Out of town bride

chrissylynn123

Hi! I am a military bride and my wonderful bridesmaids are throwing me a shower back home in New York. My fiancé is stationed in Texas so I will be flying in. They asked me today what my thoughts were about gifts as it would be a lot of shipping and I didn't want to ask people to just mail me a gift. Is there a creative way we can have a little gift theme and maybe gift cards or something? I know they are trying to make this as normal as possible and I really appreciate everything they are doing.

Viczaesar

chrissylynn123 said:

Hi! I am a military bride and my wonderful bridesmaids are throwing me a shower back home in New York. My fiancé is stationed in Texas so I will be flying in. They asked me today what my thoughts were about gifts as it would be a lot of shipping and I didn't want to ask people to just mail me a gift. Is there a creative way we can have a little gift theme and maybe gift cards or something? I know they are trying to make this as normal as possible and I really appreciate everything they are doing.

No, it's not appropriate to ask for gift cards (or cash in general), and showers are for physical gifts.  Why don't you just register for smaller items, and bring an extra suitcase to fly your presents home with you?

Lauderdale Pink

IMO, I think people need to make exceptions for those families who are serving our country.  If I were a guest at a shower for a bride in that situation, I would not judge any decision that was made in the interest of the bride and groom.

Let's have a shower to help "jane" and "joe" dress their nest.

LIfe in the service is not easy at best,

To help them out, while "joe" stands guard

Please join us this day, with a thoughtful gift-card.

OK, so I am not the best poet, but you get my point.

AddieCake

Oh, goody. A cute poem to make it all better. 

emmyg65

I would have a luncheon instead of a shower. That way, you get to spend time with your friends and you don't have to worry about gifts.

manateehugger

No, this is rude no matter how you do it. Asking for people to hand you a check is always rude. 

If New York is home, can you leave some things at your parents' house until you can cart them back to Texas? Otherwise, just have a bridal luncheon with no gifts. 

manateehugger

Lauderdale Pink said:

IMO, I think people need to make exceptions for those families who are serving our country.  If I were a guest at a shower for a bride in that situation, I would not judge any decision that was made in the interest of the bride and groom.

Let's have a shower to help "jane" and "joe" dress their nest.

LIfe in the service is not easy at best,

To help them out, while "joe" stands guard

Please join us this day, with a thoughtful gift-card.

OK, so I am not the best poet, but you get my point.

And ABSOLUTELY not. Military brides are not special and exempt from treating people poorly because they chose to marry someone in the military. This poem disgusts me and is attempting to use a uniform to beg for money. Shameful. 

chrissylynn123

Oh that is so sweet! That is the cutest poem and really helpful! Haters will hate and an attempt to just have the same normalcy as any other bride is not tacky or shameful. I feel sorry for people like you who just can't be happy for anyone. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply!

Rebl90

chrissylynn123 said:

Oh that is so sweet! That is the cutest poem and really helpful! Haters will hate and an attempt to just have the same normalcy as any other bride is not tacky or shameful. I feel sorry for people like you who just can't be happy for anyone. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply!

Okay, I'm lost, who's not happy for who? 

And I agree with the majority, showers are for boxed gifts, not gift cards. I would absolutely decline an invitation asking me to bring a gift card. 

Viczaesar

chrissylynn123 said:

Oh that is so sweet! That is the cutest poem and really helpful! Haters will hate and an attempt to just have the same normalcy as any other bride is not tacky or shameful. I feel sorry for people like you who just can't be happy for anyone. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply!

I'm happy for lots of people.  That has nothing to do with your rudeness.

ohannabelle

I don't "hate" anyone. I love good etiquette. I love poetry. Dressing up bad manners in bad poetry isn't good. And really? Is it necessary? Let's assume A: everyone at the shower either knows you, and knows you're in the military, and knows you're flying; and B: assume your guests aren't stupid. They will give you gift cards or checks, without your being rude, or tacky. Or committing heinous crimes against poetry. If anyone is thoughtless or rude enough to buy you a present they think you might love, the correct response is thank you.

manateehugger

Normalcy isn't sending really tacky poems begging for cash....

misslobita

I wouldn't say its 'normal' for every person to have a shower, its an option if someone throws it for you. I agree, register for things you can easily pack and go back with you that way if people want to give you a physical gift then that's an option. I know some people HATE to give cash or gift card and people may just buy you something large. Appreciate what is given to you and if it costs to ship it back then it costs to ship it back. Enjoy your day with your girls!

