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Lingerie for the shower? Is this a thing?

I've heard of lingerie showers, but this is NOT what I had. Both my showers were just regular ones. Definitely did not want lingerie. 

My mom mentioned a few months ago that she was considering getting me lingerie as my shower gift so  I could wear it on my honeymoon. Um... no. I immediately shut that down because 1. I really don't want to wear something sexy that my MOM gave me-- to me that's really weird, 2. I don't even like lingerie. I already own more than I need and I never wear it, and 3. I do not want to open fucking lingerie in front of FI's mom and my grandma and whoever else. Maybe I'm being uptight but that's really awkward to me. 

Well, apparently I didn't get the point across very well because my mom gave me lingerie at my shower a couple weeks ago. It was weird and awkward, and I will never wear the damn thing but there's no gift receipt. So... cool. My best friend was sitting next to me when I opened it and even she was like "WTF?! That's so awkward!" and my sister did a face-palm. 

Fast-forward to this weekend and my FSIL and FMIL threw me a shower (which was awesome!) At the end, FMIL handed me a gift from her. It was fucking lingerie. All the other gifts I got at both showers were kitchen stuff or house stuff. At no point did I say or even imply that I would like lingerie. So once again I had to open this in front of the moms and grandmas (and the dads this time! cuz this was a couples shower), and pretend to like it. It's definitely not a thing I would ever wear and again, no gift receipt. And I have to say, it's even more awkward to me that this time it came from FMIL. Like, "Here's something sexy to wear so you can fuck my son! Enjoy!" Ugh. 

In the grand scheme of things, it's really not a big deal. Just made me slightly uncomfortable for a minute or two, be also made me question why both moms did this. Is this a common thing or some sort of tradition that I'm not aware of? Is it normal for moms to want you to own lingerie or something? I'm confused. Has anyone else seen this? Would you get someone a gift like this for a shower that is not a lingerie shower? I really don't get it. 
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Re: Lingerie for the shower? Is this a thing?

  • Lol. So awkward! My mom actually got me lingerie but it was a one on one gift bc I didn't have a shower. However, it was still insanely awkward bc its my mom AND my dad was in the room when she gave it to me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I do NOT think its a tradition, like, not from your mom/MIL. The only more common thing I'm aware of is a "panty party" as part of the bachelorette party, but even that's not always done.

    Our moms are just crazy apparently lol. Sorry you had to deal with that in front of all those people.... Twice. I'm glad it was just me there, mortified. Lol.
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  • Lol. So awkward! My mom actually got me lingerie but it was a one on one gift bc I didn't have a shower. However, it was still insanely awkward bc its my mom AND my dad was in the room when she gave it to me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I do NOT think its a tradition, like, not from your mom/MIL. The only more common thing I'm aware of is a "panty party" as part of the bachelorette party, but even that's not always done.

    Our moms are just crazy apparently lol. Sorry you had to deal with that in front of all those people.... Twice. I'm glad it was just me there, mortified. Lol.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that it's awkward because I was starting to think I must be a total uptight prude or something. 

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    redwoodoriginal
  • I've been to a ton of showers and I'd say that at least half of them, the bride gets at least one gift of lingerie.   At my own shower, one of my BMs gave me a little sheer item from VS.   It was nice enough and I wore it on the wedding night.   I'm pretty sure it's in a ball in the back of my top drawer now.

    I DO think it's weird for moms to by their Ds or DsIL lingerie.    I'm not uncomfortable with sex but I also feel like it's odd to have the family members gift me ways to titillate my SO.    When my MIL was helping to plan my bridal shower she asked for my sizes and I tried to give the impression that I thought it was weird.  However, I'm friends with someone who has a MIL that has been giving her nice underwear since before she was married to her H.     Different strokes I guess.

    My favorite lingerie moment was seeing the then FI of DH's cousin open up a nightie at the shower at her FMIL's home.   DH's aunt picked it up and was looking at it as the GTB walked in.   We all had a great laugh as he just rolled his eyes and said, "That's my MOOOM!"    

