40-Plus Brides

I can't talk to anyone about my wedding :(

This is the 1st marriage for both of us. Many of my friends are to busy with work, children, my bestie is going through a divorce, my sister is older divorced and bitter,, my mother is like talking to a wall, i don't wanna bother people at work, I try really hard to keep it all in. I feel like I can't talk to any about it except for my fiance. Which is fine but, this supposed to be a happy time and I just feel sad that I can't share my excitement with any of my female friends because of their own individual situations. I know I'm older (39) but does that make it any different then 25 or 30? This is still my 1st and only wedding I plan on having. Can someone be happy for me. Jeezee.

Re: I can't talk to anyone about my wedding :(

  • You deserve to be happy and to show it! These forums are a great place to share your joy! When are you getting married? Have you decided where? Have you considered a destination wedding? That way, you and your FI can start your life together at a beautiful location. Life is too short to worry about what other people think of your happiness.
  • jayjaay said:
    This is the 1st marriage for both of us. Many of my friends are to busy with work, children, my bestie is going through a divorce, my sister is older divorced and bitter,, my mother is like talking to a wall, i don't wanna bother people at work, I try really hard to keep it all in. I feel like I can't talk to any about it except for my fiance. Which is fine but, this supposed to be a happy time and I just feel sad that I can't share my excitement with any of my female friends because of their own individual situations. I know I'm older (39) but does that make it any different then 25 or 30? This is still my 1st and only wedding I plan on having. Can someone be happy for me. Jeezee.

    I am sorry that you are going through / feeling like this. I hope things turn around for you but just know that all of us here on TK are always willing to listen (whether good or bad)
  • I understand how you feel.  For slightly different reasons I felt the same way when I was planning my wedding.  I didn't want to be the bride who couldn't talk about anything but the wedding so unless someone brought up the subject, I didn't mention the word "wedding."  I also wanted most of the details to be a surprise to my guests so that also eliminated most wedding discussion.  I really know how hard it is not to share with anyone and everyone, "I found the most beautiful dress, invitations, flowers."  "My caterer is fantastic, and we are going to have the most wonderful food ever" and on and on and on, but believe me your friends will thank you later for not boring them with every detail of your wedding.  Let them be surprised and then enjoy the rewards of your planning efforts. 
  • natswild Thank you - I will :)Harrijc Oh My Goodness, tha'ts exaclty what htb says. Thank you for the support.hlvonb than you for listening! Alex3Mom  Thank you and YYYYEEESSS That's EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!! and it is what I do to! I don't bring it up unless asked.  I swear to you I a in the exact boat :-)
  • @jayjaay

    Not a problem. I am more than happy to :)
  • I am starting to plan now too (whee!!), so we can bounce ideas off each other. FTR, I'm 45, and my 1st, so we can have fun learning!
  • I'm so sorry!  I'm an older bride, too, and while I don't have your exact problem (my mom and one of my friends has been awesome), I do have my own problems that come with being an older bride.  I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad you found this board.  Maybe it can help?!
  • I understand too!  It is my 2nd wedding but the first was ages ago and isn't important -- but now that I am older and finally having a happy wedding of my dreams - its sort of like my first.  But, surrounded by friends who have their own lives, issues, heartaches, divorce, drama - they just are not interested if I try to get even opinions on invitations because they are not in a happy place in their lives.  It is really stressful to hold it all in.  Heck, I want to shout my happiness from the rooftops, but I just cannot when my two best friends are going through so much heartache.

    I hope the good thing is that you know there are others in similar situations.  And, just shout it from the roof all the wonderful planning you are doing!  Let us all hear about it! 

    I am counting down to the date and only remind my FH how many days until we are officially married.  He doesn't care about details, only that I have my truly happy day and whatever it takes to get me there. 

    I am very happy and excited about your planning your wedding!!!!  (hope that helps!)

  • Yep - I was first-time at 43, and in same boat as you.

    My friends at work are older, and each had just married off her favorite kid to someone they hate.  When I showed one woman my new e-ring, she put her hands up and said, "I don't want to hear anything wedding-y.  I'm wedding-ed out."

