Newborn at a "no kids" wedding - Did I stress the bride unnecessarily?

huskypuppy14 · April 2015

lovegood90 said:
I don't understand the comments saying "well she invited 7 kids so this person should be allowed to bring her baby." Don't people talk about inviting in circles all the time? Don't people always say that children can be invited or not invited at the discretion at the hosts, even if other children are invited (as long as you're not splitting up siblings)?
Sure it would be nice of the bride to allow the baby to come but the fact that other children will be there still doesn't mean every parent can just be like "oh great that means my kid can come too."

I don't think people are saying because some kids are invited, all kids get to be invited. But it's also not a kid free wedding if 7 other children are going to be there. It also seems that the OP and the bride are very close, so it seems strange that her child would be excluded, when other children will be there.

It also sounds like the bride and MOB are jerks. The fact that they would be mad if she didn't attend , but not invite her newborn, makes it a lose lose situation, and I don't blame OP for asking.

I hate the "I'm having no kids at my wedding except for X Y and Z". Of course you can make exceptions, but then you're not having a kid free wedding.

I also feel kids are guests just like adults. Invite the ones you want, but don't say you are having a no kids wedding when there will be kids there!

whovianstark · April 2015

Just my personal opinion...I am also having an adults only wedding. I would be fine with newborns at the reception but I didn't want them at the ceremony. I didn't invite them at all because you can't just invite them to one part. So, I personally would have been okay with someone close to me asking if they could bring their newborn to the reception because I would rather have the newborn at the reception than not have the family member at my wedding. I think it just depends on the person and their relationship. I'm sure she is just stressed about her wedding in general.

indianaalum · April 2015

Maggie0829 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Yes, it was rude to ask and it put your cousin in an awkward position.

Her reasoning is objectively stupid, but she is within her etiquette right to have a completely child-free wedding.

What is the duration of this wedding anyway? Most weddings do not exceed 6 hours or so (unless there's a big gap or something). And that's from the start of the ceremony to the very end of the reception. If you went to the ceremony and then stayed at the reception for dinner and cake, you're probably looking at more like 4 hours or so.

I'm not trying to sound insensitive or snarky, but how do you think breast feeding women maintain jobs? They can't just bail on their employer after an hour or two. I will be working during the time I breastfeed. My daily time away from my newborn will be 10-12 hours and I will be making it work. I guess I just don't really understand this argument.
By the time you're back at work, the baby won't be eating as frequently as brand new newborns do, and you also would have had time to accumulate a stock of frozen breast milk for the baby to bottle feed from while you're gone. Brand new moms don't often produce enough to build any supply up while the baby is still nursing every 2 hours.

I guess mine is the UO that when it's close family like this, it's not totally out of line to ask "does this no kids thing include my 2 week old, or is it cool if I bring him?" Like it or not, nursing infants normally are the exception, so I can understand wanting to clarify whether that was the case or not. Sure, OP could have also just declined giving nursing as the reason, in which case the couple may have said "are you sure? you can bring LO if you like" but I personally wouldn't be put out if anyone asked me this. But I'd just give a simple yes or no answer, not "the baby will detract from me." That's bullshit either way. I know my opinion isn't etiquette law by any means, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over the "was I rude?!" dilemma.
She never said how old the baby is. Most of the women I know go back to work after about 8 weeks - they don't take the full 12. So sure, if the baby is less than 2 or so months old, then maybe that would apply.

But however old this newborn is and whatever the special circumstances are, it IS rude to ask to bring children to a wedding to which they aren't invited. It puts the hosts in an awkward position.

Wait, who gets 8 weeks let alone 12 weeks of maternity leave? Let me know so I can get a job there if I were ever to have a kid!

I did. I work in a school and was lucky enough to accumulate sick days, so i was completely paid for 12 weeks. We have a "sick bank" for mothers who haven't accumulated enough sick days, too. You just pay them back eventually. The perks of a school system

Jen4948 · April 2015

whovianstark said:
Just my personal opinion...I am also having an adults only wedding. I would be fine with newborns at the reception but I didn't want them at the ceremony. I didn't invite them at all because you can't just invite them to one part. So, I personally would have been okay with someone close to me asking if they could bring their newborn to the reception because I would rather have the newborn at the reception than not have the family member at my wedding. I think it just depends on the person and their relationship. I'm sure she is just stressed about her wedding in general.

