Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Garter toss- he doesn't want to (!)

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Re: Garter toss- he doesn't want to (!)

  • I wanted to do it but my FI told me that the idea of it bothered him, so we're just going to skip it. I'll still wear a garter and toss the bouquet though. 
  • My fiance and I are not doing one and I for one and glad. I am uncomfortable with him reaching up my dress in front of my grandparents and he says he respects my family to much to want to do it. Remember that this is something small and ultimately not very important. The important things is that you are starting your life together! don't let something small ruin it for you! It's not worth it! 
    StacyM0274Blue_BirdVivandiere8
  • If he doesn't want to do that. It's okay. You can still wear a garter as your something blue. Sounds like he is shy & doesn't want the attention completely on him while he's searching under your dress. It's not the end of the world if you don't do this. You can always wear a blue bracelet, earrings, shoes, hair clip- many options if you want people to see what you have that's blue. Don't stress over this! Best wishes!
    PetKatSold2011StacyM0274PrettyGirlLost
  • I say don't do it. If he is uncomfortable there is really no need for it. At my wedding we didn't do the garter or bouquet toss. I didn't even wear a garter.
    StacyM0274PrettyGirlLost
  • If the act of retrieving the garter isn't your or your hubby's forte skip it.  But still though something.
    Usually your have two garters anyways. One is the one for yourself and the other is a cheep gaudy garter that he throws.
    My mom has made all of my cousins throwaway garters; they take 5 min on a sewing machine.
    And at last wedding i went to they skipped the "retrieving of the garter" and just threw the throwaway one. 
    Its just as fun, less embarrassing, and know one has to be the wiser.
  • We are getting married January 18, 2014 (47 days!) My Fiance & I agreed from the very beginning that neither of us wanted to do a Garter Toss at our wedding. We both feel that it's a custom that (in our opinions) is very tacky. I have never seen a garter toss done in a classy way. I will still wear a garter that he can remove that night in private & I will still toss my bouquet. I recommend still throwing your bouquet if that's something you want to do & putting your future Husband's feelings above your own in this situation.
    StacyM0274PrettyGirlLostVivandiere8
  • My fiancé didn't want to toss the garter either.

    Honestly, I was indifferent about the garter toss. I would've done it out of tradition, and as long as my leg isn't exposed for all our guests to see then I wouldn't mind. However, my fiancé sees it as a lack of respect toward me to take off my garter in public. I have to say that I was taken aback and humbled to see him have that much respect for me that I couldn't argue against it at all.

    However, I wanted him to toss something, just because I think it's fun and also unfair that I would toss my bouquet and he toss nothing. We've agreed that he would toss my garter, but he wouldn't remove it from me publicly. An alternative is the football that I saw mentioned, but we're thinking either I'll give it to him beforehand or we'll somehow remove it from my leg before the reception (in private, of course) and have it on my bouquet until the tossing occurs--so there can be a "removal" but it'd be on the bouquet rather than on my leg.

    If you feel that the whole tossing thing is unfair (like, if he still objects to tossing anything but you were going to toss the bouquet and feel it to be unfair), another alternative we considered was if/when you have the anniversary dance, give the bouquet to the last couple dancing on the floor as a token of appreciation for their advice, assuming that they do give you advice. My fiancé and I are probably going to toss stuff anyway, but we thought that the anniversary dance idea was a nice token for the guests, especially if those who are dancing last happen to be your/his grandparents or something :)
    emzo392
  • I am not a fan of the garter toss either. Part of the reason is that I am sure that garter is sweaty and nasty by the time it is thrown. Most wedding dresses are hot! I wouldn't want to catch anything that gross and sticky.

    As others said, you can toss your bouquet and wear a garter without doing a garter toss. You have MANY options.
  • I always think the garter toss is so trashy at weddings. Who in the world likes to watch the groom crawl up the bride's skirt and pull it off with his teeth. Save that shit for the bedroom.

    THANK YOU! My FI was wanting to do a garter toss, but I REALLY don't want him doing a skirt dive in front of our families...
  • sswiegnersswiegner member
    First Comment
    edited December 2013
    I can sympathize with your fiance. May I offer a compromise or an alternative to the garter toss? 

    The garter toss does connotes some kind of sexual thing (feel free to google it), and I think it's quite awkward. I do NOT want anyone taking off my garter in public.  I mean, I don't wear garters in everyday life anyway, why the flip should I wear one with my wedding dress?!  

