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Pregnant Bridesmaid

One of my bridesmaids just found out that she is due with her first child two days after my wedding.  While I am so excited and happy for her, it brings me to a dilemma.  She openly told me that it is up to me whether or not I wanted her to still be in the wedding party.  I would LOVE for her to still be there and be a bridesmaid, but I don't want to ask too much of her.  I answered back to her saying that I didn't care whether she was 9 months pregnant or not, I would love for her to share in this day with my husband-to-be and I.  Whether she was beside me or sitting in a pew, I wanted her to be comfortable.

She is going to talk with her doctor to get more information, and seek his/her opinion.  I am trying to brainstorm what to do either way.  If she decides she is more comfortable sitting, I want to acknowledge her bridesmaid status as well as get another bridesmaid to fill the spot.  Is this okay to ask?  On the flip side, if she does decide to stand up with me, what can I do to make the day more comfortable for her?
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Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    hoffmak said:
    One of my bridesmaids just found out that she is due with her first child two days after my wedding.  While I am so excited and happy for her, it brings me to a dilemma.  She openly told me that it is up to me whether or not I wanted her to still be in the wedding party.  I would LOVE for her to still be there and be a bridesmaid, but I don't want to ask too much of her.  I answered back to her saying that I didn't care whether she was 9 months pregnant or not, I would love for her to share in this day with my husband-to-be and I.  Whether she was beside me or sitting in a pew, I wanted her to be comfortable.

    She is going to talk with her doctor to get more information, and seek his/her opinion.  I am trying to brainstorm what to do either way.  If she decides she is more comfortable sitting, I want to acknowledge her bridesmaid status as well as get another bridesmaid to fill the spot.  Is this okay to ask?  On the flip side, if she does decide to stand up with me, what can I do to make the day more comfortable for her?
    No, you do not replace bridesmaids like they are parts in a play.  She can still be your bridesmaid, whether she is able to stand up for it, sit, or if she goes into early labour and cannot be there for your wedding.  
    image
    KeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Why in the world would you need another BM to fill her spot? If she is ther but just sitting then there is no spot to fill. And if she isn't there because she had her baby ther is still no spot to fill because she is still one of your BMs.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    hoffmak said:
    One of my bridesmaids just found out that she is due with her first child two days after my wedding.  While I am so excited and happy for her, it brings me to a dilemma.  She openly told me that it is up to me whether or not I wanted her to still be in the wedding party.  I would LOVE for her to still be there and be a bridesmaid, but I don't want to ask too much of her.  I answered back to her saying that I didn't care whether she was 9 months pregnant or not, I would love for her to share in this day with my husband-to-be and I.  Whether she was beside me or sitting in a pew, I wanted her to be comfortable.

    She is going to talk with her doctor to get more information, and seek his/her opinion.  I am trying to brainstorm what to do either way.  If she decides she is more comfortable sitting, I want to acknowledge her bridesmaid status as well as get another bridesmaid to fill the spot.  Is this okay to ask?  On the flip side, if she does decide to stand up with me, what can I do to make the day more comfortable for her?

    If she is sitting in a pew or sitting at home with a newborn she is still your bm and should not be replaced .

    Does this have something to do with even sides?

    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLostsouthernbelle0915jenna8984
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In most of the weddings I have been in or attended (~30) the BMs don't do anything except walk down the aisle and they don't literally stand by the bride's side during the ceremony, they sit in the 1st row of pews/chairs.

    I have only been in/attended 2 or 3 weddings where the entire WP had to stand with the Bride and Groom during the ceremony.

    If your friend chooses to stay in the WP, then the best way to make her comfortable on your wedding day, if she is able to attend, is to have the WP sit during your ceremony.  Have everyone walk down the aisle and then go to the 1st row of seating, then at the end of the ceremony they can stand and process out behind you.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    OliveOilsMomKeptInStitchesMairePoppy[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Whatever you do, don't get another bridesmaid.  The "role" shouldn't be cast like parts in a show.

    If your friend is able to attend the wedding and go up and down the aisle with you, I'd have a place available where she can sit during the ceremony.  I like @PrettyGirlLost's idea of letting the whole WP sit, not just her-when I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, my feet hurt and I would have loved to be able to sit down, and the other bridesmaids agreed with me.

