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Etiquette

Bridesmaid +1

So I know it's proper to always include a plus one for the wedding party, I however would like to know if there's a way around this situation: My good friend (and bridesmaid) is not in a relationship whenever she gets invited to a wedding though with a plus one she brings her best friend. I have no problem including a plus one for her but I don't particularly like the friend she chooses to bring to these weddings and I'd rather not this friend of hers attend my wedding. Any way around it or is that just something I have to get over seeing as she's a bridesmaid?

Re: Bridesmaid +1

  • I've never heard of a plus one be a "plus anyone but your best friend"  and I'd think you'd be in a strong position to offend your bridesmaid.

    I'd get over it and let her plus one be who it is.




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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    doeydoPrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird
  • If she's not in a relationship, she does not have to get a plus one, but IMO it's the least one can do for someone in their WP.  I would suck it up and give her a plus one.  You never know, she may end up dating someone new by then.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • If she's not in a relationship, she does not have to get a plus one, but IMO it's the least one can do for someone in their WP.  I would suck it up and give her a plus one.  You never know, she may end up dating someone new by then.
    Doesn't etiquette dictate the WP gets a plus one automatically?
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If she's not in a relationship, she does not have to get a plus one, but IMO it's the least one can do for someone in their WP.  I would suck it up and give her a plus one.  You never know, she may end up dating someone new by then.
    Doesn't etiquette dictate the WP gets a plus one automatically?
    Nah it doesn't.  Etiquette states that plus ones are never necessary but typically it is seen as just a common courtesy to include a plus one for your WP.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • I think you can't do much about it if you give a +1. Set her up on a date with your new cute coworker? Maybe she'll forget about the friend then.
    LaBellaBarv66tabathafaye
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I actually prefer to go alone if I am single and in the WP. I can focus on he couple rather than entertain someone they prolly don't know.

    OP, since she is single I would not extend a plus one. You will have the plus one with you much of the day as it has been discussed on here at great legnth that the SO and plus ones should be allowed to be with the WP as much as possible - ie photos, head table, etc. If you don't like the girl than don't extend a plus one. If the plus one was her SO you'd be stuck, but int his case you aren't.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Interesting.

    I'd be annoyed if I didn't get a plus one being in the WP, personally.
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • Your wedding party does a lot for you IMO and therefore should get a plus one...if the girl really bothers you then maybe you could talk to her about it, but she should still get the option to bring whoever she wants as her plus one...it's unfortunate but there are often times when people youd rather not have at wedding attend-cousins your parents must invite, SOs you don't like, etc.- and this may be one of those situations.
    LaBellaBarv66PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you're going to give her an "and guest" of her own choice, you are stuck with whomever she brings.
    PrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    Interesting.

    I'd be annoyed if I didn't get a plus one being in the WP, personally.
    I think it's a personal opinion...
    My thought process is if I am just bring a date, not someone I am dating or in relationship with, but a random or  a friend, then I have entertain and spend time with them. Even when I have had a boyfriend as a date I found it to be sometimes cumbersome. I wanted to spend time with the bride and my friends, dancing and talking to them. If he wasn't in the friend-circle he was often off to the side and then I felt like I had to go be with him. If I'm in the WP I'm either friends with most of the WP or a sibling...

    I would never bring a random to a family wedding, but that's me. I don't want to explain all night who he is, no we're not dating, and all the jokes and stories and awkwardness he might be subject to...

    I didn't have a WP so I didn't have to worry about it. But I prefer to go stag to weddings if I'm single :) (but I was a huge flirt in my single days)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    jendemeyer
  • If she's not in a relationship, she does not have to get a plus one, but IMO it's the least one can do for someone in their WP.  I would suck it up and give her a plus one.  You never know, she may end up dating someone new by then.
    Doesn't etiquette dictate the WP gets a plus one automatically?
    Nah it doesn't.  Etiquette states that plus ones are never necessary but typically it is seen as just a common courtesy to include a plus one for your WP.
    This.
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  • Interesting.

