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Should I pay for an ex bridesmaids, dress?

2

Re: Should I pay for an ex bridesmaids, dress?

  • Make every attempt to pay her back for the dress - as in mail her a check, try to arrange a meeting to give a check etc . . .  If that fails, you tried to mend things and you tried to pay her back.  Do what you can, then move on.  If she doesn't cash the check, that's on her, not you.
    I don't know what to do about that dress.  You need "rights"?  I picked up my BM's dresses myself - the order went through me.  If, heaven forbid, one of my BMs decide not to be in my wedding, I wouldn't be in this pickle at all.  It's too bad that circumstances made you in this situation, and you will be out $200 without a dress.  Unfortunate indeed. 
    imageimage
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Before I officially "kicked" her out, she told me she didn't care nor wanted to be in it at this point and I agreed and finally "kicked" her out. I did not want someone like her in my wedding. The story is very long and disappointing. I can't be to surprised thinking about it now because she's lost quite a few friends because of drama. After asking many people for her address, I finally got it and have a check ready. Ive decided that I will get the dress though because it's a dress you can wear to more than just a wedding and I was thinking about making it shorter if I were to keep it for myself. 
    You bet I will get that dress after everything she has said and done especially when it is 200 dollars that I am paying her back. 

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why did you even ask this girl to be in your wedding?

  • Well obviously we were once good friends then her true colors came out. That doesn't matter to anyone though. 
  • Pic of the dress?
  • jneen101 said:
    Pic of the dress?
    For what reason? 
  • Viczaesar said:

    Well I told her that I will happily send her a check to just move on. She blocked me on her iphone. I just can't win with her even though I keep trying to be civil. I was thinking about selling it but with the way she is acting, I no longer care. We were once really good friends. My brother broke up with her again this morning. He said he can't deal with her lies and craziness. He is in the military and I am glad because he doesn't need this while he is deployed. They were together for a year. I have done all in my power. Now I am just ready to move on. 
    Well if everything is said and done.. why are you stressing about paying her back? I wouldn't worry about it.. she is out of your life, let her be. Has she asked for you to pay for it? I guess i just wouldn't worry about it. let her keep the damn dress.
    Because it's the right thing to do.  How is that a difficult concept? 
    Alexandrathgr8 please stop giving bad advice! 
    I don't think it's bad advice- if she left the wedding because she was a bitch, the OP owes her nothing. If the OP kicked her out because she was a bitch, the OP owes her nothing. I disagree with you, that doesn't make it bad advice.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Viczaesar said:

    Well I told her that I will happily send her a check to just move on. She blocked me on her iphone. I just can't win with her even though I keep trying to be civil. I was thinking about selling it but with the way she is acting, I no longer care. We were once really good friends. My brother broke up with her again this morning. He said he can't deal with her lies and craziness. He is in the military and I am glad because he doesn't need this while he is deployed. They were together for a year. I have done all in my power. Now I am just ready to move on. 
    Well if everything is said and done.. why are you stressing about paying her back? I wouldn't worry about it.. she is out of your life, let her be. Has she asked for you to pay for it? I guess i just wouldn't worry about it. let her keep the damn dress.
    Because it's the right thing to do.  How is that a difficult concept? 
    Alexandrathgr8 please stop giving bad advice! 
    I don't think it's bad advice- if she left the wedding because she was a bitch, the OP owes her nothing. If the OP kicked her out because she was a bitch, the OP owes her nothing. I disagree with you, that doesn't make it bad advice.

    You have got to be kidding. You think it's ok to make someone shell out $200 for a dress she won't wear if you feel she is a bitch?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    ashleymarie223PrettyGirlLost
  • jneen101 said:
    Pic of the dress?
    For what reason? 
    Because we'd like to see what it looks like. Keeping it and making it shorter for you to wear sounds like a good idea, that's what I did with one of my BM dresses. What color is it?
    Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLost
  • edited December 2013


    Nope. Not kidding. If this girl said such horrendous things to the OP that she felt the need to kick her out... who gives a f*** about what this ex-bridesmaid shelled out... I wouldn't. It's up to the OP of course, and its complicated I am sure with the girl being her brothers gf... but if there weren't these complications... who cares.
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  • Nope. Not kidding. If this girl said such horrendous things to the OP that she felt the need to kick her out... who gives a f*** about what this ex-bridesmaid shelled out... I wouldn't. It's up to the OP of course, and its complicated I am sure with the girl being her brothers gf... but if there weren't these complications... who cares.
    We're also only getting one side of the story. 

