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Facebook Status Change - HELP

hsrbridehsrbride member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Facebook Status Change - HELP!

Question: Do you change your status to engaged or wait till you are married and change it  then?

I am not engaged just yet but will be soon. My soon-to-be Fiance and I have discussed whether or not to change my status on my Facebook page (he does not have one due to his job). I will only invite a handful of the people who are my Facebook Friends so I don't want to offend anyone. However, I know that when I found out about old friends who got married after their wedding had taken place I was hurt. Not because I expected an invite but I thought that because of our relationship, I at least deserved to know. I know people can not afford to invite everyone they ever knew, so I am ok with that. But I would like to avoid hurting my friends feelings as mine have been.

In today's world of Twitter and Facebook what is the appropriate thing to do?

Thanks!
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Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP

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    WildRumpusWildRumpus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Seriously?
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    cupcakesfrostingcupcakesfrosting
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    Ummm......

    Change your status. Don't change your status. No body really cares.

    I changed mine. I have 200+ friends on Facebook, because 1) I have a lot of extended family, and 2) No matter how many times I deny people because I don't talk to them anymore, they continue to add me. So I just did, out of pure frustration. I'm 1000% sure that not all 200+ peope expect an invitation.
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    AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Why would changing your relationship status offend anyone?
    panther
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    Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited August 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:5f96cad7-1ad1-42a6-ad1e-476b9adc97da">Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Facebook Status Change - HELP! Question: Do you change your status to engaged or wait till you are married and change it  then? I am not engaged just yet but will be soon. My soon-to-be Fiance and I have discussed whether or not to change my status on my Facebook page (he does not have one due to his job). I will only invite a handful of the people who are my Facebook Friends so I don't want to offend anyone. However, I know that when I found out about old friends who got married after their wedding had taken place I was hurt. Not because I expected an invite but I thought that because of our relationship, I at least deserved to know. I know people can not afford to invite everyone they ever knew, so I am ok with that. But I would like to avoid hurting my friends feelings as mine have been. In today's world of Twitter and Facebook what is the appropriate thing to do? Thanks!
    Posted by hsrbride[/QUOTE]
    Well seeing as how the options are in a relationship , engaged, or married, you shouldn't change it to married until you are actually in fact, well, married.  Same goes with engaged.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    brilibby4brilibby4 member
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    Trust me, you are definitely over thinking this.  Is changing your facebook status really the only way your friends would find out you are engaged?  Why would you hide it?  I told my close friends and family when I got engaged (in person or with phone calls) and then changed my relationship status on facebook to "engaged".  When I get married I will change it to "married".  You confuse me.
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    WildRumpusWildRumpus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Actually B, the choices are in a relationship, engaged, or married. Only one of which applies at the moment.
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
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    I weep for humanity.
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    God kills a bunny every time someone asks about honeymoon registries.
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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
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    Just choose "It's complicated" and call it a day.  
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    Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:375307a3-5bbd-4857-92a9-481d408aa582">Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just choose "It's complicated" and call it a day.  
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

    OWN FTW!
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:a02c5b52-dcf7-4c3d-837e-66db3aef7aa1">Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually B, the choices are in a relationship, engaged, or married. Only one of which applies at the moment.
    Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]

    Yep, I edited to fix that. 
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    cupcakesfrostingcupcakesfrosting
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:375307a3-5bbd-4857-92a9-481d408aa582">Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just choose "It's complicated" and call it a day.  
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

    Nice. :p
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    WildRumpusWildRumpus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:375307a3-5bbd-4857-92a9-481d408aa582">Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just choose "It's complicated" and call it a day.  
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]


    Bahaha!
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    PharmacyBridePharmacyBride
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    The way I handled it was called/texted the people who needed to know right away.  We actually had fun doing this after dinner at an Irish pub.. we were glowing and texting (and neither of us call/text much on our phones).  Close people got to know the night of (I followed the texts up with multiple phone calls through the week- but at least no one was upset for not being the first to know).

    I changed my FB status within a day or two.  Anyone I am FB friends with that didn't get a call - wouldn't have expected one.

    HTHs!
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    nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    I think, change it to out of a relationship to realllly throw people off.

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    LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2010
    Neither your engagement nor your marriage are valid until you change your FB status.  So act accordingly.
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    kikibabykikibaby member
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    I have a feeling this whole wedding planning thing is going to be a little overwhelming for you.
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    We told the people we knew in a more personal status and then changed our statuses to engaged when we remembered to. I'm pretty sure all 650+ of my friends don't think they are invited. FI didn't change his status for weeks because he never logs into his FB. 

    Your relationship status is one thing. It WOULD be rude to those not invited to have to read status updates about all of your planning and dresses and stuff. Try not to talk about the wedding itself on FB.

    If someone is close enough to get pissed about it, then you should remember to call them and tell them. If you can't remember who would be pissed, then you really aren't that close. 
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    Steph0871Steph0871
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    Ditto Les and Kiki.

    Personally, I updated mine the night it happened, because I was too impatient and wanted to show off my ring to everyone.  We, obviously, had already told people via phone who really mattered, though.

