Me or the dog?

palmbreeze

I'm the biggest dog lover ever. I work in animal rescue for a living. I've been dating my man for a year. I go to stay the night at his place tonight and we have to lock his one dog out of the bedroom b/c she is crazy as hell. She jumps on the bed. Sleeps on top of your head or in between us. Then she wakes up and licks his head. It is so gross! His two dogs wake up at 6:30am to begin with...so staying the night at his house is a lot for a single mom who would love some sleep. Anyway, she gets locked out at night. I don't stay over very often. Well tonight after a really hard week I go over and we finally go to bed (without sex mind you b/c he only had three beers and two glasses of wine). The dog whines, jumps and paws at the door for an hour. I try to wake my man and no luck.I jumped on the bed, I shook him, said his name, turned on my phone, the light and then decided to pack my stuff. Still didn't wake up. I let the dog in and they snuggled up like soul mates and he still didn't wake up. Finally before I get out the door I wake him to let him know I'm leaving. "You don't have to go babe." "Yes I really do" "Ok" Yeah that's all I got. Really? It's in the teens outside and I don't sleep over often and you're just going to be like peace out? His dogs are CRAZY spoiled and misbehaved. Coming from a dog lover I can put up with a lot of crap....but at some point enough is enough. I could rant on all night about everything else, but I just needed to vent. Whew.

hlvonb

@palmbreeze

I am sorry to hear that. I would give him the benefit of the doubt about him being fully awake when you told him you were going home. I know I have woke my FI up during the night and we talk about something but he doesn't really know what's going on at the time. 

Talk to him about it in person when you two have the time and explain that he has to do something if he wants you to be able to spend the night.

SarahA519

@palmbreeze: He sounds inconsiderate and mean. Also, what exactly did you mean about now having sex that night because he ONLY had 3 beers and two glasses of wine? Does he usually drink more when you have sex? That isn't healthy. I know it's not easy, but I would think about if this guy is someone worth being with.

This is just using the information from your post. I don't have all the facts. In any case, a discussion with him is more than needed.

YourDogDontKnowSit

People are weird about their animals. I don't think its right for the poor dog to be locked away when you come over. She obviously loves him and while he has many things in his life: the dog, you, friends, etc. he is the ONLY thing in her life. Why don't you suggest a little training for her so she can sleep in the same room, but on the floor? My dogs are also very spoiled but they learned quickly that when they see my SO they have to sleep on the couch or doggy bed. I would not date someone who wanted me to lock them away, and my dogs are also quite in your face/rambunctious.

That said, he wouldn't wake up with you shaking him, he wouldn't wake up at the sound of the dog jumping against the door, he didn't wake up when she got into bed, etc - how did you telling him you were leaving get him to wake up? I'm guessing he was still mostly asleep. And I don't think its ever appropriate to pack your things/leave to try and coerce an apology out of someone, which is what it sounds like you were doing. Talk to him now that he's sober and you're not in the heat of the moment and figure out what will make all 3 of you happy.

JBee85

You are overreacting. He had MIXED drinks which could make him very sleepy. You can't expect much of a response from him if he is intoxicated. His dog lacks training and discipline, hence why it is "crazy." He obviously allows the dog to sleep in his bed when you are not visiting. This has taught the dog that it is acceptable place to sleep. When you throw a dog off their routine, they don't understand and can get upset (i.e. The pawing and whining). Dogs refer to sleep in the same room as their owners. The dog should been moved to a different room or in a kennel. He needs to start training the dog to sleep in the floor or have her sleep in a kennel and not on the bed.

Dignity100

My FI deals with a lot of crap from my dog (I have 2 but only 1 'problem child').  I rescued my dog and he became OVERLY protective of me.  It took my FI 2-3 years before he could even get close to my dog - now they can snuggle as long as I'm not snuggling my dog.  He knows I love my dogs and he also knows the dog's limits and boundaries.  My FI spends the night quite frequently and the dogs do still jump on the bed.  I keep a box of dog treats in the bedroom so that we can reclaim or spot if the dog steals too much of the bed.  When I see FI playing with my dogs (problem dog and my other dog) it really makes me happy.  If FI ever said 'it's me or the dogs' - he knows which one would lose out because my animals are a part of who I am. 

