Memory table display question

knottie51ccf1cf126e17ea

Hi! I am having two ideas for a memory table at our ceremony and I need some help in deciding. It really comes down to space vs effectiveness.

Background: The memory table is a wine barrel with a glass top, and there isn't too much room available. We have 5 deceased loved ones we would like to represent on our memory table, and I had an idea to put a photo of each individual in their own acrylic block frame. Great!

So I purchased the frames and they take up much more room than I imagined. I don't want the table to look or be cluttered (which is why I went with clear glass frames rather than traditional frames), as we will also have at least one candle and a floral arrangement as well. Do you think putting together a photo album instead would be nice?

I've been searching Google like crazy and I haven't really seen anyone have a "memory table photo album". To not have it overlooked, I would use one of the block frames to make a sign saying something along the lines of "In memory of our lost loved ones, etc.."

Please help!

CMGragain

knottie51ccf1cf126e17ea said:

Hi! I am having two ideas for a memory table at our ceremony and I need some help in deciding. It really comes down to space vs effectiveness.

Background: The memory table is a wine barrel with a glass top, and there isn't too much room available. We have 5 deceased loved ones we would like to represent on our memory table, and I had an idea to put a photo of each individual in their own acrylic block frame. Great!

So I purchased the frames and they take up much more room than I imagined. I don't want the table to look or be cluttered (which is why I went with clear glass frames rather than traditional frames), as we will also have at least one candle and a floral arrangement as well. Do you think putting together a photo album instead would be nice?

I've been searching Google like crazy and I haven't really seen anyone have a "memory table photo album". To not have it overlooked, I would use one of the block frames to make a sign saying something along the lines of "In memory of our lost loved ones, etc.."

Please help!

Please do not do this.  You are planning your wedding, not a funeral.  The sight of photos may upset some of your guests who expected to be celebrating your wedding, not the loss of loved ones.  I can picture someone going into hysterics.  This is not a good way to remember your family members who have passed on.

I am very, very serious about this.  Your late family members will be there in spirit.  You do not need photos of them to remind people how sad it is that thet cannot be there in person.  Please reconsider!

knottie51ccf1cf126e17ea

Thanks for your opinion! It was actually requested by family to have one, which is why we are. Those we would like to remember have long past, so I am not concerned about people going into hysterics.

Thanks again!

ernursej

I’m with @CMGragain that this is not something for a wedding. Play a favourite song of deceased or use favourite flowers to remember them from. You can also have a line in the ceremony stating that you remember all those that are not able to join you. 

CMGragain

Honey, I am in a unique position to advise you.  I am a 67 year old cancer patient, and I have just been told to put my life in order and make plans for my own funeral.  I have no problem doing this.  I have had a wonderful life.  But if one of my children tried to feature my photo after I die at their wedding, I would come back and haunt them.  It would make me furious that would do this at their wedding.

The other ladies on this board will back me up.  Please listen before you screw up your own wedding.

..and there is a REASON that you cannot find a memorial table photo album on Google!  It is not appropriate at a wedding.

Jen4948

I would tell the family members who have requested this that you are not able to grant the request.

As PPs have noted, your wedding is not a memorial service for the deceased. It is also not your autobiography. It is about you and your FI getting married, and it should be a happy occasion for all.

There are appropriate ways to remember deceased loved ones at weddings, but they all require subtlety. Memory tables are not appropriate at weddings because they have all the subtlety of an oncoming Mack truck. Nothing at your wedding should evoke grief, loss or mourning, which is exactly what a table full of photos of deceased persons is going to do.

ei34

I’d pass on the memory table too.  If they have to be there, why not place the photos separately throughout the room?  All five together with a candle would give me a sinking feeling as I passed the table.

ILoveBeachMusic

Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.

NowIAmSyp

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.

I love this- and did something similar...  OP, this might be a nice way to incorporate what you are looking to do, without making it an overt "memorial" table...  I think it would be a nice touch.  

southernbelle0915

I will never understand the connection people make between weddings and memorials....It makes as much sense as having a memorial table at a bridal shower or retirement party or 50th anniversary party. 

That said, I like @ILoveBeachMusic's idea of using the table as a way to display pics of weddings of close family members where these people are in the photos, but it's not as funeral-y as a memorial table.

