Wedding Party

Maid(s) of Honor? Only Bridesmaids?

Greetings, all!

I realize this question has been raised in 8,000 forms and variations, so I apologize for raising it again. Nonetheless: I have a problem when it comes to selecting a MOH. I would like to have one for a variety of reasons - but I have three very close friends. Two I have known for 10 years, one I have known for 6. Each has been exceedingly loyal in different ways. Not being a MOH would not change their commitment to our friendship, but I cannot help but wonder if there wouldn't be the risk of hurt. I do not wish to upset any of them by selecting one "over" another to be MOH, but with only potentially 5-6 women total (including the potential MOHs) on my side in the party, having 3 MOHs seems...excessive. My fiance, however, does have a best man. I have been toying with the idea of simply not having a MOH at all - although, if I don't designate a MOH, I don't know how to select someone to sit on the altar with me (to help maneuver my dress), or who signs the documents, etc... But maybe that doesn't even matter.

Bonus problem: There is another large group of tight-knit friends I am close to. My fiance is having one of the men in his party, and I'd love to have his wife in mine; we are very, very close to them. However, I love everyone so dearly in this group and I fear upsetting those who will not be in my party....If I continue to keep them in my life, and have them at the wedding, is it okay to still have one couple from this group in the party?

I'm desperately afraid to upset or alienate friends, so I'd love some suggestions, and thank everyone in advance for their input! 

Re: Maid(s) of Honor? Only Bridesmaids?

  • Really, your wedding is not going to be so important to your friends that they will be 'upset or alienated' by not being asked to be in it. We tell people to ask the friends that they would call at 2am to hide a body to be in their wedding party. That is, only the people that you are truly super close to.

    As for the MOH/bridesmaid situation, you can tell them when you ask. "Hey, I'd love to have you as a bridesmaid. I decided not to have a Maid of Honor at all because I love all of you too much to choose."

    They can draw straws for signing the license/fluffing your dress/holding your bouquet.
  • I have 5 women in my wedding party and 3 of them are maids/matrons of honor. I don't think there's any rule that states how many of each title you can have. Just go with what feels right.
  • Allie is spot on. I had one bridesmaid and one maid of honor. It just worked out that way. Don't make yourself sick over anything and remember that yes, it is an 'honor' to be in someones wedding party, but they have to spend money on a dress and stuff. At this point in my life, I'd rather be a guest for basically anyone.
  • I am having four BM's and no MOH myself.  There is nothing wrong about it and it won't change whether or not I am married. As far as the "duties" of holdig flowers, fluffing the dress and such you can either give it one person or split it up amongst your top girls...but I would ask them if they want to do that instead of delegating it.

    As for your bonus question, if you are really close to someone you ask them to be in your WP, there is no rule that you have to include everyone, and I doubt that those not in the WP will get upset.  Just invite the group (if you have room/want to) and you'll be a-okay.

  • To the MOH issue: It sounds like you just should not have one. If you don't have someone who obviously jumps out to you, then why bother ranking your friends? You wouldn't do that on any other day, so don't do it on your wedding day. I'm having a MOH because she is my best, best friend and all my other friends knew it and wouldn't have expected anything else. But if I had three best friends, I wouldn't have chosen one.

    As for doing the "MOH" things, just let each of them do one. Or just say "Who wants to come sign the marriage license?" and see who volunteers. All of that stuff will work itself out. It really doesn't matter.

    As for asking the guy's wife, if you want her, ask her. I'm sure all your other friends will know you can't invite every single friend you have to be in your WP. Or, if you really love this girl but don't want her to be in your BP, ask her to be a reader. Do not give her, or anyone else in the group, fake jobs like fluffing your dress, handing out programs, etc. 
  • Many thanks to everyone for their input! It's put some much-needed perspective on everything, and I'm feeling much more confident about how to go about things. Thank you!
  • I also have three very close friends that I had to decide between for MOH.  I actually decided not to go with any of them.  My brother is going to be my "Man of Honor" instead (which actually works out even better because my FI's best friend is female and she is going to be his "Best Woman").  None of my friends were insulted at all by this and they are each stepping up to take care of some of the things that a MOH would do (bachelorette party, shower, help with decorations, organization, etc.)

    In the end, if you want your friend, who happens to be your FI's best man's wife, to be your honor attendant, then do it.  Your friends will understand and be happy to be a part of your wedding.
  • I have 3 bridesmaids and no maid of honor.  they are all equal to me and I couldnt/do not want to choose 1 over the other.  
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