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Memory table display question

Hi! I am having two ideas for a memory table at our ceremony and I need some help in deciding. It really comes down to space vs effectiveness.

Background: The memory table is a wine barrel with a glass top, and there isn't too much room available. We have 5 deceased loved ones we would like to represent on our memory table, and I had an idea to put a photo of each individual in their own acrylic block frame. Great!

So I purchased the frames and they take up much more room than I imagined. I don't want the table to look or be cluttered (which is why I went with clear glass frames rather than traditional frames), as we will also have at least one candle and a floral arrangement as well. Do you think putting together a photo album instead would be nice?

I've been searching Google like crazy and I haven't really seen anyone have a "memory table photo album". To not have it overlooked, I would use one of the block frames to make a sign saying something along the lines of "In memory of our lost loved ones, etc.."

Please help!

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Re: Memory table display question

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 1
    Hi! I am having two ideas for a memory table at our ceremony and I need some help in deciding. It really comes down to space vs effectiveness.

    Background: The memory table is a wine barrel with a glass top, and there isn't too much room available. We have 5 deceased loved ones we would like to represent on our memory table, and I had an idea to put a photo of each individual in their own acrylic block frame. Great!

    So I purchased the frames and they take up much more room than I imagined. I don't want the table to look or be cluttered (which is why I went with clear glass frames rather than traditional frames), as we will also have at least one candle and a floral arrangement as well. Do you think putting together a photo album instead would be nice?

    I've been searching Google like crazy and I haven't really seen anyone have a "memory table photo album". To not have it overlooked, I would use one of the block frames to make a sign saying something along the lines of "In memory of our lost loved ones, etc.."

    Please help!

    Please do not do this.  You are planning your wedding, not a funeral.  The sight of photos may upset some of your guests who expected to be celebrating your wedding, not the loss of loved ones.  I can picture someone going into hysterics.  This is not a good way to remember your family members who have passed on.

    I am very, very serious about this.  Your late family members will be there in spirit.  You do not need photos of them to remind people how sad it is that thet cannot be there in person.  Please reconsider!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Thanks for your opinion! It was actually requested by family to have one, which is why we are. Those we would like to remember have long past, so I am not concerned about people going into hysterics.

    Thanks again!
  • I’m with @CMGragain that this is not something for a wedding. Play a favourite song of deceased or use favourite flowers to remember them from. You can also have a line in the ceremony stating that you remember all those that are not able to join you. 
    short+sassy
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 1
    Honey, I am in a unique position to advise you.  I am a 67 year old cancer patient, and I have just been told to put my life in order and make plans for my own funeral.  I have no problem doing this.  I have had a wonderful life.  But if one of my children tried to feature my photo after I die at their wedding, I would come back and haunt them.  It would make me furious that would do this at their wedding.

    The other ladies on this board will back me up.  Please listen before you screw up your own wedding.

    ..and there is a REASON that you cannot find a memorial table photo album on Google!  It is not appropriate at a wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MobKazahoyweddingSP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would tell the family members who have requested this that you are not able to grant the request.

    As PPs have noted, your wedding is not a memorial service for the deceased. It is also not your autobiography. It is about you and your FI getting married, and it should be a happy occasion for all.

    There are appropriate ways to remember deceased loved ones at weddings, but they all require subtlety. Memory tables are not appropriate at weddings because they have all the subtlety of an oncoming Mack truck. Nothing at your wedding should evoke grief, loss or mourning, which is exactly what a table full of photos of deceased persons is going to do.
    short+sassySP29ShesSoCold
  • I’d pass on the memory table too.  If they have to be there, why not place the photos separately throughout the room?  All five together with a candle would give me a sinking feeling as I passed the table.
    charlotte989875SP29
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.
    I love this- and did something similar...  OP, this might be a nice way to incorporate what you are looking to do, without making it an overt "memorial" table...  I think it would be a nice touch.  
    short+sassyahoywedding
  • I will never understand the connection people make between weddings and memorials....It makes as much sense as having a memorial table at a bridal shower or retirement party or 50th anniversary party. 

    That said, I like @ILoveBeachMusic's idea of using the table as a way to display pics of weddings of close family members where these people are in the photos, but it's not as funeral-y as a memorial table.
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    ahoywedding
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 1
    Nothing skeezes me out more than a lit candle "in memory" of those who have passed, or other similar memorials (ETA at a wedding).  If you want to remember them, make a note in the program.  Please do not do an entire table.  Space is limited as it is and no one is going to miss seeing pics of your dead loved ones.  

    ahoywedding
  • Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.
    I also did this. None of our grandparents are alive any longer, but we put up their wedding pictures, along with our parents wedding pictures (who are thankfully all still alive) and I loved it. A number of people also commented on how neat it was seeing their wedding photos. 

    It was a nice nod to our families, but not overtly sad. 
    southernbelle0915ahoywedding
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    You can’t find anything on google because this is not appropriate for a wedding. It is a time of joy and celebration, not a time when I want to walk past a table and become sad because grandpa isn’t here. There are other ways to incorporate loved one no longer with us. Carry your grandmother’s locket around your bouquet. Play your uncle’s favorite song during the reception. Your great aunt loved Earl Grey tea? Have that as an option along with coffee. But don’t display their pictures in a sad, inappropriate memorium. 


    image
    eileenrobsouthernbelle0915InLoveInQueensSP29
  • My husbands family lights a candle for each family member that has passed and places it on the dinner table at Christmas. They also have a birthday dinner with a candle for the person whose birthday it was. So. I had to do something at our wedding. We had a candle made with their names on it and placed it on a small table on the side of the room. 
  • edited February 1
    I'm for the memory table - TO A DEGREE!

