows just how much I appreciate all that she has done. I expressed this to my fiancé and his response was, "so, we're not getting my parents a gift?" I literally had a mini heart attack and all I could do was look at him like, 0_0. .... am I being ridiculous/unfair? Should we get his parents a gift as well?

PLEASE HELP

Ay, I have found myself in a similar predicament but I doubt its exactly the same. 

My understanding is you give a gift to the parents if they were, well you know parents to you. Not so much how much they spend or are able to participate in the wedding.

Why did FI's parents back out of the RD? Can they not afford it? Just like you, their finances may be tight as well. And if that is case it may feel bad to be singled-out by not receiving a gift. 

In my situation, my dad is not being present in my life growing up which has forced me to raise myself. Obviously, he has not helped contribute, either emotionally or financially, to this wedding at all. So, I will not be providing him a gift. However, I am also not participating in any father/daughter tranditions either. 

lechols14

I think you're right. I'm probably letting the stress of it all get to me. It's just really hard looking at my mom stressing out. It's not just about financially helping out either, it would be nice if they could offer to help  in some other way, like put wedding favors together or anything really.

I am going to ask him what he would like to give his parents, because I would probably be upset if the tables were turned.

Thank you so much for the advice. :-) 

manateehugger

lechols14 said:

I think you're right. I'm probably letting the stress of it all get to me. It's just really hard looking at my mom stressing out. It's not just about financially helping out either, it would be nice if they could offer to help  in some other way, like put wedding favors together or anything really.

I am going to ask him what he would like to give his parents, because I would probably be upset if the tables were turned.

Thank you so much for the advice. :-) 

Stuck in the Box

But here's the thing - it's not their job or obligation to help you out. You and your fiance are the only ones who have to help out. I'd understand you'd like them to, but they don't have to. You are an adult getting married. 

And honestly, if it's putting that much financial strain on your mother to help out, can you explore ways to cut back on your wedding expenses so you don't need (want) to have a large contribution from her? 

I'd struggle with letting my wedding be a financial burden to my parents. 

perdonami

PDKH said:

lechols14 said:

I think you're right. I'm probably letting the stress of it all get to me. It's just really hard looking at my mom stressing out. It's not just about financially helping out either, it would be nice if they could offer to help  in some other way, like put wedding favors together or anything really.

I am going to ask him what he would like to give his parents, because I would probably be upset if the tables were turned.

Thank you so much for the advice. :-) 

Stuck in the Box

But here's the thing - it's not their job or obligation to help you out. You and your fiance are the only ones who have to help out. I'd understand you'd like them to, but they don't have to. You are an adult getting married. 

And honestly, if it's putting that much financial strain on your mother to help out, can you explore ways to cut back on your wedding expenses so you don't need (want) to have a large contribution from her? 

I'd struggle with letting my wedding be a financial burden to my parents. 

This is actually a very good point. Is there any way for you to cut some of your expenses to help out your mom? 

Like maybe no wedding favors to put together at all? Most guests don't appreciate them and won't notice they are missing if you choose to skip them. Or you could cut back on centerpeices, flowers, a cheaper dress, dry wedding, or even have a small cake that you and your husband can cut while you provide a sheetcake to your guests. I think as long as folks get cake, most are happy. 

manateehugger

Sigh. Cue bat signal and puppies.

JellyBean52513

Why did you delete your original post?? You were already quoted, so it won't go away, and there is LITERALLY nothing in your post or this entire thread that is so awful it warrants being deleted! Yikes

PrettyGirlLost

PDKH said:

Sigh. Cue bat signal and puppies.

That's why I even noticed this post, lol!

MNVegas

Geez that was a fast DD!  Really you should ask your FI what he wants to do for gift for his parents. It is really not up to you do decide not get them a gift because YOU feel they have not done enough for you.

Also if your mother is stressing over finances, then you need to cut back on the wedding expenses. Why are you expecting her to spend so much money on YOUR wedding if she is not in a financial position to do so. I'd be more concerned about that then whether or not to get FI's parents a gift.

