I tried Knotters...I tried....

birdybride2014

One of my closest friends in the world got married last September. Let's call her Miss Bunny.

MISS BUNNY HAS NOT SENT OUT THANK YOU NOTES FOR THE WEDDING GIFTS THAT HER AND HER NOW HUSBAND RECEIVED!!!

Miss Bunny and I share a group of friends (nope, none of us got thank yous). One of the couples in that group has parents whom we are all close with. These parents, though not invited to the wedding, sent Miss Bunny a wedding gift. These parents (well...the momma...this is a momma you don't mess with, we love her dearly) are pissed that they never got acknowledgement for the gift that they absolutely did NOT have to send, especially since they weren't invited to the wedding! I heard of this and decided that I would be the only one who would have the guts to confront Miss Bunny that she needed to get them done.

I (very politely, as this is obviously a touchy subject) tried to bring up the thank you notes to Miss Bunny twice. Once in probably March and then once at the end of June. I tried to go a nice route, instead of telling her that people will be mad, I tried to explain that I had recently sent a wedding gift to someone and never received a thank you note, which made me concerned that they never received the gift.

Nope. Didn't work. She is so embarrassed that she is refusing to send them now. They had a rather large wedding...I can only imagine how many people they pissed off.

People...send your thank you cards.

photokitty

birdybride2014 said:

Nope. Didn't work. She is so embarrassed LAZY that she is refusing to send them now. They had a rather large wedding...I can only imagine how many people they pissed off.

People...send your thank you cards.

FTFY Miss Bunny needs to get busy like a bunny and get writing those thank you notes!

ETA - she needs to be writing, not wringing thank you notes. Something else needs wringing...like her neck. :-X

birdybride2014

@photokitty hahaha, thank you for fixing that! I tried to explain that I would rather get one, a year late, with acknowledgement to the error than never get one ever!

birdybride2014

@martha1818 oh Miss Bunny told me she still has the list of what everyone got her, she truly is not doing them now because she thinks it is too late!

peachy13

A couple I know didn't send thank yous. It got to a point when a year had passed, and we all (other friends who went to the wedding) shrugged and said guess that's that. No one was okay with it, it was a whole topic of snark for a few occasions when the couple wasn't around. Even surprised me when single guy friends who went to the wedding were baffled by their rudeness.

holyguacamole79

DH and I got engaged in May 2012.  Since then we have attended 10 weddings together.  And that did not include our own.

I believe we got thank yous from most of them. 

My sister got married in May.  I co-hosted one of her two (yes, two) lingerie showers, brought a shower gift to another shower, and got them a wedding gift.  Nada.  BUT, I did hear that her MIL got on their case because MILs friends hosted a shower and never got their thank you notes.  I want to call up her MIL and give her a virtual high-five.

IrishPirate60

My mental list: one wedding, thank you note came two months later. One high school graduation: no acknowledgement almost three months later. One "nephew was in a bad accident" donation: no acknowledgement 3+ months later? FB says he's back to work. Coulda fooled me...

AprilH81

DH and I got his 1st cousin once removed a graduation present and attended her party.  Still no thank you note and she has now started college.  My MIL (so cousin's aunt) is pretty sure she received hers so ours may have been lost in the mail.

Last summer we had four weddings and only received 2 thank you notes.  One missing thank you note I'm totally blaming the post office because she writes thank you notes when people have her over for dinner.  The other I am sorta blaming on the post office because I received a timely thank you note after the shower...  It makes no sense.

MGP

I sent Christmas gifts to my husband's niece for 8 years and never once received a thank you note, but kept sending them because I am just way too nice. Last year I was going to send her an Amazon gift card and saw you could send it via Facebook so decided to try that. Turns out I couldn't because bitch had DEFRIENDED ME. Yeah.

She's pregnant now. Guess who isn't getting a baby gift?

sarawifenow

The fact that people don't write TY notes baffles me. I wrote 40 shower thank you notes in 2 days and each one was personalized. It. Isn't. That. Fucking. Hard!

 

I have never received a TY note from any of my FIL's. I honestly don't know why I keep sending them things...

jdluvr06

No one is my circle sends thank you notes unless they are for wedding or shower gifts. I've never heard of people sending them for Christmas or birthday gifts before I started posting here. We were always taught to call and thank people.