    I'd be annoyed if I didn't get a plus one being in the WP, personally.
    I would too, personally.  I think it is courteous and as I said, the least one can do for their WP (who have probably spent lots of time/money on the couple & their wedding). 
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  • I'd think about the circumstances. First, you can't really pick and choose which of your single guests do and do not get a plus one, without hurting feelings when they find out. You can't invite your bridesmaid without a plus one, and then invite a bunch of single guests with a plus one. That'll just come across as rude. But if you're not inviting any single guests (or only single guests from out of town, or who don't know anyone else at the wedding, and your bridesmaid doesn't fit either of those categories) then I think it's OK to invite your bridesmaid without a plus one, depending on the circumstances. Will everyone else in the bridal party have a date? Does your bridesmaid have other close friends at the wedding, that you can sit her with, especially if they are single also, so she doesn't feel alone in a sea of couples? If yes to the first, and no to the second, I'd feel bad leaving that one bridesmaid all alone. 

    If she's special enough to you to be a bridesmaid, then you should care about her comfort level. If you think she'll be uncomfortable without a plus one given the circumstances, that should be the most important thing to you. 
  • One of our GM was in a relationship with someone who I preferred not attend our wedding. There were so many issues I won't go into all the long details, but I will say we had talks with our venue about security of our gifts/cards and if she were to cause any scenes how it would be handled.

    Good news is, she didn't cause a scene. I saw her once or twice during the reception but basically forgot the rest of the time she as even there because I was busy visiting people & dancing. I also got lucky because we didn't have her sit at the head table either. Now before anyone starts ripping me a new one for not having her sit with the GM, she had a sensitivity to lights and loud noises and with where the DJ was set up, she would have been in direct shot of the flashing lights & loud music which basically gives her an instant migraine, so we put her at a table off to the side w/other guests. Heck even the church bells going off after our ceremony had her dropping to the ground she was that sensitive.                 

  • Erikan73 said:

    One of our GM was in a relationship with someone who I preferred not attend our wedding. There were so many issues I won't go into all the long details, but I will say we had talks with our venue about security of our gifts/cards and if she were to cause any scenes how it would be handled.

    Good news is, she didn't cause a scene. I saw her once or twice during the reception but basically forgot the rest of the time she as even there because I was busy visiting people & dancing. I also got lucky because we didn't have her sit at the head table either. Now before anyone starts ripping me a new one for not having her sit with the GM, she had a sensitivity to lights and loud noises and with where the DJ was set up, she would have been in direct shot of the flashing lights & loud music which basically gives her an instant migraine, so we put her at a table off to the side w/other guests. Heck even the church bells going off after our ceremony had her dropping to the ground she was that sensitive.                 

    you had loud music and a light show going on during dinner? Odd...
    image
  • Interesting.

    I'd be annoyed if I didn't get a plus one being in the WP, personally.
    I think it's a personal opinion...
    My thought process is if I am just bring a date, not someone I am dating or in relationship with, but a random or  a friend, then I have entertain and spend time with them. Even when I have had a boyfriend as a date I found it to be sometimes cumbersome. I wanted to spend time with the bride and my friends, dancing and talking to them. If he wasn't in the friend-circle he was often off to the side and then I felt like I had to go be with him. If I'm in the WP I'm either friends with most of the WP or a sibling...


    I agree, it depends on the circumstances whether or not I would bring a plus one when I'm a bridesmaid, but I think it's nice for one to be offered. When I was in my sister's wedding and single, I got a plus one, but decided not to bring anyone, because I knew I would feel like I had to spend the whole night entertaining them and not just enjoying myself with my family/friends. However, for a friend's wedding where I don't know many others, I would probably be more comfortable bringing someone.
  • Thanks for the input everyone! I'm gonna give her the plus one but talk to her to feel her out about bringing someone. You guys are right too, I probably won't even notice her. thanks!

  • edited October 2013

    Yeah, it's a personal opinion that I'm valued enough to be asked to be part of the wedding (which can be a considerable investment) and I feel enough value in the relationship to make the investment of money and time and love...letting me bring a guest is a reasonable request. expectation

    If you're thinking about the fact that you don't know my guest or you don't want to spend the money on a plate, I'm going to be second guessing what I'm spending on participating.

    A few years ago for the wedding I was in: I spent $300 on the dress and alterations, $700 on a plane ticket, $300 on a rental car, $300 on a hotel, $200 on bachelorette party, approx. $300 towards the shower, and $300 between the shower and wedding gift. It was a ton of money for me at the time. I paid it off over the course of a year. I brought my mom as my guest.

