NWR (maybe TMI...?) - Does your SO know your number?

ShesSoCold

southernbelle0915 said:

lolo883 said:

esstee33 said:

I am very conservative about sex and I do think it should be for committed relationship only. I know a lot of others on here have admitted to being proud "whores" and swingers and whatnot and that's awesome. That works for you, this works for me, no judgments. So I made sure we had a talk about it and got numbers before we even had sex because I wanted to know that he had similar views on it as I do. And I wanted him to know my views and know that my number was something I am proud of and don't take lightly. Years ago before I met DH I had a crush on someone and a mutual friend told me that he was like the Gene Simmons of the area and had been with over 100 girls. My crush instantly went away. We were will still great friends but I could never look at him in the romantic way ever again.

Oh, is this the part where we start slut-shaming? Because this is SO condescending.

I didn't take it that way at all. It's all personal preference.

Yea, I didn't take it that way either. 

Even though I guess I would have qualified as a "proud whore" back int he day. Giddyup, cowboy!

What mattered to me was not anyone's number, but whether or not he practiced safe sex and was free and clear of STDs. I always got tested between partners and expected anyone I slept with to do the same. Numbers don't matter to me, but safe sex does.

I didn't take that post that way either. 

I agree about safe sex - I made sure H and I both got tested early. Knowing each other since we were like 14 and 15 means I've seen the kinds of girls he used to date. And that scared me LOL

southernbelle0915

Simky906 said:

I know exactly how you feel.

esstee33

I just found it to be super unnecessary and irrelevant to the actual question. Like, had the question included something about how you feel about casual sex, it wouldn't have rubbed me the wrong way. But to include it just seems very holier-than-thou and superior. It's this "I know a lot of others on here have admitted to being proud "whores" and swingers and whatnot and that's awesome." that seems extremely condescending to me. 

Simky906

southernbelle0915 said:

Simky906 said:

I know exactly how you feel.

SITB

TK is apparently having way too much fun with me today. I typed out a whole post and it didn't post.

I swear it's gone through now and I'm not completely crazy. (Ok, that last bit might not be true.)

thisismynickname2

Additionally, you know what was really kind of a bummer? I used to read Glamour magazine quite a bit and once they published a "what's your number" survey. I don't know how statistically sound that is or what their sample size was, but the vast majority--- I really mean vast majority--- was between 1 and 4 partners or something low like that.  Very, very few survey respondents had.... where my number was.

That wasn't a good feeling... but like I already said, I had to date a lot! I would bet perhaps many of the survey respondents found their Mr. Right in their teens or early 20's. 

birdybride2014

esstee33 said:

I just found it to be super unnecessary and irrelevant to the actual question. Like, had the question included something about how you feel about casual sex, it wouldn't have rubbed me the wrong way. But to include it just seems very holier-than-thou and superior. It's this "I know a lot of others on here have admitted to being proud "whores" and swingers and whatnot and that's awesome." that seems extremely condescending to me. 

I read it as her trying to set the stage for where her opinion on the matter is coming from. As in, I know some of you view one thing this way, but this is how I see it based on my conservative view of sex. It wasn't directly relevant, but I think she was giving background information on herself to help support her ideas. 

Bubblegum5586

chibiyui said:

H and I know each others. It came up when we were discussing safe sex and testing. I also think this is something that generally matters more when you're younger. I imagine if H and I had met in our 30's it would have never came up.

H and started dating at 19 so it didn't seem like a big deal to talk about.... we didn't have THAT much history by that point. Since that talk its never been brought up again (9 years later). 

lacqueredlover

I would always hope that people would judge me based on my mind, not my vagina.

raissyrais

I know his and he knows mine. Our numbers are the same actually.

esstee33

I think I would have read it WAY differently if she had phrased it more like "I have a very conservative view of sex that I wanted to make sure my H also had, so we did discuss it" and left it at that, without interjecting the comment about how some people are proud to be whores and whatever. 

ShesSoCold

thisismynickname said:

Additionally, you know what was really kind of a bummer? I used to read Glamour magazine quite a bit and once they published a "what's your number" survey. I don't know how statistically sound that is or what their sample size was, but the vast majority--- I really mean vast majority--- was between 1 and 4 partners or something low like that.  Very, very few survey respondents had.... where my number was.

That wasn't a good feeling... but like I already said, I had to date a lot! I would bet perhaps many of the survey respondents found their Mr. Right in their teens or early 20's. 

Oh yeah. My number would have been WAY higher had I not stayed in crap relationships because I was afraid to be alone. And H and I got together when I was 19 so that was pretty young. 

Cookie Pusher

I know DH's, and he knows what I think mine is. I lost track and only have a ballpark figure. Before we started dating, he used to be my anti-wingman in that he was supposed to keep me from going home with strange guys, but he was not very good at it. Neither of us really cares about our numbers, especially since we've been together for-freaking-ever now. And considering he and I started as a hook-up, it would be pretty hypocritical for either of us to judge the others past.

falsara

Me and FI know each others now. but we didn't talk about it until after we were together for a while and had been having sex.... shocker for me- he was a virgin and I hadn't known. We were friends through the dating years so based on all the talk with the guys, I assumed he had A number.

It wasn't a huge problem for us. We had seen each others previous relationships so we just got over it.

LakeR2014

southernbelle0915 said:

Nope. It's not relevant.

I'm pretty sure his is quite low because I do know he was a virgin until college when he started dating a long-time girlfriend that he dated until graduation. 

Mine is not low... we'll just leave it there.

Eh...I was a virgin until AFTER college, then went through a very long phase of one-night stands, to the point where I have no idea what my number is.   Not saying that I'm proud or ashamed of that phase, it helped make me who I am.  DH on the other hand lost his virginity in his teens and because I had a good fun there for a while...I'm positive my number is quite higher then his (although we've mutually agreed neither of us need or want to know the answer to that question).

