Moms and Maids

MOH Can't Host Bridal Shower Anymore Can my Mom do it Instead?

My MOH had been planning a bridal shower near NYC for this spring. She already booked a place, and started putting a few things together. It turns out she just got an amazing chance to open an office for her company in Africa and will be gone during the time of the shower (and luckily back for the wedding!). I'm so happy for her, but you can't exactly host a shower if you are in Africa. None of my other BMs live nearby, and I can't exactly ask them to pay for a shower anyway. My MOH said she'd be happy to help plan if someone else can host (she is amazing). My mom offered to host, since she is nearby. I know moms aren't really supposed to host showers b/c it looks gift grabby. Is it okay to accept this offer? Most of the other BMs can come, but probably can't pay for it. My mom also offered to pay if the other BMs just wanted to "host". Is that a better solution? Should I just nix the shower?

Re: MOH Can't Host Bridal Shower Anymore Can my Mom do it Instead?

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Family members throw showers a lot nowadays.  I wouldn't side-eye it a bit.
    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Technically, mothers and close relatives of the bride and groom aren't supposed to host showers, but I won't side eye it if they do.
  • @MairePoppy

    I like the "silent partner" idea. I know at least 3 out of 4 of the other BMs can make it, so that could work well. And luckily my mom knows them really well, so I don't think it would be weird if I just gave her their emails.  

    [Deleted User]
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Enjoy your shower.
    [Deleted User]
  • Traditionally, MOB's aren't supposed to host the shower, but I doubt many would think twice if she did.  It's a unique situation and you mom should get some credit for her efforts.  It seems silly to me to have your BM's listed as the host when they aren't really hosting.  Moreover, asking your BMs to be the “hosts” but not pay may make them feel a little uncomfortable for one of two reasons – 1) they may feel like they’re supposed to be paying for the shower and are dropping the ball by letting your mom do it, or 2) they may feel that they have to put in the extra effort to plan rather than just attend.  I would say that to keep things easy send out shower invitations without a host listed.  Have your mom plan and pay, as you’ve discussed with her, and have her run the event (give the thank you speech…).  I don’t think anyone will blink an eye!  Whatever you decide, have a great shower!

  • I hosted my daughter's shower and was thrilled to do it.
    MairePoppy[Deleted User]
  • Hmm, I've never seen a shower invite without a host listed, but that could work too. I'm definitely feeling better about this.
  • My mother "hosted" my bridal shower in that it was at her home, but the MOHs and bridesmaids did all the planning, paying, and set up. My mom was the only one with a space big enough and I told my sister that renting a location would be silly.
  • I think it would be ok to list your mom on the shower invite as the host along with the BMs that want to help out.
    "Hosting" isn't the exact same thing as "paying."

    Assuming the other bridesmaids have offered to help... I see nothing wrong with adding them as the hosts if they do several things like field the RSVPs, greet the guests, plan a schedule, etc. Because all those things are the hosts' jobs too; not just paying.
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2013
    double post.
  • In my area the mother of the bride pays and the bridal party does the actual planning, so the Plan B you're describing doesn't raise my eyebrows at all. 

    [Deleted User]
  • In a situation like this I don't see a problem at all. I am assuming you will mention the MOH at the shower anyway? Everyone likely knows the story so it makes sense to have another person fill in.
    [Deleted User]
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