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Just Engaged and Proposals

My fiancé wants to wait two years to get married

My fiancé and I have been dating for 8 years. We have been engaged for 2 months and still haven't set a date. I want to get married next year and says two years. When I ask why all he can say is he doesn't see the point in rushing it. I don't see how it is rushing, especially considering the fact for how long we have been together. How can I convince him to do it next year?
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Re: My fiancé wants to wait two years to get married

  • PDKHPDKH
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    meggarv23 said:

    My fiancé and I have been dating for 8 years. We have been engaged for 2 months and still haven't set a date. I want to get married next year and says two years. When I ask why all he can say is he doesn't see the point in rushing it. I don't see how it is rushing, especially considering the fact for how long we have been together. How can I convince him to do it next year?

    Honest answer? You don't. Conniving and nagging someone to get married before that someone is ready is a really bad idea. Have you had an honest conversation with him about it and given him your reasons to do it next year? Why do you not want to wait? Have honest conversations - but absolutely do not push him to do anything. Do you really want him to marry you next year just because you made him?

    My fiancé and I will be engaged just shy of two years when we get married. I've actually enjoyed the long engagement. It's made planning so much more leisurely.

  • PDKHPDKH
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    Oh and congrats! You're engaged! That's something to celebrate all on its own.

  • We waited 2 years to get married. It was the best decision we made.
     
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  • Congratulations on your engagement! Have you talked to him seriously about the difference between the two time frames? If this is coming down to a matter of preference, can you meet in the middle at 1.5 years? Is there maybe a budgetary issue? I just don't have enough info to advise you on the best course, but I do know you need to talk to your FI and try to get to the bottom of the real issue.
    CLoGreenEyes
  • We also waited 2 years. 

    I agree you should talk to him and see what his real reason is for wanting to wait, though, since you've been together for 8 years already. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • tiny specktiny speck
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    edited June 2013
    Our engagement was just short of a year, and we didn't start planning right away (I think we planned everything in about 6 months-- so don't worry since you haven't set a date after 2 months!). We had been together over 4 years when we got engaged. So while there's nothing wrong with having a longer engagement like the ladies above, I can understand wanting a shorter one too, especially given how long you've been together.

    While you shouldn't try to convince your FI to get married sooner, I think it would be useful for you both to sit down and discuss timelines, and to hear each other out about the reasons behind each other's preferred timeline. You should not rush to get married if both of you aren't 100% ready yet. And just because he proposed doesn't necessarily mean he's ready to be married right now.

    So in short, you need to recognize and discuss why you want to have the wedding sooner and why he wants it later. If a compromise can be reached after those discussions, that's great! But don't go into it thinking about how to change his mind.
  • Oh and congratulations on your engagement! :)
  • IMHO two years is perfect.
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
  • I'm going out on a limb and guessing that your financial/job situation isn't perfect.  That is paramount to most men before they are 'ready to be married'. If that is the case, he's right, you wait.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • We waited about 18 months. It was perfect form a planning/saving money standpoint.
  • Wow, it he wants to wait 2 years to get married because of money (and planning time).... that's alright say your I'Do's at a court house and then have a cermony for family and friends 2 years for now.  So you wait 2 years to get married so now you've been dating for 10 years what's the hold up.

  • I think understanding why he wants to wait is important. You say he doesn't see the point in rushing it... but why? Like others have suggested: is it money? is it a family issue? does he have bad family history with divorce or something that may make him timid to set a date?

    The boy and I have been together for nearly 10 years and he couldn't care less when we get married (just as long as we do!) and because I want a somewhat short engagement (less than a year) we're going to have it sooner rather than later. But it's a mutual decision for us (and he was actually the one that chose the date from a few that I thought sounded good). Trying to coerce him into choosing a date when he's not ready won't work.
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  • Congrats on your engagement!!!
  • We'll have been engaged for 2 years and 3 months by the time we get married this November. I'll admit that I totally wish we were married by now, but on the other hand I am so happy we waited so that we could afford the type of wedding that we wanted.

    Don't worry, it really comes a lot faster than you think!

    Congrats!
  • mlg78mlg78
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    I'd go nuts waiting 2 years.  I was engaged less than 4 months after our first date (which was the date I met him) and we'll be married less than 13 months after meeting.  I'm impatient. :)

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  • phiraphira
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    Congrats on your engagement!

    I think the issue here isn't that one of you is "correct," and they have to convince the other person. The issue is that he wants to wait 2 years to get married, and you want to wait one year.

    Sit down and talk about what's going on. "I don't want to rush things" isn't a bad reason, but it's not a very meaningful one. If he means that he's not ready to get married yet, then proposing was probably not the best idea. If he means that he wants to save up for the wedding, then you should (together) do some research on how much you would want to spend on the wedding.

    And be prepared to explain and articulate your feelings and thoughts as well!

    For the record, I think it's okay that you haven't set a specific DATE, since that often comes with the venue. My brother's wedding was chosen because that's the Saturday the venue was available that was closest to his anniversary. My aunt's wedding was Halloween because she and my uncle wanted to get married ASAP and that's the only date the venue was available for two years. HOWEVER, the problem here isn't that you don't have a date set--it's that you don't have a time frame you agree on.
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  • DTRODGERS said:

    Wow, it he wants to wait 2 years to get married because of money (and planning time).... that's alright say your I'Do's at a court house and then have a cermony for family and friends 2 years for now.  So you wait 2 years to get married so now you've been dating for 10 years what's the hold up.