My point is - when you lose your virginity doesn't necessarily matter in regards to the number of partners you have.  

ETA: Changed to DH because I'm married now, duh.

wandajune6

We had the conversation sometime after we got engaged. We both knew that my number was exponentially higher. I was more curious than he was. No judgments either way.

sarawifenow

We know each others numbers. It came up before we even had sex. H's number is higher than mine, but I really don't care. As far as I'm concerned, none of that matters anymore.

jenna8984

esstee33 said:

I think I would have read it WAY differently if she had phrased it more like "I have a very conservative view of sex that I wanted to make sure my H also had, so we did discuss it" and left it at that, without interjecting the comment about how some people are proud to be whores and whatever. 

Well I apologize. Others were giving WHY they did or did not exchange numbers so I was also just giving my reasons. I suppose that could have been left out but I didn't want to come off as "I believe in this and only this I'm so great" so I mentioned that I have no problems with people who have referred to themselves as that. Sorry that didn't come across to you as I intended.

southernbelle0915

LakeR2014 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Nope. It's not relevant.

I'm pretty sure his is quite low because I do know he was a virgin until college when he started dating a long-time girlfriend that he dated until graduation. 

Mine is not low... we'll just leave it there.

Eh...I was a virgin until AFTER college, then went through a very long phase of one-night stands, to the point where I have no idea what my number is.   Not saying that I'm proud or ashamed of that phase, it helped make me who I am.  DH on the other hand lost his virginity in his teens and because I had a good fun there for a while...I'm positive my number is quite higher then his (although we've mutually agreed neither of us need or want to know the answer to that question).

My point is - when you lose your virginity doesn't necessarily matter in regards to the number of partners you have.  

ETA: Changed to DH because I'm married now, duh.

True. 

But in his case (and I left this out), he has made his opinion clear on one-night-stands and it's not positive. 

LadyMillil

chibiyui said:

H and I know each others. It came up when we were discussing safe sex and testing. I also think this is something that generally matters more when you're younger. I imagine if H and I had met in our 30's it would have never came up.

This for me as well. I've been doing research on STIs since I was in undergrad so I'm "obsessed" with safe sex and testing so it came up during that discussion. I was a little freaked out by his number (high-ish) and he was a little freaked out about my number (low) but it lead to a discussion on what sex means to us in the context of a relationship and I think that helped us understand each other better.

flyingfoxes

Nope, don't need to know, don't care - he's with ME now, and I'm intending to be his last, and he feels the same about me - so the past doesn't even matter.  I say that partially because I can guess his number is very low.  So is mine. 

I'm like @jenna8984, I'm very conservative when it comes to sex, so I also wouldn't be comfortable being with someone who had had a lot of partners. 

climbingsingle

He has a roundabout idea of where is it, but he doesn't know the exact number. Same with me - I know the range it's in. We were 32 and 39 when we started dating, and we obviously both knew we'd have some history there. It's was a quick, funny discussion we had when we first started dating. It hasn't been brought up since. 

novella1186

Ok I'm dumb because when I first saw the title of this thread I was like "What number? Weight? PIN number? SSN?" Ugh. Sorry, I haven't slept much this week. 

Anyway, I got dumped by my college bf cuz my number was higher than his. Actually, he'd lost his virginity to me and then we had a monogamous relationship for three years. Right before we were going to move across the country together, he suddenly decided that I had "lived more" than him, and experienced more than him, and he needed to go out and sleep with other women because he didn't want to end up with the same person he'd lost his virginity to. Ok, fine. Go have fun. I'm actually glad we broke up because in hindsight we really were not going to work out in the long run, 

My number is also higher than FI. I know this because just through long conversations about our pasts he ended up telling me he's been with x number of girls, which is fine. I don't care, the past is the past. But I think it could make him uncomfortable to know that my number is much higher than that, so I've never told him and never will. He tried asking once and I told him it was none of his business. He's my one and only guy now, and that's how it's going to stay, so who cares who (or how many) was in my past? 

Couggal12

Yes, we both know our numbers. It sorta came up when we talked about testing and safe sex. His number is pretty low but, even if it was higher it wouldn't bother me as long as he was being safe. 

Sugargirl1019

I totally thought we were going to be discussing weight!!

Okay so THAT number - we both know.

@jenna8984 I totally see where you are coming from and I wasn't offended by what you had to say.‌

ShesSoCold

LOL I'm happier with H knowing my sexual number than my weight right now. 

larrygaga

We are each other's number.

holyguacamole79

Yes, we know each other's number.

esstee33

jenna8984 said:

I think I would have read it WAY differently if she had phrased it more like "I have a very conservative view of sex that I wanted to make sure my H also had, so we did discuss it" and left it at that, without interjecting the comment about how some people are proud to be whores and whatever. 

Well I apologize. Others were giving WHY they did or did not exchange numbers so I was also just giving my reasons. I suppose that could have been left out but I didn't want to come off as "I believe in this and only this I'm so great" so I mentioned that I have no problems with people who have referred to themselves as that. Sorry that didn't come across to you as I intended.

No, it's OK. I get what you were trying to say; I'm just super sensitive and extra haggy today because I have to train my turd of a coworker all day. On an ordinary day, it probably wouldn't have even bothered me. 

kat1114

We've never discussed it We've never really even discussed previous relationships. I feel like none of it's necessary for either of us to know, and I don't know what benefit would come from knowing.

littlemushroom

We know each other's number. It came up because it was relevant during the safe sex/what are we both comfortable with/what do we like in bed discussion. It didn't cause any issues between us and we were glad to know so neither made assumptions about things that weren't true.