No wedding pary - but photos and maybe a little coordination?

anjemon · March 2016

artbyallie said:

JaxInBlue said:

Cutting quote tree

I will cop to coordinating DH's outfit and mine for events where there is a chance we could have a nice picture of us taken. Not ever matchy, matchy a la Justin and Brittany in denim or Kim and Kanye most days of the week - but I have suggested his orange tie when I wear navy and stuff like that.

We don't actually plan it, but we frequently wear a similar color scheme by coincidence.

This is usually us too. I wear a lot of purple and his go-to dress shirt color is blue. His best tie is the purple tie we bought for the wedding. So usually we end up in blues and purples, but that's what we like.

ShesSoCold · March 2016

Hmmm. It never occurred to me to coordinate with H.

My sister and I have very similar styles and we spend a lot of time together. We frequently match by accident. It's not abnormal for one of us to have to change or ask what we're wearing just so we don't match.

A few weeks ago I arrived at her house in a teal-ish tank top, black sweater, dark wash jeans and black boots. She was wearing the exact same thing. Too weird.

holyguacamole79 · March 2016

H & I both coordinated to wear green today.

[Deleted User] · March 2016

holyguacamole79 said:

H & I both coordinated to wear green today.

Me too! Weird coincidence!

drmariner · March 2016

Thanks for the helpful responses. But this will be my last theknot post. Because some of you are real jerks.

CMGragain said:
Either have a bridal party, or don't. No other options exist.

So what do you do in a multicultural wedding? One cultures doesn't have a bridal party and one does. But the order of God, you have one option, that of the American Wedding Industrial Complex - "either you have a bridal party or don't No other options exist." WTF?

flantastic · March 2016

drmariner said:

Thanks for the helpful responses. But this will be my last theknot post. Because some of you are real jerks.

CMGragain said:
Either have a bridal party, or don't. No other options exist.
So what do you do in a multicultural wedding? One cultures doesn't have a bridal party and one does. But the order of God, you have one option, that of the American Wedding Industrial Complex - "either you have a bridal party or don't No other options exist." WTF?

No, WTF are you talking about?

Everyone's whole point was that a bridal party is an honor for your friends if you do it right (i.e. expect nothing but having them stand close to you as you get married to show that they are the closest people to you, thereby honoring that relationship).

However, just asking people to dress up a certain way, particularly if they don't have the honor of standing next to you, is only for your benefit and is only a hassle for them. It has nothing to do with "multiculturalism" or "the wedding industry." It has to do with being considerate of your friends.

artbyallie · March 2016

drmariner said:

Thanks for the helpful responses. But this will be my last theknot post. Because some of you are real jerks.

CMGragain said:
Either have a bridal party, or don't. No other options exist.
So what do you do in a multicultural wedding? One cultures doesn't have a bridal party and one does. But the order of God, you have one option, that of the American Wedding Industrial Complex - "either you have a bridal party or don't No other options exist." WTF?

In an instance where one person's tradition is to have a bridal party and the other's is not, the one who would like one can have attendants and their partner need not have any if they so choose. Sides don't have to be even. This is not rocket surgery. It is never polite to dictate what adults wear if you are not asking them to stand up in your wedding, and even that concept is starting to go the way of the dodo because it's silly to tell adults what to wear period.

AddieCake · March 2016

I am floored that anyone believes the word bridesmaids referred to friends as maids as in helpers/servants/etc as opposed to maidens.

SP29 · March 2016

drmariner said:

Thanks for the helpful responses. But this will be my last theknot post. Because some of you are real jerks.

CMGragain said:
Either have a bridal party, or don't. No other options exist.
So what do you do in a multicultural wedding? One cultures doesn't have a bridal party and one does. But the order of God, you have one option, that of the American Wedding Industrial Complex - "either you have a bridal party or don't No other options exist." WTF?

All anyone is saying, is don't tell adults what to wear.

One can still love and include their friends without needing a title, having them do a job, or having their friends match. Coordinating colours isn't what makes someone special or honoured.

There is no problem with telling your friends, "We'd really love to take some group photos with everyone- can you meet us after the ceremony for 15 mins?". There is no problem with inviting your dearest friends to get ready with you the day of.

The B&G can ask one or more of their dearest friends to present the wedding bands, perform a reading at the ceremony or give a blessing before dinner, or sign the marriage license as witnesses. Or, one can tell their friends, "We are so happy you are here today. You mean so much to me as a friend and I'm glad you were here to witness our ceremony." Etc, etc.