That might be what you'd personally prefer, but etiquette doesn't work like that. Because everyone's relationships and preferences are different, it doesn't work for every individual to have to ask every other individual who invited them who is included in that invitation.

That's why there are rules that even if it's personally okay with any specific host such as yourself to be asked, it's a violation of the rules for guests to ask if they can bring their baby (or anyone else) who wasn't invited. It does require hosts to accept declines from guests who don't want to leave their children (or any other reason) without any kind of drama or pushback.

whovianstark · April 2015

Jen4948 said:

whovianstark said:
Just my personal opinion...I am also having an adults only wedding. I would be fine with newborns at the reception but I didn't want them at the ceremony. I didn't invite them at all because you can't just invite them to one part. So, I personally would have been okay with someone close to me asking if they could bring their newborn to the reception because I would rather have the newborn at the reception than not have the family member at my wedding. I think it just depends on the person and their relationship. I'm sure she is just stressed about her wedding in general.
That might be what you'd personally prefer, but etiquette doesn't work like that. Because everyone's relationships and preferences are different, it doesn't work for every individual to have to ask every other individual who invited them who is included in that invitation.

That's why there are rules that even if it's personally okay with any specific host such as yourself to be asked, it's a violation of the rules for guests to ask if they can bring their baby (or anyone else) who wasn't invited. It does require hosts to accept declines from guests who don't want to leave their children (or any other reason) without any kind of drama or pushback.

That's true. I was just stating my opinion because the OP seemed worried she was stressing the bride and I just thought in this case what she did seemed fine given the close relationship, and I wouldn't stress about it because it is too late now to stress. But you are right and I might change my tune once all of my guests ask me if little Johnny is invited.

flbride2015 · April 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
Yes, it was rude to ask and it put your cousin in an awkward position.

Her reasoning is objectively stupid, but she is within her etiquette right to have a completely child-free wedding.

What is the duration of this wedding anyway? Most weddings do not exceed 6 hours or so (unless there's a big gap or something). And that's from the start of the ceremony to the very end of the reception. If you went to the ceremony and then stayed at the reception for dinner and cake, you're probably looking at more like 4 hours or so.

I'm not trying to sound insensitive or snarky, but how do you think breast feeding women maintain jobs? They can't just bail on their employer after an hour or two. I will be working during the time I breastfeed. My daily time away from my newborn will be 10-12 hours and I will be making it work. I guess I just don't really understand this argument.

This. I have never really understood the breast feeding argument either. I'm asuming there are working moms out there who breastfeed right?

flbride2015 · April 2015

Maggie0829 said:

novella1186 said:

Maggie0829 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Yes, it was rude to ask and it put your cousin in an awkward position.

Her reasoning is objectively stupid, but she is within her etiquette right to have a completely child-free wedding.

What is the duration of this wedding anyway? Most weddings do not exceed 6 hours or so (unless there's a big gap or something). And that's from the start of the ceremony to the very end of the reception. If you went to the ceremony and then stayed at the reception for dinner and cake, you're probably looking at more like 4 hours or so.

I'm not trying to sound insensitive or snarky, but how do you think breast feeding women maintain jobs? They can't just bail on their employer after an hour or two. I will be working during the time I breastfeed. My daily time away from my newborn will be 10-12 hours and I will be making it work. I guess I just don't really understand this argument.
By the time you're back at work, the baby won't be eating as frequently as brand new newborns do, and you also would have had time to accumulate a stock of frozen breast milk for the baby to bottle feed from while you're gone. Brand new moms don't often produce enough to build any supply up while the baby is still nursing every 2 hours.

I guess mine is the UO that when it's close family like this, it's not totally out of line to ask "does this no kids thing include my 2 week old, or is it cool if I bring him?" Like it or not, nursing infants normally are the exception, so I can understand wanting to clarify whether that was the case or not. Sure, OP could have also just declined giving nursing as the reason, in which case the couple may have said "are you sure? you can bring LO if you like" but I personally wouldn't be put out if anyone asked me this. But I'd just give a simple yes or no answer, not "the baby will detract from me." That's bullshit either way. I know my opinion isn't etiquette law by any means, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over the "was I rude?!" dilemma.
She never said how old the baby is. Most of the women I know go back to work after about 8 weeks - they don't take the full 12. So sure, if the baby is less than 2 or so months old, then maybe that would apply.

But however old this newborn is and whatever the special circumstances are, it IS rude to ask to bring children to a wedding to which they aren't invited. It puts the hosts in an awkward position.
Wait, who gets 8 weeks let alone 12 weeks of maternity leave? Let me know so I can get a job there if I were ever to have a kid!
My company does 12 weeks. I know this because a close friend at work is currently on maternity leave.