Perhaps you and your BF could sign up the dog for obedience classes (they have ones for older dogs).  It could be something that you guys do together.  It will help the dog get more training, it will help you gain a bond with the dog and it's time you can spend with your BF.

bethsmiles

I think you acted extremely immaturely. Having a hissy fit and storming out won't get you what you want. I agree with the PPs who advised suggesting some obedience classes.

Oh and it really doesn't sound like you like dogs at all.

Blue & White

Yea it doesn't sound like you like dogs. I don't like dogs and would still not throw a hissy fit.

But if my fi needed more than 5 drinks to sleep with me? That relationship would be over before I even met the dogs.

bride2b71614

OP I can see your frustration. You are a single mom who was expecting a night of relaxation, just to be interrupted by a dog potentially sitting on your face, and sleeping in such a way where you and your SO were separated. When you tried to wake up your SO you were most likely disappointed by the reaction you received. He was probably half asleep. In that situation, you acted like a child. You jumped on the bed to get his attention, you basically threw a tantrum by leaving, and got mad when he didn't put up a fight. This isn't a matter of you or the dog, this is more than that. I think you overreacted, and he deserves an apology. 

 

Also, please understand that the bad behaviors of the dog you explained above are minor compared to most, and it could definitely be worse. My cousin's wife's dog is a rescue. In the beginning of their relationship, he wasn't allowed in the house because the dog was over protective and very territorial. The dog would growl, bite, and was a terror to deal with. My cousin literally had to jump through hoops to get this dog's approval. He also had to be patient and had to show up frequently enough for the dog to get used to him. My cousin was bit quite a few times, and the dog had to go through obedience school twice. Because your SO's dog seems to be acclimated to a specific routine, and because you are not a constant within its life, its not a real mystery as to why it acts the way it does. 

Other than that, I would suggest that you sit down with your SO and try to figure out what the best course of action would be down the line. Perhaps discussing alternative sleeping arrangements (he goes to your place, you find a hotel, he has a friend take care of his dogs, etc.) would be more appropriate. It might also be useful to bring up obedience classes for the dogs during this discussion as well. Good luck, I hope things sort themselves out quickly.

ac411020

I would never date someone who wanted my dogs locked up alone when they were there. I have a hard time believing that you are an animal lover and want the dogs locked up. My advice would be to learn to accept the dogs or find a new bf.

suzie211

Cool story, bro.

phira

I mean ... honestly, it's really hard to tell how unbearable these dogs really are, based on how you're telling this story. Either way, it sounds like you have a serious aversion to the dogs sleeping in the bed, which is fine, but kind of pokes holes in the whole, "I LOVE DOGS" part of the story.

Either his dogs are seriously messed up and he's doing a terrible job at raising and caring for them, in which case the problem is not the dogs but the MAN, or his dogs are not seriously messed up and you are just not as much of a dog lover as you say you are.

The way you left that night sounds like the fights I used to have with my partner. VERY overly dramatic, and a lot of hypothesized MEANING behind everything. Clearly, your boyfriend was pretty fast asleep and not conscious enough to beg you desperately to stay.

Shiroyasha

Unfortunately, I have to agree with the PPs.  Is it possible to start crate training the dog?  The behaviors (the whining, snuggling, and licking) are annoying, but they sound like almost typical behaviors from a dog who loves her owner.  But it's his responsibility to make sure they know their place.  If he continues to allow these behaviors, then they won't stop.  Maybe he loves how the dog behaves or maybe he doesn't realize how annoying it is.  But instead of passive-aggressively leaving in the middle of the night, sit down with him the next day and explain how much the dog's behavior bothers you and go over the training options.

