Engagment party

MobKaz

misssunshine17 said:

Maggie0829 said:

This is the weirdest thread.

I agree. I just don't understand the point of it.

Me three. And I don't understand owning up to being so self absorbed. 

I fear we may be witnessing the next generation of Knotties.....half troll, half princess......it's the dreaded Princess Troll :-O

ETA:  Dear Mother! I had no idea this image would be so huge!  Anyone that can instruct me on how to delete it, feel free!!  So sorry!

misssunshine17

@mobkaz.. how frightening!

daveANDkristen

mobkaz said:

misssunshine17 said:

Maggie0829 said:

This is the weirdest thread.

I agree. I just don't understand the point of it.

Me three. And I don't understand owning up to being so self absorbed. 

I fear we may be witnessing the next generation of Knotties.....half troll, half princess......it's the dreaded Princess Troll :-O

ETA:  Dear Mother! I had no idea this image would be so huge!  Anyone that can instruct me on how to delete it, feel free!!  So sorry!

Absolutely not, it's hugeness captures the very essence of LOOK AT ME!  It's perfect.

MobKaz

daveANDkristen said:

mobkaz said:

misssunshine17 said:

Maggie0829 said:

This is the weirdest thread.

I agree. I just don't understand the point of it.

Me three. And I don't understand owning up to being so self absorbed. 

I fear we may be witnessing the next generation of Knotties.....half troll, half princess......it's the dreaded Princess Troll :-O

ETA:  Dear Mother! I had no idea this image would be so huge!  Anyone that can instruct me on how to delete it, feel free!!  So sorry!

Absolutely not, it's hugeness captures the very essence of LOOK AT ME!  It's perfect.

[Deleted User]

I'm a princess troll because I admit that I love my birthday and I want to celebrate my engagement?

I just didn't understand what made throwing your own engagement party rude, I just knew people kept saying it was. That's where this thread came from. I decided to ask. It doesn't feel rude because it's not all about look at me or look at us or bring me gifts, it's just about me being happy and wanting to celebrate that with friends and family who are happy too.

I have never said I was going to do it anyway or that I didn't care about whether it was rude or how people would look at it. I just said I was hoping it wasn't as frowned upon.

NYCBruin

clairekundinger said:

I'm a princess troll because I admit that I love my birthday and I want to celebrate my engagement? I just didn't understand what made throwing your own engagement party rude, I just knew people kept saying it was. That's where this thread came from. I decided to ask. It doesn't feel rude because it's not all about look at me or look at us or bring me gifts, it's just about me being happy and wanting to celebrate that with friends and family who are happy too. I have never said I was going to do it anyway or that I didn't care about whether it was rude or how people would look at it. I just said I was hoping it wasn't as frowned upon.

Then throw a "just because" party.  If it's not about drawing attention to yourself, then don't make it about drawing attention to yourself (by announcing that the purpose is to celebrate YOU).

southernbelle0915

clairekundinger said:

I'm a princess troll because I admit that I love my birthday and I want to celebrate my engagement? If that's what you took away, you missed the point.  I just didn't understand what made throwing your own engagement party rude, I just knew people kept saying it was. That's where this thread came from. I decided to ask. It doesn't feel rude because it's not all about look at me or look at us or bring me gifts, it's just about me being happy and wanting to celebrate that with friends and family who are happy too. I have never said I was going to do it anyway or that I didn't care about whether it was rude or how people would look at it. I just said I was hoping it wasn't as frowned upon.

My understanding is that people thought you were asking for validation or for someone to say "It's NOT rude to throw your own party, have at it!" And when they did not, your responses made it seem like you did not care and wanted to do this for yourself anyway. Perhaps that is not the case, in which case Bravo! 

I like to celebrate my birthday too, but unless someone puts together a party, I'm having a martini with H while he's cooking dinner and I'm picking the movie. KWIM? It's not a bad thing at all, but it'd be pretty AW for me to throw my own birthday party. It's different when you're a little kid and your parents throw it for you or let you have a sleepover, but not as an adult.

It's already been explained, but I'll try again. It's rude for 2 main reasons:

1) It's throwing a party in honor of yourself, which is seen as AWish (likened to throwing your own bach); and

2) It can be seen as a gift giving event, therefore throwing one for yourself is seen as asking for presents (likened to throwing your own shower).

Does that make more sense?

daveANDkristen

clairekundinger said:

I'm a princess troll because I admit that I love my birthday and I want to celebrate my engagement? I just didn't understand what made throwing your own engagement party rude, I just knew people kept saying it was. That's where this thread came from. I decided to ask. It doesn't feel rude because it's not all about look at me or look at us or bring me gifts, it's just about me being happy and wanting to celebrate that with friends and family who are happy too. I have never said I was going to do it anyway or that I didn't care about whether it was rude or how people would look at it. I just said I was hoping it wasn't as frowned upon.

