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Thank You Card Etiqette

I am in a pickle and not sure how to handle it. My wedding was a few weeks ago and a few members of my family came and acted in a way that I found to be rude and hurtful. My Aunts attended but did not speak with either myself or my Husband, although they spoke with my mother (thier sister). They were there for the ceremony and for the reception were there long enough to eat the main meal and then left. They did not let me know that they were leaving. They did not sign the guest book although they had ample opportunity to do so, and did not even leave a card (let alone a gift). I am at the point of starting my Thank You cards and am not sure how to handle these family members with a Thank You. I feel that they came becase if they didnt it would look bad, not because they wanted to be there to celebrate with me. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

Re: Thank You Card Etiqette

  • wait, so you're upset that they didn't sign the guest book and didn't stay for the entire reception?  And didn't give a gift?  Many people send gifts after the event, and even so, gifts are never required, so you should not be upset about that.  I often don't sign a guest book when I attend events-sometimes there is a line or sometimes I just forget.  Most brides are upset because someone no-shows or just comes to the reception and skips out on the ceremony.

    I think you are being very petty and nothing they've done warrants you being upset.

    (Also, who wants to bother the bride and groom to tell them that they're leaving while the B&G are probably mingling with their guests?)
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Send a thank you card to the people that gave you gifts. 

    Also, why are you bent out of shape over them not signing the guest book? That's really silly. They're also not required to give you a gift. 

  • As the hostess, you were supposed to go up to each guest, not wait for them to come to you.

    It's not a requirement to give a gift, sign the guestbook, stay until the last dance, OR let the bride know you're leaving (wtf?).

    Gift=Thank you note...so no need to write one for those not choosing to give a gift.
  • It sounds like OP is upset because the aunts didn't talk to her or make an attempt to act happy for her and then the other things (guest book and gift) just snowballed it IMO.

    But anyway, don't send them a thank you card as they didn't not bring a gift.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Why were you waiting for them to come up to you?

  • The way we handled thank-you notes for folks who attended but did not give a gift was that we took it on a case-by-case basis and decided whether or not we actually felt thankful that they were there (in essence, sending a thank-you-note simply for them travelling to and attending the wedding). If they gave no gift, you're under no obligation to thank them... but you also shouldn't hold it against them.  
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I very rarely sign the guest book when I go to weddings.  I tend to just forget that it is even there to sign.  I am usually too busy enjoying the festivities to worry about signing a guest book.

    As for them not speaking to you or your H, did you approach them?  If not, you should have.

    With them leaving and not telling you, they didn't need to tell you.  I have been to a few weddings where when we are ready to leave, we leave.  Typically at that point the couple has made their rounds and we have congratulated them and made some small talk.  Why the need to go up to them again to tell them we are leaving?

    Finally, the gift portion.  Gifts are not required nor should they be expected.  So they didn't do anything wrong.

  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Seems to me that the real issue here is that OP feels like her aunts didn't want to celebrate her. But don't think that way! They may have been feeling sick, or had an emergency come up, or some other circumstance you don't know about. The fact that they came means that they wanted to be there, to show you their love. Don't worry about the rest of it.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I'm not upset about them not leaving a gift what upsets me was leaving because as the said the the rest of their table they didn't want to be there. They were there because if they didn't come it would have upset my mother. They were not there to celebrate with me but to save face. My concern is how to handle a thank you card when the person was barley there and although I did make an attempt to go and talk to them they chose to walk away from me so they wouldn't have to talk to me. I am not a petty bride I could care less about gifts and guest books it's being shunned by family at my wedding when they attended my cousins wedding without issue (and without leaving early for no reason). For those who gave advice on how to handle the thank you cards I appreciate the advice. I realize that you send a card when a gift is recovered, I feel confused about this since no gift was received. I feel like if I don't send a card then I'm being a petty as they were at my wedding. That is where my confusion is coming from.
  • But that's the thing- your reception was your thank you to them for attending, so no additional thank you card is required. 

    If you really want to send one, then something like a simple "Thank you for attending our wedding day" would suffice. 
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