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Etiquette

EDITED WITH POLL: For those of you trying to defend honeymoon registries. . .

MGPMGP member
Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
edited October 2013 in Etiquette
Let's take a quick poll to see how successful they really are.

If you used a HM registry for your wedding please tell us (ballpark answers are fine):

How many guests contributed?
How much money did you get?
Did it actually pay for the entire honeymoon?
If it didn't did you pay the difference, or just pocket the money and not go?
If you went, did you actually do the things that people paid for - beach dinners, massage, scuba lessons, etc.  BE HONEST.


For those of you who have given to a HM registry:

Why did you?
Were you made aware of any fees?
If you purchased them an item or an activity are you sure they actually received it?
Why did you use the HM registry rather than just giving cash?

Curious and a little scared of the answers.  :)

DISCLAIMER - I hate HM registries with a passion and did not have one when I got married.  Just wanted to see if people are actually contributing to these scams.
grumbledore
«13

Re: EDITED WITH POLL: For those of you trying to defend honeymoon registries. . .

  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Thank you for posting this! I'm still newly engaged, and I have never heard of HM registries before looking at these boards on TK. I'm so curious about these and how they work out.
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
    Funny Awkward animated GIF
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    The problem with this poll is when a couple is rude and guests comply with a rude request it does not mean the giver is happy about it. Just that they love them enough to ignore the fact that the request is rude and still oblige them because want to give them a gift - or feel obligated to do so.

    A better poll might be "who has purchased from a gift registry? Why did you? Did it have fees or did you actually purchase them an activity or item they truly received? Why did you use the HM rather than just giving cash?"
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    golden1215ashleyepmelbelleup
  • I did not have one, nor would I ever contribute to one- no matter how much I loved the couple.
    image
    MNVegasPhoneCardLadycoolwhipz1RebeccaB88
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have contributed to one for a friend. It was direct to the travel agent. There were no fees. From what she told me, it didn't cover the whole trip, but took up a large portion. 

    melbelleup
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @icecreamcono - Do you remember the sites that the couples used or did you go directly through their resort?

  • I would not contribute to one. @icecreamcono, which site was it through? There is almost always a fee and most guests, and even some clueless b&gs don't realize there are fees. If you have $50 for drinks at the bar, most likely they just got a check minus 10%, or $45. Dishonest!

    image
  • @icecreamcono - Do you remember the sites that the couples used or did you go directly through their resort?
    My guess is she did that thing where you print off a voucher and give a check. It doesn't go through the website but it denotes that your gift is for a specific excursion.
    Anniversary
  • A good friend had one and I did not contribute.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • why in the world would I want to remember & to have to keep track that so-and-so gave me money for drinks by the pool and then have to take a photo of drinking said drinks, pay to have that photo printed and then send to the giver? 

    reason #217 HM funds suck. 

    please just give me money, or better yet a gift off my registry, and be done with it. I will send you a nice thank you for whatever you give and we'll call it a day.

    image
    [Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I have known 3 couples that have had HM registries and I did not contribute to any of them.  Instead I gave them money that they most likely took with them on their HM.  So I guess in a way I did contribute unknowingly to their HM but in a proper, etiquette approved way.

    [Deleted User]melbelleup
  • I have never and will never contribute to one. It doesn't make any sense to me when I can just write them a check or give them cash. That's what they'llend up with anyway - not the "couple's massage" or "romantic dinner".
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • annathy03annathy03 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    I've had a friend do one along with a small traditional registry.  I bought off her registry for her shower (as did all the shower guests), and plan to send a check for the wedding.

    ETA: I hate HM funds, which is why I'm sending a check instead.  I love them enough to overlook it, but if it wasn't for this we probably would have gotten them a bigger ticket boxed gift before the wedding.
  • why in the world would I want to remember & to have to keep track that so-and-so gave me money for drinks by the pool and then have to take a photo of drinking said drinks, pay to have that photo printed and then send to the giver? 

    reason #217 HM funds suck. 

    please just give me money, or better yet a gift off my registry, and be done with it. I will send you a nice thank you for whatever you give and we'll call it a day.

    Maybe I worded that wrong. The people I bought drinks for just sent me a thank you card. They were acquaintances, and I didn't go to the wedding. I wanted to give a small gift, and this was a great alternative to sending tchochke. The people who want surfing (who most likely were going to take a picture of that experience anyway) sent a photo and thanked me. That was a nice touch, but certainly not necessary. 

    That's great that you have that preference, and people will gift you what they want to gift you. I just liked the idea of giving an experience as a gift. 
  • I have seen these for a number of people whose weddings I have attended, and some I have not (one FB friend posted a link on her FB page inviting all of her facebook friends to buy her something off her HM registry - I unfriended her immediately). I would never give to one, and from what I've seen of others, I am not in the minority on that. Out of curiosity I have checked on numerous HM registries after the weddings and have seen that maybe two or three items were purchased out of the whole thing.

    As your friend, I am just happy to see you get married and would like to give you a monetary gift for you to spend on whatever will make you happiest. Dictating that my money must go toward your scuba excursion seems ridiculous. If you choose to use if for that fine, but I'm not going to dictate it.
    PrettyGirlLostmelbelleup
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    The problem with this poll is when a couple is rude and guests comply with a rude request it does not mean the giver is happy about it. Just that they love them enough to ignore the fact that the request is rude and still oblige them because want to give them a gift - or feel obligated to do so.

    A better poll might be "who has purchased from a gift registry? Why did you? Did it have fees or did you actually purchase them an activity or item they truly received? Why did you use the HM rather than just giving cash?"
    Very good point!  I will edit my OP to include this to get both sides of the issue.
  • My brother and SIL did a one. And I hated it.  Then again their wedding was riddled with things that would make Emily Post roll in her grave. 

