• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Newborn at a "no kids" wedding - Did I stress the bride unnecessarily?

Hi Ladies,

I am attending my cousin's wedding in a few weeks. I have a newborn baby who I am still nursing frequently. 

I can give the baby one bottle so that I can leave her with the sitter for long enough to go to the ceremony without the baby, but after that I either need to bring her to the reception or miss the reception.

My cousin on this side has very little family, so I know it's super important to her and to her mom (my aunt) that I attend the wedding and reception. (Wedding is OOT and hotel and reception are a distance away.)

I posed the situation, carefully to the bride:
I'd like to attend as much of your wedding as I can. I can come to the ceremony without the baby, but if I am going to be at the reception I need to have the baby with me. I would strap her to me in a Bjorn, she would probably sleep the whole time. If she cried at all I would take her out. She sleeps through music, doesn't need a chair/meal etc. Caterers do not need to be informed etc. 
(Some of this in answer to her questions.)

My cousin sounded rather anxious about this scenario. She said she was worried the baby would take attention away from her day.
I told her I would always rather not bring the baby. (I am not a baby person.) That I do not plan on passing the baby around. That if people ask to hold the baby I will just tell them she is sleeping and they will lose interest etc.

She said she needs a day to think it over, talk to her fiancé etc.

QUESTION: DID I DO THE RIGHT THING?
I feel I may have stressed her out in even asking.
But if I had just disappeared after a half hour, or not been able to make it past cocktail hour, I feel like that would be more inconsiderate.

Background: The wedding is "no kids" but there will be about 7 kids at the wedding and reception, B&G's nieces and nephews (none of them are in the wedding.)
«13

Re: Newborn at a "no kids" wedding - Did I stress the bride unnecessarily?

  • i think what you did is perfectly fine. it's kind of unreasonable to ask a new mom to leave her newborn for an entire evening. you've bent over backwards to accommodate the bride. don't feel guilty about asking. yes, she can always say no because it's her wedding. but the result of her saying that you cannot bring your new baby, is that you will have to miss some of her wedding.

    personally, i'd rather have one of my family members bring their newborn than miss my wedding. but do not feel bad or guilty about asking. a baby being at the reception will in no way detract from "her day".
    PrettyGirlLostmomofbride530mountaingirl8SP29
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Jen4948 said:

    To be honest with you: yes.

    Regardless of the fact that your baby is newborn, and regardless of how little intrusive you think she'll be, it was not appropriate of you to ask if you could bring her because she wasn't invited, and all that "she'll be no trouble at all" is something you really can't predict until the moment of. Not only that, all it did is make the bride feel more pressured to include your baby. Whether it takes attention off her or not, your baby wasn't invited in the first place, apparently as part of a "no kids" policy that she and her FI (and their parents, if they're paying) had every right to set. They may even have had to tell other guests that they can't bring their kids.

    If you can't make it through both the ceremony and the reception without the baby, then it would have been perfectly reasonable to tell the bride that and plan accordingly. But you had no right to ask her to accommodate the baby.


    Agree with this, yes, it's ridiculous of her to say to you that the baby may take away from her day, but in the same token, it is a no kids wedding.  You shouldn't have asked.
    image
    Blue_Birdcharcoalandblushmrsdee15speakeasy14
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:

    To be honest with you: yes.

    Regardless of the fact that your baby is newborn, and regardless of how little intrusive you think she'll be, it was not appropriate of you to ask if you could bring her because she wasn't invited, and all that "she'll be no trouble at all" is something you really can't predict until the moment of. Not only that, all it did is make the bride feel more pressured to include your baby. Whether it takes attention off her or not, your baby wasn't invited in the first place, apparently as part of a "no kids" policy that she and her FI (and their parents, if they're paying) had every right to set. They may even have had to tell other guests that they can't bring their kids.

    If you can't make it through both the ceremony and the reception without the baby, then it would have been perfectly reasonable to tell the bride that and plan accordingly. But you had no right to ask her to accommodate the baby.

    I agree with this as well.  As much as she should be flexible with you since you do have a newborn, she doesn't need to be.  She didn't invite your baby so to then ask if your baby can come is the same as if I were to ask if your BFF could come.