     At the end of the day, it is the most responsible and mature thing to do, and the OP has expressed that she has done everything in her power to be the adult in the situation, so I think it would make her feel better to not have it hanging over her head.  Look at it this way - this "ex-friend" will easily be able to torment the OP by saying things like, "Well I paid $200 for a dress that I never even needed" etc.  It's just taking the high road, and not stooping to petty and immature behavior.
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    KeptInStitchesOliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLostjenniferurs
  • I have told the truth. It may be my side and not hers but shes in drama like this constantly and has lost friends like this in the past. I apologized for my faults but I honestly wasn't hurtful in the process. I can truthfully say that I did all in my power to be a good person towards her for my brothers sake and because I am not rude and disrespectful to others. Like I said, she is very immature. Shows it everyday since her and my brother break up literally every single day. Supposedly they're together again. My MOH tells me they have changed their relationship status every day the past 5 days. He also told me he is over her because of what she has caused but they are together. I am not surprised by this because they are still teens. That doesn't even phase me anymore. I made the mistake of getting "close" to her and asking her to be part of my day. I was so upset after it all went down. I have moved on and am now thankful for my other 6 bms and moh who have been my best friends for years. 
    I did send her a check but I still don't think I should have after she is the one who said and did terrible things before I even "kicked" her out. I did the right thing and that's all I care about. I can walk away with this without any regrets.
  • That's a pretty dress. I'm sure you could wear it again.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I like it!  I don't know if it would work shorter, though.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Its gorgeous! What a beautiful summer dress if you shorten it!
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  • I wouldn't pay her back! She withdrew herself from the wedding party so screw her!
    image
  • I have mixed feelings. So I will just say if you have sent her the check like you say then keep an eye on your account. If she doesn't cash it in a couple of weeks then cancel it. You don't want $200 disappearing from your account unexpectedly down the road. You can ask for the dress back because technically why would she need it either? Just don't be shocked if she refuses. However, I feel it is fair to get the dress back since you are paying for it ultimately. Why should she get to keep at $200 dress she will probably sell herself PLUS another $200 cash from you?
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have mixed feelings. So I will just say if you have sent her the check like you say then keep an eye on your account. If she doesn't cash it in a couple of weeks then cancel it. You don't want $200 disappearing from your account unexpectedly down the road. You can ask for the dress back because technically why would she need it either? Just don't be shocked if she refuses. However, I feel it is fair to get the dress back since you are paying for it ultimately. Why should she get to keep at $200 dress she will probably sell herself PLUS another $200 cash from you?
    I completely disagree.  Consider that $200 no longer yours and subtract it from your checking account.  She does not need to cash the check within 2 weeks, and cancelling a check two weeks after writing it is a douchy move.



    PrettyGirlLostAshleyNicole1218
  • If your brother is still dating her and she is in contact with your family - why can't someone she still talks to give her a check?  If she doesn't cash it, that's not your fault.

    It's hard to say because I don't know the whole story, but if you're paying for the dress, I think it's OK to take it and either wear it (I think it's pretty and would wear it to weddings or other formal events) or sell it (you'd probably be able to get about half of the list price online).  I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to call the shop and say that you can pick it up - but I would suggest NOT holding the reimbursement $ hostage until she does that.  That would just add fuel to the fire.
  • I know you probably won't disclose, and that's certainly your right, but what on earth did she say/do that was so awful?
  • lhussong1lhussong1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited January 2014

    You should just close this thread... if you kicked her out pay her back when the dress is in your hand, if she willingly relieved her duties as a BM then don't worry about it. If she won't let you contact her then I wouldn't even worry about the dress, it becomes her problem then. If you buy it off of her then put it on craigs list, ebay, ect or take it to some second hand store and see if someone will buy it off of you to try and get a little money back. Everyone else's extra comment should not matter on the situtation.

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Close this feed?



  • I'm sorry, agreeing to be a bridesmaid is not a legal binding contract between bride and bridesmaids.  Should things change, no matter the reason, you owe her nothing.  Sounds like she's being rotten to you and your brother.  She can resell the dress on her own and try to recoup the money.  You owe her nothing.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    logana1 said:
    I'm sorry, agreeing to be a bridesmaid is not a legal binding contract between bride and bridesmaids.  Should things change, no matter the reason, you owe her nothing.  Sounds like she's being rotten to you and your brother.  She can resell the dress on her own and try to recoup the money.  You owe her nothing.
    No.  If she bought a dress specifically because she was asked to because she's part of your wedding party and then you (general you) then kick her out of your wedding, you owe her for any costs she's accrued based on her agreed upon involvement in your wedding.



    KeptInStitcheskmmssg
  • I don't think you need to pay. 

    I had a bridesmaid get her dress, then her BF called and told me that after her being MIA for 4 months, that her and I were no longer friends. I took that as a "screw you." I'm not paying her back for her dress. 

    logana1
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    rikysegal said:
    I don't think you need to pay. 

    I had a bridesmaid get her dress, then her BF called and told me that after her being MIA for 4 months, that her and I were no longer friends. I took that as a "screw you." I'm not paying her back for her dress. 

    The difference is, in your case she ended the friendship and dropped out of her own volition.  If you had kicked her out you would indeed owe her for the dress.



    OliveOilsMomKeptInStitchesmanateehugger
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