That is awesome!!

So lucky, I got 6 weeks - UNPAID.

simcal18 · April 2015

flbride2015 said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Yes, it was rude to ask and it put your cousin in an awkward position.

Her reasoning is objectively stupid, but she is within her etiquette right to have a completely child-free wedding.

What is the duration of this wedding anyway? Most weddings do not exceed 6 hours or so (unless there's a big gap or something). And that's from the start of the ceremony to the very end of the reception. If you went to the ceremony and then stayed at the reception for dinner and cake, you're probably looking at more like 4 hours or so.

I'm not trying to sound insensitive or snarky, but how do you think breast feeding women maintain jobs? They can't just bail on their employer after an hour or two. I will be working during the time I breastfeed. My daily time away from my newborn will be 10-12 hours and I will be making it work. I guess I just don't really understand this argument.
This. I have never really understood the breast feeding argument either. I'm asuming there are working moms out there who breastfeed right?

Not all moms who breastfeed work or have returned to work yet. In fact returning to work is often cited as the #1 reason breastfeeding is stopped. Some moms pump, but many moms can't, either because their baby won't take a bottle, because they can't afford to buy/rent a pump, or for a host of other reasons. And in general, pumping is discouraged before the baby is at least 4 weeks old. It's not nearly as simple as "just leave the baby at home and pump if you need to."

flbride2015 · April 2015

MrsRonBurgundy said:
Hi Ladies,

BUT the OP didn't do this. The OP said "My baby won't be a bother at all. I won't give the baby to anyone to look at.... blah blah blah" which then put her cousin in a very awkward position. I do not think that was okay. It was rude. Her cousin said a stupid immature thing, but by giving "oh, but x reasons..." the OP was still quite rude.

Regarding the above comment. That is true. I should have stopped sooner and just presented it more simply. I didn't mean to put her on the spot more. In part she was asking me questions point blank as she was processing what I was saying. She literally said, "Would I need to tell the caterer? Would I need to add a chair." So I got the impression she was trying to understand the situation so she could make an informed decision.

For my part, because we are close, I was trying to understand what about the situation was concerning to her -- again, because she sounded like she was asking for more information. She did not say no right off.

If it were me I would be most concerned about having my wedding disrupted, so I was trying to make clear to her that I was going to time it so the baby would not be at the ceremony. And that I would leave the room quickly if she made any noise at the reception.

Honestly, I don't judge her for having the reaction she had -- that she was worried my bringing the baby would take away from her spotlight. She is allowed to have whatever fear or reaction that comes; I understand.

I originally thought the wedding and reception were at our hotel and I could leave reception, go feed baby, come back, not miss dinner etc.
Her family has had other events at this hotel (2 Bar Mitzvahs) so that's why I had that impression. But actually her wedding is 30 min from the hotel, so this means if I leave to feed the baby I probably won't have time to come back.

I also wanted to avoid a situation where I try to come to the reception, get called away by babysitter and wind up not having my dinner that hosts have paid for... etc. And then my aunt and cousins are all annoyed that I left.

My baby is 4 weeks old now. I literally just started pumping yesterday. (Breastfeeding moms often are told not to start pumping until the baby is 4 weeks.) Baby will be 6 weeks at time of the wedding. I do not yet know how well she will take a bottle. If she will take one from this babysitter, whom she has never met (OOT sitter we found) etc.

As to my comment that one day my cousin might apologize to me. That was a poor choice of words. I don't need her to apologize to me. I am not trying to be a martyr. I do not think that people with kids should thrust their problems and their kids on other people or on other peoples' weddings. I just meant that I have been in bride's position and later realized the person wasn't trying to be precious about their kid in wanting to bring a baby, or not knowing if they could attend b/c of baby. This is truly about the challenges and mechanics of nursing a newborn.

Do doctors really say this to people? I was never told this. Why would you have to wait 4 weeks?

They actually showed me how to use my pump at the hospital when my little one was born, and I was encouraged to use it right away? I'm confused.

delujm0 · April 2015

lovegood90 said:

I don't understand the comments saying "well she invited 7 kids so this person should be allowed to bring her baby." Don't people talk about inviting in circles all the time? Don't people always say that children can be invited or not invited at the discretion at the hosts, even if other children are invited (as long as you're not splitting up siblings)?