    So I go back to my original advice of just telling her that you won't be able to make it.

    charcoalandblush
  • While I agree that she's being a little ridiculous by thinking a baby is going to take away from her day, your baby wasn't invited and I agree that you shouldn't have asked. If that means you can't go, you can't go but asking her to accommodate your newborn puts a lot of pressure on her to say yes. The fact that 7 other kids are invited is beside the point, people often invite exceptions to their own rules when it comes to weddings and that is perfectly allowed. 
    image
    plainjane0415lovegood90charcoalandblush
  • Hi Ladies,


    I am attending my cousin's wedding in a few weeks. I have a newborn baby who I am still nursing frequently. 

    I can give the baby one bottle so that I can leave her with the sitter for long enough to go to the ceremony without the baby, but after that I either need to bring her to the reception or miss the reception.

    My cousin on this side has very little family, so I know it's super important to her and to her mom (my aunt) that I attend the wedding and reception. (Wedding is OOT and hotel and reception are a distance away.)

    I posed the situation, carefully to the bride:
    I'd like to attend as much of your wedding as I can. I can come to the ceremony without the baby, but if I am going to be at the reception I need to have the baby with me. I would strap her to me in a Bjorn, she would probably sleep the whole time. If she cried at all I would take her out. She sleeps through music, doesn't need a chair/meal etc. Caterers do not need to be informed etc. 
    (Some of this in answer to her questions.)

    My cousin sounded rather anxious about this scenario. She said she was worried the baby would take attention away from her day.
    I told her I would always rather not bring the baby. (I am not a baby person.) That I do not plan on passing the baby around. That if people ask to hold the baby I will just tell them she is sleeping and they will lose interest etc.

    She said she needs a day to think it over, talk to her fiancé etc.

    QUESTION: DID I DO THE RIGHT THING?
    I feel I may have stressed her out in even asking.
    But if I had just disappeared after a half hour, or not been able to make it past cocktail hour, I feel like that would be more inconsiderate.

    Background: The wedding is "no kids" but there will be about 7 kids at the wedding and reception, B&G's nieces and nephews (none of them are in the wedding.)

    JIC
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    novella1186
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your cousin needs to chill the fuck out. Obviously your baby is not going to upstage her. But regardless of the ridiculous reason she didn't invite your daughter, it's not appropriate to ask for someone who wasn't invited to be included anyway.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    Your cousin is silly for thinking a baby could take her attention, that is incredibly dumb and immature.

    However, and this may be unpopular opinion as some people think that nursing newborns are exceptions, I think if your baby wasn't invited, you should not have asked to bring your baby. I get that it sucks you need to miss events because you're nursing, but that's how it goes with being a parent sometimes (I am not a parent so I don't mean to sound condescending at all).

    Another concern is that by bringing your baby, you put her in a potentially bad position with other guests who couldn't bring their children- they may be offended if they think she said "no children are invited" yet they see a baby there, know what I mean?

    TLDR-  yes your cousin sounds like a brat but I think you were out of line in asking to bring your baby. 

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    Jen4948
  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2015

    Your cousin is silly for thinking a baby could take her attention, that is incredibly dumb and immature.

    However, and this may be unpopular opinion as some people think that nursing newborns are exceptions, I think if your baby wasn't invited, you should not have asked to bring your baby. I get that it sucks you need to miss events because you're nursing, but that's how it goes with being a parent sometimes (I am not a parent so I don't mean to sound condescending at all).

    Another concern is that by bringing your baby, you put her in a potentially bad position with other guests who couldn't bring their children- they may be offended if they think she said "no children are invited" yet they see a baby there, know what I mean?

    TLDR-  yes your cousin sounds like a brat but I think you were out of line in asking to bring your baby. 



    I honestly wonder if the cousin responded the way she did because she felt very put on the spot about the whole situation.

    Edit: Not that that excuses her but it does make me wonder.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    Okay so after thinking about this for another minute I am going to change my position slightly. Yes, it is never appropriate to ask according to etiquette.  And if I had a newborn baby and was invited to a wedding for an acquaintance without my child I would just decline the invite.  But when it comes to very close family and friends I think a conversation is okay.  Especially if your presence is very much wanted.


