Removed

kitty8403

Amyzen83 said:

"I guess we're just screwed then. In the 13 months between when FI
proposed and our wedding date, four of my cousins will be getting
married. Yup. Five family weddings in a year, and counting."

You're not screwed Just plan your wedding as if nobody else is in the picture and others will either work around it or not, whatever you decide, DO NOT GIVE your future inlaws especially FSIL the keys to your happiness! It will all work itself out. The way I see it, is by taking a stand now with this very important event in your life, will stage how you handle future BS.

As for your FSIL, only discuss her wedding with her, if it's like the situation with my sister, then when you're around her, just give her love and support for hers... but of course don't let her walk all over you. By showing your support to her will demonstrate to her that she's the one making a bigger deal out of nothing.

Lolz @Amyzen83, that's really sweet, but my response was meant to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I'm not the OP. :-)

photokitty

ashleyep said:

I don't know, my mom and family wouldn't be too happy if my brother and I got married 6 weeks apart. Sure, at that point, it's up to the guests to decide what they can afford to do, but I wouldn't be comfortable putting them in that position in the first place. I think your FSIL is over-reacting, but I can see why they'd be upset about it.

My sister and I got married exactly 30 days apart and no one had any issue, so don't be so sure

The guests could easily have a wedding the weekend before and after and everyone in between from other families. There will always be guests with multiple weddings, regardless of if they are within the same family.

OP, I was so thankful my sister and her wife were OK with us having our wedding right before theres when they had gotten engaged first and set the date first. They thought it was silly that I was worried. I wish you could have found yourself int he same situation. Bc like you, I didn't want to wait a year to start our life together.

GL!

[Deleted User]

I don't know if it's okay to ask this but I feel like there's more here- do you typically get along with his family? Is this the first time they're reacted like this? Don't get me wrong their behavior is absolutely NOT okay, but I can't help but wonder if there's pre-engagement drama that happened with his family that would give them another reason to be upset? They sound like the type of people who would make a huge issue out of a perceived (or imagined) slight...has your FI had a chance to discuss the possibility of some other underlying issue? 

If not and they really are this incredibly selfish, then I say plan the wedding you want, enjoy it and let them deal with their own pettiness. 

cmclaire

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, sweetie.  How can people expect to block off a *year*?  Madness.

A huge amount of our friends and family are getting married next year (seven weddings and counting....), but not one hiccup has arisen (saints be praised!).  If someone announced a wedding the day before, sure I might have a little bridezilla moment, but 6 weeks?  Pshaw.  One cousin is getting married 6 weeks before us, a friend two weeks before us, and another cousin 4 weeks after us.

My family and social circle's opinion on this is simple: BRING ON THE CAKE!  I'm very sorry you're not being supported in this, and agree with PPs, plan your wedding and hopefully they'll come around.

easilyunamused

I just remembered, DH's cousin got engaged AFTER he and I did. The family is super close. There were OOT family. She set her wedding date 6 weeks before ours. Was I bummed that some OOT family couldn't make it to our wedding...yes. Was I upset with her about it...no. No one needs to put their lives on hold for someone elses wedding. 

ashleyep

photokitty said:

ashleyep said:

I don't know, my mom and family wouldn't be too happy if my brother and I got married 6 weeks apart. Sure, at that point, it's up to the guests to decide what they can afford to do, but I wouldn't be comfortable putting them in that position in the first place. I think your FSIL is over-reacting, but I can see why they'd be upset about it.

My sister and I got married exactly 30 days apart and no one had any issue, so don't be so sure

The guests could easily have a wedding the weekend before and after and everyone in between from other families. There will always be guests with multiple weddings, regardless of if they are within the same family.

OP, I was so thankful my sister and her wife were OK with us having our wedding right before theres when they had gotten engaged first and set the date first. They thought it was silly that I was worried. I wish you could have found yourself int he same situation. Bc like you, I didn't want to wait a year to start our life together.

GL!

My "selfish" comment got blown out of proportion of what I meant, but basically, in a situation like this I would give the same advice we give when talking about destination weddings, or weddings on holiday weekends, or Friday weddings - figure out who your VIPs are and make sure it's cool with them. My mom would probably kill me if I wanted to get married so close to a sibling, but that's my family, not necessarily anyone else's.

