How to include Step-Children

kenowak

I want to include my soon to be 4 year old step child in our wedding. We don't want to do it during the traditional vows portion, and really don't want to do the gift. We want everything to be traditional where it is just the two of us. We want an additional piece that is just for including my step son. Like a family commitment ceremony or something of that nature. I'm not creative so i'm looking for more of the wording that i could use or something that we could do to symbolize that we are a family bonded together. I just feel hes not old enough to get the whole vows portion. Please help!

mysticl

Make him a ring bearer and call it a day.  He isn't going to "get" a commitment ceremony either and most people here are going to tell you not to do it.  

As a step-child myself I'm not a fan of including kids in vows, commitments, or anything that symbolizes this group is now a family.  It was a few years before I considered us a family.  It doesn't happen at a wedding it happens in the day to day living.  Some children may resent being asked to participate in stuff like this and some may feel it is disloyal to their other parent.  If the child is too young to understand what is going on then the child can look like a prop being used to make the couple look good.  

vt&dt

I'm with PP.  I think he should be the ring bearer and that is a perfectly good role for him.

I think if you wanted to get him a gift, or talk to him about becoming his step-mom, and what that means, that's a really nice gesture but doesn't belong in the wedding ceremony.  He is young enough that he may not fully understand, anyway.  

southernbelle0915

kenowak said:

I want to include my soon to be 4 year old step child in our wedding. We don't want to do it during the traditional vows portion, and really don't want to do the gift. We want everything to be traditional where it is just the two of us. We want an additional piece that is just for including my step son. Like a family commitment ceremony or something of that nature. I'm not creative so i'm looking for more of the wording that i could use or something that we could do to symbolize that we are a family bonded together. I just feel hes not old enough to get the whole vows portion. Please help!

I commend you for not trying to include him in your vows and completely agree with everything you say about child/adult vows. They're just... weird. 

Can he be your ring bearer? Once he brings the rings up, he could stand with the rest of the GMs next to his dad if you want him to have a bigger role. I wouldn't over think this.

Jen4948

kenowak said:

I want to include my soon to be 4 year old step child in our wedding. We don't want to do it during the traditional vows portion, and really don't want to do the gift. We want everything to be traditional where it is just the two of us. We want an additional piece that is just for including my step son. Like a family commitment ceremony or something of that nature. I'm not creative so i'm looking for more of the wording that i could use or something that we could do to symbolize that we are a family bonded together. I just feel hes not old enough to get the whole vows portion. Please help!

Make him a ring bearer.  I don't think you need a "family commitment ceremony," especially since I agree with you that including him in vows is not appropriate.  So leave out the "additional piece that is just for including your stepson."

Edited to add: make sure both your stepson and his other parent are okay with this.  If either is not, rethink it.

s-aries8990

Can you work in "holistic" wording?

Like something along the lines of "I take your love as my love, your home as my home, your family as my family." It's overarching, and if it's a sentiment you both express, I think it could fit. Anything more specific may border on inappropriate.

[Deleted User]

I like s-aries suggestion & then just including him as a ring bearer. Have the photographer get some special family photos of the three of you and maybe even some with just you & him & then him with his dad. Then down the road you can give him when he's older a mini photo album as a reminder of the special day you all shared.