    I mean if I were having a no-kids wedding and my sister came to me and said "I won't be able to come to your wedding because I have a newborn" then I would definitely be making an exception for her baby because her presence is more important then not having any kids there.  And I would have been very upset if my sister just declined my wedding without talking to me about her issue.

    Sometimes I think things aren't so black and white and this may be one of those times.

    But whatever the cousin does decide should be the end of it.  If your cousin says no kids then I would just decline the invite

    I agree.
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Your cousin is silly for thinking a baby could take her attention, that is incredibly dumb and immature.

    However, and this may be unpopular opinion as some people think that nursing newborns are exceptions, I think if your baby wasn't invited, you should not have asked to bring your baby. I get that it sucks you need to miss events because you're nursing, but that's how it goes with being a parent sometimes (I am not a parent so I don't mean to sound condescending at all).

    Another concern is that by bringing your baby, you put her in a potentially bad position with other guests who couldn't bring their children- they may be offended if they think she said "no children are invited" yet they see a baby there, know what I mean?

    TLDR-  yes your cousin sounds like a brat but I think you were out of line in asking to bring your baby. 

    100%.
    charcoalandblush
  • My cousin sounded rather anxious about this scenario. She said she was worried the baby would take attention away from her day.

    Maybe she's afraid you will dress her as a tiny bride, like these unfortunate girls.
    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1055979/child-bride-photoshoot

    j/k

    On a more serious note, I agree with the PPs on both your cousin's ridiculousness, and the unfortunate fact that uninvited is uninvited.  Everyone has covered that thoroughly.
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Okay so after thinking about this for another minute I am going to change my position slightly. Yes, it is never appropriate to ask according to etiquette.  And if I had a newborn baby and was invited to a wedding for an acquaintance without my child I would just decline the invite.  But when it comes to very close family and friends I think a conversation is okay.  Especially if your presence is very much wanted.


    I mean if I were having a no-kids wedding and my sister came to me and said "I won't be able to come to your wedding because I have a newborn" then I would definitely be making an exception for her baby because her presence is more important then not having any kids there.  And I would have been very upset if my sister just declined my wedding without talking to me about her issue.

    Sometimes I think things aren't so black and white and this may be one of those times.

    But whatever the cousin does decide should be the end of it.  If your cousin says no kids then I would just decline the invite
    I agree with this. My SIL will likely have a newborn at my wedding. Since she's nursing, it's just not practical for her to be there without the baby and having her there means more to me. Plus, I'm going to be an aunt and I'm super stoked. I actually WANT the baby there. We're not having other kids at the wedding though. 

    And in regards to the baby taking away her spotlight: 

    image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    novella1186chibiyuiginnybinny17
  • Agree with Maggie here.  Yes, technically you don't ask to bring someone who wasn't invited.  But IMO there's a big difference between asking if you can bring a +1 when you're single, for example, and a tiny baby who will not require a place setting, meal, or much space, and who you can't be separated from.  At the very least, in the event of close family/friends, I would decline and explain that I was declining because I was breastfeeding and couldn't be away from the baby.  That at least gives the couple the opportunity to open up a conversation about it and invite you with the baby if they want.

    We are technically having a "no kids" wedding, with the exception of some cousins' children who are older (generally 10+), and my will-be-five-month-old nephew.  But some very good OOT friends of ours will have a two month old at our wedding.  Invitations haven't even gone out yet, but while we were discussing travel plans they asked "so baby will probably need to be with us at the wedding because of breastfeeding.  Is that okay?"  I said of course and didn't give it a second thought, and I didn't feel like the question was rude.  I guess maybe it puts brides who really want no-kids weddings in an awkward position, but asking a breastfeeding mother to a wedding without her baby puts her in an awkward position as well.   
    jenijoyk
  •  At the very least, in the event of close family/friends, I would decline and explain that I was declining because I was breastfeeding and couldn't be away from the baby.  That at least gives the couple the opportunity to open up a conversation about it and invite you with the baby if they want.

    Hi Ladies,
    Thanks for all your answers. I think you all have really intelligent points and I can definitely understand all sides to this.

