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Me or the dog?

I'm the biggest dog lover ever. I work in animal rescue for a living. I've been dating my man for a year. I go to stay the night at his place tonight and we have to lock his one dog out of the bedroom b/c she is crazy as hell. She jumps on the bed. Sleeps on top of your head or in between us. Then she wakes up and licks his head. It is so gross! His two dogs wake up at 6:30am to begin with...so staying the night at his house is a lot for a single mom who would love some sleep. Anyway, she gets locked out at night. I don't stay over very often. Well tonight after a really hard week I go over and we finally go to bed (without sex mind you b/c he only had three beers and two glasses of wine). The dog whines, jumps and paws at the door for an hour. I try to wake my man and no luck.I jumped on the bed, I shook him, said his name, turned on my phone, the light and then decided to pack my stuff. Still didn't wake up. I let the dog in and they snuggled up like soul mates and he still didn't wake up. Finally before I get out the door I wake him to let him know I'm leaving. "You don't have to go babe." "Yes I really do" "Ok" Yeah that's all I got. Really? It's in the teens outside and I don't sleep over often and you're just going to be like peace out? His dogs are CRAZY spoiled and misbehaved. Coming from a dog lover I can put up with a lot of crap....but at some point enough is enough. I could rant on all night about everything else, but I just needed to vent. Whew.

Re: Me or the dog?

  • @palmbreeze

    I am sorry to hear that. I would give him the benefit of the doubt about him being fully awake when you told him you were going home. I know I have woke my FI up during the night and we talk about something but he doesn't really know what's going on at the time. 

    Talk to him about it in person when you two have the time and explain that he has to do something if he wants you to be able to spend the night.
  • @palmbreeze: He sounds inconsiderate and mean. Also, what exactly did you mean about now having sex that night because he ONLY had 3 beers and two glasses of wine? Does he usually drink more when you have sex? That isn't healthy. I know it's not easy, but I would think about if this guy is someone worth being with.

    This is just using the information from your post. I don't have all the facts. In any case, a discussion with him is more than needed.
    doeydo
  • You are overreacting. He had MIXED drinks which could make him very sleepy. You can't expect much of a response from him if he is intoxicated. His dog lacks training and discipline, hence why it is "crazy." He obviously allows the dog to sleep in his bed when you are not visiting. This has taught the dog that it is acceptable place to sleep. When you throw a dog off their routine, they don't understand and can get upset (i.e. The pawing and whining). Dogs refer to sleep in the same room as their owners. The dog should been moved to a different room or in a kennel. He needs to start training the dog to sleep in the floor or have her sleep in a kennel and not on the bed.
    Dottie05
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    My FI deals with a lot of crap from my dog (I have 2 but only 1 'problem child').  I rescued my dog and he became OVERLY protective of me.  It took my FI 2-3 years before he could even get close to my dog - now they can snuggle as long as I'm not snuggling my dog.  He knows I love my dogs and he also knows the dog's limits and boundaries.  My FI spends the night quite frequently and the dogs do still jump on the bed.  I keep a box of dog treats in the bedroom so that we can reclaim or spot if the dog steals too much of the bed.  When I see FI playing with my dogs (problem dog and my other dog) it really makes me happy.  If FI ever said 'it's me or the dogs' - he knows which one would lose out because my animals are a part of who I am. 

    Perhaps you and your BF could sign up the dog for obedience classes (they have ones for older dogs).  It could be something that you guys do together.  It will help the dog get more training, it will help you gain a bond with the dog and it's time you can spend with your BF.
  • Yea it doesn't sound like you like dogs. I don't like dogs and would still not throw a hissy fit.

    But if my fi needed more than 5 drinks to sleep with me? That relationship would be over before I even met the dogs.
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  • OP I can see your frustration. You are a single mom who was expecting a night of relaxation, just to be interrupted by a dog potentially sitting on your face, and sleeping in such a way where you and your SO were separated. When you tried to wake up your SO you were most likely disappointed by the reaction you received. He was probably half asleep. In that situation, you acted like a child. You jumped on the bed to get his attention, you basically threw a tantrum by leaving, and got mad when he didn't put up a fight. This isn't a matter of you or the dog, this is more than that. I think you overreacted, and he deserves an apology. 
     
    Also, please understand that the bad behaviors of the dog you explained above are minor compared to most, and it could definitely be worse. My cousin's wife's dog is a rescue. In the beginning of their relationship, he wasn't allowed in the house because the dog was over protective and very territorial. The dog would growl, bite, and was a terror to deal with. My cousin literally had to jump through hoops to get this dog's approval. He also had to be patient and had to show up frequently enough for the dog to get used to him. My cousin was bit quite a few times, and the dog had to go through obedience school twice. Because your SO's dog seems to be acclimated to a specific routine, and because you are not a constant within its life, its not a real mystery as to why it acts the way it does. 