AussieCat42

Hi! I am a military bride and my wonderful bridesmaids are throwing me a shower back home in New York. My fiancé is stationed in Texas so I will be flying in. They asked me today what my thoughts were about gifts as it would be a lot of shipping and I didn't want to ask people to just mail me a gift. Is there a creative way we can have a little gift theme and maybe gift cards or something? I know they are trying to make this as normal as possible and I really appreciate everything they are doing.

My friends and family are also spread out all over the country- I know it can get tough and shipping can be a huge expense and headache. However, I don't love the idea of asking for gift cards at a shower, for a couple of reasons.

 A) A shower is a party to watch the guest of honour open gifts, and to be honest, watching someone open gift card after gift card is boring. 

  People can be ridiculously self-concious about finances. Gift Cards have a big number on them stating how much money it represents. I'm actually not against Honeymoon Registries, but in that case, you're opening the gifts in private or with a small group. For a shower, you're essentially having a party where you sit around saying 'Oh look, Emily got me a gift card to BB&B for $50. Thank you, Emily! Now look here, Jane gave me a gift card to Crate and Barrel for $300. Oh my goodness, that's so generous, Thank you Jane!' It's going to end with awkwardness and hurt feelings. 

What I'd suggest doing - If your friends are up for it, register at someplace like Target or BB&B where there is a location in both Texas and New York. Set the default on the registry to have any purchased items be picked up in Texas, and have the bridesmaids spread the word by mouth that it would be much easier on you (the bride) to buy something off the registry for you to pick up at home, and simply bring a representation (picture or catalogue) of what they'd bought for you. You'll probably still a get a few physical gifts, but much fewer and you still have the fun of 'opening' real gifts that people picked out for you.

kmmssg

I see it is your first post, so welcome to the boards!  I am a 26 year vet as well as a 4 time MOB.  One of our girls got married back in 2009.  We talked about this very topic  when planning her shower (uh....the BM's hosted it, really...)  Anyhoo - she was coming bact to MI from UT for her shower and I told her it was her issue to get everything back to UT because asking for gift cards would be rude.  She completely expected to be responsible for getting them home.

A couple of us did ship her gift, but most everyone brought boxed gifts.  Her FI came to the last hour or so of the shower and they boxed everything up right there and headed to Kinkos/FedEx and shipped it out.

There is really no way for you to mention this to anyone but I have decided that if I ever host a shower for a long distance bride, my gift will be the shipping costs to get her gifts home.

Please don't ask your guests to do gift cards.  That isn't the point of the shower at all.  You can put info in your registries about shipping, and hopefully, some of your guests will do that for you.  Good luck in your planning.

cidefi

Lauderdale Pink said:

IMO, I think people need to make exceptions for those families who are serving our country.  If I were a guest at a shower for a bride in that situation, I would not judge any decision that was made in the interest of the bride and groom.

Let's have a shower to help "jane" and "joe" dress their nest.

LIfe in the service is not easy at best,

To help them out, while "joe" stands guard

Please join us this day, with a thoughtful gift-card.

OK, so I am not the best poet, but you get my point.

I totally agree with this especially since the bride is the 1 traveling. Who the hell wants to bring extra luggage or pay shipping. Since you the OP was asked how to handle the situation, I would tell the person hosting your shower that you want small gifts or gift cards that way they can be the 1's to tell guest. I firmly believe that some situations call for exceptions and service in the military is 1 of them in my book.

MobKaz

cidefi said:

IMO, I think people need to make exceptions for those families who are serving our country.  If I were a guest at a shower for a bride in that situation, I would not judge any decision that was made in the interest of the bride and groom.

Let's have a shower to help "jane" and "joe" dress their nest.

LIfe in the service is not easy at best,

To help them out, while "joe" stands guard

Please join us this day, with a thoughtful gift-card.

OK, so I am not the best poet, but you get my point.

I totally agree with this especially since the bride is the 1 traveling. Who the hell wants to bring extra luggage or pay shipping. Since you the OP was asked how to handle the situation, I would tell the person hosting your shower that you want small gifts or gift cards that way they can be the 1's to tell guest. I firmly believe that some situations call for exceptions and service in the military is 1 of them in my book.

To the first bolded.....a grateful gift recipient would bring extra luggage or pay for shipping.  To the second bolded.....a humble and appreciative honoree would not TELL anything to the hostess.

I do not agree with 1 thing you said.