     
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta
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    My grandma sent me hot pink frilly lingerie for my birthday this year. I was mortified. Now I'm thinking thank goodness I didn't have to open that in front of other people :(
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  •  I've never been to a regular shower where some sexy lingere was opened in between a blender and some towels. I'd find this super awkward, too. Especially if it was from my mom.

    It's not a thing in my circle. Lingere is given at lingere showers and/or at the bachelorette. Or it's not given at all. 
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
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    I think in some areas it used to be a tradition. 

    I got a "sexy game night" package at the shower my mom threw (a coworker of hers won it at a raffle, and another coworker brought up that I was getting married, thus it ended up at my shower) and H's mom gifted me a VS gift card for a very large amount. I also got a ver generous gift card from my then FSIL for Jimmy Janes.


    I've yet to use any of them. H and I already have the majority of what we, ahem, need.

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  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina
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    AHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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    My mom and I have a very open relationship, but I would still feel weird about this. And FI's mom? NOPE. Mostly just opening in front of other people is so awkward. That's a drinking with your girlfriends type of thing. 
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  • sarahuflsarahufl New York
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    I once sat through a shower where the bride was given multiple items from both her mother and her FMIL.

    I would not have liked that one bit. It made me very uncomfortable.
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  • My mom gave my sis lingerie at her shower, but it was some  tradition b/c apparently my grandma gave my mom lingerie at her shower? I don't know. It was tasteful, like a nice white satin thing with a matching robe but still just a little bit awkward. 
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes)
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    Hmm, I kind of had this happen b/c I had two showers. One was traditional (with all the grandmas and MIL invited); the other was more of a "girls night" thrown by my BFF. That list was mostly friends and people who WEREN'T relatives (except for my mom, who did give me a white nightie). But it seemed appropriate for the girls night event. Just glad my MIL wasn't there to witness it.

    I think your Mom/MIL meant well but I would be a little mortified if I opened something like that in front of the wrong crowd. It didn't phase me that my mom got me "something pretty" (in her words) but I would have HATED to receive something like that from my MIL.




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  • I think it's an old school thought process for that kind of stuff, but thinking more like silky nightgown as opposed to sexy lingerie.  But I can't say I've seen anyone give that kind of stuff in the past 10+ years so who knows. 

    When FI were debating a registry or not and I'd mentioned friends wanted to do a shower he's like well they could just get you lingerie or something.  And I was like uhhh no that is NOT a thing anymore, but he actually thought it was.


    I've shared this story before but it fits.  Back in college, my big sis from my sorority was getting married and so 2 of us were invited to her shower.  We had never been to a shower before and thought you were supposed to do lingerie and stuff.  I don't remember if they had a registry or maybe we didn't even know about those.  We went to Macy's and bought some silk nighty thingie (not slutty though) and something else and then thought well I think you're supposed to do something fun too so we went to an adult store and bought edible underwear and something else random.  Everyone else bought kitchen and decorating stuff LOL. Fortunately her family is fun and laid back and thought it was great (I'd be mortified with my family) but yea apparently we didn't really know the difference between bridal showers and bachelorette parties.  

    novella1186
  • I think it's a generational thing, because I always hear of it coming from moms/older generations, not friends/younger generations. Like, when they got married it was more expected to be given lingerie because people still believed they hadn't had sex yet and had therefore never owned lingerie?? 

    My mom tried to throw a "personal shower" for B's FI (not just lingerie, but like... massage oils and "toys" and shit). We put the kibosh on that REAL quick.

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  • I declined all showers except for a lingerie shower my sister offered to throw as part of my bach party weekend. My mom was not in attendance but she and my sister bought me a blue and white cotton robe as one of my gifts, in case I wanted to get ready in it. I can't imagine my mom buying me actual lingerie, that would be super weird. 
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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
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    edited April 2015
    I've seen lingerie make an appearance at every shower I've been to. I've even gotten a Victoria's secret gift card for a cousin. My shower is this weekend and I have some raunchy sisters and friends, so I suppose it's my turn to be embarrassed.