    I agree 100% with everything BostonBride2015 said, especially quote above.

    I might have been better off just declining and explaining why. The fact is with this side of my family there really is no winning. My aunt (MOB) criticizes no matter what you do and rants about it for the next 20 years. If I had declined and explained why I'd have gotten shit for not coming. 

    On background I also have a toddler who is staying back at the hotel with a sitter all day. (It's a day wedding.) I would NEVER ask to bring him somewhere he's not invited. I consider a very new newborn baby who's still nursing unpredictably to be almost like you are still pregnant. 

    Five years ago when I got married I had a no kids wedding that actually had zero kids. A very close friend of mine was still nursing. I told her that not only could she bring her baby if she needed to, but that she could also bring her mom if she wanted help with the baby and that I would create room for her mom (her husband stayed behind with their other kid.)

    PrettyGirlLostjenijoykMairePoppySP29
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

     At the very least, in the event of close family/friends, I would decline and explain that I was declining because I was breastfeeding and couldn't be away from the baby.  That at least gives the couple the opportunity to open up a conversation about it and invite you with the baby if they want.

    Hi Ladies,
    Thanks for all your answers. I think you all have really intelligent points and I can definitely understand all sides to this.

    I agree 100% with everything BostonBride2015 said, especially quote above.

    I might have been better off just declining and explaining why. The fact is with this side of my family there really is no winning. My aunt (MOB) criticizes no matter what you do and rants about it for the next 20 years. If I had declined and explained why I'd have gotten shit for not coming. 

    On background I also have a toddler who is staying back at the hotel with a sitter all day. (It's a day wedding.) I would NEVER ask to bring him somewhere he's not invited. I consider a very new newborn baby who's still nursing unpredictably to be almost like you are still pregnant. 

    Five years ago when I got married I had a no kids wedding that actually had zero kids. A very close friend of mine was still nursing. I told her that not only could she bring her baby if she needed to, but that she could also bring her mom if she wanted help with the baby and that I would create room for her mom (her husband stayed behind with their other kid.)

    I do agree with you that newborns are a little different situation. It's certainly rude to ask to bring other children/people along, but when you are nursing a newborn, it's very hard to do. 

    I think you were in a tough spot either way. I would see what she comes back with and go from there. If she says no, then just say unfortunately you won't be able to stay for the reception. 

    I'm with you though in that I would rather have my family member there with a newborn than not at all. To each their own. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    novella1186
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

     At the very least, in the event of close family/friends, I would decline and explain that I was declining because I was breastfeeding and couldn't be away from the baby.  That at least gives the couple the opportunity to open up a conversation about it and invite you with the baby if they want.

    Hi Ladies,
    Thanks for all your answers. I think you all have really intelligent points and I can definitely understand all sides to this.

    I agree 100% with everything BostonBride2015 said, especially quote above.

    I might have been better off just declining and explaining why. The fact is with this side of my family there really is no winning. My aunt (MOB) criticizes no matter what you do and rants about it for the next 20 years. If I had declined and explained why I'd have gotten shit for not coming. 

    On background I also have a toddler who is staying back at the hotel with a sitter all day. (It's a day wedding.) I would NEVER ask to bring him somewhere he's not invited. I consider a very new newborn baby who's still nursing unpredictably to be almost like you are still pregnant. 

    Five years ago when I got married I had a no kids wedding that actually had zero kids. A very close friend of mine was still nursing. I told her that not only could she bring her baby if she needed to, but that she could also bring her mom if she wanted help with the baby and that I would create room for her mom (her husband stayed behind with their other kid.)

    I think that when the wedding is your own, it's a nice thing to allow others to bring their small kids and babies, but when it isn't your wedding and your baby wasn't invited, you shouldn't ask the hosts if you can bring him or her.
    plainjane0415
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    What you did at your wedding, doesn't necessarily carry over to what your cousin is doing at hers. 

    image
    charcoalandblush
  • What you did at your wedding, doesn't necessarily carry over to what your cousin is doing at hers. 

    That's very true. Just saying I have been in a similar situation and understand where my bride is coming from.
  • Jen4948 said:

    To be honest with you: yes.