Sure it would be nice of the bride to allow the baby to come but the fact that other children will be there still doesn't mean every parent can just be like "oh great that means my kid can come too."

STUCK IN BOX

Agree with the above - the bride doesn't need to have ANY reasons why any kids, or even particular kids, are not invited to the wedding. And OP should NEVER have asked for her baby to be included. But if OP is as close to the bride as she says she is, and there are some kids already invited, it does kind of seem like the only reason the bride doesn't want OP's baby there is because she doesn't want to be upstaged (which is obviously insane, but whatever). Two wrongs don't make a right and ultimately the bride gets to decide, and the OP doesn't have to attend.

My sister is getting married a year and a couple of weeks past my 1 year anniversary. She knew that DH and i were going to start trying to get pregnant right after the wedding, so she told me, repeatedly, that if i had a baby at the time of her wedding, that baby would not be allowed to come. It really offended me as her only sibling that she wouldn't want her only niece or nephew to be at her wedding. Especially since (a) it was a long shot that i'd get pregnant that fast anyway and (b) if i did get pregnant that fast, i'd likely still be breastfeeding, and every single person (my in-laws included) that i would even consider leaving behind with a less-than-three-month-old baby would be at the wedding, so what would i do in that situation? I decided it if came up, i'd just decline to attend. My family would be pissed, but no one would actually be in the wrong - she doesn't HAVE to invite a baby, and i don't HAVE to accept the invitation.

it wound up not mattering, because i don't think i'll have a kid by the time her wedding happens. but i can't be sure, because her wedding is happening when i'll be 38 weeks pregnant. i'm the MOH and it's in another state. So i may not even be there whether i have a baby or not. let me tell you how excited she was when i told her how pregnant i'd be in her pictures. Sigh.

Let this be a note to future brides though - it is kind, though not necessary, if you're having a no-kids wedding, to allow mothers who are breastfeeding infants to bring the baby along. We extended this courtesy to all of our invitees for our no-kids wedding, and no one even took us up on it, but i didn't want our loved ones to decline to not come just because of that. No-kids weddings are great - i had one - but you have to be comfortable with people who are important to you potentially not being able to come if you decide to go that route.

TrixieJess · April 2015

delujm0 said:

lovegood90 said:

I don't understand the comments saying "well she invited 7 kids so this person should be allowed to bring her baby." Don't people talk about inviting in circles all the time? Don't people always say that children can be invited or not invited at the discretion at the hosts, even if other children are invited (as long as you're not splitting up siblings)?

Sure it would be nice of the bride to allow the baby to come but the fact that other children will be there still doesn't mean every parent can just be like "oh great that means my kid can come too."

STUCK IN BOX

Agree with the above - the bride doesn't need to have ANY reasons why any kids, or even particular kids, are not invited to the wedding. And OP should NEVER have asked for her baby to be included. But if OP is as close to the bride as she says she is, and there are some kids already invited, it does kind of seem like the only reason the bride doesn't want OP's baby there is because she doesn't want to be upstaged (which is obviously insane, but whatever). Two wrongs don't make a right and ultimately the bride gets to decide, and the OP doesn't have to attend.

My sister is getting married a year and a couple of weeks past my 1 year anniversary. She knew that DH and i were going to start trying to get pregnant right after the wedding, so she told me, repeatedly, that if i had a baby at the time of her wedding, that baby would not be allowed to come. It really offended me as her only sibling that she wouldn't want her only niece or nephew to be at her wedding. Especially since (a) it was a long shot that i'd get pregnant that fast anyway and (b) if i did get pregnant that fast, i'd likely still be breastfeeding, and every single person (my in-laws included) that i would even consider leaving behind with a less-than-three-month-old baby would be at the wedding, so what would i do in that situation? I decided it if came up, i'd just decline to attend. My family would be pissed, but no one would actually be in the wrong - she doesn't HAVE to invite a baby, and i don't HAVE to accept the invitation.

it wound up not mattering, because i don't think i'll have a kid by the time her wedding happens. but i can't be sure, because her wedding is happening when i'll be 38 weeks pregnant. i'm the MOH and it's in another state. So i may not even be there whether i have a baby or not. let me tell you how excited she was when i told her how pregnant i'd be in her pictures. Sigh.