    Anyway...my mom suggested a new tradition that I think is brilliant. She suggested giving the groom a hat to throw to his fellas instead of the garter. It can be a classy fedora, or a goofy hat from the dollar store.  He'll get his equivalent of throwing a bouquet, and no one has to feel awkward (unless your fiance has lice.)

    And, you can still wear your blue garter if you want. :)  
    marshmallow1982Blue_Birdhellohkb
  • My fiancé wasn't really into the garter toss either and I really wanted him to do it. But he said it was against the "bro code" or something. So I suggested putting the garter around a football and tossing that. That way the guys he is tossing it to are not just catching my garter. They're catching a football, much more manly. He's okay with it now. Maybe suggest putting the garter around something like a football for your guy?
  • We are doing an "anniversary dance" in place of the garter toss, since neither one of us are fans of it.  We will give my bouquet to the winner of the anniversary dance and ask them to offer any advice for marital bliss.

    For those that don't know....the anniversary dance...:

    ...is a special dance for all the married couples at a wedding. Throughout the song(s), the DJ names off number of years being married, starting with less than one year [That's when the newlyweds are off the dance floor]. It continues with less than two years, five years, ten years, and so on until the couple who has been married the longest is left dancing.


    offthemarket915
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ambular10 said:
    We are doing an "anniversary dance" in place of the garter toss, since neither one of us are fans of it.  We will give my bouquet to the winner of the anniversary dance and ask them to offer any advice for marital bliss.

    For those that don't know....the anniversary dance...:

    ...is a special dance for all the married couples at a wedding. Throughout the song(s), the DJ names off number of years being married, starting with less than one year [That's when the newlyweds are off the dance floor]. It continues with less than two years, five years, ten years, and so on until the couple who has been married the longest is left dancing.


    Side Track: I always liked this and we may do this at our wedding, but rather than specifying the number of years married, we'd like the DJ to announce it as number of years you have been with your spouse/SO.

    I will have been with my FI for almost 13 years once we get married and that time is not trivial to us. We will continue to celebrate our anniversary as the total length of time we have been together, not married.

    Back on Track:  I was considering doing a garter/bouquet toss in which all guests are free to participate and the two people who catch the items get a gift card.  If we did this, FI would not be removing my garter in front of everyone.  . . I'd just have a secondary garter to throw in my purse or something.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    hellohkb
  • The garter thing does not have to be crazy sexual.  My H did not disappear up my dress or use his teeth or anything like that.  It was just a couple inches above my knee, so nothing very inappropriate. 

    All that to say, if your H really doesn't want to do it, you should honor his feelings and not try to force him into it.
    No it doesn't have to be but just the chance you have guests who start doing the cat calls and whistling....it can become quite uncomfortable. If that stuff doesn't bother the b & g okay, but I just know of a gal who kept it appropriate but she had guests start the catcalls and her and hubby became very uncomfortable, while everyone else found it funny.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ambular10 said:
    We are doing an "anniversary dance" in place of the garter toss, since neither one of us are fans of it.  We will give my bouquet to the winner of the anniversary dance and ask them to offer any advice for marital bliss.

    For those that don't know....the anniversary dance...:

    ...is a special dance for all the married couples at a wedding. Throughout the song(s), the DJ names off number of years being married, starting with less than one year [That's when the newlyweds are off the dance floor]. It continues with less than two years, five years, ten years, and so on until the couple who has been married the longest is left dancing.


    I love that idea.  I just had this conversation about the garter/bouquet toss with FI a few days ago - he didn't want to do the garter toss because it's awkward, I don't really want to toss my bouquet because I only have a few single friends and don't want to make them uncomfortable... we might do this and give that couple the free toss bouquet that my florist provides.  I've said it before and I'll say it again... lasting marriages should be celebrated - and that's a fun idea to celebrate marriages at a  wedding.

    Unrelated... I still like the idea of wearing a garter (don't know why) - but it won't be removed during the wedding reception!! Haha!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Ambular10 said:
    We are doing an "anniversary dance" in place of the garter toss, since neither one of us are fans of it.  We will give my bouquet to the winner of the anniversary dance and ask them to offer any advice for marital bliss.