BTW, no one has to help with your wedding except you and your FI. 

KatieinBkln

Wait, wut? https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7970323200/hF947A9FE/ ETA: WTF TK. Let me embed my puppy gif!

CMGragain

There is NO reason that parents should expect a gift on their daughter/son's wedding day.  What they should expect is heart felt thanks, and a nice note.  My daughter's note is in a special place for me to save it forever.  Oh, yeah, she did give me a box of See's Truffles, too, but the very best was when she hugged me and said "Thank you. Mommy, it was perfect!"

manateehugger

KatieinBkln said:

Wait, wut? https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7970323200/hF947A9FE/ ETA: WTF TK. Let me embed my puppy gif!

I got you. 

ETA and then of course I couldn't post my own pic.

manateehugger

Post my puppy, dammit!

KatieinBkln

Weirdly, now I am "allowed" to embed, but it's saying your pic URL is too long. I can sorta see a still image of the little guy when I'm typing, but he disappears when I hit submit. @KnotPorscha this is a crucial problem! PUPPY GIF SOS!

PDKH said:

Post my puppy, dammit!

holyguacamole79

CMGragain said:

There is NO reason that parents should expect a gift on their daughter/son's wedding day.  What they should expect is heart felt thanks, and a nice note.  My daughter's note is in a special place for me to save it forever.  Oh, yeah, she did give me a box of See's Truffles, too, but the very best was when she hugged me and said "Thank you. Mommy, it was perfect!"

I want chocolates, too!!  If that was my gift, I'd be all

manateehugger

KatieinBkln said:

Weirdly, now I am "allowed" to embed, but it's saying your pic URL is too long. I can sorta see a still image of the little guy when I'm typing, but he disappears when I hit submit. @KnotPorscha this is a crucial problem! PUPPY GIF SOS!

PDKH said:

Post my puppy, dammit!

I know, I don't get it. I can even see him right now in my quote box. Puppy prejudice is a true crime. 

holyguacamole79

ashleyep

CMGragain said:

There is NO reason that parents should expect a gift on their daughter/son's wedding day.  What they should expect is heart felt thanks, and a nice note.  My daughter's note is in a special place for me to save it forever.  Oh, yeah, she did give me a box of See's Truffles, too, but the very best was when she hugged me and said "Thank you. Mommy, it was perfect!"

Did you get the note before or after the wedding?

Maggie0829

PDKH said:

KatieinBkln said:

Wait, wut? https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7970323200/hF947A9FE/ ETA: WTF TK. Let me embed my puppy gif!

I got you. 

Seriously one of the cutest puppy gifs ever!!

manateehugger

Maggie0829 said:

PDKH said:

KatieinBkln said:

Wait, wut? https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7970323200/hF947A9FE/ ETA: WTF TK. Let me embed my puppy gif!

I got you. 

Seriously one of the cutest puppy gifs ever!!

His face gets me every time. 

CMGragain

ashleyep said:

CMGragain said:

There is NO reason that parents should expect a gift on their daughter/son's wedding day.  What they should expect is heart felt thanks, and a nice note.  My daughter's note is in a special place for me to save it forever.  Oh, yeah, she did give me a box of See's Truffles, too, but the very best was when she hugged me and said "Thank you. Mommy, it was perfect!"

Did you get the note before or after the wedding?

The hug and the chocolate came in the evening, after the wedding.  The pretty note with some wedding pics came a week later.  Who needs more than that?

KatieinBkln

Maggie0829 said:

PDKH said:

KatieinBkln said:

Wait, wut? https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7970323200/hF947A9FE/ ETA: WTF TK. Let me embed my puppy gif!

I got you. 

Seriously one of the cutest puppy gifs ever!!

I love how he looks like he has no bones.

ohannabelle

CMGragain said:

ashleyep said:

CMGragain said:

There is NO reason that parents should expect a gift on their daughter/son's wedding day.  What they should expect is heart felt thanks, and a nice note.  My daughter's note is in a special place for me to save it forever.  Oh, yeah, she did give me a box of See's Truffles, too, but the very best was when she hugged me and said "Thank you. Mommy, it was perfect!"