    OP do not listen to the rude and terrible advice.
     
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  • DTRODGERS said:

    Wow, it he wants to wait 2 years to get married because of money (and planning time).... that's alright say your I'Do's at a court house and then have a cermony for family and friends 2 years for now.  So you wait 2 years to get married so now you've been dating for 10 years what's the hold up.

     I can't really read this but I'm pretty sure you should ignore every word of it.
    TeddiD34Angusaurlplionscoopergirl15
  • There is a lot to do to plan a wedding. If he wants to wait and that means two yer are helping you plan! Make sure he knows that!
  • You two need to talk about why he wants to wait two years and what the implications are for waiting. You also need to talk about what you are and are not willing to do during those two years (buy a house, move in, etc.) There's a difference between wanting to accomplish x, y, or z and not feeling ready.
  • My fiance and I recently got engaged, too. We have to wait 2 years because he goes to another university, but I am super glad we do! We found an affordable venue we love, but we have to book SUPER early to get it! A long engagement means plenty of time to plan and save for the wedding of your dreams :)
  • It's just a waiting game. There's alot of planning to do before a marriage. Just be patient.
  • doeydodoeydo
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    One year is not a rush.  In fact, it is the usual engagement time.  To me, it sounds like he just wants to put it off.  Unless, of course, one of you is still in school or you really have to save up money first, I do not see why the big wait. 
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  • DH and I dated for 6 years before he proposed, our engagement lasted about 2 years and 3 months. Thank goodness we had so long - it allowed us to plan the perfect wedding, save money, figure out wedding stuff, etc.



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  • You may not think so now, but waiting rather than rushing is much better in the long run for everyone. You have time to make an account to throw money into to save (FI and I made a savings account where every paycheck we took $50-$100 and put it in there), you have time to plan and collect ideas, casually check out venues and not feel rushed because you have a 'deadline'. I'm super glad I waited. 
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  • It sounds crazy but it may be worth it or at least in my case it would have been. I wanted to wait 2 years. I understand why my Fiancee didn't want to hear about wedding plans for two years. We live together and have been together for 2 years, getting married in October. I feel we should have waited because it seems that way too much stuff has come up in our lives like a sign saying hey you shouldnt get married right now, we are paying for a lot of it. The last 4 months have been hell for us financially, I had to have emergency surgery for my gall bladder, things have gone wrong with the house that needed to be fixed right away things going wrong with my car or his truck, one of his friends is getting married that he is in the wedding and so we have to pay for that plus traveling expenses. So I think its a good idea to wait unless of course someone is paying for everything. 
  • My fiance and I dated for only 6 months, but we have been engaged for over a year; our wedding is in September, so it will make a year and 2 months. We used the "didn't want to rush in" phrase a lot mainly because we wanted to get our finances together. Also think about this, the baby question is always next. I don't know about you, but I can wait to hear that question from everyone!
  • At first, my fiance wanted to wait a little over a year to get married, instead of this December. I told him my reasoning, and he told me his; his one and only being money, which is understandable. But you have to realized the money may never be right, but if the love it, cherish it and make it happen. Everything else will come along. And if he's worried about saving up or the wedding, realize that the wedding is only one day, and the marriage is so much longer; make the wedding nice, but no need to spend a college education on one day. Make is special and sentimental to you and him. Love is exciting, and to give yourself to another, is great. You must come without a nagging tone, just an understanding one, letting him know how you feel.
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  • I never get why people would bother get engaged unless they're ready to get married within a year, to me, it make sense to just keep dating until then. I secretly think some guys do it because they sense the woman is getting "antsy" and to make her happy they propose, but deep down they know they may not be really ready, so they won't rush to set a date. But, its a good temporary solution I guess, and buys him more time....

    When my FI proposed, I set a date probably about 10 mins later, after the initial excitement.  He was a bit surprised I firmed up on a date so quickly after he proposed, but he agreed. ( I didn't want to give him no reign on the date setting, and I wasted no time, while we both were still "giddy") There was one time a couple months later he did suggest we postpone, so that we could save more money for the original wedding we were thinking of, but I said no way and immediately cut 40 ppl off our guest list. Yes I said 40. I didn't want to move the date, my mind was set! lol

    I suggest you let him know how you feel about the timeframe, as you don't want resentment building up, especially as you feel it could definitely happen sooner. There maybe a bit of compromise on your dream wedding, whether you decide on less guests or cheaper venue etc. Act like you're a salesperson making a presentation on why the wedding could happen on a date you have in mind. Make it sweet and hard to resist. If he's still reluctant, don't force the issue, but my thinking is why in the world would a man ask to marry you, and then say "why rush?" when you looking to set a date? That's like seeing a product you like in a store, you tell the sales cashier you promise to come back and buy, so don't sell it..... the longer you take to come back, cashier will eventually decide to move on and sell, or you might see another product you like better and buy.......so you and the original product don't even cross paths again....

    Refer to my first paragraph above and you and your man sort that out.....quickly. You not getting any younger, cold hard fact.

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