    Regardless of the fact that your baby is newborn, and regardless of how little intrusive you think she'll be, it was not appropriate of you to ask if you could bring her because she wasn't invited, and all that "she'll be no trouble at all" is something you really can't predict until the moment of. Not only that, all it did is make the bride feel more pressured to include your baby. Whether it takes attention off her or not, your baby wasn't invited in the first place, apparently as part of a "no kids" policy that she and her FI (and their parents, if they're paying) had every right to set. They may even have had to tell other guests that they can't bring their kids.

    If you can't make it through both the ceremony and the reception without the baby, then it would have been perfectly reasonable to tell the bride that and plan accordingly. But you had no right to ask her to accommodate the baby.


    Agree with this, yes, it's ridiculous of her to say to you that the baby may take away from her day, but in the same token, it is a no kids wedding.  You shouldn't have asked.
    I agree that bride is being a little silly to be worried about the baby taking attention away. 

    I also tend to agree that asking if you can bring an uninvited guest, even a baby, to a wedding is an imposition on the bride and groom. Judging by the bride's, albeit ungraceful, reaction, she would probably prefer OP not attend the wedding than attend with the newborn. 

    I guess the one caveat to the asking about the newborn is that, although we are having a kid-free wedding, if my bff or one of my sisters was nursing, I would rather have them there with baby than not at all. In other words, if the relationship was close enough, I would rather have the choice of making an exception to a no-kids policy or having that person there. However, in most cases, I would rather not be put in the position of having to say, "sorry, our wedding really is no kids". Ultimately it's presumptive though to assume that you are more important than everyone else and can bring whoever you want. 
    image
  • Ugh. I just feel bad for you. I know about family drama and lose-lose situations.

    You probably shouldn't have asked about the baby but what's done is done and it's a minor sin anyway, IMO.
    If she says no... I would not be so nice as you to travel out of town, get a sitter, get a hotel room... just to go to a ceremony of someone who doesn't want you at her wedding enough to let your breast feeding baby come strapped to your chest.

    Because I am not as nice as you are, if she comes back to you and says no, I'd be sugar and light and say I totally understand... and then a little closer to the wedding say something came up and you'll have to miss the ceremony. But that's just me...
  • aurianna said:

    Ugh. I just feel bad for you. I know about family drama and lose-lose situations.

    You probably shouldn't have asked about the baby but what's done is done and it's a minor sin anyway, IMO.
    If she says no... I would not be so nice as you to travel out of town, get a sitter, get a hotel room... just to go to a ceremony of someone who doesn't want you at her wedding enough to let your breast feeding baby come strapped to your chest.

    Because I am not as nice as you are, if she comes back to you and says no, I'd be sugar and light and say I totally understand... and then a little closer to the wedding say something came up and you'll have to miss the ceremony. But that's just me...


    Thanks, Aurianna.
    No matter what I am going to as much of this wedding as I can. 
    This is my baby cousin. She's in her 30's but she'll always be my baby cousin.
    I am her only female cousin. She is borrowing my wedding veil. My mom wore her mom's wedding veil. She cried when I offered to loan her my veil. I would never miss her wedding over something like this.

    I truly just told her about the baby situation because I wanted to be there for as much as I could and it was the only way I could think of to attend more of it.

    If it was just a not-so-close friend's wedding I would never have asked.

    If she says "no," I will come travel with my family; stay in a hotel; come to the rehearsal dinner for as long as I can (still no answer on whether it is kids or no-kids); leave my kids with a sitter and come to the ceremony.

    I predict that if that happens and I miss the reception, then in a few years she will have a kid, find herself in some similar situation or just realize how hard it is -- and will call me up and apologize. We do have that kind of close relationship. I think she is just doesn't have kids yet or doesn't have many friends who have kids so she doesn't realize what it's like. I realize she may also one day have  a kid and be like, "ugh, why was my cousin so dramatic, breastfeeding is stupid." Either way it's fine.

  • aurianna said:

    Ugh. I just feel bad for you. I know about family drama and lose-lose situations.