Amyzen83

@kitty8403Lol! Oops! Perhaps I misread your username! Anyway, I still stand by what I said to OP, for anybody getting flack from people about when they are choosing to get married.

huskypuppy14

TexasBride2014 said:

I don't know if it's okay to ask this but I feel like there's more here- do you typically get along with his family? Is this the first time they're reacted like this? Don't get me wrong their behavior is absolutely NOT okay, but I can't help but wonder if there's pre-engagement drama that happened with his family that would give them another reason to be upset? They sound like the type of people who would make a huge issue out of a perceived (or imagined) slight...has your FI had a chance to discuss the possibility of some other underlying issue? 

If not and they really are this incredibly selfish, then I say plan the wedding you want, enjoy it and let them deal with their own pettiness. 

Some people are just drama queens. My FI's sister in law is like this. She was slightly mad that FI and her husband's cousin got married on the same day 1 year later. Yes it's was her 1 year wedding anniversary but if you don't want to go, don't go. I agree with what Maggie said above. Have your summer wedding, what about June or July. Then it could be 12 weeks before their wedding.  People can't block a whole year, that's just insane!

lovesclimbing

I just ditto what most other people have said.  When siblings/cousins/etc. are close in age, there's no way to avoid multiple weddings and engagements in a short time frame.  In less than 2 years, from July 2012 to May 2014, there will be 5 weddings (possibly more if anyone gets engaged with the next few months) in the grandchildren of my paternal grandparents (me and my cousins on my dad's side), plus another wedding of someone who is close enough he might as well be a cousin (and we called him such growing up).

We are all so close in age that there's no way to help that unless some of us want to wait four or five years to get married.  I'm sorry, but who wants to put their marriage on hold for that long?

nextrightthing

@ashleyep, fwiw, I agree with you that it is selfish for siblings to get married that close.  I don't think the OP was necessarily selfish based on the facts of her story, but generally, it is selfish to, e.g., schedule your wedding three weeks before your sibling's. 

Generally TK party line is that you should consider your guests' comfort above all else.  Weird that in this instance that party line doesn't apply.  I guess the "you only get one day" rule trumps that? 

 

photokitty

nextrightthing said:

@ashleyep, fwiw, I agree with you that it is selfish for siblings to get married that close.  I don't think the OP was necessarily selfish based on the facts of her story, but generally, it is selfish to, e.g., schedule your wedding three weeks before your sibling's. 

Generally TK party line is that you should consider your guests' comfort above all else.  Weird that in this instance that party line doesn't apply.  I guess the "you only get one day" rule trumps that? 

That is a ridiculous notion - your guests could have another wedding to attend the week before or after any chosen date. The OOT guests will have to travel twice, should they choose to attend, regardless of timing. Should people not have wedding where they live if the majority of family will have to travel? Should you give guests a a minimum of a year's notice so they can save up for the wedding? "Comfort" can mean a lot of things, and etiquette does not require you to cater to all of them. I'm more comfortable with pinot noir than merlot, but that doesn't mean a couple has to serve all types of wine - or any for that matter. I'm more comfortable with a wedding not on a Saturday in the fall during football, but that doesn't mean they can't happen. I just don't have to go.

Having 2 weddings in 6 weeks does not impact the guests comfort, at least not a comfort the couple should have to move the date over. If it was the following weekend, I could see using this argument. 

Perhaps we should move Thanksgiving or Christmas as it is inconvenient for families to travel to be together within a 4 week period??

Lavender123

as people have already said - when you have similar aged siblings, it's pretty unavoidable.

huskypuppy14

photokitty said:

nextrightthing said:

@ashleyep, fwiw, I agree with you that it is selfish for siblings to get married that close.  I don't think the OP was necessarily selfish based on the facts of her story, but generally, it is selfish to, e.g., schedule your wedding three weeks before your sibling's. 

Generally TK party line is that you should consider your guests' comfort above all else.  Weird that in this instance that party line doesn't apply.  I guess the "you only get one day" rule trumps that? 