    If it turns out she can't attend your wedding, just leave things alone.  You don't have to have your wedding party do the recessional paired off-they can go down the aisle in single file or you can have one bridesmaid escorted by two groomsmen.
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • In most of the weddings I have been in or attended (~30) the BMs don't do anything except walk down the aisle and they don't literally stand by the bride's side during the ceremony, they sit in the 1st row of pews/chairs.

    I have only been in/attended 2 or 3 weddings where the entire WP had to stand with the Bride and Groom during the ceremony.

    If your friend chooses to stay in the WP, then the best way to make her comfortable on your wedding day, if she is able to attend, is to have the WP sit during your ceremony.  Have everyone walk down the aisle and then go to the 1st row of seating, then at the end of the ceremony they can stand and process out behind you.
    This. And if she is not able to be present on the day of you don't replace her. That's telling her that she's replaceable and the person you ask to replace her that they weren't important enough to make the cut the first time.

    If it is about keeping the sides even no one will notice that you have one less BM than GM in the WP
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesdoeydo
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was in a wedding recently where the Groom's sister was pregnant and a BM, and could not make it through the rehearsal standing up at the altar.  I suggested that we all just sit in the 1st row of pews during the ceremony the next day in order to accommodate the Groom's sister, and I was told that wasn't what the Bride wanted.

    Next day during the ceremony guess what happened?  Groom's Sister began to pass out up at the altar right as the rings were being blessed or some shit, and her mother (who was wearing a  bright red dress) and another family member rushed up to grab her and get her to a seat.  This is all captured for posterity in the wedding photos.



    Jen4948 said:

     I like @PrettyGirlLost's idea of letting the whole WP sit, not just her-when I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, my feet hurt and I would have loved to be able to sit down, and the other bridesmaids agreed with me.

    Also this.  I don't care if you have broken in your shoes or not, no one wants to stand for 20+ minutes and then go stand around some more to take pictures.  If the GMs are in tuxes chances are they are wearing rented shoes, and they are not comfortable.

    The WP doesn't need to stand up at the altar with you- you will have plenty of posed pictures with them.  Let them sit during the ceremony.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I was in a wedding recently where the Groom's sister was pregnant and a BM, and could not make it through the rehearsal standing up at the altar.  I suggested that we all just sit in the 1st row of pews during the ceremony the next day in order to accommodate the Groom's sister, and I was told that wasn't what the Bride wanted.

    Next day during the ceremony guess what happened?  Groom's Sister began to pass out up at the altar right as the rings were being blessed or some shit, and her mother (who was wearing a  bright red dress) and another family member rushed up to grab her and get her to a seat.  This is all captured for posterity in the wedding photos.

    Jen4948 said:

     I like @PrettyGirlLost's idea of letting the whole WP sit, not just her-when I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, my feet hurt and I would have loved to be able to sit down, and the other bridesmaids agreed with me.

    Also this.  I don't care if you have broken in your shoes or not, no one wants to stand for 20+ minutes and then go stand around some more to take pictures.  If the GMs are in tuxes chances are they are wearing rented shoes, and they are not comfortable.

    The WP doesn't need to stand up at the altar with you- you will have plenty of posed pictures with them.  Let them sit during the ceremony.
    And even if you do want them all to be next to you rather than sitting in the first pew, simply put a chair up there for the pregnant one next to the rest of the BMs.

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was in a wedding recently where the Groom's sister was pregnant and a BM, and could not make it through the rehearsal standing up at the altar.  I suggested that we all just sit in the 1st row of pews during the ceremony the next day in order to accommodate the Groom's sister, and I was told that wasn't what the Bride wanted.

    Next day during the ceremony guess what happened?  Groom's Sister began to pass out up at the altar right as the rings were being blessed or some shit, and her mother (who was wearing a  bright red dress) and another family member rushed up to grab her and get her to a seat.  This is all captured for posterity in the wedding photos.

    Jen4948 said:

     I like @PrettyGirlLost's idea of letting the whole WP sit, not just her-when I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, my feet hurt and I would have loved to be able to sit down, and the other bridesmaids agreed with me.

    Also this.  I don't care if you have broken in your shoes or not, no one wants to stand for 20+ minutes and then go stand around some more to take pictures.  If the GMs are in tuxes chances are they are wearing rented shoes, and they are not comfortable.