    I didn't contribute.  They didn't have a regular registry either so I got them a gift I thought they'd like. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The drinks one was directly through their resort. The surfing was a website, but it was two years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if there were fees, but I didn't see them. True, they may have just gotten a check, but they still went surfing. It would have been dishonest if they didn't, but since they did, I don't see much of a difference. I really don't like giving cash, just as a personal preference, so the alternative would have been a gift off the registry. If I had bought them a gift, I would have paid a fee for shipping and probably wrapping too.
    But you did give them cash, minus a fee that the couple saw on their end.  You buying that surfing expedition did not book the expedition or reserve anything.  What happened was the couple received a check from a website stating that you "bought" them a surfing excursion.  Thankfully the couple used that money for the purpose that you intended it to be used for but that isn't always the case.  But know, that what you gave them was money whether you like it or not.

    [Deleted User]
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    Answering my own questions:

    For those of you who have given to a HM registry:

    Why did you?  They were couples in their 30's that claimed they didn't need anything but wanted a nice trip.  It seemed like a good idea to contribute to that.  This was several years back, I didn't know any better.

    Were you made aware of any fees?  No, but I am sure there were.

    If you purchased them an item or an activity are you sure they actually received it?  Not sure.  One couple I gave poolside drinks.  Knowing the husband half of the couple (now cheating ex husband) he probably blew through my $50 on drinks before lunch the first day.  The other couple were complete asshats that didn't take the trip because they didn't collect enough money.  They pocketed the funds so I have no idea what my money actually went towards.

    Why did you use the HM registry rather than just giving cash?  I have no idea.  I have not done it since and will never do it again.  They are ridiculously rude.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2013

    I did not use a HM registry - YUCK!
    As a guest I have never used them. I have always found them tacky. One friend when I asked about his registry sent me his travel agent's info. I wasn't attending the wedding as it was OOT and I did not give a gift as a result.
    I prefer to give boxed gifts. I can get more gift for my money with coupons and I feel it lasts longer.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    Hey I am  not sure if this counts, but someone from my sorority did a HF via Paypal or something. I heard about it but wasn't sure it was like Honey Fund. Anybody know? I sent her something off of the registry anyway and I wasn't sure about it in the first place. 

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    AlexisA01 said:
    Hey I am  not sure if this counts, but someone from my sorority did a HF via Paypal or something. I heard about it but wasn't sure it was like Honey Fund. Anybody know? I sent her something off of the registry anyway and I wasn't sure about it in the first place. 

    If she setup a Paypal account and sent it to people to wire her money that she said she would use for her HM, it would not have the fees that Honeyfund would, but it would be just as rude as Honeyfund.
    Seriously, people know that cash is an appreciated, appropriate and often preferred gift. Why do these tacky people feel the need to remind their guests??
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    For those of you who have given to a HM registry:

    Why did you?   The couple genuinely seemed excited about the activities.
    Were you made aware of any fees?  No.  but i knew enough that there would be fees on their side.

    If you purchased them an item or an activity are you sure they actually received it?No,  they did not do the activity.   After the fact they had the nerve to brag how they just wanted the cash and had no intentions of doing the activity.

    Why did you use the HM registry rather than just giving cash?   thought it would be cool to give a gift of a helicopter ride as a gift rather than cash.  Even spent slightly more than  I would have if I gave cash.  GRR.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I've never contributed to a honeymoon registry nor do I plan on having one for my wedding.
    image
  • I have never contributed to one and never will.

    A couple who has asked him to be a GM are doing a honeymoon registry. YUCK. They also don't have a traditional registry so we will be picking them something I think they would like to have.

    I didn't tell them anything when they told us, but we sure talked about their horribly tacky choices after they left.

    I'm super embarrassed for them. I did tell her about TK and how she could get some really great ideas and advice her.......hopefully she comes to her senses and doesn't embarrass themselves further :/

     

  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    For those of you who have given to a HM registry:

    Why did you? I was young and naive.  It was pre-TK for me and the couple only had the HM registry, no traditional registry at all.  I prefer to give boxed gifts as a rule.
    Were you made aware of any fees? Nope.  If I had, I would've just given cash.  At least that way, they get the whole gift.
    If you purchased them an item or an activity are you sure they actually received it? Nope, but I'm hoping they had a really fantastic honeymoon with it.
    Why did you use the HM registry rather than just giving cash? Like I said, I would've if I had known they didn't even get the whole amount.


  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Interesting. Almost 30 responses in and NO ONE has responded with "Yes, I had the honeymoon of my dreams on someone else's dime. Squeeee!" Maybe I should cross post on another board to see what recently married ladies have to say? Honestly I just posted this to see if the farce of "let other people pay for your honeymoon" has actually come to fruition for anyone. However the feedback for the gift givers side has been great. Keep them coming!
    Maggie0829lauracutter
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I bought for one off honey fund, where the cheap gift was $25 and the next one up was $100. I printed the voucher and gave a check for $25 for her shower, which we were requested not to bring boxed gifts to anyway to save the bride money on her flight home from the shower.

    Yup.

    I gave a check for a higher amount as a wedding gift and have no idea if they used my $25 the way "I intended.". There is already a lot of tacky there so I figured, whatever.
    ________________________________


  • I have a question one of my bridesmaid through me a honeymoon shower...No i did not do a registry (I had never heard of them.) But when people asked what I wanted I said I would prefer cash but that I did have a registry at Target. Since my bridesmaid called my shower a honeymoon shower I would think it gave it away that I would of rather had money for that. I guess my question is would you have side eyed it? 

    On a side note about 25 people came and only 2 people gave actual presents. The rest was money. No it didn't pay for the whole thing, it did pay for a big chunk though and yes we paid the difference. We leave in 2 weeks!
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