HELP! MOH is pregnant and due 10 days after the wedding!

Speedchick23

My older sister is my MOH and just found out she's prego and due about 10 days after the wedding. I'm really concerned for her health and safety and I don't want her to be stressed out and go into an early labor. It's already stressing me out that she's pregnant and due so close to the wedding and I don't want her to have any problems. She still seems confident about being in the wedding party and being able to stand up, but at almost 9 months (at the time of the wedding) I don't think it's necessarily a great idea. It's a summer wedding and will be hot and she has expressed a little concern in needing to be able to use the bathroom whenever during the ceremony. I'm concerned that since this is her first baby she doesn't quite understand how taxing it is to be pregnant and thinks she will be Wonder Woman.

I've talked with her about this and she understands that I am concerned, but doesn't think it will be a big deal. 

So...ladies in a similar situation - pregnant bridesmaids, MOHs, or if you were pregnant yourself when you got married. How did you do it? What would you have done differently? I know everyone is different, but I need to talk to real people about this. 

Jen4948

You leave things alone. If it turns out your sister can't come to your wedding due to her pregnancy, you don't have an MOH.  If her name is in a program as MOH, you leave it as is.  You don't find a substitute MOH.

If she can attend the wedding, it would be a kindness to keep her off her feet as much as possible.

LondonLisa

I agree- follow her lead and make sure she knows that it isn't a problem if she doesn't feel up for it. Have a chair (preferably in the shade) reserved for her so she can sit down during the ceremony. Also have a bottle of water available. Just play it by ear and take her lead. Echoing the above sentiment, you do not replace bridesmaids or MOH. All her responsibility is to show up on the day.

If she doesn't feel up to it on the day or goes into labour early, maybe look into having someone in the front row with an iPad to facetime/ skype the ceremony to her so she will still feel involved. 

I know women that enjoyed going out and doing things right up to their labour, and I also know women who were on bed rest in the last trimester, so it goes the whole spectrum and you cannot predict what will happen. Just relax, let her know how much you love and support her, and play it by ear. What a great wedding gift to have a little niece or nephew!

artbyallie

Speedchick23 said:

My older sister is my MOH and just found out she's prego and due about 10 days after the wedding. I'm really concerned for her health and safety and I don't want her to be stressed out and go into an early labor. It's already stressing me out that she's pregnant and due so close to the wedding and I don't want her to have any problems. She still seems confident about being in the wedding party and being able to stand up, but at almost 9 months (at the time of the wedding) I don't think it's necessarily a great idea. It's a summer wedding and will be hot and she has expressed a little concern in needing to be able to use the bathroom whenever during the ceremony. I'm concerned that since this is her first baby she doesn't quite understand how taxing it is to be pregnant and thinks she will be Wonder Woman.

I've talked with her about this and she understands that I am concerned, but doesn't think it will be a big deal. 

So...ladies in a similar situation - pregnant bridesmaids, MOHs, or if you were pregnant yourself when you got married. How did you do it? What would you have done differently? I know everyone is different, but I need to talk to real people about this. 

What are you wanting the outcome to be by bringing up your concerns? It almost sounds like you were expecting her to bow out and are now disappointed that she didn't. Provide her a chair and don't worry about it. She's very unlikely to go into labor during your wedding.

[Deleted User]

Stop stressing, the only thing you need to worry about is having a chair available for her in case she feels like she needs to sit instead stand during your ceremony. If it's going to be hot, maybe have a little hand fan & a bottle of water handy for her. Also just be mentally prepared that if she delivers early, she obviously won't be able to be there.

Enjoy your wedding planning process and let her enjoy the preganancy. Since this is her first, no one knows how she will be. She could be sick and miserable a lot, she could end up delivering early or late or even bed rest. Or on the more positive side, this could be one of the easiest pregancies to be seen. Only time will tell what will happen.

The less stress you are about the situation, the less stressed she will be.

climbingsingle

I agree with PPs. Stop stressing. Follow her lead. Make sure she has a chair and a bathroom close by. 

Maggie0829

My friend got married in April. Her sister (also MOH) was due 2 weeks after the wedding. She did not go into labor (but they did have a plan laid out just in case) and she had a fabulous time at the wedding, danced with everyone and gave a great toast.