    You probably shouldn't have asked about the baby but what's done is done and it's a minor sin anyway, IMO.
    If she says no... I would not be so nice as you to travel out of town, get a sitter, get a hotel room... just to go to a ceremony of someone who doesn't want you at her wedding enough to let your breast feeding baby come strapped to your chest.

    Because I am not as nice as you are, if she comes back to you and says no, I'd be sugar and light and say I totally understand... and then a little closer to the wedding say something came up and you'll have to miss the ceremony. But that's just me...


    Thanks, Aurianna.
    No matter what I am going to as much of this wedding as I can. 
    This is my baby cousin. She's in her 30's but she'll always be my baby cousin.
    I am her only female cousin. She is borrowing my wedding veil. My mom wore her mom's wedding veil. She cried when I offered to loan her my veil. I would never miss her wedding over something like this.

    I truly just told her about the baby situation because I wanted to be there for as much as I could and it was the only way I could think of to attend more of it.

    If it was just a not-so-close friend's wedding I would never have asked.

    If she says "no," I will come travel with my family; stay in a hotel; come to the rehearsal dinner for as long as I can (still no answer on whether it is kids or no-kids); leave my kids with a sitter and come to the ceremony.

    I predict that if that happens and I miss the reception, then in a few years she will have a kid, find herself in some similar situation or just realize how hard it is -- and will call me up and apologize. We do have that kind of close relationship. I think she is just doesn't have kids yet or doesn't have many friends who have kids so she doesn't realize what it's like. I realize she may also one day have  a kid and be like, "ugh, why was my cousin so dramatic, breastfeeding is stupid." Either way it's fine.

    To the bolded- but what does she have to apologize for? She didn't do anything wrong. Yes it's inconvenient for you because you're breast feeding, but she's perfectly allowed to not want kids at her wedding even if you guys are close. I feel like if you stop martyring yourself this will all go by much more smoothly.
    This is a little unfair.  I don't think OP is martyring herself at all.  Her cousin is perfectly within her rights to have a no-kids wedding.  But we always tell people on this board that there are consequences to that decision.  One of those consequences is that people with children may decide--or even not be able--to come.  Cousin has put OP in a legitimately tough position by asking her to come to the wedding and leave her young breastfeeding baby behind.  OP's not being a martyr about it--she's just asking about the best way to handle it.
    PrettyGirlLostcupcait927
  • Ugh. I just feel bad for you. I know about family drama and lose-lose situations.

    You probably shouldn't have asked about the baby but what's done is done and it's a minor sin anyway, IMO.
    If she says no... I would not be so nice as you to travel out of town, get a sitter, get a hotel room... just to go to a ceremony of someone who doesn't want you at her wedding enough to let your breast feeding baby come strapped to your chest.

    Because I am not as nice as you are, if she comes back to you and says no, I'd be sugar and light and say I totally understand... and then a little closer to the wedding say something came up and you'll have to miss the ceremony. But that's just me...

    Thanks, Aurianna.
    No matter what I am going to as much of this wedding as I can. 
    This is my baby cousin. She's in her 30's but she'll always be my baby cousin.
    I am her only female cousin. She is borrowing my wedding veil. My mom wore her mom's wedding veil. She cried when I offered to loan her my veil. I would never miss her wedding over something like this.

    I truly just told her about the baby situation because I wanted to be there for as much as I could and it was the only way I could think of to attend more of it.

    If it was just a not-so-close friend's wedding I would never have asked.

    If she says "no," I will come travel with my family; stay in a hotel; come to the rehearsal dinner for as long as I can (still no answer on whether it is kids or no-kids); leave my kids with a sitter and come to the ceremony.

    I predict that if that happens and I miss the reception, then in a few years she will have a kid, find herself in some similar situation or just realize how hard it is -- and will call me up and apologize. We do have that kind of close relationship. I think she is just doesn't have kids yet or doesn't have many friends who have kids so she doesn't realize what it's like. I realize she may also one day have  a kid and be like, "ugh, why was my cousin so dramatic, breastfeeding is stupid." Either way it's fine.



    If the wedding is no-kids, the rehersal dinner should be as since it is a pre-wedding party and those not invited to the wedding should not be invited to pre-wedding parties.
    SP29
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards