Writing your own vows - how to start?

ac411020

So my fiancé really wants us to write our own vows. The problem is he is a much better writer than me, so I am very nervous that his are going to be great and mine are going to sound horrible. For those of you who wrote your own vows, what process did you go through to write them? At this point, I don't even know where to start. Thanks!

CLI242009

This is going to sound so cheesy but you basically write from the heart.

I sat down and thought of all the things my FI has said & done for me throughout the years that I have known him. Does he make you a better person? Does he make you feel like you're the only girl in the world? If he does tell him that.

Let him know what he does for you. Let him know how he makes you feel.

If you would like I could show you a copy of my vows. I have mine written already. Just waiting now to say them haha

ac411020

@cli242009 thanks for the advice! If you don't mind sending me your vows that would be great!

Jen4948

One thing you do need to do is find out if the jurisdiction you're marrying in has any legal requirements, such as a Declaration of Intent, that have to be incorporated in the vows in order for your ceremony to be legal.

CLI242009

akosakow said:

@cli242009 thanks for the advice! If you don't mind sending me your vows that would be great!

No prob. I sent them to you via private message. You're the one who wanted to see them so I don't think posting them in here would of been a good idea. 

ac411020

@cli242009 for some reason I can't reply to your message, but thank you so much for sending me your vows! They are beautiful!

Ven&Radio

Ditto on checking the legal requirements.

Also, keep in mind your vows are promises about your lives together, not cute/funny anecdotes or love letters.

CLI242009

Ven&Radio said:

Ditto on checking the legal requirements. Also, keep in mind your vows are promises about your lives together, not cute/funny anecdotes or love letters.

Not necessarily. Your vows can be whatever you want them to be. They just have to mean something to you and your FI. My personal vows are not vows per se, they are letting my FI know how much he means to me.

We are saying our sacramental vows before our personal vows. So whether it's telling your FI how much you love him/her and how much they mean to you OR you making promises to him/her, your vows are YOURS, so they can be different to everyone else.

Jen4948

CLI242009 said:

show previous quotes

Ven&Radio said:

Ditto on checking the legal requirements. Also, keep in mind your vows are promises about your lives together, not cute/funny anecdotes or love letters.

Not necessarily. Your vows can be whatever you want them to be. They just have to mean something to you and your FI. My personal vows are not vows per se, they are letting my FI know how much he means to me.

We are saying our sacramental vows before our personal vows. So whether it's telling your FI how much you love him/her and how much they mean to you OR you making promises to him/her, your vows are YOURS, so they can be different to everyone else.

Promising each other that they will treat each other according to the vows and laws of marriage is exactly what a marriage ceremony is for (which many people can't even do legally). 

Declaring how much they love each other to each other doesn't require a wedding ceremony (and many couples in love with each other don't even have this). Also, the ceremony is not the time and place for the couple to act like they need to get a room.  That's what a honeymoon is for.

CLI242009

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

CLI242009 said:

Ven&Radio said:

Ditto on checking the legal requirements. Also, keep in mind your vows are promises about your lives together, not cute/funny anecdotes or love letters.

Not necessarily. Your vows can be whatever you want them to be. They just have to mean something to you and your FI. My personal vows are not vows per se, they are letting my FI know how much he means to me.

We are saying our sacramental vows before our personal vows. So whether it's telling your FI how much you love him/her and how much they mean to you OR you making promises to him/her, your vows are YOURS, so they can be different to everyone else.

Promising each other that they will treat each other according to the vows and laws of marriage is exactly what a marriage ceremony is for (which many people can't even do legally). 

Declaring how much they love each other to each other doesn't require a wedding ceremony (and many couples in love with each other don't even have this). Also, the ceremony is not the time and place for the couple to act like they need to get a room.  That's what a honeymoon is for.

Everyone's vows are different. I have seen personal vows be the ones you repeat after the minister/JOP/priest, "i promise to." written in your own words or some times the couple declaring what that person means to them & why they want to spend the rest of their life with this person.

I agree, it makes it uncomfortable when the couple acts like they need to get a room. Just my personal vows are not necessarily "vows". I will be saying my sacred vows first, but I have something I would like to say from my heart to my soon to be husband in front of all our family and friends. It's nothing inappropriate. Just something that I need to say & it is fitting. His sister proof read them for me and told me that she didn't expect anything less. I am confidant about my vows and I know those closest to us will understand them.

Jen4948 - would you like to take a look at mine to see what I am talking about?

Jen4948

CLI242009 said:

show previous quotes

Jen4948 said:

CLI242009 said:

Ven&Radio said:

Ditto on checking the legal requirements. Also, keep in mind your vows are promises about your lives together, not cute/funny anecdotes or love letters.