    FWIW, FI and I have been dating for 6 years and I'm pretty sure all of our friends knew it was happening before I did.
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    twinkie757twinkie757
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:db75664e-c08e-485a-9b24-f1dd4dc037d7">Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a feeling this whole wedding planning thing is going to be a little overwhelming for you.
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

    I suggest you hire a wedding planner so your head doesn't explode.
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    meganyanimeganyani member
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    ermm I don't think it's a big deal. If you don't want people to be alerted to the change, you can alter your settings so that changing your relationship status does not appear in your stream. Just as you can choose not to have new pictures show up in your stream. Amazing! That way the only way they know is to actually check your profile information.
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    APW2010APW2010 member
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    Are you going to wear an engagement ring? Because people are going to know you are engaged then, and they mostly won't be invited to the wedding... think about it that way.

    Tell the people who are really close to you (best friends, family) in person or on the phone. Then tell the rest of the world however you want - facebook relationship status change works fine.

    Not everyone who knows you are engaged expects an invite to the wedding. You wouldn't wear an engagement ring if that were true. Announcing you are engaged lets people get the warm fuzzies for you and they don't expect a thing in return (expect maybe some warm fuzzies back when good things happen to them).
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    LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:4482ed31-ed1b-44c1-b120-fd1d075ab332">Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Neither your engagement nor your marriage are valid until you change your FB status.  So act accordingly.
    Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

    Exactly, I mean, if it's not on facebook, it never really happened right? I've got an old sorority sister having a shotgun wedding because she got pregnant - she quickly deletes ANYTHIGN that even HINTS to her being pregnant - she said if it's not on FB then no one will know. *sigh*
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    noodle_oonoodle_oo member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-status-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df4e9e02-f9a0-4561-a2d8-26bd760672c8Post:53044099-ae70-4ebd-b48e-d0ada906ffaf">Re: Facebook Status Change - HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I weep for humanity.
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    Well said.
    wedding planning guide
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    hsrbridehsrbride member
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    Wow....clearly I confused and alarmed people with my post. Although I am not sure why. The capital letters, by the way, were just to get people's attention in a sea of many other posted questions.
     
     I see the Facebook thing truly as a matter etiquette. What is appropriate i.e.  what is insensitive, inappropriate, or tacky? I am not on my page ever day or even every week, but it is a good tool for communication with friends in different states. AND while I do look forward to announcing my engagement,  No I am not engaged yet,  nor did I plan on changing my status until I am. I am not sure why people think that was my intention or that there is some mystery going on and I plan on hiding my engagement. 

    As for planning the wedding, and the forecasted explosion of my head(PLEASE NOTE: Not seriously, just being facetious).  I don't see Facebook as any part of the planning process. Additionally, I have been an Event Planner and Producer for non-profits and businesses for the last five years so planning my wedding does not phase me. This question was not about planning, but again, about etiquette and how avoid, if possible, the potential of hurting peoples feelings. If that makes me a pansy, so be it. I think that just makes me conscientious and thoughtful.

    It was my understanding that this was supposed to be a friendly place where questions or conundrums could be answered. That is all I wanted.
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    osumegsosumegs member
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    I mean, honestly, it's just facebook. And the reason people jumped all over it was because it sounds more of a conversation a high school couple would have. It is definitely not a question that should even be discussed between a couple ready to marry, IMHO.

    As far as the etiquette regarding whether or not to post it, there isn't any. Tacky would be asking wedding party members via FB or posting numerous things about the wedding date and time (or creating an event page - eeek!), to name a few.

    I have a couple of sorority sisters to whom I am no longer close. They updated statuses to say engaged and married when it was necessary. I knew I wouldn't be invited to their weddings, I posted my congrats, enjoyed their photos, and called it a day. If your FB friends are that concerned and that sensitive to what your relationship status says, they really need to wake up and figure out what is really important in life. There are truly horrendous things to do on FB, but I can't see anything that relates to your status. 
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    osumegsosumegs member
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    And to second PharmacyBride's comment above, just wait a little while to update your status until you can call or text anyone who should know immediately. Then it can go up.
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    WildRumpusWildRumpus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    You didn't alarm anyone. You got answers that reflected the ridiculousness of the question.
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    yuengling58yuengling58 member
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    May I suggest "it's complicated" ?

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    I think you should take the time to let those closest to you know in person (or via a phone call). When we recently got engaged, we first (almost immediately!) called our parents, siblings (FI has one brother, I have one sister, and we are both close to our siblings), and best friends. Then the next day or so we contacted our other close friends - mostly by text message (tacky perhaps, but then at least everyone who means something to us knew at the same time), and waited about a week or two before the FB status change. It wasn't to keep it any sort of secret, it was just to ensure those important to us knew before our not as close acquaintances or the 'general population'.
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    jayjoejayjoe member
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    Sweetie, can i have your address? I'd like to send you a prize because you certainly are a winner.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic There's no room for you mommy! Shorry!
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