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    Bubblegum5586
  • I think it's a generational thing, because I always hear of it coming from moms/older generations, not friends/younger generations. Like, when they got married it was more expected to be given lingerie because people still believed they hadn't had sex yet and had therefore never owned lingerie?? 


    My mom tried to throw a "personal shower" for B's FI (not just lingerie, but like... massage oils and "toys" and shit). We put the kibosh on that REAL quick.
    omg I would be horrified. It was bad enough just opening up the lingerie in front of people. If I had pulled a big dildo or something out of the box I probably would have cried. 
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  • I think it's a generational thing, because I always hear of it coming from moms/older generations, not friends/younger generations. Like, when they got married it was more expected to be given lingerie because people still believed they hadn't had sex yet and had therefore never owned lingerie?? 


    My mom tried to throw a "personal shower" for B's FI (not just lingerie, but like... massage oils and "toys" and shit). We put the kibosh on that REAL quick.
    omg I would be horrified. It was bad enough just opening up the lingerie in front of people. If I had pulled a big dildo or something out of the box I probably would have cried. 
    Never mind the fact that none of us even liked this girl.

    Although at least then I could have gotten her a card that said "go fuck yourself. with this" and I would have looked generous

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    novella1186littlepepsophhabobopha[Deleted User]
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York
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    I think it's a generational thing, because I always hear of it coming from moms/older generations, not friends/younger generations. Like, when they got married it was more expected to be given lingerie because people still believed they hadn't had sex yet and had therefore never owned lingerie?? 


    My mom tried to throw a "personal shower" for B's FI (not just lingerie, but like... massage oils and "toys" and shit). We put the kibosh on that REAL quick.
    omg I would be horrified. It was bad enough just opening up the lingerie in front of people. If I had pulled a big dildo or something out of the box I probably would have cried. 
    there is not enough money in the world for me to go to one of those with my mom and MIL.
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    novella1186littlepep
  • I haven't had a shower yet so nothing awkward there,  but two awkward moments with my mom regarding lingerie. The first one was right around when I moved in with FI I went to her house and she said she bought something that was the wrong size but would probably fit me. I was excited since half my wardrobe has come to me this way. She came back out with some black see through thing.

    It was weird enough that my mom was giving me lingerie. It was mortifying that my sister's bf and my brothers friend were both their. The fact that this was something she bought for herself and therefore to wear for my dad made me wanna die right there in the living room.

    The second is ongoing, but not close to as bad. Every year for Christmas she buys all us kids pajamas. The last two times she has told us that even though they are just cute comfy pajamas she picked them based on what she thought FI would enjoy seeing me in. One pair came with a pair of shorts that barely cover my ass in addition to the normal pants. A different pair the button up top didn't button up past the boobs and she made a big point that I could just wear it with cute panties and nothing else.

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  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina
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    I think it's a generational thing, because I always hear of it coming from moms/older generations, not friends/younger generations. Like, when they got married it was more expected to be given lingerie because people still believed they hadn't had sex yet and had therefore never owned lingerie?? 


    My mom tried to throw a "personal shower" for B's FI (not just lingerie, but like... massage oils and "toys" and shit). We put the kibosh on that REAL quick.
    omg I would be horrified. It was bad enough just opening up the lingerie in front of people. If I had pulled a big dildo or something out of the box I probably would have cried. 
    Never mind the fact that none of us even liked this girl.

    Although at least then I could have gotten her a card that said "go fuck yourself. with this" and I would have looked generous


    Might have been worth it just for that. 
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    theartistformerlyknownas
  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 Toronto
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    One of FI's GM's wife bought me an apron and a "matching" pair of undies for my shower gift. Luckily she warned me in advance that I might want to open the second part in advance. I embarrass really easily, and this was at a shower thrown by my very conservative FMIL/FSIL and attended by a bunch of women from our church including the pastor's wife. I can only imagine how that would have gone! Sort of awkward because I don't know this woman very well...and made MORE awkward by her later asking my FI if I'd found the second part of the gift and telling him to enjoy!