Ro041

Nothing skeezes me out more than a lit candle "in memory" of those who have passed, or other similar memorials (ETA at a wedding).  If you want to remember them, make a note in the program.  Please do not do an entire table.  Space is limited as it is and no one is going to miss seeing pics of your dead loved ones.  

charlotte989875

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.

I also did this. None of our grandparents are alive any longer, but we put up their wedding pictures, along with our parents wedding pictures (who are thankfully all still alive) and I loved it. A number of people also commented on how neat it was seeing their wedding photos. 

It was a nice nod to our families, but not overtly sad. 

levioosa

You can’t find anything on google because this is not appropriate for a wedding. It is a time of joy and celebration, not a time when I want to walk past a table and become sad because grandpa isn’t here. There are other ways to incorporate loved one no longer with us. Carry your grandmother’s locket around your bouquet. Play your uncle’s favorite song during the reception. Your great aunt loved Earl Grey tea? Have that as an option along with coffee. But don’t display their pictures in a sad, inappropriate memorium. 

holyguacamole79

I've never understood the point of these tables.  My mom wanted one at our wedding and I was lukewarm about it.  She wanted me to hunt down pictures of all our deceased relatives, and I didn't see the point. 

My paternal grandfather had passed away 2 years prior to our wedding and never got to meet my husband.  Shortly before he passed away, I had broken up with a guy I had been dating and everyone thought we were going to get married.  My grandpa was a devout Catholic and would always tell me that he'd be praying for me & my future husband while he prays the Rosary.  Naturally, I wanted to honor him ... but I didn't feel right with a picture of him like a memorial.

Here's how we honored him ... my dad pulled me aside at the reception and said, "Papa would be proud.  I'm sure he's raising a glass to toast you from heaven."  It was a nice father-daughter moment and it didn't distract from the day.

I personally love this idea:



I also saw this recently:



This is a way to honor and think of your family on your wedding day without drawing attention or potentially upsetting someone.

debbeau

My husbands family lights a candle for each family member that has passed and places it on the dinner table at Christmas. They also have a birthday dinner with a candle for the person whose birthday it was. So. I had to do something at our wedding. We had a candle made with their names on it and placed it on a small table on the side of the room. 

MissKittyDanger

I'm for the memory table - TO A DEGREE!

We lost a few people - more on my side - so we narrowed it down to having our guest book table with photos of my H's grandfather, both of my grandfathers and my dad with a special candle by there. We didn't put any writing, but people attending understood.

Throughout the wedding, we also had a slideshow and that showed the rest of the people we had lost without it being 'in your face' because they were mixed with a variety of photos.


I also wanted to do something special and personal for my dad, so I had a piece of his shirt sewn into my dress. Some people knew - because I wasn't afraid to show or mention it - but in the end, it was just for me.

CMGragain

I see dead people.

charlotte989875

MissKittyDanger said:

I also wanted to do something special and personal for my dad, so I had a piece of his shirt sewn into my dress. Some people knew - because I wasn't afraid to show or mention it - but in the end, it was just for me.

This is so sweet. 

southernbelle0915

@holyguacamole79 - annnndddd now I'm sobbing. That note stitched into that bride's dress is just...it's everything!

holyguacamole79

southernbelle0915 said:

@holyguacamole79 - annnndddd now I'm sobbing. That note stitched into that bride's dress is just...it's everything!

I know, right!?  I should get married again so I can put a hand-written note from my grandpa in my dress.... 

Jen4948

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.

I like this idea, with one provision. If the marriages weren't happy, I wouldn't use their wedding photos.

banana468

Jen4948 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are grandparents or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.

I like this idea, with one provision. If the marriages weren't happy, I wouldn't use their wedding photos.

Good point!   That can just make it awkward.  

I'm not divorced but I don't want to go to an event and see photos of me and an ex BF. 

MairePoppy

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Why don't you have a table with wedding pictures of these people along with alive family members? I am assuming these are  or parents. At DD's wedding, we had a table with pictures from the weddings of bride's parents (alive), groom's parents (alive), bride's grandparents (one alive, two deceased) and groom's grandparents (one alive, one deceased). That way it wasn't like a table remembering the deceased people but rather remembering the weddings in the family. I have seen this done at several weddings and it isn't at all sad but a way to remember loved ones.