 

clairekundinger said:

missmo14 said:

Host exactly what you have in mind but just dont 'label' it an engagement party. You will still get to mix and mingle with your friends and family before the wedding which I assume is what you are looking for in an " engagement " party?

Nope, I really think I'm being kind of attention whore-y I'm super excited about my engagement!!! I want everyone else to be just as excited I guess.

You've been around long enough to know the tone of this board, so don't be surprised that people are calling you a princess.  Wanting an engagement party is not what's getting you flamed.  Admitting that you are an attention whore is. 

Throwing a party at which YOU are the guest of honor just doesn't look/sit right.  And I know your intention is not to solicit gifts, but some people will feel obligated to bring them. 

Dreamergirl8812

photokitty

eta decided to be less snarky - carry on, nothing to see here :-p

[Deleted User]

I was HOPING for validation, not expecting it. I understand why now and will not host my own EP. However, if it weren't for the gifts I might, I wouldn't want someone to feel obligated to bring presents. I might have a just because party. This does sound like a good second choice.

rvg22

So this got me thinking, in a devil's advocate sort of way.... why is hosting your own wedding reception OK, etiquette-wise? You are certainly inviting people there to celebrate you and new H as the guests of honor, and the expectation of gifts is surely there as much as a B-day party (not saying any of us ARE expecting gifts, but if hosting your own B-day party is viewed as gift-grabby, surely a wedding reception is as well?) 

It just seems contradictory to me. What am I missing? Is the difference just that if people couldn't host their own weddings, there would be barely any weddings in this day and age?

photokitty

rvg22 said:

So this got me thinking, in a devil's advocate sort of way.... why is hosting your own wedding reception OK, etiquette-wise? You are certainly inviting people there to celebrate you and new H as the guests of honor, and the expectation of gifts is surely there as much as a B-day party (not saying any of us ARE expecting gifts, but if hosting your own B-day party is viewed as gift-grabby, surely a wedding reception is as well?) 

It just seems contradictory to me. What am I missing? Is the difference just that if people couldn't host their own weddings, there would be barely any weddings in this day and age?

Bc the wedding reception is your thank you for those who came to your wedding ceremony. My understanding (guess) is the church or JOP is the host at the ceremony.

NYCBruin

photokitty said:

So this got me thinking, in a devil's advocate sort of way.... why is hosting your own wedding reception OK, etiquette-wise? You are certainly inviting people there to celebrate you and new H as the guests of honor, and the expectation of gifts is surely there as much as a B-day party (not saying any of us ARE expecting gifts, but if hosting your own B-day party is viewed as gift-grabby, surely a wedding reception is as well?) 

It just seems contradictory to me. What am I missing? Is the difference just that if people couldn't host their own weddings, there would be barely any weddings in this day and age?

Bc the wedding reception is your thank you for those who came to your wedding ceremony. My understanding (guess) is the church or JOP is the host at the ceremony.

This.

rvg22

NYCBruin said:

photokitty said:

So this got me thinking, in a devil's advocate sort of way.... why is hosting your own wedding reception OK, etiquette-wise? You are certainly inviting people there to celebrate you and new H as the guests of honor, and the expectation of gifts is surely there as much as a B-day party (not saying any of us ARE expecting gifts, but if hosting your own B-day party is viewed as gift-grabby, surely a wedding reception is as well?) 

It just seems contradictory to me. What am I missing? Is the difference just that if people couldn't host their own weddings, there would be barely any weddings in this day and age?

Bc the wedding reception is your thank you for those who came to your wedding ceremony. My understanding (guess) is the church or JOP is the host at the ceremony.

This.

Ah, ok, interesting, thanks. Didn't know that ceremony host detail. So if one was to officiate their own wedding ceremony (legal in at least 2 states) and then host their own reception afterward....bad form, technically?

bunni727

rvg22 said:

NYCBruin said:

photokitty said:

So this got me thinking, in a devil's advocate sort of way.... why is hosting your own wedding reception OK, etiquette-wise? You are certainly inviting people there to celebrate you and new H as the guests of honor, and the expectation of gifts is surely there as much as a B-day party (not saying any of us ARE expecting gifts, but if hosting your own B-day party is viewed as gift-grabby, surely a wedding reception is as well?) 

It just seems contradictory to me. What am I missing? Is the difference just that if people couldn't host their own weddings, there would be barely any weddings in this day and age?

Bc the wedding reception is your thank you for those who came to your wedding ceremony. My understanding (guess) is the church or JOP is the host at the ceremony.