Oneoneoneoneoneoneoneoneoneoneoneoneoneone........the word is really not that difficult to type.

kmmssg

Can someone explain to me (and let's not forget that I AM a vet...) why the military should't be as responsible for getting their shower and wedding gifts to their destination as civilians are?  It it awesome to see the military treated with respect but there is a point where it goes beyond "thank you for your service."  Saying a military couple should get a free pass on getting their gifts somewhere is just ridiculous to me. We aren't talking about the items they need to deploy, or footlockers from Afghanistan.  We are talking about shower and wedding gifts.  Don't want to ship those gifts?  Decline the shower!  Easy peasy

melbelleup

Nope.. I'm an out of town bride. The things we want now we'll take back down with us, the rest my SIL will be holding onto in her basement. Same with wedding gifts. That being said though, we're planning on moving back in 2 years.

lec114

I currently live in New Orleans and just this past weekend my family in Upstate New York threw me a bridal shower, I was really worried about the gift situation as well. The plan was just that my mother would pay to ship all the stuff to me, but as I opened the gifts my aunt had the best idea! Things that were purchased off my registry from Bed, Bath and Beyond and William Sonoma should be returned to the store, then I get the store credit and just go pick all the same stuff up locally. Monday morning we did this plan, BBB made it very easy and also gave me all the 20% off coupons to use for when I bought the stuff back. William Sonoma did everything as a return, then took the gift card I would have recieved and just ordered everything back with that and had it sent to my house. It worked out beautifully, no one was asked to send things directly to my house, send gift cards or money and shipping was a non-issue!

KatWAG

cidefi said:

IMO, I think people need to make exceptions for those families who are serving our country.  If I were a guest at a shower for a bride in that situation, I would not judge any decision that was made in the interest of the bride and groom.

Let's have a shower to help "jane" and "joe" dress their nest.

LIfe in the service is not easy at best,

To help them out, while "joe" stands guard

Please join us this day, with a thoughtful gift-card.

OK, so I am not the best poet, but you get my point.

I totally agree with this especially since the bride is the 1 traveling. Who the hell wants to bring extra luggage or pay shipping. Since you the OP was asked how to handle the situation, I would tell the person hosting your shower that you want small gifts or gift cards that way they can be the 1's to tell guest. I firmly believe that some situations call for exceptions and service in the military is 1 of them in my book.

Then dont have a shower. Problem solved.

And I agree, cutesy poems doesnt make anything less tacky.

southernbelle0915

You're acting like presents are an inconvenience. WTH? 

My shower was OOT and I got my gifts home just fine. Just plan for it and don't be lazy or stingy about it. Gifts are not an inconvenience for crying out loud!! Either figure out how to get your gifts home or don't have a shower (do a bridal luncheon instead) if gifts are such an inconvenience.

cowgirl8238

southernbelle0915 said:

You're acting like presents are an inconvenience. WTH? 

My shower was OOT and I got my gifts home just fine. Just plan for it and don't be lazy or stingy about it. Gifts are not an inconvenience for crying out loud!! Either figure out how to get your gifts home or don't have a shower (do a bridal luncheon instead) if gifts are such an inconvenience.

THIS^ Exactly!!!!!!!  If having to ship/bring home gifts is SUCH an inconvienece, then just don't have a freaking shower!!!! A bridal shower is for showering a bride with gifts!  Dont ask for cash, don't ask for gift cards, don't have people wrap pictures of your presents and don't return everything to the store just to buy it back!  If you can't deal with having an extra suitcase or paying the money to ship the items DONT HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!  UUUGGGGHHHH

JCbride2015

I love how OP seized on the single positive, enabling response, and then bounced.  Asking for gift cards or cash in any way, whether it comes from the bride or the hosts, is rude.  Period.

Tami87

I also had an OOT shower hosted by the in-laws that I flew in for. This is a family that is used to everyone being local and could not comprehend that I did not drive (we live in the DC area shower was in St. Louis which is more than a 12 hour drive!)  I understand that the logistics can be difficult but just planned for it the best I could. I brought an extra suitcase that I checked to carry anything that could survive the plane trip (towels, sheets, other non breakable things etc). For the rest, we looked into costs for shipping which ended up not being reasonable, so we talked to the store where I registered and turns that at Macys I was able to take the items I received back to the St. Louis store and they shipped me the same items from our local Macys store for free. For the few items from Target we ended up having to get a gift card for returned items that couldn't travel by plane and purchased them again from our local store.

[Deleted User]

See if you can register at a place that will delay shipping to specific date (like after the shower) and people can then give you cards with photos of the items? Or if people ship them directly to your home, don't open them and you can still do photos in cards. I know it's not as fun as opening actual presents, but it's the only idea I could come up with that would help with shipping & still give you "gifts" at your shower.

delujm0

I live in and am getting married in NC.  Our families are in PA/NY/NJ.  My shower is in NJ.  I rarely drive up there, because the price of a flight is well worth it to avoid an 8-10 hour drive...but FI's parents are planning to drive down here for the wedding.  So any boxed gifts will go to their house after the shower and then come to NC in their minivan when they arrive for the wedding.