    When I showed the other woman my new e-ring the same day, she started ranting and riffing about how her daughter was so greedy and so eager to rub her parents' noses into this upcoming wedding that she had to have every single thing that was advertised in the wedding magazines... and when the time comes that I want to rant about chair covers, I should come back to her office.

    What happened to "I'm so happy for you!"  ????
  • Don't worry about the rest of the world. You're beautiful and planning a wedding. The age does not matter at all. I'm also over 40and planning a wedding for 2015....
  • I'm in a very similar boat.  39, 1st marriage for me, second for FI.  But we are planning a super small wedding so I feel bad diving into detail with folks that while very important to me are not invited to the wedding and then I keep reading that you want to surprise your guests with your planning so that takes the rest of my family out of the conversation because they are they only invited guests ;)

    I just use this site to fulfill my fix for wedding talk....

    Good luck!
  • I am in the same boat.  I am in a new town, a new state and no friends.  His family is 4 hours away which is where we are having the ceremony but everyone has been too busy with their own lives, which is understandable. They keep telling me that it will all come together, but I don't see how when I have planned an entire wedding pretty much by myself.  Unfortunately, had to bring my fiance into the minute detail planning as he is the only one I can talk to and we are both clueless about it all.
  • Me too! My first and only wedding will be 2 weeks before my 40th birthday. I've waited so long for this day! I've been a bridesmaid 11 times. I've helped, supported and listened to everyone I know plan their wedding. It's MY turn now, dammit! It's like everyone has "been there, done that." Just let me finally get to be the girl who is excited to be the bride. Let me have this!
  • @moonmellyfish Yessss! I agree!! I'm totally excited for you :-) And I'll turn 40, 2 days before my wedding!!  Thank you all on this board who get what I'm going through!!! Thanks y'all really appreciate the support!
  • Calijcab23Calijcab23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2014

    First, I'm so happy to have found a board for 40+ brides.  I realize this post is from a few months ago, but I just came across it today.  I was just thinking the same exact thing earier today!  I got engaged two months ago (and 2 weeks before I turned 40).and I'm discovering planning a wedding at 40 is much different than if I had married in my 20's.  It seems this is a common theme for brides our age.  I hope you're still excited and I'd be happy to chat with you about all your plans!

  • Oh, I can relate to this! My FI and I are planning a destination wedding with just us and my daughter (destination currently unknown) I'm so excited about planning but I seem to be the only one! It makes me a little sad, to be honest.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I feel your experience. I think it is different because we are older. With that, we have friends who are jaded, in marriages from 10 yrs ago, and it's important to find people who are willing to be excited with you. I'm getting married at 41 and held my excitement for a bit because I needed to find a comfort level with myself first. But my friends are so supportive and I appreciate it. 
  • @mslmkey it's like 3 mnths from the wedding now and still, it's just a terrible situation. Not having anyone excited for you is not fun but, my HTB is so excited that it makes up for all the other A-Holes! Lol!
  • faeriedragonfaeriedragon member
    First Comment
    edited November 2014
    That's exactly why I went looking for a forum like this. 

    I have a few friends who I can talk to about this. OK - one. She's My Person. But sometimes she doesn't answer her texts or phone because you know - life. 

    I'm really excited because we are finally putting our deposit down on our venue today. I almost told everyone at work but I'm trying not to share a lot of personal stuff right now - they're not people I want to share ALL of my wedding stuff with. 

    So I'm here too looking to share my excitement with hopefully some new and amazing friends while we plan our dream weddings.

    This is my 2nd marriage - or will be.... The first time I was naive and am glad my 20's were a learning experience. This time around I've met the love of my life. He's not perfect (I mean - at least he's not a Dodgers fan... haha) but he's perfect for me. 