Your sister is pregnant, not on her deathbed. If she is comfortable with what she decides to do then you should follow her lead.  And all pregnancies are different and unless you have been pregnant before then you really have no idea how "taxing" being pregnant is.

clarke10

If she says she can do it, she can do it. Get her a chair in case sitting during the ceremony is too much for her. Have a game plan in case she goes into labor the day of. Please don't ask her to step down though.

southernbelle0915

I think you just let her make the call. If she feels fine, she'll stand up. If not, she'll be seated or in the hospital having the baby. Either way, you'll be married.

doeydo

Some designers offer maternity BM dresses (example http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/displaycollection.aspx?CategoryId=772F03C9-DE43-4942-BFA0-DA77E21EBD65).  If you are worried about her being able to stand for the ceremony, just have a spot for her to sit down if she wants to.  In case she goes into labour on the wedding day, have a plan so things don't get crazy.   

NavyBlue143

My BM was 9 months pregnant at my wedding. I provided a chair. She peed before the ceremony. All was well. Most women do not become wilting flowers the moment they conceive. Don't worry about it.

winelover123

Leave things alone. My SIL (who was a BM) was due 2 days after my wedding. We gave her a chair so she wouldn't have to stand up front and she brought water along for during pictures. 10 days before she was due we went out for a "Last Hurrah" dinner before she had her baby and before I got married. She did just fine and even danced the Cotton Eyed Joe during our reception.

Your sister can judge for herself whether it will be too much for her to be up front with you or not.

banana468

Leave it alone.   Until I was in labor, there was no issue for me to stand up for the length of a ceremony. 

mysticl

This is a play it by ear kind of thing. Odds are she will be just fine.  Like others have said make sure there is a place for her to sit and have plenty of water available.  As long as your ceremony isn't really long peeing shouldn't be an issue as long as she uses the restroom right before the ceremony and if she does have to step out every parent there will understand.  Also, don't have her stand around in the heat for a long time for pictures before and after the ceremony.  

One question.  What do you expect of your MOH that she would be so stressed out that it would cause preterm labor?  Dehydration can cause labor which is why so many people said to have water available but otherwise being in a wedding shouldn't cause her to go into labor.  Also, 10 days before her due date wouldn't be considered pre-term anyhow.  

singinchick31

Speaking as someone who just gave birth two months ago, if I were you I would be more worried she could deliver a bit early. There is a good possibility she may give birth before your wedding and postpartum circumstances could even prevent her from attending. As long as you are both aware of this as a possibility and prepared in the event that it happens, I say don't worry about it. In terms of helping organize things with you just allow her to determine her own comfort level. Preparing for your first child is by no means a small undertaking. Try to remember that getting married is one of the most exciting events in your life, but so is having a child. Embrace her joy along with your own and don't view it as a competition, but an extremely special time for your whole family.

Speedchick23

Thank you all for your words. We're still working out a plan. 

For those that asked, I mentioned that I was concerned she may be stressed enough to go into early labor (I know that after 37wks it's considered full term though) because she is a very easily stressed person. 

I was wrong to consider asking her to step down, but I had the best of intentions. It should work out just fine for her. I can designate specific people to help keep an eye on her for me and there is a tree next to our ceremony site (like 5 feet away) she can sit under. The mother of the flower girl will also be sitting there and just happens to be  doctor so she will be able to talk with her and hopefully spot any signs that may need attending to just in case. 

Also, LondonLisa - I love the idea of having a Skype call just in case she can't be present!

ei34

I've agreed to be in a wedding on 5/23/14 and I'm due on 6/1.  I really hope I am able to be at the wedding, it's a very dear friend getting married and although she keeps insisting "no pressure", I don't want to let her down.  If your sister is saying she'll be there, trust that if she's able to, she will be.  My sister was my MOH, and if at the last minute something came up that prevented her from being there, I wouldn't have had someone else fill in.

MrsMuq

I was a BM in my sister's wedding in July 2012. My due date was 2w before her wedding, but I ended up having a c-section 3w before the wedding. I still attended the wedding, and brought the baby with us.

As PPs have suggested, follow your sister's lead, but understand she may not be able to attend your wedding. And if she can't, you don't find a sub for her - just means you don't have a MOH.

MrsMuq

Speedchick23 said:

Thank you all for your words. We're still working out a plan. 

For those that asked, I mentioned that I was concerned she may be stressed enough to go into early labor (I know that after 37wks it's considered full term though) because she is a very easily stressed person. 

I was wrong to consider asking her to step down, but I had the best of intentions. It should work out just fine for her. I can designate specific people to help keep an eye on her for me and there is a tree next to our ceremony site (like 5 feet away) she can sit under. The mother of the flower girl will also be sitting there and just happens to be  doctor so she will be able to talk with her and hopefully spot any signs that may need attending to just in case. 

Also, LondonLisa - I love the idea of having a Skype call just in case she can't be present!

Not anymore. New standards indicate 39w as full term.