Did you get the note before or after the wedding?

The hug and the chocolate came in the evening, after the wedding.  The pretty note with some wedding pics came a week later.  Who needs more than that?

Nobody needs more than that. I'd be happy with hug and thank you. But I love See's candy with an unholy passion. Oh, man. See's. My favorites. 

FiancB

I know OP is probably gone, but I had the same situation but turned around. We didn't get my parents a gift, but there are also issues that go way beyond not contributing, plus they aren't sappy people and I just cannot think of a gift that they'd actually like, so what's the point. But there is something to be said for being the better person. I still sent a thank you card for coming and I will still send pictures. Let FI decide what to do, they are his parents. It doesn't need to be anything big.

princessleia22

CMGragain said:

There is NO reason that parents should expect a gift on their daughter/son's wedding day.  What they should expect is heart felt thanks, and a nice note.  My daughter's note is in a special place for me to save it forever.  Oh, yeah, she did give me a box of See's Truffles, too, but the very best was when she hugged me and said "Thank you. Mommy, it was perfect!"

My wedding was last month.  A couple weeks ago, I received an offer for FREE Shutterfly book (just pay shipping).  They also were running 50% off photo books at same time.  So, I put together Shutterfly wedding photo albums for both sets of parents. Total for two books cost me under $40 (including shipping), so it wasn't an expensive gift.  But, I know both sets of parents like to show off photos and a compilation of the best photo highlights would be appreciated.

Then on the first page, I had printed a note in it thanking them for everything they have done for us with the wedding, for their love & support they have always shown in our lives, and for being great examples of how to have a successful marriage (both of us have parents still married).  We had written and displayed this note to them at our wedding, along with their wedding photos... and it had both moms bawling. So, I figured it would be appreciated to give them a permanent copy of that letter showing how much they really mean to us. We also sent both sets of parents handwritten and personal thank you cards after the wedding letting them know how much we appreciate them and thanking them for making our wedding amazing.

Gifts for parents aren't really necessary.  And if they contribute financially to your wedding, I'm sure they'd rather not have you turn around and spend a large amount of that money to buy them a gift. Parents can always buy their own picture frames or photo albums.  But, they can't ever go to a store and buy a heartfelt expression of love from their kids. I know my mom even has sticky notes on her bedroom mirror, many years later, that just say "I love you, mom" written to her when we were kids... and she looks at them every day.  Just knowing that they are appreciated is the best gift you can give. And that shouldn't just be for what they've done with the wedding, but for all the support they've given your whole life and raising you to be who you are.

 

Viczaesar

@lechols14, it was rude of you to delete your post.

VulgarGirl

I so do not understand why this was a DD. I for sure thought this was going to be the how do I control my friends alcohol intake post, but no, no DD there. This was..I don't even understand. 

indianaalum

lechols14 said:

I think you're right. I'm probably letting the stress of it all get to me. It's just really hard looking at my mom stressing out. It's not just about financially helping out either, it would be nice if they could offer to help  in some other way, like put wedding favors together or anything really.

I am going to ask him what he would like to give his parents, because I would probably be upset if the tables were turned.

Thank you so much for the advice. :-) 

WOW, you sure are selfish aren't you? If your mom is THAT stressed out about financing your wedding, perhaps you should have cut down on the expenses of your wedding to alleviate that stress.

Also, you buys parents gifts because you love them, not because of what they give toward your wedding

manateehugger

MagicInk said:

I so do not understand why this was a DD. I for sure thought this was going to be the how do I control my friends alcohol intake post, but no, no DD there. This was..I don't even understand. 

Right? I thought was firm, but nice. Like a tough old granny who hands out cookies.

Rosebubbly

What a letdown! I thought I was going to need to pop some popcorn after seeing the " . " for the subject.