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  • Yes, absolutely an older generational thing. 
    Back in the day ( more my mama's day than mine) you were not only expected to be prepared for marriage with a hope chest full of tea towels and table linens and house things, you were expected to bring a nice trousseau, of a few good wardrobe pieces and all your nightwear and house dresses and slips and underthings. Because obviously, you wanted to be a good little wife and not burden your husband with the cost of clothing, and not be a disgrace to womanhood in worn out undies. 
    So bridal magazines had checklists for what your trousseau should contain, and moms and friends bought you fluffy little gowns and things. 
    Things like this:
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    And this:
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    But that's about as racy as things got. The custom of giving lingerie has obviously hung in there, but not in the same demure way it started.

    This is a really great piece of ephemera- an old trousseau list with all the basics filled in.
    Note the wardrobe of house dresses and gowns, from a world before sweats and yoga pants.



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    theartistformerlyknownasnovella1186amelishachibiyui
  • One of FI's GM's wife bought me an apron and a "matching" pair of undies for my shower gift. Luckily she warned me in advance that I might want to open the second part in advance. I embarrass really easily, and this was at a shower thrown by my very conservative FMIL/FSIL and attended by a bunch of women from our church including the pastor's wife. I can only imagine how that would have gone! Sort of awkward because I don't know this woman very well...and made MORE awkward by her later asking my FI if I'd found the second part of the gift and telling him to enjoy!

    Yeah the pastor's wife from FI's parents' church was at my shower... FMIL always says she's more Wiccan than Christian so maybe this was her little act of rebellion or something? Ugh. I don't know. It was just awkward. There's no other word for it. 
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    lmcooper86
  • Yes, absolutely an older generational thing. 

    Back in the day ( more my mama's day than mine) you were not only expected to be prepared for marriage with a hope chest full of tea towels and table linens and house things, you were expected to bring a nice trousseau, of a few good wardrobe pieces and all your nightwear and house dresses and slips and underthings. Because obviously, you wanted to be a good little wife and not burden your husband with the cost of clothing, and not be a disgrace to womanhood in worn out undies. 
    So bridal magazines had checklists for what your trousseau should contain, and moms and friends bought you fluffy little gowns and things. 
    Things like this:
    image
    And this:
    image
    But that's about as racy as things got. The custom of giving lingerie has obviously hung in there, but not in the same demure way it started.

    This is a really great piece of ephemera- an old trousseau list with all the basics filled in.
    Note the wardrobe of house dresses and gowns, from a world before sweats and yoga pants.



    image
    Thanks, that makes a lot more sense to me now. My mom and FMIL both tend to cling to really outdated traditions, so maybe they just thought it was a must-have. Still weird, but at least now I get it lol 
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  • My mom got it into her head that she wanted to buy me blue underwear for my "something blue". I popped into a store with her that sells sexy, but really uncomfortable, underwear just to appease her. 

    As soon as we got out of the store I reminded her that I've been buying my own underwear for the last 20 years and I can handle it on my own. I even had to lay the law down that I don't want her buying lingerie for me as a surprise either. 

    FFS, I'm not going to wear a $50 lacy blue thong that's going to be stuck up my butt all day because someone else thinks it's sexy. I'd rather go commando than try to pick out a wedgie in a wedding dress. 
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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    My mom got it into her head that she wanted to buy me blue underwear for my "something blue". I popped into a store with her that sells sexy, but really uncomfortable, underwear just to appease her. 


    As soon as we got out of the store I reminded her that I've been buying my own underwear for the last 20 years and I can handle it on my own. I even had to lay the law down that I don't want her buying lingerie for me as a surprise either. 