     

    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • Erikan73 said:

    One of our GM was in a relationship with someone who I preferred not attend our wedding. There were so many issues I won't go into all the long details, but I will say we had talks with our venue about security of our gifts/cards and if she were to cause any scenes how it would be handled.

    Good news is, she didn't cause a scene. I saw her once or twice during the reception but basically forgot the rest of the time she as even there because I was busy visiting people & dancing. I also got lucky because we didn't have her sit at the head table either. Now before anyone starts ripping me a new one for not having her sit with the GM, she had a sensitivity to lights and loud noises and with where the DJ was set up, she would have been in direct shot of the flashing lights & loud music which basically gives her an instant migraine, so we put her at a table off to the side w/other guests. Heck even the church bells going off after our ceremony had her dropping to the ground she was that sensitive.                 

    you had loud music and a light show going on during dinner? Odd...
    We had upbeat music during introductions & dj had lights going for that, then the lights weren't crazy for first dance or father/daughter dance but we did have spot lights for those. The gf couldn't handle camera flashes either and to ask guests not to take photos of us during the intros or during toasts I didn't think was a reasonable request.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Yeah, it's a personal opinion that I'm valued enough to be asked to be part of the wedding (which can be a considerable investment) and I feel enough value in the relationship to make the investment of money and time and love...letting me bring a guest is a reasonable request. expectation

    If you're thinking about the fact that you don't know my guest or you don't want to spend the money on a plate, I'm going to be second guessing what I'm spending on participating.

    A few years ago for the wedding I was in: I spent $300 on the dress and alterations, $700 on a plane ticket, $300 on a rental car, $300 on a hotel, $200 on bachelorette party, approx. $300 towards the shower, and $300 between the shower and wedding gift. It was a ton of money for me at the time. I paid it off over the course of a year. I brought my mom as my guest.

    True. I have always been offered the option of bringing a date, I just haven't always taken the couple up on the offer. If I wasn't given the option I might have been miffed, even though I still would have gone stag. I see your point and totally understand. :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • All of our single guests who are known to be in relationships at the time invites go out will be allowed to bring their SOs. A few WP members might even bring along a few kids, too. If we miss someone, then we'll rearrange and make room for a new or overlooked SO. If they find a date last minute, I'll squeeze in a date. But I don't see the need to extend random plus ones otherwise unless there is a good reason (like the WP member is unexpectedly hosting an out of town guest). I dearly love my WP and appreciate all that they are doing, but I am also beating the hell out of my budget and cutting a ton of my other good friends off the list to make way for the groom's requests (and those from both sets of parents). I'm sorry, I'm sure your best gal pal or surfer buddy is an awesome person, but we have a long list of other awesome people who also need to be considered. 
  • Yeah, it's a personal opinion that I'm valued enough to be asked to be part of the wedding (which can be a considerable investment) and I feel enough value in the relationship to make the investment of money and time and love...letting me bring a guest is a reasonable request. expectation

    If you're thinking about the fact that you don't know my guest or you don't want to spend the money on a plate, I'm going to be second guessing what I'm spending on participating.

    A few years ago for the wedding I was in: I spent $300 on the dress and alterations, $700 on a plane ticket, $300 on a rental car, $300 on a hotel, $200 on bachelorette party, approx. $300 towards the shower, and $300 between the shower and wedding gift. It was a ton of money for me at the time. I paid it off over the course of a year. I brought my mom as my guest.

     



    Holy crap, that is ridiculous!!!!!!
  • I think the best solution since you are obviously close enough with this friend to have them in your wp, is to sit down and talk to them about why you would prefer to pick any other friend than ___. In most cases with your other guests they may bring someone you kinda have to put up with being there and you may not notice them and such, but if this person is a guest of your bridal party, then they may be having to sit at the wp table, which means they are less avoidable. So under these circumstances I think it's very necessary to have a conversation with your friend.

    You didn't really specify why you don't like this person, are they just slightly annoying, or have they caused you serious drama? If they are just annoying, then I'd just put up with them especially if there is no wp table. If they have caused you serious problems, then I would hope your friend would already know this and would be wise enough to bring another guest.
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