    The WP doesn't need to stand up at the altar with you- you will have plenty of posed pictures with them.  Let them sit during the ceremony.
    And even if you do want them all to be next to you rather than sitting in the first pew, simply put a chair up there for the pregnant one next to the rest of the BMs.
    How about a chair for everyone?  Sorry, but I think making everyone else stand is rude.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • The ceremony is not going to be a long one and I don't have the option of leaving the first pew open for the wedding party since the chapel is small.  The option of adding another bridesmaid is to keep the sides even.  Someone mentioned that people aren't going to notice the difference in number, but that isn't true.  We have a small wedding party and one person is going to make a difference.  I'm not looking to replace this bridesmaid with someone else - I really hope it doesn't sound like that.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    hoffmak said:
    The ceremony is not going to be a long one and I don't have the option of leaving the first pew open for the wedding party since the chapel is small.  The option of adding another bridesmaid is to keep the sides even.  Someone mentioned that people aren't going to notice the difference in number, but that isn't true.  We have a small wedding party and one person is going to make a difference.  I'm not looking to replace this bridesmaid with someone else - I really hope it doesn't sound like that.
    That's what they all say- the ceremony is not going to be long.  No one wants to stand in heels for 15-25mins, especially when they are 9months pregnant.  See my story above, the pregnant BM was not able to stand for the 20min ceremony. . . she started to pass out on the altar and it is forever immortalized in the bride's wedding photos!

    You can't kick this woman out of your bridal party just because she is pregnant, so if she decides she wants to be a BM you need to provide a place for her to sit on the day of the wedding.  Surely there is room in the 1st pew for her to sit down during your ceremony?

    And if she decides she can't participate in the wedding, please do not replace her just because you want even sides.  This is your wedding, not a play.  These are your closest family and friends not props for photo ops.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    doeydo
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013
    I had two BMs and H had five groomsmen. It did not look weird and trust me when I say that even though I am sure some of our guests noticed the difference in numbers, not one person gave a damn.
    Honestly, would you have given a crap if your guests were upset because your numbers were uneven?

    I'm thinking no ;-)

    This is one of those things where the opinions of others don't matter.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Blue_Bird
  • I feel as if I am looked at as being the bad guy here, but that is only because you are thinking things that aren't true.  First of all, none of my bridesmaids are going to be wearing heels so anything having to do with standing in heels for a long time is out of the problem.  Second of all, I'm not "kicking her out" of my bridal party.  Never in any post did I say this - and never would I do this.  When she announced her news, she gave me the option of "kicking her out" and I refused.

    It would be nice if someone didn't put me into this defined box of a typical bride.
  • hoffmak said:
    I feel as if I am looked at as being the bad guy here, but that is only because you are thinking things that aren't true.  First of all, none of my bridesmaids are going to be wearing heels so anything having to do with standing in heels for a long time is out of the problem.  Second of all, I'm not "kicking her out" of my bridal party.  Never in any post did I say this - and never would I do this.  When she announced her news, she gave me the option of "kicking her out" and I refused.

    It would be nice if someone didn't put me into this defined box of a typical bride.
    Would you feel weird having a chair up there for her? I've never been pregnant but just reading what other posters posted and having friends who have been- standing is not their favorite thing to do(nor does it seem humane!) at 9 months. A chair would allow her to still be up on the altar. right?

    My MOH is currently trying to get pregnant and we talked about what would happen if she were "about to pop" on our wedding day. Having her up there with me is so important I wouldn't care if there was a recliner on the altar.... you will figure it out.

    and ps. i know everyone on here is "anti- even sides" but i understand your woes... it was/is a concern for us too. :)
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    hoffmak said:

    I feel as if I am looked at as being the bad guy here, but that is only because you are thinking things that aren't true.  First of all, none of my bridesmaids are going to be wearing heels so anything having to do with standing in heels for a long time is out of the problem.  Second of all, I'm not "kicking her out" of my bridal party.  Never in any post did I say this - and never would I do this.  When she announced her news, she gave me the option of "kicking her out" and I refused.

    It would be nice if someone didn't put me into this defined box of a typical bride.

    Ok, she's not going to be able to stand for 20mins straight in flats either. Can she sit in the 1st pew or cana you get a chair for her for the altar?

    Also, in your OP you mentioned something about getting another BM to fill in or something and in another post you mentioned concern about even sides. . .do not replace this woman in your bridal party.