 

If they weren't driving down, I would just ship everything...seriously, we deal with this at Christmas EVERY YEAR...and every year if FI's parents are planning to drive down to visit within the next month, they drive our stuff down with them...if not, we ship everything back.  it's not a big deal.  Just be thankful of any gifts you receive and ship them back yourself. 

erinbethp

I live in the UK and am getting married in Canada in April (where I am from). People at my church always throw a shower for those linked to the church and people tend to be very generous. I know people will want to give us gifts, even though I am trying to be clear that we don't expect them and are just happy to share this time of our lives with our friends and family. Despite this, most people have already told me that they want to throw us a shower and give gifts. We know this and have registered specifically so guests can buy gifts and have the store send to us. We are trying to tell people, by word of mouth, that this is the best option for us, otherwise please don't worry about giving us anything.

In a long distance situation, gifts CAN be impractical. Especially when you are dealing with having to pay what the gifts might have cost to ship them. Then, it doesn't become a gift anymore, even though the thought was sweet. I don't see an issue with being upfront about this issue to your guests and offering them a solution (registry with a shop that will ship to you). Just make it clear that you aren't expecting any gifts but if they choose to bless you with something, could they please buy online and have it sent to you. It is nonsense to suggest that only physical gifts are appropriate at a shower, especially when there are some easy alternatives. 

erinbethp

I live in the UK and am getting married in Canada in April (where I am from). People at my church always throw a shower for those linked to the church and people tend to be very generous. I know people will want to give us gifts, even though I am trying to be clear that we don't expect them and are just happy to share this time of our lives with our friends and family. Despite this, most people have already told me that they want to throw us a shower and give gifts. We know this and have registered specifically so guests can buy gifts and have the store send to us. We are trying to tell people, by word of mouth, that this is the best option for us, otherwise please don't worry about giving us anything.

In a long distance situation, gifts CAN be impractical. Especially when you are dealing with having to pay what the gifts might have cost to ship them. Then, it doesn't become a gift anymore, even though the thought was sweet. I don't see an issue with being upfront about this issue to your guests and offering them a solution (registry with a shop that will ship to you). Just make it clear that you aren't expecting any gifts but if they choose to bless you with something, could they please buy online and have it sent to you. It is nonsense to suggest that only physical gifts are appropriate at a shower, especially when there are some easy alternatives. 

erinbethp

I live in the UK and am getting married in Canada in April (where I am from). People at my church always throw a shower for those linked to the church and people tend to be very generous. I know people will want to give us gifts, even though I am trying to be clear that we don't expect them and are just happy to share this time of our lives with our friends and family. Despite this, most people have already told me that they want to throw us a shower and give gifts. We know this and have registered specifically so guests can buy gifts and have the store send to us. We are trying to tell people, by word of mouth, that this is the best option for us, otherwise please don't worry about giving us anything.

In a long distance situation, gifts CAN be impractical. Especially when you are dealing with having to pay what the gifts might have cost to ship them. Then, it doesn't become a gift anymore, even though the thought was sweet. I don't see an issue with being upfront about this issue to your guests and offering them a solution (registry with a shop that will ship to you). Just make it clear that you aren't expecting any gifts but if they choose to bless you with something, could they please buy online and have it sent to you. It is nonsense to suggest that only physical gifts are appropriate at a shower, especially when there are some easy alternatives. 

erinbethp

I live in the UK and am getting married in Canada in April (where I am from). People at my church always throw a shower for those linked to the church and people tend to be very generous. I know people will want to give us gifts, even though I am trying to be clear that we don't expect them and are just happy to share this time of our lives with our friends and family. Despite this, most people have already told me that they want to throw us a shower and give gifts. We know this and have registered specifically so guests can buy gifts and have the store send to us. We are trying to tell people, by word of mouth, that this is the best option for us, otherwise please don't worry about giving us anything.

In a long distance situation, gifts CAN be impractical. Especially when you are dealing with having to pay what the gifts might have cost to ship them. Then, it doesn't become a gift anymore, even though the thought was sweet. I don't see an issue with being upfront about this issue to your guests and offering them a solution (registry with a shop that will ship to you). Just make it clear that you aren't expecting any gifts but if they choose to bless you with something, could they please buy online and have it sent to you. It is nonsense to suggest that only physical gifts are appropriate at a shower, especially when there are some easy alternatives.