Wedding Etiquette Forum

I tried Knotters...I tried....

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Re: I tried Knotters...I tried....

  • I mailed a card with a gift card inside to a friend who's wedding I couldn't attend.

    I got a Facebook message with 'thanks for the card' a few days after the wedding.

    I guess this counts as a thank you note nowadays? I hope I'm the only person she thanked this way. However, I was invited through a Facebook invitation, so there's that.  (They threw the wedding together in about a month because her dad had terminal cancer. I don't think they had time to send out printed invitations.)
    Yeah, there are very few times that I am willing to excuse a properly written thank-you note, but "throwing an extremely quick wedding because Dad is dying of cancer" is one of them.  At least she thanked you and acknowledged receipt--hopefully after things calm down a bit she'll be able to thank you more properly.
  • ssammiissammii member
    First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    Belthil said:
    I was kinda invited to a cousin's destination wedding back in April (that's a whole other story). H and I couldn't go due to money but they hosted a family dinner right before they left for their wedding so H and I gave them their gift then. Two months later they hosted an at home reception that we were (kinda) invited to. IT's been two months after the AHR and I still haven't received a thank you card.. so almost 5 months now since they got my money. 

    This is also the same cousin that sent the thank you card for the gift my mom, sister, brother's FI and I split only to my mom despite the fact that we all live at different addresses. I was venting to my mom about not receiving a thank you for that gift and she was like "oh I have it right here" I know she has my address... and I haven't lived at home for over 5 years.

    I definitely won't be getting her any more congratulatory gifts.

    Moral of the story people notice when they don't get thank you cards and/or when they're not sent directly to them.


    To the bolded, I had a similar experience at a bridal shower. My sister and I were invited on one invitation that was sent to my house even though we don't live together, ok fine whatever. We gave a few gifts (I think a tea kettle, tea serving supplies, whatever went with our "theme" off her registry) probably spent around $150 for it all. The card was from both of us.

    Well when we got to the shower, all her bridesmaids (like 15+) were taking all the presents, opening them and putting them out on tables. The bride was "busy" and didn't want to spend the time shower opening presents instead of eating (even though I spent the "time" at BBB digging for stupid tea pots) . ::hugeeee side eye on that one::

    Anyways, when the thank you note came it was addressed to my sister (to my house) thanking her for all the nice tea crap. My name was nowhere to be found...I'm assuming the huge cluster that was created by all these bridesmaids confused her when writing the thank yous, since she had no idea who gave what and just went by what her maids wrote down.

    Unbelievable.

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  • ssammii, that sounds like a nightmare! It makes the bride look so unappreciative to not even open her own gifts at her shower. Ugh, I would hate that. 

    birdybride2014, I see what you're saying about trying to talk to her since she's a close friend. I'd agree that the people closest to us are sometimes the ones that should stick their neck out to correct us. 
  • I helped throw my friend's bridal shower back in June of this year. No thank you note for the gift I gave her, and I definitely anticipate not seeing one either for her wedding that has already passed as well. *sigh*
  • This reminds me, I need to get my last thank you note mailed this weekend. We received a gift after our wedding when visiting my husband's family. Thank you cards can be exhausting to keep up with, but I always remember if people don't remember to send me one. I just kept a list of gifts and cards from the wedding, and then sent thank you cards for gifts before and after the wedding as they arrived. It wasn't hard. Just time consuming. Now I have one last one to send. I doubt we will get anymore gifts after this.
  • I also think that any time you receive a gift and open it not in the presence of the giver, you should write a note. Christmas gift from a friend I opened with them there? No note. Christmas gift sent from an Aunt that arrived in the mail? Thank you note!
    My mother always had us call to thank people for Christmas/birthday gifts over the phone, but honestly sending a thank you card sounds so sweet & fun to me! I think I'll adopt the habit this year.
  • I guess the important thing is being thanked, or having the gift acknowledged, even if it's only over FB or even a text. But a handwritten note is really not that hard!

    My mom had me sitting at the table writing thank you notes on Christmas Day or the day after my birthday from the time I could write sentences. I often pouted about it but it hammered into my head that thank-you notes are the least you can do. 
  • My mom just this week had to apply some tough love to my sister, about making sure my niece and nephew acknowledge the birthday gifts we send them every year.  Ever since they moved across the country, she forgets to make them do this.  I'm not asking for a formal note, I just want them to call me and say thanks, or text me thanks and maybe send a picture or tell me what they picked out with their gift cards.  The past couple years I've had to ask if they even got them.

    Mom said it would be tacky for me to give them thank you notes, pens, and stamps for Christmas, so she would handle the problem. Fingers crossed.
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