    Don't ask anyone else to take her place if she can't do it the day of your wedding, do not replace her if she drops out.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    doeydo
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    How do you know that none of your bridesmaids are going to be wearing heels?

    Even sides are not important.  At all.  This is your wedding to your husband, not a stage recital. 



    doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • One of my BMs (SIL) was also due 2 days after my wedding. We gave her a chair up front and it was fine. It looked nice and she was comfortable. Don't over think this. Keep her as BM, don't kick her out and don't replace her. Wouldn't you feel awful if someone replaced you?

    SIL and I were at the same wedding a few weeks after mine.  She was asked to be a BM in that wedding and was "fired" after the bride found out she was pregnant. The bride had a replacement BM. When we saw the replacement walk up the aisle, SIL said, "Well, there's my replacement." Everyone I talked to judged the bride for kicking SIL out of the wedding party. They were talking about this at the reception.

    Don't be that bride. Even if it's not your intention to hurt the BM, she will be hurt.




    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • One of my BMs (SIL) was also due 2 days after my wedding. We gave her a chair up front and it was fine. It looked nice and she was comfortable. Don't over think this. Keep her as BM, don't kick her out and don't replace her. Wouldn't you feel awful if someone replaced you?

    SIL and I were at the same wedding a few weeks after mine.  She was asked to be a BM in that wedding and was "fired" after the bride found out she was pregnant. The bride had a replacement BM. When we saw the replacement walk up the aisle, SIL said, "Well, there's my replacement." Everyone I talked to judged the bride for kicking SIL out of the wedding party. They were talking about this at the reception.

    Don't be that bride. Even if it's not your intention to hurt the BM, she will be hurt.
    This, in my opinion, is brilliant! I'd probably do something like this and of course tell everyone the story at cocktail hour and the reception but then again I'm a vindictive bitch. ;)
    Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLostMadHops21
  • mobkaz said:
    hoffmak said:
    I feel as if I am looked at as being the bad guy here, but that is only because you are thinking things that aren't true.  First of all, none of my bridesmaids are going to be wearing heels so anything having to do with standing in heels for a long time is out of the problem.  Second of all, I'm not "kicking her out" of my bridal party.  Never in any post did I say this - and never would I do this.  When she announced her news, she gave me the option of "kicking her out" and I refused.

    It would be nice if someone didn't put me into this defined box of a typical bride.
    Would you feel weird having a chair up there for her? I've never been pregnant but just reading what other posters posted and having friends who have been- standing is not their favorite thing to do(nor does it seem humane!) at 9 months. A chair would allow her to still be up on the altar. right?

    My MOH is currently trying to get pregnant and we talked about what would happen if she were "about to pop" on our wedding day. Having her up there with me is so important I wouldn't care if there was a recliner on the altar.... you will figure it out.

    and ps. i know everyone on here is "anti- even sides" but i understand your woes... it was/is a concern for us too. :)

    Exactly WHAT is the concern?  I am asking a truly legitimate question and hoping upon hope that someone will actually have a VALID reason for the necessity of even sides.  And to consider this a "woe"......?  No one is ANTI-even sides.  The fact is, there is no reason to be PRO-even sides.  At all.  Not even a little bit.  
    I feel like this is a newbie thing... we all have this image of what a "perfect wedding" is based on what we've seen or grown up believing.. so in the beginning, having even sides was like the "of course" idea- we didn't even consider not having even sides... However, I think(for me at least) as i have read about weddings and researched more, even sides really aren't that big of a deal... but, to each their own.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • I was in a wedding recently where the Groom's sister was pregnant and a BM, and could not make it through the rehearsal standing up at the altar.  I suggested that we all just sit in the 1st row of pews during the ceremony the next day in order to accommodate the Groom's sister, and I was told that wasn't what the Bride wanted.

    Next day during the ceremony guess what happened?  Groom's Sister began to pass out up at the altar right as the rings were being blessed or some shit, and her mother (who was wearing a  bright red dress) and another family member rushed up to grab her and get her to a seat.  This is all captured for posterity in the wedding photos.

    Jen4948 said:

     I like @PrettyGirlLost's idea of letting the whole WP sit, not just her-when I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, my feet hurt and I would have loved to be able to sit down, and the other bridesmaids agreed with me.