Let this be a note to future brides though - it is kind, though not necessary, if you're having a no-kids wedding, to allow mothers who are breastfeeding infants to bring the baby along. We extended this courtesy to all of our invitees for our no-kids wedding, and no one even took us up on it, but i didn't want our loved ones to decline to not come just because of that. No-kids weddings are great - i had one - but you have to be comfortable with people who are important to you potentially not being able to come if you decide to go that route.

My son decided to make his entrance at 37 weeks. Babies have their own timelines...due dates be damned!!! I started going into labour on and off at 35 weeks so by 37, I was looking forward to him coming.

banana468 · April 2015

flbride2015 said:

MrsRonBurgundy said:
Hi Ladies,

BUT the OP didn't do this. The OP said "My baby won't be a bother at all. I won't give the baby to anyone to look at.... blah blah blah" which then put her cousin in a very awkward position. I do not think that was okay. It was rude. Her cousin said a stupid immature thing, but by giving "oh, but x reasons..." the OP was still quite rude.

Regarding the above comment. That is true. I should have stopped sooner and just presented it more simply. I didn't mean to put her on the spot more. In part she was asking me questions point blank as she was processing what I was saying. She literally said, "Would I need to tell the caterer? Would I need to add a chair." So I got the impression she was trying to understand the situation so she could make an informed decision.

For my part, because we are close, I was trying to understand what about the situation was concerning to her -- again, because she sounded like she was asking for more information. She did not say no right off.

If it were me I would be most concerned about having my wedding disrupted, so I was trying to make clear to her that I was going to time it so the baby would not be at the ceremony. And that I would leave the room quickly if she made any noise at the reception.

Honestly, I don't judge her for having the reaction she had -- that she was worried my bringing the baby would take away from her spotlight. She is allowed to have whatever fear or reaction that comes; I understand.

I originally thought the wedding and reception were at our hotel and I could leave reception, go feed baby, come back, not miss dinner etc.
Her family has had other events at this hotel (2 Bar Mitzvahs) so that's why I had that impression. But actually her wedding is 30 min from the hotel, so this means if I leave to feed the baby I probably won't have time to come back.

I also wanted to avoid a situation where I try to come to the reception, get called away by babysitter and wind up not having my dinner that hosts have paid for... etc. And then my aunt and cousins are all annoyed that I left.

My baby is 4 weeks old now. I literally just started pumping yesterday. (Breastfeeding moms often are told not to start pumping until the baby is 4 weeks.) Baby will be 6 weeks at time of the wedding. I do not yet know how well she will take a bottle. If she will take one from this babysitter, whom she has never met (OOT sitter we found) etc.

As to my comment that one day my cousin might apologize to me. That was a poor choice of words. I don't need her to apologize to me. I am not trying to be a martyr. I do not think that people with kids should thrust their problems and their kids on other people or on other peoples' weddings. I just meant that I have been in bride's position and later realized the person wasn't trying to be precious about their kid in wanting to bring a baby, or not knowing if they could attend b/c of baby. This is truly about the challenges and mechanics of nursing a newborn.

Do doctors really say this to people? I was never told this. Why would you have to wait 4 weeks?
They actually showed me how to use my pump at the hospital when my little one was born, and I was encouraged to use it right away? I'm confused.

It's actually smart to do this (not pump until 3-4 weeks) IF the baby is also nursing. If you're pumping because there is a latch issue and you're pumping to bottle feed then you're emptying the breast and feeding that to the baby. If you're adding in a pumping session before the baby is 4 weeks old, you could be setting yourself up for an oversupply. And oversupply doesn't mean that you just have a lot of milk. It's a problem for babies where the let down may be overactive and they gag, they spit up a lot and they may not be taking in the right combination of foremilk to hindmilk. Oversupply is also linked to plugged ducts and mastitis. The other issue is that some babies DO have nipple confusion and it's best to get baby used to the breast first. Plus, adding extra pumping sessions before the baby is 4 weeks old can simply be a ton of extra work when you really should be sleeping.

When your baby feeds every 3 hours or so (mine still does at 7.5 mo) then the nursing mom may be fine leaving baby with a sitter but if I were to attend an adult event say today, I'd still have to find a place to lug my breast pump so I can relieve engorgement. So while I'd understand the no kids deal, I'd still have to go somewhere and plug in a pump for 20 minutes to maintain supply and relieve the very painful engorgement. Have you ever had to pee so badly that it hurt? Now imagine that you need to do that out of your breasts. If a bride told me that the event was adults only and that she would have no place for me to pump (I'll do it in a bathroom but that could make others uncomfortable) then I'll stay home.

