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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Should we bother with a flower girl?

We were going to have a flower girl, my cousins daughter, until we found out our ceremony location does not allow flower petals (even though it is outdoors). Our florist suggested a flower wand (looked them up, they are pretty cute) but my fiance thinks we should just not bother anymore. We are having a small ceremony, only about 40-50 guests at the most. I don't know if we should or not. But I need to figure it out soon, since my cousin lives 4 hours away so he isnt always here, and he will be for Christmas so I can get Mia measured (a friend will be making her dress if we decide to). What would you do?

Re: Should we bother with a flower girl?

  • Does this little girl already know she is a flower girl? If so, you absolutely cannot tell her no, now. She'd be crushed. 

    Honestly, I can't remember the last time I saw a flower girl actually drop petals. Most of them are just cute little girls who stroll down the aisle in cute little dresses. Ours is just carrying a pomander. 
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  • Did you already ask? You cannot kick her out under any circumstances... omg, she would be so sad. 

    If not, you can skip it. We didn't have a flower girl and our marriage is still valid ;)

    doeydo
  • No, we have not asked her or my cousin. I just asked my aunt if she felt Mia would want to do it if we asked, as we were unsure (at the time I was and Jonathan was like, no we have to have a flower girl. And I got excited about it then we found out about the petal stuff but she hasn't been asked)
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd skip having a flower girl then. 

  • If she doesn't know about it, I'm with PPs - nix it. We didn't have one. It was no big deal. 

    If you find out your aunt spilled the beans, Mia knows about it and is excited, I'd have her walk down the aisle with something else that's within your venue's rules. No harm either way.
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    doeydo[Deleted User]chibiyui
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you haven't asked yet, then I would just not ask and not worry about it anymore.

    Otherwise, if you really are okay with Mia being a flower girl, I'd just have her walk down the aisle, either carrying something that your venue is okay with, or not carrying anything.  It's fine.
  • We aren't having a flower girl or ring bearer.  If you haven't asked her yet, I'd agree with PPs and suggest skipping it.  
  • While FG and RB are cute and can SOMETIMES take cute pictures...more often than not they are less than cooperative because they are shy or scared and it usually results in a less than desired experience or expectation. Keep that in mind when you are making this decision. :)
  • Oh don't I know it! My 4 year old was the ring bearer in my brothers wedding and is very shy. We had to bribe him to get him to even consider walking down the aisle and when he did he went with my father when he escorted my stepmom down the aisle to her seat, and my dad had to give the BM the rings lol.
  • Cute? Totally!!! Necessary? No

    It's cute to see them but at that age kids can be so unpredictable especially if they are on a strict schedule for naps and if your ceremony doesn't allow for her to get a nap in, watch out. I vote with PP to skip flower girl & reduce stress (and costs)

  • I think it is up to you, if you want to have her carry something that is allowed if you really want her in it would work fine.

    Depending on her age it might even work out better. When my daughter was 3 she was the flower girl in my step brother's wedding. I had her practice walking and carrying a basket of petals and throwing them. Then at the wedding she was instructed to walk with the boy who was the ring bearer throw her flowers and walk to her uncle then she would go sit with her nana since I was in the wedding party as well. When it was time she walked a few steps, then hiked up her dress with one hand and ran to her uncle leaving the ring bearer behind. When she got to the front she remembered about her petals, stopped running dumped her whole basket out in one spot real fast then ran the rest of the way. In her case having a flower wand type thing to just carry would had worked out a lot better for everyone. The bride was upset because the petals were in one spot at the end of the asile as well that my daughter pretty much "stole" the spotlight with her mad dash.

    Just remember if you do have her as a flower girl be ready for the unexpected. And don't get upset if it doesn't work out exactly how you picture. My daughter indeed up over hearing the bride complaining about what she had did, after her uncle had told her she had done a great job and did everything right, and it really upset her and ended up causing tons of drama. She is 7 now and the only thing she remembers from the wedding was what the bride said about her and still refers to her as the mean lady in the princess dress instead of as her aunt no matter how much she is corrected.
  • I think it is up to you, if you want to have her carry something that is allowed if you really want her in it would work fine. Depending on her age it might even work out better. When my daughter was 3 she was the flower girl in my step brother's wedding. I had her practice walking and carrying a basket of petals and throwing them. Then at the wedding she was instructed to walk with the boy who was the ring bearer throw her flowers and walk to her uncle then she would go sit with her nana since I was in the wedding party as well. When it was time she walked a few steps, then hiked up her dress with one hand and ran to her uncle leaving the ring bearer behind. When she got to the front she remembered about her petals, stopped running dumped her whole basket out in one spot real fast then ran the rest of the way. In her case having a flower wand type thing to just carry would had worked out a lot better for everyone. The bride was upset because the petals were in one spot at the end of the asile as well that my daughter pretty much "stole" the spotlight with her mad dash. Just remember if you do have her as a flower girl be ready for the unexpected. And don't get upset if it doesn't work out exactly how you picture. My daughter indeed up over hearing the bride complaining about what she had did, after her uncle had told her she had done a great job and did everything right, and it really upset her and ended up causing tons of drama. She is 7 now and the only thing she remembers from the wedding was what the bride said about her and still refers to her as the mean lady in the princess dress instead of as her aunt no matter how much she is corrected.
    That's awful! I couldn't imagine ever complaining about what our munchkins had done. Poor thing. IMO, that failure is TOTALLY on the part of the bride, NOT the FG! :(

    Is it necessary? No. But I'm super elated to have FI's niece and my nephew be FG and RB. She is SO EXCITED about "her wedding" and "wearing such a pretty dress." She's told everyone she sees. If she "messes it up," it'll be adorable. 

    If you do decide to forgo it, PLEASE PLEASE make 10000% certain that Mia doesn't know she was ever in the running for it.

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  • Our flower girl will be 2 at the time of the ceremony.  Instead of flowers we're giving her a "ring bear" to carry. (a stuffed bear in a tux)

    I agree with the posters above.  Make sure Mia doesn't know.  She'd be crushed.
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