Not necessarily. Your vows can be whatever you want them to be. They just have to mean something to you and your FI. My personal vows are not vows per se, they are letting my FI know how much he means to me.

We are saying our sacramental vows before our personal vows. So whether it's telling your FI how much you love him/her and how much they mean to you OR you making promises to him/her, your vows are YOURS, so they can be different to everyone else.

Promising each other that they will treat each other according to the vows and laws of marriage is exactly what a marriage ceremony is for (which many people can't even do legally). 

Declaring how much they love each other to each other doesn't require a wedding ceremony (and many couples in love with each other don't even have this). Also, the ceremony is not the time and place for the couple to act like they need to get a room.  That's what a honeymoon is for.

Everyone's vows are different. I have seen personal vows be the ones you repeat after the minister/JOP/priest, "i promise to." written in your own words or some times the couple declaring what that person means to them & why they want to spend the rest of their life with this person.

I agree, it makes it uncomfortable when the couple acts like they need to get a room. Just my personal vows are not necessarily "vows". I will be saying my sacred vows first, but I have something I would like to say from my heart to my soon to be husband in front of all our family and friends. It's nothing inappropriate. Just something that I need to say & it is fitting. His sister proof read them for me and told me that she didn't expect anything less. I am confidant about my vows and I know those closest to us will understand them.

Jen4948 - would you like to take a look at mine to see what I am talking about?

I'll take your word for it.  I'm just arguing for balance.  It's fine to have personal vows-it's just that in addition to the legal requirements, the personal shouldn't be too intimate, and it really should contain promises that the couple can realistically keep.  But this is not to say that it's not okay for the couple to not say that they love each other-just that that shouldn't be all that they say.

CLI242009

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

CLI242009 said:

Jen4948 said:

CLI242009 said:

Ven&Radio said:

Ditto on checking the legal requirements. Also, keep in mind your vows are promises about your lives together, not cute/funny anecdotes or love letters.

Not necessarily. Your vows can be whatever you want them to be. They just have to mean something to you and your FI. My personal vows are not vows per se, they are letting my FI know how much he means to me.

We are saying our sacramental vows before our personal vows. So whether it's telling your FI how much you love him/her and how much they mean to you OR you making promises to him/her, your vows are YOURS, so they can be different to everyone else.

Promising each other that they will treat each other according to the vows and laws of marriage is exactly what a marriage ceremony is for (which many people can't even do legally). 

Declaring how much they love each other to each other doesn't require a wedding ceremony (and many couples in love with each other don't even have this). Also, the ceremony is not the time and place for the couple to act like they need to get a room.  That's what a honeymoon is for.

Everyone's vows are different. I have seen personal vows be the ones you repeat after the minister/JOP/priest, "i promise to." written in your own words or some times the couple declaring what that person means to them & why they want to spend the rest of their life with this person.

I agree, it makes it uncomfortable when the couple acts like they need to get a room. Just my personal vows are not necessarily "vows". I will be saying my sacred vows first, but I have something I would like to say from my heart to my soon to be husband in front of all our family and friends. It's nothing inappropriate. Just something that I need to say & it is fitting. His sister proof read them for me and told me that she didn't expect anything less. I am confidant about my vows and I know those closest to us will understand them.

Jen4948 - would you like to take a look at mine to see what I am talking about?

I'll take your word for it.  I'm just arguing for balance.  It's fine to have personal vows-it's just that in addition to the legal requirements, the personal shouldn't be too intimate, and it really should contain promises that the couple can realistically keep.  But this is not to say that it's not okay for the couple to not say that they love each other-just that that shouldn't be all that they say.

I agree. If my FI and I weren't doing a catholic ceremony then I would be making my vows a little different. Since the catholic ceremony requires you to say the sacred vows, I didn't want to just add onto those vows or do the "cute" I vow to never fight with you over the remote or something silly like that. Don't get me wrong, that's cute and sweet, as long as it fits the couple. Just personally for me making a joke in my vows is not something I am doing.

maralamb

Marriage means different things to different people. There is nothing you are "supposed" to do. Say what you want.

Jen4948

maralamb said:

Marriage means different things to different people. There is nothing you are "supposed" to do. Say what you want.

As noted above, you *are* supposed to say whatever is necessary to make your marriage legally valid as well as religiously valid if you are marrying in a house of worship. So you can't just "say whatever you want" without taking their requirements into consideration.

CLI242009

Jen4948 is correct. In a house of worship or to make it legal, there are certain things you HAVE to DO and SAY to make it valid.

Like I said before, my FI and I are saying our Sacramental vows first, which is REQUIRED through the catholic religion to say when you are being married. Then we are saying our own personal vows, which still have to be looked over by the priest to make sure they are appropriate for the church.