And FWIW, I've been pumping at least 3 times a day since baby was 4 wks old and even did it when I went on a 3 day business trip in a public bathroom in the middle of a busy airport.

drunkenwitch · April 2015

Bottom line is, your cousin can't have it both ways. She can't demand you leave the baby at home AND demand you attend the reception. When you have a child free wedding you have to accept that some people will decline.

Also, the whole "the baby will take away attention from MEEEEEE!!" is just bullshit bridezilla histrionics.

MrsRonBurgundy · April 2015

Hi Ladies,

Thank you for all your comments on this. I think this was a very cool discussion, even appreciate those who disagree with me and with my actions.

Update, which I posted in a separate F/U thread is that my cousin let me know she would be happy for me to bring the baby but appreciated that I was not asking to bring her to the reception.

I am working now to build up enough breastmilk supply and to practice giving her a bottle, so that we can leave her for part of the day to go to the reception.

MrsRonBurgundy · April 2015

flbride2015 said:

MrsRonBurgundy said:

Do doctors really say this to people? I was never told this. Why would you have to wait 4 weeks?
They actually showed me how to use my pump at the hospital when my little one was born, and I was encouraged to use it right away? I'm confused.

The lactation consultant told me to wait 4 weeks before pumping. Banana explained it really well.

I had a miserable time with nursing and with pumping, with clogged ducts (very painful) and returning to work with my son so I have been determined not to F it up this time. That is part of the reason I am taking this very seriously and not just being like "Oh I'll just leave the baby for 8 hours and see what happens."

MrsRonBurgundy · April 2015

delujm0 said:

lovegood90 said:

I don't understand the comments saying "well she invited 7 kids so this person should be allowed to bring her baby." Don't people talk about inviting in circles all the time? Don't people always say that children can be invited or not invited at the discretion at the hosts, even if other children are invited (as long as you're not splitting up siblings)?

Sure it would be nice of the bride to allow the baby to come but the fact that other children will be there still doesn't mean every parent can just be like "oh great that means my kid can come too."

STUCK IN BOX

Agree with the above - the bride doesn't need to have ANY reasons why any kids, or even particular kids, are not invited to the wedding. And OP should NEVER have asked for her baby to be included. But if OP is as close to the bride as she says she is, and there are some kids already invited, it does kind of seem like the only reason the bride doesn't want OP's baby there is because she doesn't want to be upstaged (which is obviously insane, but whatever). Two wrongs don't make a right and ultimately the bride gets to decide, and the OP doesn't have to attend.

My sister is getting married a year and a couple of weeks past my 1 year anniversary. She knew that DH and i were going to start trying to get pregnant right after the wedding, so she told me, repeatedly, that if i had a baby at the time of her wedding, that baby would not be allowed to come. It really offended me as her only sibling that she wouldn't want her only niece or nephew to be at her wedding. Especially since (a) it was a long shot that i'd get pregnant that fast anyway and (b) if i did get pregnant that fast, i'd likely still be breastfeeding, and every single person (my in-laws included) that i would even consider leaving behind with a less-than-three-month-old baby would be at the wedding, so what would i do in that situation? I decided it if came up, i'd just decline to attend. My family would be pissed, but no one would actually be in the wrong - she doesn't HAVE to invite a baby, and i don't HAVE to accept the invitation.

it wound up not mattering, because i don't think i'll have a kid by the time her wedding happens. but i can't be sure, because her wedding is happening when i'll be 38 weeks pregnant. i'm the MOH and it's in another state. So i may not even be there whether i have a baby or not. let me tell you how excited she was when i told her how pregnant i'd be in her pictures. Sigh.

Let this be a note to future brides though - it is kind, though not necessary, if you're having a no-kids wedding, to allow mothers who are breastfeeding infants to bring the baby along. We extended this courtesy to all of our invitees for our no-kids wedding, and no one even took us up on it, but i didn't want our loved ones to decline to not come just because of that. No-kids weddings are great - i had one - but you have to be comfortable with people who are important to you potentially not being able to come if you decide to go that route.

LoveGood90, your sister sounds like a real peach... Telling you preemptively that you couldn't bring a newborn to her wedding, bitching about how pregnant you'll be in pictures? Getting pregnant and staying pregnant is a really delicate thing. It doesn't just happen for everyone. You can't plan it around someone's spayshal day.

She lucky you're trying to go at all. 37 weeks is dicey. I hope you'll make note of the nearest hospital. Much luck to you.

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