This.

Ah, ok, interesting, thanks. Didn't know that ceremony host detail. So if one was to officiate their own wedding ceremony (legal in at least 2 states) and then host their own reception afterward....bad form, technically?

Still not bad form, because the reception (the party being hosted) is still thrown as a thank you to guests that witness the ceremony. 

NYCBruin

rvg22 said:

NYCBruin said:

photokitty said:

So this got me thinking, in a devil's advocate sort of way.... why is hosting your own wedding reception OK, etiquette-wise? You are certainly inviting people there to celebrate you and new H as the guests of honor, and the expectation of gifts is surely there as much as a B-day party (not saying any of us ARE expecting gifts, but if hosting your own B-day party is viewed as gift-grabby, surely a wedding reception is as well?) 

It just seems contradictory to me. What am I missing? Is the difference just that if people couldn't host their own weddings, there would be barely any weddings in this day and age?

Bc the wedding reception is your thank you for those who came to your wedding ceremony. My understanding (guess) is the church or JOP is the host at the ceremony.

This.

Ah, ok, interesting, thanks. Didn't know that ceremony host detail. So if one was to officiate their own wedding ceremony (legal in at least 2 states) and then host their own reception afterward....bad form, technically?

Not bad form.  The party (the reception) is being thrown for your guests, not to honor you.  

AroundTheBlock

rvg22 said:

So this got me thinking, in a devil's advocate sort of way.... why is hosting your own wedding reception OK, etiquette-wise? You are certainly inviting people there to celebrate you and new H as the guests of honor, and the expectation of gifts is surely there as much as a B-day party (not saying any of us ARE expecting gifts, but if hosting your own B-day party is viewed as gift-grabby, surely a wedding reception is as well?) 

It just seems contradictory to me. What am I missing? Is the difference just that if people couldn't host their own weddings, there would be barely any weddings in this day and age?

If you and your new husband are hosting your own wedding reception with yourselves as the guests of honour, then no, it is not acceptable. Hostesses cannot be their own guest of honour.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Traditional receptions were hosted by the bride’s mother, with the new couple as the guests of honour, and that was appropriate. When another lady hosts the party, the couple gets to enjoy all the guest-of-honour privileges: have the party arrangements made to their convenience, have all the other guests introduced to them, be served first, be the recipients of the majority of the toasts and other little courtesies offered by fellow guests, and leave at their own pleasure (providing that they do so before the other guests start sighing heavily and checking their watches – not a problem with traditional arrangements since traditionally the bride and groom have other novel experiences to anticipate.)

If a bride is not lucky enough to have her mother offer to host a reception for her and has to host it herself, or decides that having control of the guest-list and other arrangements is more important than the guest-of-honour privileges, then she gives those privileges up. She is the hostess: she makes the arrangements around the convenience of her guests rather than herself, she’s the one doing all the introductions, she gets served last after her guests have all been served, and she is present at the door of her reception-room greeting the guests when the first one arrives, and bidding goodnight as the last one leaves.  A hostess does not get exemption from the duties of hospitality by claiming “but I’m the Bride”.

[Deleted User]

Well I feel that that contradicts what the previous post says.... By a lot!

easilyunamused

What about a housewarming party? You throw it yourself, sometimes there are gifts involved and it's AWish because your showing off your new home. I don't think an E party should be thrown by the couple I do thing bday parties and housewarming parties are acceptable, albeit in social circles that do them.

JCbride2015

The distinction between hosting a party for yourself as guest of honor, such as birthday or engagement, vs. hosting a reception, was also hard for me to wrap my head around.  I lurked on here A LOT before feeling like I understand it.  PPs said it very well: you are not the guest of honor at your own wedding reception, therefore it's okay to host.  You are hosting the reception as a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony.  On the other hand, e-parties and birthday parties are parties that are for you, about you, all centered around you.  Rude to throw for yourself.

OP, I was feeling where you are when we first got engaged a year ago.  All my friends had e-parties, I literally didn't know one engaged friend who didn't have one.  I wanted that party BAD.  And I will admit I wanted the attention.  But nobody offered to host one.  And you do NOT host your own, and you do NOT ask someone to host it for you.  You just don't have one.

FI's parents surprised us with a party almost a year after we became engaged (long engagement, and Sandy put the brakes on wedding planning for several months).  The party was awesome.  But we already knew before the party that our families were excited for us.  And the party didn't make anybody more excited than they were before.

If you really want to have a gathering of friends and family, just do that and don't call it an engagement party.  Have a Thanksgiving or holiday house party.  People will ooh and ah over your ring, ask about the proposal, and still talk about your engagement.  

mrs4everhart

I think you should just throw a party, don't call it anything in particular, and enjoy your friends and family. Your excitement will not be impacted in any way, they will not be put out, and you'll never have to wonder if you've offended anyone. Best of all worlds!