Cookie Pusher

I had all of my thank you notes, hand-written and personalized, to all my guests in less than 2 weeks after the wedding. I got some playful ribbing about it but I figured people would be expecting them since we didn't go on a honeymoon. Some of my coworkers who couldn't attend the wedding gave me gifts on my last workday (2 days before the wedding), and their cards went out in the mail the first weekday after the wedding - they marvelled at how refreshing it was!

wrigleyville

Ugh. They aren't hard. I completed about fifty of them while flying to/from our honeymoon. H has really nice block print, so he addressed the envelopes and helped me stuff and seal them.

I figure it's the least you can do for people who went out of their way to choose and purchase a present or write a check for their hard-earned money. Not sending a thank you note is a slap in the face.

holyguacamole79

Cookie Pusher said:

I had all of my thank you notes, hand-written and personalized, to all my guests in less than 2 weeks after the wedding. I got some playful ribbing about it but I figured people would be expecting them since we didn't go on a honeymoon. Some of my coworkers who couldn't attend the wedding gave me gifts on my last workday (2 days before the wedding), and their cards went out in the mail the first weekday after the wedding - they marvelled at how refreshing it was!

Ditto.  We didn't go on our honeymoon until our 1 year anniversary, and work was super slow for me.  Those suckers were signed, sealed, and mailed within 2 weeks. 

Ndelible

I write thank you notes for gifts from vendors.  I do not write thank you notes for Christmas or birthday gifts given when the giver is present and open them and I can thank them right then and there.

kns1988

I'm the thank you note queen, so I get where you're coming from. I write thank you notes for everything and actually enjoy it, and I'm baffled when I don't get one after giving a gift. 

But it's rude to try to correct someone else's etiquette, so you really shouldn't have confronted her (source: Miss Manners).

theartistformerlyknownas

A friend of mine lost the list of thank yous they needed to send. So...they just never finished them. She just found it, 7 years later. She's sending those notes now along with a huge apology.

beharrington

After doing my own thank you cards for the wedding and shower, not receiving one bothers me so much more now.

I sent a baby gift (diapers) after a friend's baby was born since I didn't attend the shower,  After no note, I sent a quick text to make sure she received them because they were living in a weird location and I was truthfully concerned they hadn't made it to her.  She confirmed they had been received and still didn't say thank you.  That couple will never receive a gift from me again.

Another friend didn't send a TY for her wedding and when she received the one I sent, she e-mailed me to thank me and commented on how bad she now felt for never sending any.  She gets another try with baby gift.  We shall see if I receive one.

PineapplePopsicles

lolo883 said:

A friend of mine lost the list of thank yous they needed to send. So...they just never finished them. She just found it, 7 years later. She's sending those notes now along with a huge apology.

That takes some balls!!  And good for her!

KatieinBkln

I was raised to write thank you notes for EVERYTHING, including birthday/Christmas gifts when I was present with the giver. Sometimes I slip  up nowadays, or just express gratitude at the time, but along the same lines as this story:

When I was a young teen, I had a fairly decent-sized birthday party. Most people brought a gift, and I wrote everyone a long, personalized thank you, and put them in envelopes...

But never sent them/handed them out. My mom found them YEARS later when she was cleaning out my childhood bedroom. She was extremely amused--"I'm glad I raised you to know to write thank you cards. I guess the whole 'don't forget to actually send them' got lost in translation."

I did not mail those particular thank yous (no idea where some of those kids grew up to live, ha!). But, OP, your friend can certainly get on the ball and send heartfelt thank yous to her wedding guests with a "1,000 apologies for getting this to you so terribly late!" as the first sentence.

birdybride2014

@kns1988 I assumed I was crossing the line in appropriateness when I confronted her, yes.

But I would rather do that with a best-friend of 15+ years than have her being gossiped about amongst our groups of friends, and probably her family. I know it doesn't make up for my own rudeness, but I did try to do it in the most caring, non-judgmental way. I didn't want her to be burning bridges with people, because I care about her and her now husband. Again, I'm just as much in the wrong, I realize it, but I'd rather be in the wrong with just her than have her be in the wrong with 250 guests.

(If this has a snarky tone I swear I'm not saying it in a defensive manner! lol)

birdybride2014

@KatieinBkln Miss Bunny recently moved and was wanting to send out "We Moved" post cards. She was trying to think of a way to incorporate the "We Moved", plus wedding gift thank you note, plus HUGE apology. I think she was hoping to find a way to send an apology but not have it be the focus of attention. Idk.... lol. I wasn't sure if that'd be appropriate. She know's that she wants to apologize, she just doesn't have the guts* now lol. ETA; spelling

KatieinBkln

birdybride2014 said: @KatieinBkln Miss Bunny recently moved and was wanting to send out "We Moved" post cards. She was trying to think of a way to incorporate the "We Moved", plus wedding gift thank you note, plus HUGE apology. I think she was hoping to find a way to send an apology but not have it be the focus of attention. Idk.... lol. I wasn't sure if that'd be appropriate. She know's that she wants to apologize, she just doesn't have the gust now lol.


