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  • Re: Please Settle this Debate

    In Response to Re:Please Settle this Debate:
    In Response to Re: Please Settle this Debate:EK.......... Are you disagreeing as to what is your preference, or as to what is more rude? You get to picknbsp; yournbsp; preference cash bar but you do not get to pick whatnbsp; the rest of the world at largenbsp; will find more rude. In the same vein, though, neither do I. Neither of us has polled a representative sample. I'm saying I can't argue against OP's preference. I have my own preference. Neither of our mine or the OP's preferences by itself can make something appropriate as far as etiquette goes. In response to the OP's discussion of the "etiquette fairy."I was trying to figure out what the OP was "disagreeing" with. I was trying to be polite and say that I don't see myself as the arbiter of etiquette, either.However, hoffse's story shines an important light on why a cash bar might be perceived as rude in a situation where hosted alcohol was not available. Can you imagine hosting a party where some people might want to partake in alcohol but not be able to afford it either generally speaking or simply because they do not have cash? Perhaps this is a generational thing, or a "Type A" personality issue, but I honestly cannot fathom leaving my house without ANY type of cash/credit card on me. nbsp;Stuff happens. nbsp;Cars break down. nbsp;On the way you realize you forgot to fill up the car. nbsp;Pants rip this actually happened to my brother at my son's wedding. Typically, I'll have a phone, photo ID, credit card, and lipgloss. I've also only really attended weddings where I've been staying at a hotel and have very little distance to the venue. So it's not a hard and fast rule. Some bars would take the credit card if I wanted to use it, but unless they accepted credit tips, too, I wouldn't be able to tip if I bought something on credit. nbsp; I would feel terrible if a choice I made meant some of my guests feltnbsp; poor all night, watching those with money drink the night away. And what if some of my guests started contemplatingnbsp;borrowingnbsp;money from another guest if they wanted to drink a cocktail? Awkward for both the borrower and the lender! Philosophically, I understand if you prefer to have alcohol around and available, and if you and your loved ones would be willing to pay to purchase it.nbsp; I have never heard of anyone opting to skip alcohol for purely financial reasons. I could never imagine someone judging someone who had a dry wedding because nbsp;1 the reception area e.g. some churches does not permit alcohol to be served or 2 one of the Bamp;G/their VIPs is in recovery. I hope you would agree that there exist very legitimate reasons that a Bamp;G would not want alcohol at their wedding even if some of their guests might prefer to drink. I would never bring cash to a wedding, for the same reasons as hoffse described. If I were told ahead of time that there would be only a cash bar, I would at least know it was let's be seriousnbsp; expectednbsp; of me to bring cash but I also probably wouldn't attend, because none of my nearest and dearest would make that choice .nbsp; I would probably assume that cash bar also means cuts were made as to the quality of the meal and entertainment. Sure that's not always true, but that's just me. I was raised in an area where full open bars are the norm. nbsp;However, my husband grew up in an area that typically has cash bars to some degree. nbsp;I cannot imagine being so judgmental and superior as to decline attendance at their wedding because of such a petty issue. I hope you read the part in bold, because it's the most important part. I only spend time with teetotalers and those who actively enjoy drinking socially and, because of that, would want to host at least beer for their guests. It's also why I wouldn't be surprised if I found myself invited to a sodaandapplejuice wedding. In my social sphere, cash bars are unheard of. I'm not such a jerk that if, say, my brother got married I'd turn around if he asked me to buy my own glass of wine.nbsp;Though that raises an interesting question that sometimes comes up in discussions of cash barsif the Bamp;G/bridal party's drinks are "hosted" and everyone else's are not, suddenly the reception becomes a tiered affair. I don't think anyone could find a feasible way to argue that that isn't rude.Partially I feel so strongly because I virtually never purchase drinks when I go out. I don't go to bars, or clubs, or typically drink at restaurants. When I do, I usually split a carafe with others to keep costs down. Most of my drinking is done at dinner parties hosted by my DH or by my friends where we pick up the beverages for retail price. Someone else's wedding is not a place where I want to look at my 60 restaurant budget for the month and contemplate whether it's worth spending the money I typically budget for 2 lunches on a single whiskey sour.I'm not trying to insult those who have opted for cash bars, particularly if that's just "how it's done" in particular society/geographic area. I just think about how much time I spent as a host of my own wedding working with a few of my morebroke friends to make plans that were as easy on their budgets as possible. Had I chosen a cash bar, it would have been a slap in the face to loved ones who worked hard to budget to attend my wedding, but then would end up left out of an activity in which everyone else in more established situations could elect to partake. Posted by mobkaz Posted by EK2013
    All that. I agree. Nicely written. I think a lot of the debates not just this post is well she's not doing it MY way so she's a horrible bride and blah de blah. I think we all just need to accept everyone does things different, if you know what offends your guests from your area and who are use to a certain protocol just don't do it that way! P.S. my acronyms are horrible...what is MUD?
  • Re: Please Settle this Debate

    I do think having an option for them is ok if you honestly can't afford an open bar.
    (I know this hypothetical). I do also think dry weddings are ok. It's up to the bride/groom!

    I'm just curious, some people are being offended by coming back with the fact they are having a dry bar. Aren't you being just as rude by hating on the ladies who DO/DID have a cash bar and calling it tacky/rude/not ok etc? I have an open bar set up so this really doesn't pertain to me but I think some people need to learn to throw less stones. Just bc it's not the way YOU would do it, doesn't mean it's wrong or rude. I have been to a mixture of open, cash, and then even cash limit weddings where you buy your drink after the bar reaches a certain tab. They all turned out just great.

    But to the OP, I do think as a guest you should never EXPECT alcohol. You should go wanting to see your friends marry. So I don't think it's worse one way or another, it's each bride's opinion for her own wedding is what's ok!Smile