That is a ridiculous notion - your guests could have another wedding to attend the week before or after any chosen date. The OOT guests will have to travel twice, should they choose to attend, regardless of timing. Should people not have wedding where they live if the majority of family will have to travel? Should you give guests a a minimum of a year's notice so they can save up for the wedding? "Comfort" can mean a lot of things, and etiquette does not require you to cater to all of them. I'm more comfortable with pinot noir than merlot, but that doesn't mean a couple has to serve all types of wine - or any for that matter. I'm more comfortable with a wedding not on a Saturday in the fall during football, but that doesn't mean they can't happen. I just don't have to go.

Having 2 weddings in 6 weeks does not impact the guests comfort, at least not a comfort the couple should have to move the date over. If it was the following weekend, I could see using this argument. 

Perhaps we should move Thanksgiving or Christmas as it is inconvenient for families to travel to be together within a 4 week period??

All of this!

And @photokitty I think you are my twin. I love pinot noir also, and we have the same china pattern.

photokitty

laurynm84 said:

photokitty said:

nextrightthing said:

@ashleyep, fwiw, I agree with you that it is selfish for siblings to get married that close.  I don't think the OP was necessarily selfish based on the facts of her story, but generally, it is selfish to, e.g., schedule your wedding three weeks before your sibling's. 

Generally TK party line is that you should consider your guests' comfort above all else.  Weird that in this instance that party line doesn't apply.  I guess the "you only get one day" rule trumps that? 

That is a ridiculous notion - your guests could have another wedding to attend the week before or after any chosen date. The OOT guests will have to travel twice, should they choose to attend, regardless of timing. Should people not have wedding where they live if the majority of family will have to travel? Should you give guests a a minimum of a year's notice so they can save up for the wedding? "Comfort" can mean a lot of things, and etiquette does not require you to cater to all of them. I'm more comfortable with pinot noir than merlot, but that doesn't mean a couple has to serve all types of wine - or any for that matter. I'm more comfortable with a wedding not on a Saturday in the fall during football, but that doesn't mean they can't happen. I just don't have to go.

Having 2 weddings in 6 weeks does not impact the guests comfort, at least not a comfort the couple should have to move the date over. If it was the following weekend, I could see using this argument. 

Perhaps we should move Thanksgiving or Christmas as it is inconvenient for families to travel to be together within a 4 week period??

All of this!

And @photokitty I think you are my twin. I love pinot noir also, and we have the same china pattern.

______________________________

Yea! Twinsies! (Ignore me i had some of said pinot noir this evening )

kgd7357

My cousin got engaged 8 months before me, and is getting married 1 month before me. We both wanted summer 2014, and when she booked Memorial Day weekend, I went for mid July (I get out of the military in August, so I can't go later if I want leave for the wedding/honeymoon). Then it turned out my good friend and I accidentally booked the same day! Since she also got engaged before me I agreed to move the date, but the ONLY day at my venue that was still open for the rest of the summer was June 28th (thanks goodness for cancellations). My friend was so happy that we didn't have conflicting weddings, even though they are only 2 weeks apart (and mine is earlier now) we are going to make them both work just fine. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

This is where it got a little bad though. My cousin's dad called my dad, and told him that 1 month was too close and that I would have to move my date again. What? The next free summer date at my venue (the venue is very special to us) is summer 2015, and not to mention if I move it to Fall I will have to plan a wedding/honeymoon with no leave built up. My dad just said no. The big reason for the uproar was that their other brother lives in California and has three kids, so he has decided that he's only going to bring the kids and gf (more like a wife he never married) to my wedding and not hers, he is coming to both. It turns out that the reason had nothing to do with the weddings being close, but the kids are still in school during her wedding. And with two being in high school they can't just miss. On top of it, Memorial day weekend flights are 3 times as expensive. The dust has finally settled, and it has turned out to be a good thing, since we have a lot of overseas relatives that now plan to turn this into an extended vacation. But man was it frustrating.

 

The point of the story is that if you stand your ground and hold firm, it may all work out. There may be some grumbling first, and it may help to ask what the actual concerns are so they can be mitigated. Point out the bright side of having close weddings. I was very worried about being close to my friend's wedding (now also my BM and vice versa), but it has been so fun planning with her. We shoot out status emails to each other, and complain to each about how everything is so expensive...