    Other than that, I would suggest that you sit down with your SO and try to figure out what the best course of action would be down the line. Perhaps discussing alternative sleeping arrangements (he goes to your place, you find a hotel, he has a friend take care of his dogs, etc.) would be more appropriate. It might also be useful to bring up obedience classes for the dogs during this discussion as well. Good luck, I hope things sort themselves out quickly.

    psychbabe314
  • I would never date someone who wanted my dogs locked up alone when they were there. I have a hard time believing that you are an animal lover and want the dogs locked up. My advice would be to learn to accept the dogs or find a new bf.
    JBee85doeydo
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I mean ... honestly, it's really hard to tell how unbearable these dogs really are, based on how you're telling this story. Either way, it sounds like you have a serious aversion to the dogs sleeping in the bed, which is fine, but kind of pokes holes in the whole, "I LOVE DOGS" part of the story.

    Either his dogs are seriously messed up and he's doing a terrible job at raising and caring for them, in which case the problem is not the dogs but the MAN, or his dogs are not seriously messed up and you are just not as much of a dog lover as you say you are.

    The way you left that night sounds like the fights I used to have with my partner. VERY overly dramatic, and a lot of hypothesized MEANING behind everything. Clearly, your boyfriend was pretty fast asleep and not conscious enough to beg you desperately to stay.
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  • Unfortunately, I have to agree with the PPs.  Is it possible to start crate training the dog?  The behaviors (the whining, snuggling, and licking) are annoying, but they sound like almost typical behaviors from a dog who loves her owner.  But it's his responsibility to make sure they know their place.  If he continues to allow these behaviors, then they won't stop.  Maybe he loves how the dog behaves or maybe he doesn't realize how annoying it is.  But instead of passive-aggressively leaving in the middle of the night, sit down with him the next day and explain how much the dog's behavior bothers you and go over the training options.
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm the biggest dog lover ever. I work in animal rescue for a living. I've been dating my man for a year. I go to stay the night at his place tonight and we have to lock his one dog out of the bedroom b/c she is crazy as hell. She jumps on the bed. Sleeps on top of your head or in between us. Then she wakes up and licks his head. It is so gross! His two dogs wake up at 6:30am to begin with...so staying the night at his house is a lot for a single mom who would love some sleep. Anyway, she gets locked out at night. I don't stay over very often. Well tonight after a really hard week I go over and we finally go to bed (without sex mind you b/c he only had three beers and two glasses of wine). The dog whines, jumps and paws at the door for an hour. I try to wake my man and no luck.I jumped on the bed, I shook him, said his name, turned on my phone, the light and then decided to pack my stuff. Still didn't wake up. I let the dog in and they snuggled up like soul mates and he still didn't wake up. Finally before I get out the door I wake him to let him know I'm leaving. "You don't have to go babe." "Yes I really do" "Ok" Yeah that's all I got. Really? It's in the teens outside and I don't sleep over often and you're just going to be like peace out? His dogs are CRAZY spoiled and misbehaved. Coming from a dog lover I can put up with a lot of crap....but at some point enough is enough. I could rant on all night about everything else, but I just needed to vent. Whew.
    JIC. 

    I agree with PPs who said you sound incredibly immature. Stop blaming the dog, that's how she was trained to act which is your BF's fault, not hers. 

    As to the bolded, he "ONLY" had 3 beers and 2 glasses of wine so he couldn't have sex with you? Ouch. 



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  • am I the only one who thought, "this can't be real"...?
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  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2013
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  • When we got our dog, the first two nights he slept in a crate. Night 3, he was in bed with us. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but he loves it! After a year too, he has realized he gets a special treat when mom and dad want some alone time (we lock him out of the bedroom and give him a treat to chew on while we're doing the sexy times) so he kind of looks forward to that now too.

    You're a mom, you know that 8-hour nights of uninterrupted sleeping were over when you popped those kids out, so thinking your BF's house was a place of refuge is wrong. I'm not even a parent and know that.

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  • Head. Tilt.

    Wha?

    Also, how much does your BF USUALLY have to drink to sleep with you?

    Really???
    doeydo
  • You said yourself that you rarely sleep over. The dog probably sleeps there every night. I would be pissed and scratching the door too, if some chick locked me out of my bed.

    Also, totally immature in my opinion about throwing the hissy fit in the middle of the night. My FI would never even remember a convo like that in the morning

    KeptInStitchesdoeydo
  • So your SO got so shitfaced he couldn't hear his dog barking and scratching for an hour? Yeah I'd be leaving too. Fuck that noise. I also wouldn't be going back unless and until 1. The dog got trained and 2. That getting shithoused to the point of not being able to be woken up is NOT ok.
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