If you want to follow a western culture of having a WP, then have a WP. If you follow a culture that doesn't have a WP, don't have a WP- or even if you follow a culture that traditionally does have a WP, you can still not have a WP.

My MOH did not have a WP when she got married. Guests sat themselves at the ceremony- see a chair? sit in it. DH and I wore our own clothes. Myself and two other close friends still threw her a shower and bacchelorette. We all got together 2 days before and got our nails done. Our large group of friends took a group photo at the reception. The bride and I had a lovely heart to heart at the end of the wedding when the B&G said goodnight to everyone. None of us said, "Damn that B didn't tell us to wear matching colours!!".

P.S. Sometimes DH and I coordinate colours, but we also tend to wear a lot of blue and purple. Sometimes not- sometimes I suggest, "You should wear this shirt and tie" and he says, "No, I'm wearing this today". Not like I'm going to change my dress!

missfrodo · March 2016

AddieCake said:

I am floored that anyone believes the word bridesmaids referred to friends as maids as in helpers/servants/etc as opposed to maidens.

I know!!! That's why we have a name for MATRON of honor if our honor attendant is married.
Should the matron of honor be excused from her "duties" because she's an old married hag, and "maid" is not part of her title, or does she still have to shell out $500 for the bride's self-planned bachelorette in Vegas? Should we only be requesting that virgins lick our wedding invitation envelopes? (read this paragraph in heavy sarcasm font)

JediElizabeth · March 2016

missfrodo said:

AddieCake said:

I am floored that anyone believes the word bridesmaids referred to friends as maids as in helpers/servants/etc as opposed to maidens.

I know!!! That's why we have a name for MATRON of honor if our honor attendant is married.
Should the matron of honor be excused from her "duties" because she's an old married hag, and "maid" is not part of her title, or does she still have to shell out $500 for the bride's self-planned bachelorette in Vegas? Should we only be requesting that virgins lick our wedding invitation envelopes? (read this paragraph in heavy sarcasm font)

Hey now, no need to judge. I have very strict virginity-related envelope licking rules in my home, and I can tell you, the recipients of my mail appreciate the extra effort.

/sarcasm font

AddieCake · March 2016

You guys LICKED the envelopes? That is so scandalous. You hoars!

PrettyGirlLost · March 2016

karaveronica said:

As you're close to these people, absolutely talk to them ahead of time and mention you were eager to have some posed shots with them.
And if you and your Fiancé want to invite his friends to be users, absolutely do so! Ushers usually coordinate dress so no, you wouldn't be out of line offering to purchase ties and pocket squares for them in coordinating colours. Talk to them ahead of time too - if their significant other has her dress picked out (and colours) don't make the blue mandatory if it won't match. Pick something that accents both the dress and your colours (grey or silver are always nice!)
As for your friends, you could invite the boys to be users as well, and ask your girlfirend(s) to do readings or speak if you're so inclined.
Just remember: you're inviting them to be a part of the celebration and be more involved, it's not a requirement.

Not in my experience, they don't.

The only time I've seen ushers in matching or coordinating suits is when they are the actual groomsmen.

My uncle and cousins were my ushers- I didn't tell them what to wear. I did give them pocket squares that I handmade- I gave them to the groomsmen as well, but I did it as a small gesture of appreciation and did not require them to wear the pocket squares.

And no one but me picks out ties for DH :-) It's my favorite part of getting dressed up and going out with him. I.Love.Ties.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2016

drmariner said:

Thanks for the helpful responses. But this will be my last theknot post. Because some of you are real jerks.

CMGragain said:
Either have a bridal party, or don't. No other options exist.
So what do you do in a multicultural wedding? One cultures doesn't have a bridal party and one does. But the order of God, you have one option, that of the American Wedding Industrial Complex - "either you have a bridal party or don't No other options exist." WTF?

Do either of you have compromise in your cultures?

Just because his culture doesn't have wedding parties doesn't mean you can't incorporate a wedding party into your multicultural wedding.

And we all said it was perfectly fine to take the staged portraits with whomever you wanted to, just that you can't dictate what clothes your guests wear.

If you think ppl are being jerks in this thread, the internet is probably not for you. This is one of the tamest, non jerky/bitchy threads I have ever seen on this board.

No wedding pary - but photos and maybe a little coordination?

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