    For those that don't know....the anniversary dance...:

    ...is a special dance for all the married couples at a wedding. Throughout the song(s), the DJ names off number of years being married, starting with less than one year [That's when the newlyweds are off the dance floor]. It continues with less than two years, five years, ten years, and so on until the couple who has been married the longest is left dancing.


    There is one caveat:  the "anniversary dance" can be uncomfortable for singles to watch who feel discriminated against because they're not welcome to participate, as well as those couples who are having problems in their marriages, even if they've been married for many years, or just don't want this kind of attention.  So I myself would avoid it.  You don't need to have a bouquet toss or garter toss, or for that matter, anything to "compensate" for them.
    hellohkb
  • We're not doing a garter toss. I've heard a pinata idea and our dj actual suggest doing a prop. They hide a basket underneath your skirt/ chair and the groom pulls out stuff like a magician but it's in fun, no showing your legs or him getting under your skirt.
  • I always felt awkward watching those, but just chalked it up to tradition. Our last friends staged it because we got engaged the same time but they got married first. So, I always avoided every bouquet toss until she asked me to do it. I caught it only to realize after, all the girls had moved way back from me ... Lol. Akward! Then then tried to stage for my fiance and he was like "U better throw it in the opposite direction", he was uncomfortable too. Thank god I had pants on when the guy had to put it on my leg, I was uncomfortable not knowing him.

    I understand ur desire as well as his point of view! Maybe u could try this, I saw it on a site. Have a second garter, put it on a football and have him throw it to the guys? And skip the part with him under ur dress and the guy putting in on the girl. He might enjoy the football option. Maybe u can talk with him and explain that it is something important to u and u can learn why he is uncomfortable and maybe u can come up with a cool unique way to do something similiar that is all ur personalities. Maybe who knows the couple best contest and whatever male and female friend is left standing wins them. It can be awesome when fun things about u guys are shared. Hope this helps!
  • The anniversary dance can be made less awkward for singles if you reverse it. Find out who will have been married or together longest, for example, my grandparents have been married 53 years, so start off with that and then dwindle down until you get to the youngest couples and then seamlessly go into calling everyone else on the dance floor. It is a great way to get everyone in the dance floor and still honor those long relationships.
  • I feel that the garter toss always creates unnecessary drama.  I feel it does not value relationships unless someone is married ( I have felt the marriage scorn at several weddings and their bouquet tosses). I feel it is highly sexual.  Who wants to see a man lift up your skirt in front of your grandparents.  ANd you are taking two people who barely know each other and putting them on the spot to make them extremely embarrassed.  What happens if the girl who catches the bouquet and the guy who catches the garter are with dates?  It makes their dates VERY uncomfortable. My ex, a long time ago, caught the garter and his previous ex caught the bouquet.  After the tainting of others and cat calls, I was humiliated. I think this tradition is best belonging to yesteryear, when we will soon say... "Why did we ever do that at weddings?"
  • I haven't read PP's, so I am jumping in here.

    Instead of asking us of ways to help your FI understand how important this is to you, have you considered understanding how important it is to him to NOT do it?  This is a compromise that only the two of you can make.....and it will be the first of many.  

    So, when you look back, what will matter more:  

    A.  That you took his feelings into consideration and didn't do something that made him extremely uncomfortable and made this compromise

    OR

    B.  That you insisted he go thru with the garter toss and forced him to do something that he really did want too, thus a possible spat over a silly garter?

    You have to really ask yourself what matters more here:  your FI's feelings or a silly blue garter toss?

     

  • No garter toss here either - I may wear one for him to discover at the end of the evening, but we're not tossing it.  I don't really want to toss a bouquet either.  He's pretty easygoing - so he's okay with not doing either. There will be no cake smash either!
    image


    Vivandiere8
  • No garter toss. No bouquet toss. I pretty much demanded this from the moment we got engaged and my FI almost knocked me over he jumped up and hugged me so hard. We've both had those awkward moments where friends and family force us out on the floor with the 5 other single adults in the room surrounded by the 15 year old girls hoping they catch it. It's not fun, it's not endearing, it's a dumb tradition. 

    My brother and his wife weren't real happy that my FI and I avoided their toss by smoking cigars and drinking bourbon outside (we weren't engaged yet). I'm happy I was outside - apparently I was being called for by name - how embarrassing! 
  • I find them uncomfortable to watch. Just saw one this weekend and I turned away about 3 seconds in. Weird, weird, weird.
  • Ooops! Old post!
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