    We lost a few people - more on my side - so we narrowed it down to having our guest book table with photos of my H's grandfather, both of my grandfathers and my dad with a special candle by there. We didn't put any writing, but people attending understood.

    Throughout the wedding, we also had a slideshow and that showed the rest of the people we had lost without it being 'in your face' because they were mixed with a variety of photos.


    I also wanted to do something special and personal for my dad, so I had a piece of his shirt sewn into my dress. Some people knew - because I wasn't afraid to show or mention it - but in the end, it was just for me.
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    short+sassyMairePoppy
  • I see dead people.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg


  • I also wanted to do something special and personal for my dad, so I had a piece of his shirt sewn into my dress. Some people knew - because I wasn't afraid to show or mention it - but in the end, it was just for me.
    This is so sweet. 
    MissKittyDangerahoyweddingSP29
  • @holyguacamole79 - annnndddd now I'm sobbing. That note stitched into that bride's dress is just...it's everything!
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @holyguacamole79 - annnndddd now I'm sobbing. That note stitched into that bride's dress is just...it's everything!
    I know, right!?  I should get married again so I can put a hand-written note from my grandpa in my dress.... 



    Anniversary
    charlotte989875
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.
    I like this idea, with one provision. If the marriages weren't happy, I wouldn't use their wedding photos.
    charlotte989875southernbelle0915eileenrobahoywedding
  • Jen4948 said:
    Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.
    I like this idea, with one provision. If the marriages weren't happy, I wouldn't use their wedding photos.
    Good point!   That can just make it awkward.  

    I'm not divorced but I don't want to go to an event and see photos of me and an ex BF. 
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are  or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.
    My daughter did this. They collected wedding photos from the parents and grandparents, great-grandparents and other family photos and made a slide show. None of the couples were divorced. The slide show looped on a tv in the cocktail area bar, which was separate from the main bar and reception room. Anyone who wished could watch the slide show. I was surprised at the number of guests who enjoyed seeing the photos.
                
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I really don’t understand the need for this at a wedding. It always baffles me. 

    I had a small locket with my grandfather’s photo attached to my bouquet. That’s it. 

    eileenrob
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2
    CMGragain said:
    I see dead people.
    LOL! I grew up with family members who talk to dead people. On the morning of my wedding, my Godmother gave me a message from my Grandfather. I cried happy tears. My mother was always looking for signs that her deceased parents were present in her life. My strange inheritance are the family wedding portraits from my side and my husband's side of the family. Some of those pictures are a 100 years old. It makes me feel good to look at them and they are interesting to look at for their styles.

    I agree that memorials should be subtle enough to not be noticed by anyone who might be taken off guard by them. A pic display or photo album in a quiet corner  might bring back happy memories to some of the guests. A full out, turn the lights off slideshow would be off putting and depressing for some.
                
  • CMGragain said:
    I see dead people.
    To each their own. It didn't look like what you seem to think
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  • @holyguacamole79 ; I am also sobbing at the note :'( that's beautiful!
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  • CMGragain said:
    I see dead people.
    LOL! I grew up with family members who talk to dead people. On the morning of my wedding, my Godmother gave me a message from my Grandfather. I cried happy tears. My mother was always looking for signs that her deceased parents were present in her life. My strange inheritance are the family wedding portraits from my side and my husband's side of the family. Some of those pictures are a 100 years old. It makes me feel good to look at them and they are interesting to look at for their styles.

    I agree that memorials should be subtle enough to not be noticed by anyone who might be taken off guard by them. A pic display or photo album in a quiet corner  might bring back happy memories to some of the guests. A full out, turn the lights off slideshow would be off putting and depressing for some.
    For reference, we never drew reference to the slideshow. It just played on loop throughout the night. It was all happy memories for sure.

    Actually - random story - the night before the wedding, I decided to set up the guest book/table myself. {card casket, guest book, the photos and the candle that matched rest of decor} I kind of lost my shit. Entire crying meltdown.
    I was grateful I got that out, because the next day I was waiting to walk down the aisle with my mum and we were watching the slideshow - the photo of my dad and I dancing {jive style fyi ;) } came up. Had I not had my moment the night before, I probably would have at that time.

    To each their own, but it was nice to see memories like that - especially when family and friends have been lost
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    For reference, we never drew reference to the slideshow. It just played on loop throughout the night. It was all happy memories for sure.

    Actually - random story - the night before the wedding, I decided to set up the guest book/table myself. {card casket, guest book, the photos and the candle that matched rest of decor} I kind of lost my shit. Entire crying meltdown.
    I was grateful I got that out, because the next day I was waiting to walk down the aisle with my mum and we were watching the slideshow - the photo of my dad and I dancing {jive style fyi ;) } came up. Had I not had my moment the night before, I probably would have at that time.

    To each their own, but it was nice to see memories like that - especially when family and friends have been lost
    I get it. There is something about a milestone event that increases our longing for those who have passed away.  

                
    MissKittyDanger
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 3
    Nothing wrong with a memorial table.  They can have one at my funeral.  It is appropriate there.  (There are some people in my family I would rather NOT have photos of at that time.)
    Not at a wedding, though.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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