    FFS, I'm not going to wear a $50 lacy blue thong that's going to be stuck up my butt all day because someone else thinks it's sexy. I'd rather go commando than try to pick out a wedgie in a wedding dress. 
    DUDE my mom tried to force me into something like that as well!

    I was like bitch I'm wearing nude spanx with a hole in the crotch for peeing. Frilly stuff is for the honeymoon when its only on for 20 seconds
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    swiftsticks
  • I mentioned my family does the lingerie showers for all the girl cousins in one family. When we had it for the first cousin we all had a great time but it actually got more awkward when her MIL gave her this over sized tshirt type nighty... It was so blatantly not sexy it was awkward.

    When I had mine I got nighties and other pieces of lingerie but then my aunt gave me a box that had a large feather and a silky ribbon type thing with a card saying to use our imaginations... and her daughters gave me the apron with the matching panties kinda thing, with a cook book that was called "50 shades of chicken" (or something) with the directions all about "slapping" and "rubbing" and other sexy terms to cook the chicken. It was actually pretty funny! And my MIL got me a beautiful white nightie with a matchingrobe. It was sexy but not slutty. I loved that she participated and with something so nice.

    But for a regular shower I didn't receive any lingerie. But my best friend did. Her aunt gave her this nice wooden bucket thing with their name on the front. Then in it was a clothesline... and as we pulled it out it was a 10-15ft clothes line filled with lingerie and panties and even some "sexy mens" underwear! She is a great sport about everything so it was hilairous but that would have been too much for me!
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    Yes, absolutely an older generational thing. 

    Back in the day ( more my mama's day than mine) you were not only expected to be prepared for marriage with a hope chest full of tea towels and table linens and house things, you were expected to bring a nice trousseau, of a few good wardrobe pieces and all your nightwear and house dresses and slips and underthings. Because obviously, you wanted to be a good little wife and not burden your husband with the cost of clothing, and not be a disgrace to womanhood in worn out undies. 
    So bridal magazines had checklists for what your trousseau should contain, and moms and friends bought you fluffy little gowns and things. 
    Things like this:
    image
    And this:
    image
    But that's about as racy as things got. The custom of giving lingerie has obviously hung in there, but not in the same demure way it started.

    This is a really great piece of ephemera- an old trousseau list with all the basics filled in.
    Note the wardrobe of house dresses and gowns, from a world before sweats and yoga pants.



    image
    I would very much like a nightgown/whatever it is exactly like that first pic. 
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  • larrygaga said:

    My mom got it into her head that she wanted to buy me blue underwear for my "something blue". I popped into a store with her that sells sexy, but really uncomfortable, underwear just to appease her. 


    As soon as we got out of the store I reminded her that I've been buying my own underwear for the last 20 years and I can handle it on my own. I even had to lay the law down that I don't want her buying lingerie for me as a surprise either. 

    FFS, I'm not going to wear a $50 lacy blue thong that's going to be stuck up my butt all day because someone else thinks it's sexy. I'd rather go commando than try to pick out a wedgie in a wedding dress. 
    DUDE my mom tried to force me into something like that as well!

    I was like bitch I'm wearing nude spanx with a hole in the crotch for peeing. Frilly stuff is for the honeymoon when its only on for 20 seconds
    Any recommendations for brands of shapewear that features a pee-hole? I spent at least a half hour looking at shapewear crotches at the local department store and started to feel pervy.


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  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas
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    edited April 2015
    Not gonna lie, if someone wants to spring for some Agent Provocateur for me I won't care who does it. I wish I could justify expensive lingerie, I love it.

    All that trousseau stuff was fascinating. I knew a little about it from too much Anne of Green Gables in my childhood but they definitely don't get into the nightwear part of it, haha. 

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  • Generally, in my area, lingerie is only given at a lingerie shower or bach party. Although my daughter was terrified that FI's cousin would show up with some lingerie and sex toys (she didn't show) because she's been known to do that.
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