Can someone tell me what AW stands for? I understand it in context, I would just like an actual definition without searching. 

easilyunamused

STBMrsEverhart said:

I think you should just throw a party, don't call it anything in particular, and enjoy your friends and family. Your excitement will not be impacted in any way, they will not be put out, and you'll never have to wonder if you've offended anyone. Best of all worlds!

Can someone tell me what AW stands for? I understand it in context, I would just like an actual definition without searching. 

Attention whore.

cidefi

Uuummmm I am the biggest "throw my birthday party" person ever!!! Been doing it ever year since I was 21. My sister was 4 years younger then me and couldnt throw me a party. And now she is dead and still can't throw me a party. So imma do it myself. Yes my day of birth is all about me. Its all about the day I emerged into this world...ME ME ME!!! And my wedding day is the same, except that it includes the husband and kids...US US US. I be damn if imma sit around waiting for my friends to host something for me. If they do...GREAT!! But I ain't holdin'my breath for it.

[Deleted User]

cidefi said:

Uuummmm I am the throw my birthday party person ever!!! Been doing it ever year since I was 21. My sister was 4 years younger then me and couldnt throw me a party. And now she dead and still can't throw me a party. So imma do it myself. Yes my day of birth is about me. Its all about the day I emerged into this world...ME ME ME!!! And my wedding day is the same except that includes the husband and kids...US US US. I be damn if imma sit around waiting for my friends to host something for me. If they do...GREAT!! But I ain't holdin'my breath for it.

We're birthday soul mates, just not in the same month! I don't think there is anything wrong with being an attention whore sometimes. Especially on your birthday!!!

If admitting that I'm an attention whore sometimes is crazy to some people here... I think that most people are. It doesn't mean that I sit around all day looking in a mirror and daydreaming about me. It does mean that after spending the majority of my life as mom and FI and daughter and sister and whatever else I'm needed as for the people I love, it's wonderful to have time where I'm attention whore-y. My friends and family put up with that and play along for things like my birthday because they know that most of the time I'm a giver.

NYCBruin

Personally, I think the birthday obsession is weird and self-centered. But then again, I don't like celebrating people for no apparent reason. If anyone should be celebrated on your birthday, it's your mom. I mean, she's the one that actually did the work. Aside from being super AWish, throwing your own birthday seems like making your own participation trophy.

[Deleted User]

NYCBruin said:

Personally, I think the birthday obsession is weird and self-centered. But then again, I don't like celebrating people for no apparent reason. If anyone should be celebrated on your birthday, it's your mom. I mean, she's the one that actually did the work. Aside from being super AWish, throwing your own birthday seems like making your own participation trophy.

Aww. I really think that's sad. I hope you know that you're worth celebrating! Even if your mom was the one that pushed you out, I'm sure she was very happy you were born and that's why people start celebrating birthdays!

NYCBruin

clairekundinger said:

Personally, I think the birthday obsession is weird and self-centered. But then again, I don't like celebrating people for no apparent reason. If anyone should be celebrated on your birthday, it's your mom. I mean, she's the one that actually did the work. Aside from being super AWish, throwing your own birthday seems like making your own participation trophy.

Aww. I really think that's sad. I hope you know that you're worth celebrating! Even if your mom was the one that pushed you out, I'm sure she was very happy you were born and that's why people start celebrating birthdays!

What's sad about that?  That I think it's silly to celebrate me surviving another year?  

I prefer to be celebrated when I've actually accomplished something.  I don't like being the center of attention unless I feel I've done something to deserve it. 

cidefi

What's sad about that?  That I think it's silly to celebrate me surviving another year?  

I prefer to be celebrated when I've actually accomplished something.  I don't like being the center of attention unless I feel I've done something to deserve it. 

I celebrate my birthday because for 365 days GOD woke me up everyday and carried me through. That is not a silly thing to me. Sometimes its not about being the center of attention. Sometimes its about celebrating life, being humble, and being thankful. I consider sharing another year with my kids, my friends, and my family an accomlishment.

AddieCake

cidefi said:

 

I celebrate my birthday because for 365 days GOD woke me up everyday and carried me through. That is not a silly thing to me. Sometimes its not about being the center of attention. Sometimes its about celebrating life, being humble, and being thankful. I consider sharing another year with my kids, my friends, and my family an accomlishment.

Then why not throw a "Thank you, God!" party instead of a party for yourself if you're saying God is responsible for you getting up every day.

WTF is wrong with the quote boxes today?!