    Anyway, not to overshadow how the PP is feeling about not having anyone to talk to about your wedding. Just know you're not the only one! And that's why we're all here. :)
  • It was a tough year. Everything turn out fine. I just know now who my real friends and family are. It's amazing to me how people can be when this is/was such a huge moment in life and because they are so miserable in their own lives, that it petrifies them into not being joyous for others. I felt or tried to be sympathetic to others about their own situations but at some point, it's just annoying that they don't call say congrats or what can I do for you , I'm excited for you, nothing. One of my "friends" who couldn't attend said "I can't wait for it to just be over and everything goes back to normal." WTF! It was the rudest thing I ever heard. My wedding was great but, people flat out suck. I really wish we eloped. Because I pretty much hate that people didn't even give us a wedding card to at least acknowledge that we got married, I'm not trolling for gifts but a card?? Really? That's hard to do.  Like as if to say it's not a big deal. I dunno I'm to sensitive and shouldn't give a shit. I got my prize and he's all I need in my life anyway. Yeah, I am bitter. because these people in my life, I have been there and stood by them and done all of their life events and when it came to mine, they were to wrapped up to even look my way. People suck. 

  • Yes, people do suck. I learned a hard life lesson 3 days before my birthday when someone decided to try to turn my celebrations into THEIR day. By the Grace of God, I'm glad it was "just" my birthday and NOT my wedding day. I'm a pretty chill person but I do have a strong opinion especially about people who are selfish and turn everything into THEIR DAY. 

    My point is - this person is most definitely not invited now. 

    My conundrum is - there are 2 other friends who I am on the fence about inviting because they are mutual friends with this person. I just don't need the drama .... I think only time will tell. We have a little bit of time before we have to send out the Save the Dates so I'm not really worried about just 2 people. 
  • I understand..my family is extremely close but for some reason, I don't feel anyone is as excited as I am. I'm 44 and this is my first wedding. They've been bugging me for years to settle down . My boyfriend of 5 years got engaged (October 17, 2014) and set a date (August 22, 2015), all I hear are crickets. I was a bit surprised, shocked, sad and now....moving on! Making plans my way and it's going to be an extravaganza to remember!!! Congrats to all!!!
  • Good for you! 
  • Knottie29698274 1st Congrats!, 2nd, Don't you worry post, email anytime we here are all excited for you. It was the hardest year of my life. Doing it all alone and no one giving a shit or wanting to hear about and STILL it's 1 month after my wedding and it's as if it never happened. People are just rude and insensitive. Once I move on from that I'll be alright. For me this was the biggest event in my life! I'm not having children so this was it for me, my one big moment and I was left w/ no one really seemed as excited as I was, which F'um all! I did it my way and loved it! 
  • Oh my, jayjaay, I am so sorry that you and others are having/had a difficult time with people you thought were friends/family.  I might be the oldest on this site at 50 years.  It is a second marriage for both me and my fiancé, yet we have waited a long time to remarry.  As I did not have a wedding the first time, I would like a small intimate destination wedding if possible.  

    My family and most of my friends are all excited for me and want me to give them details.  I share maybe one or two planning details with different people as I want people to be surprised.  I really don't have any major details secured like date, location.  This is because we just moved to another state.  I do have his wedding band since he wanted us to pick out the rings together.  And now I ordered my wedding dress.

    My problem is that I couldn't talk to my fiancé.  It seemed I was in an engagement by myself as he is still waiting for the actual ring and official proposal and any real talk about the actual wedding seemed to stress him out.  His reaction was stressing me out...lol.  since he was the one to say to call him fiancé.

    This wedding site helped me as people gave me good advise.  I then relaxed and now low and behold he is talking wedding.  
  • I understand I am 44 getting married for the first time and at first I kept it to myself. But there are always people who are truly happy for you. I decided not to worry about "haters" and enjoy the process because I feel like you this is my first and last marriage. So enjoy it you deserve it and we can't make everybody happy.
  • Congratulations!  I am very happy for you.  I am also an "older" bride, 40+, although this is my second wedding.  I would love to share in your joy, I have just began the planning, our date is in September.  Please feel free to share with me/us I know I will be full of questions.  I'm so worried about being tacky. lol  Congrats again.

  • I was having a really bad day but after reading all these post I feel so much better!!! I feel like I am driving everyone nuts....I really try not to make my wedding the main topic but once someone ask I can't stop talking about it!

    So looking forward to Monday when we start tax season hot and heavy with back to back appointments so I have something to do at my desk but wedding stuff...LOL

    I will be 45 and sweetheart will be 43 first marriage for both of us....

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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