Chit Chat

RANT: Rudest wedding I've ever been to.

edited December 2013 in Chit Chat
WARNING: Long with cliff (cole's??) notes at the bottom

I had high hopes because they're the sweetest people. As I started hearing more about the wedding, I found out they had a "house party" (for anyone who doesn't know, these are basically greeters and errand runners who aren't good enough to be bridesmaids, but given a "job" so that they're involved). I dismissed it because it's a southern wedding and, although totally rude, quite common. I rolled my eyes but wasn't surprised. Then they sent an email a couple weeks before telling the WP (H was a GM) what to wear to the RD. Jackets for the men, dresses for the women - no, it was not venue required. And then the real downhill spiral began...

You may or may not have seen my post on Friday about the RD. Speeches. Lots of them. I started heavily drinking after about the 4th speech, but I'm fairly certain about 12 people spoke for AT LEAST an hour. And a slideshow. And they ran out of food. It was a buffet and with about 10 people left who still needed food there was rice, chips and salsa.

Then the wedding. The GMs were asked to report for duty at noon for the 6pm ceremony so they could get ready and take pictures. I don't think it takes the fucking queen of england that long to get ready and snap a few photos. These are average dudes. But whatever - not my battle. The GMs were under the impression there would be lunch. There were snacks. They were all starving, cranky (hangry? my new word), feeling sick, and shoveling food once they finally got to cocktail hour. 

I arrived at the cocktail hour with another GM's wife ahead of our husbands' parents and our husbands who were taking MORE pictures. We went and looked for a place to put our stuff down (winter wedding with no coat check so we had bulky stuff). There were no escort cards so we went from table to table looking for our name on the various signs on each table that had family names (e.g. "The Jones Family"..). Two said "Wedding Party" but only had enough chairs for the BMs and GMs so we rolled our eyes and just figured we were separated from our husbands. Not one table had our names nor our husbands' families'  names. Super confused, I asked one of the 4 wedding planners. He said there was a back room with unassigned seating for anyone who didn't have a table assignment. WHAT?!?!?!

So we went back there - it was down a little hallway behind the kitchen/bar and a small, separate room that had a maybe six 4-person square tables. All the seats were already taken. We were pissed. So we hurried back into the main ballroom and snagged one of the 5 cocktail tables. We ended up eating there with 8 people holding all our stuff and standing up. The thing that really pissed me off about this is that there was PLENTY of room for more tables. The room was enormous and the seated tables they had set up only took up about half the room. They certainly made room for an 8-top table for their cake, another 8 top table for their favors and their 7 piece live band though. They easily could have had more seating and didn't. Two of the people we were with have bad knees and were in extreme pain. Many adults in their 60s/70s were part of the "sorry you don't have a seat crowd". My husband gave up his seat to one of them so that she could sit down. I saw her limping out the door when they left after the B&G arrived.

They had appetizers starting at cocktail hour. Great, cool. They were delicious. But then they ran out and never served dinner. I think the apps were supposed to be heavy enough for a whole meal, but they weren't and there weren't enough of them anyway. People were confused because nobody said "this is dinner" and once they realized there wasn't going to be any more food, there was a mad rush for the favor table (cookies) so they ran out of those. The bride and groom didn't do a receiving line or come around and thank everyone for coming. We flew in from across the country so there were travel expenses, we gave them money, H was a GM and couldn't wear the black tux he owns because the lapels were different so there was another $250..... and no "thank you". More like a "fuck you" with the way they hosted.

Overall, I have literally never in my life been to a more rude wedding.

Summary: "house party", dress code for RD, some guests had reserved seats while some didn't have seating at all, WP separated from SOs, ran out of food. ran out of favors.

ETA: Warning and summary
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Re: RANT: Rudest wedding I've ever been to.