Ha! I mean, I guess you could combine "We moved! And also thank you for coming to our wedding/your generous gift! And also sorry!" It would be...efficient.

I suppose if you were still interested in helping her make it right you could always point out that she has a choice: be afraid to send out notes now, or live with the certainty of knowing that you've burned a shitload of bridges with friends and family. I'd rather take the risk of sending a late card and "offending" someone rather than being 100% sure that people will be offended in perpetuity.

ETA: goddamit paragraphs!

KPBM89

I have attended dozens of weddings, bridal showers, and baby showers and I am still in shock that people never send thank yous.  I've maybe received three total?  And we live very far away from our friends and family, so we spend a great deal of time and money going to these events.  In the meantime, our wedding was August 9th and all thank yous were sent last week/ early this week.

Belthil

I was kinda invited to a cousin's destination wedding back in April (that's a whole other story). H and I couldn't go due to money but they hosted a family dinner right before they left for their wedding so H and I gave them their gift then. Two months later they hosted an at home reception that we were (kinda) invited to. IT's been two months after the AHR and I still haven't received a thank you card.. so almost 5 months now since they got my money. 

This is also the same cousin that sent the thank you card for the gift my mom, sister, brother's FI and I split only to my mom despite the fact that we all live at different addresses. I was venting to my mom about not receiving a thank you for that gift and she was like "oh I have it right here" I know she has my address... and I haven't lived at home for over 5 years.

I definitely won't be getting her any more congratulatory gifts.

Moral of the story people notice when they don't get thank you cards and/or when they're not sent directly to them.

birdybride2014

@CookiePusher after my first shower, which was on a Saturday, I had all of the notes sent out by that Tuesday. The next time I saw my fiance's aunts allllll of them said something to me about how wonderful it was that I responded so quickly.

Honestly, the thank yous are as much for me as for the people receiving them. I love knowing that I made people feel good and appreciated, ya know? And it always makes me feel better if I can "appear" organized and on top of things.  Fake it till ya make it!

thisismynickname2

I also think that any time you receive a gift and open it not in the presence of the giver, you should write a note. Christmas gift from a friend I opened with them there? No note. Christmas gift sent from an Aunt that arrived in the mail? Thank you note!

For one friend in particular, I gave a baby shower gift that I was thanked for, an engagement gift I was not thanked for, and a one year baby gift I was not thanked for.  As each occasion was a big party and she's not adverse to thank you notes, it makes me worry if she ever got the gifts.  It's either that, or the card got separated from the item.  Even as we speak, I'm having FI check a tracking number to ensure a couple whose wedding we attended two weeks ago received our gift.  

RebeccaB88

I mailed a card with a gift card inside to a friend who's wedding I couldn't attend.

I got a Facebook message with 'thanks for the card' a few days after the wedding.

I guess this counts as a thank you note nowadays? I hope I'm the only person she thanked this way. However, I was invited through a Facebook invitation, so there's that.  (They threw the wedding together in about a month because her dad had terminal cancer. I don't think they had time to send out printed invitations.)

Simky906

Yeesh, I was annoyed that it took FI's cousin over three months after the wedding to send us a note when we sent their gift six weeks before the wedding. I think it's nuts to never thank people or to be embarrassed about thanking them later. My mother would have my hide! 

On a slightly different note, am I the only one who enjoys writing thank you notes? We got 4 wedding gifts in the mail yesterday and I sat down with my pretty stationary and favorite pen, wrote out a personal note to each and dropped them in the mail this morning. I get an odd kind of satisfaction when I can share my gratitude with others. Especially if it involves pretty paper!

jerkyanne

The point in which I realized thank you notes were few and far between was because I was hanging them on my fridge. There's enough room on my fridge for 3 years worth of thank you cards. Sigh

MGP

The excuse that bugs me the most is "I don't have time to write them". If you have time to use the gift or much worse spend the money then you damn well have time to write a thank you note!!!

And if you burn me enough I will "not have time" to buy you another gift.