My daughter did this. They collected wedding photos from the parents and grandparents, great-grandparents and other family photos and made a slide show. None of the couples were divorced. The slide show looped on a tv in the cocktail area bar, which was separate from the main bar and reception room. Anyone who wished could watch the slide show. I was surprised at the number of guests who enjoyed seeing the photos.

climbingsingle

I really don’t understand the need for this at a wedding. It always baffles me. 

I had a small locket with my grandfather’s photo attached to my bouquet. That’s it. 

MairePoppy

CMGragain said:

I see dead people.

LOL! I grew up with family members who talk to dead people. On the morning of my wedding, my Godmother gave me a message from my Grandfather. I cried happy tears. My mother was always looking for signs that her deceased parents were present in her life. My strange inheritance are the family wedding portraits from my side and my husband's side of the family. Some of those pictures are a 100 years old. It makes me feel good to look at them and they are interesting to look at for their styles.

I agree that memorials should be subtle enough to not be noticed by anyone who might be taken off guard by them. A pic display or photo album in a quiet corner  might bring back happy memories to some of the guests. A full out, turn the lights off slideshow would be off putting and depressing for some.

MissKittyDanger

CMGragain said:

I see dead people.

To each their own. It didn't look like what you seem to think

MissKittyDanger

@holyguacamole79 I am also sobbing at the note that's beautiful!

MissKittyDanger

MairePoppy said:

CMGragain said:

I see dead people.

LOL! I grew up with family members who talk to dead people. On the morning of my wedding, my Godmother gave me a message from my Grandfather. I cried happy tears. My mother was always looking for signs that her deceased parents were present in her life. My strange inheritance are the family wedding portraits from my side and my husband's side of the family. Some of those pictures are a 100 years old. It makes me feel good to look at them and they are interesting to look at for their styles.

I agree that memorials should be subtle enough to not be noticed by anyone who might be taken off guard by them. A pic display or photo album in a quiet corner  might bring back happy memories to some of the guests. A full out, turn the lights off slideshow would be off putting and depressing for some.

For reference, we never drew reference to the slideshow. It just played on loop throughout the night. It was all happy memories for sure.

Actually - random story - the night before the wedding, I decided to set up the guest book/table myself. {card casket, guest book, the photos and the candle that matched rest of decor} I kind of lost my shit. Entire crying meltdown.
I was grateful I got that out, because the next day I was waiting to walk down the aisle with my mum and we were watching the slideshow - the photo of my dad and I dancing {jive style fyi } came up. Had I not had my moment the night before, I probably would have at that time.

To each their own, but it was nice to see memories like that - especially when family and friends have been lost

MairePoppy

MissKittyDanger said:

For reference, we never drew reference to the slideshow. It just played on loop throughout the night. It was all happy memories for sure.

Actually - random story - the night before the wedding, I decided to set up the guest book/table myself. {card casket, guest book, the photos and the candle that matched rest of decor} I kind of lost my shit. Entire crying meltdown.
I was grateful I got that out, because the next day I was waiting to walk down the aisle with my mum and we were watching the slideshow - the photo of my dad and I dancing {jive style fyi } came up. Had I not had my moment the night before, I probably would have at that time.

To each their own, but it was nice to see memories like that - especially when family and friends have been lost

I get it. There is something about a milestone event that increases our longing for those who have passed away.  

CMGragain

Nothing wrong with a memorial table.  They can have one at my funeral.  It is appropriate there.  (There are some people in my family I would rather NOT have photos of at that time.)
Not at a wedding, though.

SP29

The only way I have seen this "pulled off" is if the photos of deceased family members are including among general family photos. Such as stated above, wedding photos from the rest of the family (though I agree, if people are divorced, that gets awkward). Friends of ours had a table of photos that featured themselves over the ages; individually as children and then of course as they met and progressed through their courtship. A few of those photos contained other important family members who were, or were not, alive at the time of the wedding. A deceased grandparent is always important, but this table did not draw any attention to a memorial of sorts.