  • That sounds absolutely awful!  What were they thinking when they were planning all that?
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  • My blood is boiling for you.  I applaud your diplomacy.  I can guarantee you that I would have either shoved additional chairs at the wedding party table, or quite literally set a new table up in the main room.  Once people realized there was no dinner, did many guests leave?  What could anyone possibly stay for after the cocktail hour?  How long did they serve cocktails without food?  Was it a cash bar on top of it all?
  • Ho.Ly.Effing.Shitballs.

    I don't care how good of friends these were before the wedding -- after that, they would NOT be on my friends list anymore.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • That is just plain AWFUL! Who wants to go to a wedding to celebrate a loved one, only to be stuck in a back room and not be apart of the celebration? Some people have no manners.

    Sorry you and YH had to go through all of that while in the wedding party. All brides should have to post all of their "amazing" ideas on the Knot before proceeding...
  • @LuvBird29 apparently great minds think alike!
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  • @afox007, that's hilarious. We must have been posting at the exact same time. It stands true though. If only one person can let a bride and groom know their idea is not only rude, but will alienate family/friends, maybe they would change their mind. 
  • Plus it might make these boards busier!
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  • Pretty much everyone without a seat left after the B&G arrived.  You know how fruit and veggie trays are lined with lettuce as a garnish? Yea, even the lettuce was gone. People were that hungry. 

    Actually it wasn't a cash bar. So without adequate food, but hosted drinks the people who stayed just got really wasted.

    And don't get me wrong - this was a "fancy" wedding. It was in a members only club, gloved service, top shelf open bar, live band (they were really good), roses/lilies everywhere, custom linens, 4 wedding planners, 2 photographers, tuxes, long dresses, professional bridal portraits in the foyer of the church..... blah blah blah. BUT, it was basically all the shit that no one cares about - people want food and chairs. Which they obviously did not have on their long list of "must haves".
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  • OMG your post should become a sticky on the E-board as a big warning to newbies of what NOT to do.

    That sounds horrendous.  Normally I don't think taking back your gift is very mature, but in that case I'd definitely be tempted.  And I'd leave ASAP... and never talk to that couple again.

    I understand some etiquette faux pas because some brides are just innocently clueless.  But all that is just way too much and screams "We're selfish cows who think the world revolves around us so go screw"

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  • Running out of food is a guaranteed way to have your guests remember your wedding forever - in a bad way. No matter how easy going, people want to be fed. Major eye roll at the portraits. 

    Entitlement is gross. 
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  • The thing that stands out as the weirdest is only partially assigned seating. Where does one even come up with such a stupid idea?
  • Maybe they can make this a new thing. Have it be like musical chairs and those still standing have to give the bride money! I can't think of a better way to get rid of the dollar dance!
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  • cruffino said:
    The thing that stands out as the weirdest is only partially assigned seating. Where does one even come up with such a stupid idea?
    My family suggested it because they think its "rude" to have assigned tables and I told them that I didn't want my poor OoT friends being stuck with people like my great grandparents when I could seat them with people they might get along with.
    Anniversary
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  • That is terrible! It stared at the rehearsal dinner. They should have learned then they needed more food. They would have had to pay a huge premium probably but it would have been worth it! After the back room I was lost. I cannot even imagine. Your spouses were GM and you didn't get a seat? WTF. Everything was bad. The lesson in this is that no one gives a shit about your custom linens if they don't have a plate to put on them.
  • Oh.My.God. That sounds absolutely awful!  Sounds like it would've been a simple fix for them to have more tables, but instead they had their heads up the FOUR planner's asses (WTF).  We're not having a fancy wedding (we're doing more like a picnic feel), but we have more than enough seats and tables for everyone. 
    If I were at that wedding, I would've definitely left.  Even if I had a table and seat I would've left.  I am so sorry that you had to do all that travel for such a poorly hosted event.  :/
    Side note: I really feel like saying "put it in the book" like there should be a burn book for TK.
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  • That live band must have seemed like a real bargain when they were playing to an empty room. Or to a handful of drunks.
  • That live band must have seemed like a real bargain when they were playing to an empty room. Or to a handful of drunks.
  • mobkaz said:
    Pretty much everyone without a seat left after the B&G arrived.  You know how fruit and veggie trays are lined with lettuce as a garnish? Yea, even the lettuce was gone. People were that hungry. 