Swazzle

palmbreeze said:

I'm the biggest dog lover ever. I work in animal rescue for a living. I've been dating my man for a year. I go to stay the night at his place tonight and we have to lock his one dog out of the bedroom b/c she is crazy as hell. She jumps on the bed. Sleeps on top of your head or in between us. Then she wakes up and licks his head. It is so gross! His two dogs wake up at 6:30am to begin with...so staying the night at his house is a lot for a single mom who would love some sleep. Anyway, she gets locked out at night. I don't stay over very often. Well tonight after a really hard week I go over and we finally go to bed (without sex mind you b/c he only had three beers and two glasses of wine). The dog whines, jumps and paws at the door for an hour. I try to wake my man and no luck.I jumped on the bed, I shook him, said his name, turned on my phone, the light and then decided to pack my stuff. Still didn't wake up. I let the dog in and they snuggled up like soul mates and he still didn't wake up. Finally before I get out the door I wake him to let him know I'm leaving. "You don't have to go babe." "Yes I really do" "Ok" Yeah that's all I got. Really? It's in the teens outside and I don't sleep over often and you're just going to be like peace out? His dogs are CRAZY spoiled and misbehaved. Coming from a dog lover I can put up with a lot of crap....but at some point enough is enough. I could rant on all night about everything else, but I just needed to vent. Whew.

JIC. 

I agree with PPs who said you sound incredibly immature. Stop blaming the dog, that's how she was trained to act which is your BF's fault, not hers. 

As to the bolded, he "ONLY" had 3 beers and 2 glasses of wine so he couldn't have sex with you? Ouch. 

[Deleted User]

am I the only one who thought, "this can't be real"...?

cu97tiger

LivLeighton said:

Those are all normal dog behaviors. You should know that if you work in animal welfare.

I would not be with someone who made me lock my dog out of the bedroom and certainly not with someone who through a middle-of-the-night hissy fit because of it. 

I totally told DH before I met his dogs that they would NOT be sleeping in the bed with me. Then I met them, and as you know, they are the sweetest freaking dogs, so I couldn't kick them out of THEIR OWN BED.

Trust me, I know ALL about dogs that keep you up all night. If you only stay over there a couple nights a week, then you just need to deal with it. Dogs are part of a family, if you can't deal with his family, then maybe you need to move on. You also should maybe think of getting a bird or some other pet you can keep in a cage. Dogs don't sound like your bag, baby. (Sorry, I watched Austin Powers this weekend).

GoldenPenguin

beanbot2002

I'm rolling the shit outta my eyes at you, OP. My foster dog sleeps in her crate, granted, but she cried all night long until we realized she just needed to be near us. Just wanted to be able to hear us breathing. As soon as we moved her crate into our room she sleeps all night long without any problems. Dogs are part of the family. They want to be with their people, their pack. I fail to see anything wrong with that desire. Would you be cool if, as a child, your parents were like "Listen, you cry, and move around, and wet the bed at night. You're too much of an inconvenience to our lives and disrupt our sleeping too much, so we're just gonna have you sleep in the shed all night. Cause it makes US more comfortable." That'd be fucked up, right? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO THIS DOG. No way in heck I'd be with anyone who made me lock my pets out. Guess what? That dog is family. You, however, are replaceable. Tread carefully.

buddysmom80

When we got our dog, the first two nights he slept in a crate. Night 3, he was in bed with us. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but he loves it! After a year too, he has realized he gets a special treat when mom and dad want some alone time (we lock him out of the bedroom and give him a treat to chew on while we're doing the sexy times) so he kind of looks forward to that now too.

You're a mom, you know that 8-hour nights of uninterrupted sleeping were over when you popped those kids out, so thinking your BF's house was a place of refuge is wrong. I'm not even a parent and know that.

loves2shop4shoes

Head. Tilt.

Wha?

Also, how much does your BF USUALLY have to drink to sleep with you?

Really???

Dottie05

You said yourself that you rarely sleep over. The dog probably sleeps there every night. I would be pissed and scratching the door too, if some chick locked me out of my bed.

Also, totally immature in my opinion about throwing the hissy fit in the middle of the night. My FI would never even remember a convo like that in the morning

nsweare

So your SO got so shitfaced he couldn't hear his dog barking and scratching for an hour? Yeah I'd be leaving too. Fuck that noise. I also wouldn't be going back unless and until 1. The dog got trained and 2. That getting shithoused to the point of not being able to be woken up is NOT ok.