    Actually it wasn't a cash bar. So without adequate food, but hosted drinks the people who stayed just got really wasted.

    And don't get me wrong - this was a "fancy" wedding. It was in a members only club, gloved service, top shelf open bar, live band (they were really good), roses/lilies everywhere, custom linens, 4 wedding planners, 2 photographers, tuxes, long dresses, professional bridal portraits in the foyer of the church..... blah blah blah. BUT, it was basically all the shit that no one cares about - people want food and chairs. Which they obviously did not have on their long list of "must haves".
    I would get the names of those wedding planners and read their reviews.  Who in their right mind would pay for FOUR wedding planners and have such a horrific reception?
    I didn't even notice that when I read through, between 4 wedding planners how the hell did they not know to get enough chairs and tables for all the guests?  Did they just book the 4 worst planners on earth?
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  • Oh.My.God. That sounds absolutely awful!  Sounds like it would've been a simple fix for them to have more tables, but instead they had their heads up the FOUR planner's asses (WTF).  We're not having a fancy wedding (we're doing more like a picnic feel), but we have more than enough seats and tables for everyone. 
    If I were at that wedding, I would've definitely left.  Even if I had a table and seat I would've left.  I am so sorry that you had to do all that travel for such a poorly hosted event.  :/
    Side note: I really feel like saying "put it in the book" like there should be a burn book for TK.

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    Exactly! 
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  • I'd Yelp the heck out of those wedding planners and distance myself from the couple. I wish I could say I'd also gently tell them how devalued their actions made their guests feel, but that's an action for brave, tactful people to try, while I stew quietly.
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  • I just still cannot get over the fact they had not 1 but 4 wedding planners none of them picked up on this train wreck of a wedding?!  All they cared about was themselves and not at all about the guests. I feel bad for those who didn't much to eat or a place to sit. Enough food and a place for the butt are the foundations to a good wedding, come on people.  
  • I'm gonna go ahead and say that having 4 wedding planners is where it all started going wrong. I saw this a lot when I was at my old job - we had several people trying to organise the same event and invariably there was at least one thing that didn't get done because everyone thought someone else was doing it and nobody bothered to check. Not that I'm saying that that specifically happened here, just that there's a reason why "too many cooks spoil the broth" is a cliché.

    Also, with the economy being sucky and all, there's a lot of people in service industries who aren't going to speak up and "advise" their clients because they don't want to lose their fees. Especially when everyone knows how shall we say "sensitive" brides can be...

    Excuses aside, what the hell were they thinking? How do you have a wedding but not greet your guests in SOME manner? It just boggles the mind.
    imageDaisypath Friendship tickers
  • Wow, 4 wedding planners and not one of them thought that not having enough chairs or food was a bad idea? Honestly, I would have been gone as soon as the food ran out. "Sorry you paid a lot of money for the band or flowers, but I am hungry- see ya!"
  • I have no words for this...

    It's too bad the hangry guests didn't form a town mob with torches and pitchforks for when the B&G showed up. I guess their hands were full with all of their bulky coats and things that should have had a coat closet/check.

    Lurkers:  Host your guests properly even if you have to ditch something extra for yourself. Don't be a jackass. Everyone should get plenty of food, a chair, and be able to enjoy themselves comfortably at your reception. The reception is for your guests and not for you.
  • That is unbelievable!!!! Not one of the 4 wedding planners was able to say, "Hold the fuck up! You can't have people sitting in a separate room and you have to have enough chairs!" Wow. It just goes to show you - you can spend $$$$ on a wedding and still have it be tacky and poorly hosted. 
  • I l always wonder in a case like this if the bride and groom ever find out how upset people were. If there was any fallout from it.
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