    Also this.  I don't care if you have broken in your shoes or not, no one wants to stand for 20+ minutes and then go stand around some more to take pictures.  If the GMs are in tuxes chances are they are wearing rented shoes, and they are not comfortable.

    The WP doesn't need to stand up at the altar with you- you will have plenty of posed pictures with them.  Let them sit during the ceremony.
    And even if you do want them all to be next to you rather than sitting in the first pew, simply put a chair up there for the pregnant one next to the rest of the BMs.
    How about a chair for everyone?  Sorry, but I think making everyone else stand is rude.
    Since bridesmaids normally stand anyway, no, I don't see a problem with only having a chair for the pregnant BM to use if she needs it.  However, it is always an option to have all of the BMs sit in chairs if the bride wants them next to her instead of in the audience.  She could also ask the BMs which they prefer.

    doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    How about a chair for everyone?  Sorry, but I think making everyone else stand is rude.
    Since bridesmaids normally stand anyway, no, I don't see a problem with only having a chair for the pregnant BM to use if she needs it.  However, it is always an option to have all of the BMs sit in chairs if the bride wants them next to her instead of in the audience.  She could also ask the BMs which they prefer.
    No, not really.  out of the 30ish weddings I have been in and to I only stood as a BM or saw the BMs standing in maybe 3 or 4. 

    I liked your ideas in the bolded.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • How about a chair for everyone?  Sorry, but I think making everyone else stand is rude.
    Since bridesmaids normally stand anyway, no, I don't see a problem with only having a chair for the pregnant BM to use if she needs it.  However, it is always an option to have all of the BMs sit in chairs if the bride wants them next to her instead of in the audience.  She could also ask the BMs which they prefer.
    No, not really.  out of the 30ish weddings I have been in and to I only stood as a BM or saw the BMs standing in maybe 3 or 4. 

    I liked your ideas in the bolded.
    OK.  For me, I have never seen a wedding with sitting BMs.  Never even heard about them until TK, so I guess it's all in what you're used to.

  • How about a chair for everyone?  Sorry, but I think making everyone else stand is rude.
    Since bridesmaids normally stand anyway, no, I don't see a problem with only having a chair for the pregnant BM to use if she needs it.  However, it is always an option to have all of the BMs sit in chairs if the bride wants them next to her instead of in the audience.  She could also ask the BMs which they prefer.
    No, not really.  out of the 30ish weddings I have been in and to I only stood as a BM or saw the BMs standing in maybe 3 or 4. 

    I liked your ideas in the bolded.
    OK.  For me, I have never seen a wedding with sitting BMs.  Never even heard about them until TK, so I guess it's all in what you're used to.


    Generally, in Catholic weddings, the wedding party sits in the first row.  I have also seen this happen sometimes in Hindu and mixed religion weddings.  But for all of the other weddings I've been to, the bridal party has stood up front.  So that's probably where the cultural difference is here - if you're from a heavily Catholic area (where I grew up) you'd be used to seeing them seated.  If you're not (i now live in NC; most of my friends here are Christian but not Catholic), you're likely used to seeing them standing up.

     

    I think a lot of the reason that the wedding party sits during the Catholic ceremony is the length.  A Catholic wedding ceremony can go 45 minutes; a full mass over an hour.  That's a long time to stand.  Most non-denominational and other religious sect ceremonies I've been to have been around or under 30 minutes, which is more managable for standing I think.

  • Every single wedding I've ever been to has had the BMs standing at the altar, but as a guest, I wouldn't think there was anything odd at all about having the rest of the BMs standing while the 9 month pregnant chick was sitting down.  Also, as someone who is currently pregnant, I can say I might attempt to stand (this is my first pregnancy, so I have no idea how I'll feel at 9 months), but would definitely appreciate the option to sit if I didn't feel up to it.  

    If I went into labor prior to your wedding and couldn't make it, I'd honestly feel a little hurt looking at pictures later with someone else in "my" place just because you wanted even sides.  It would definitely make me feel replaceable and would also make me feel like my baby was a burden to your 'perfect day' since they came at an inopportune time and you just had to replace me (not that that's how you actually feel, but hormones are a bitch and that's probably how I'd feel)
    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitches
  • Have you thought about how this would make the new BM feel? To know that she wasn't one of your first choices but instead the filler BM who may/may not be needed.

    I'd turn you down flat if you came to me asking me to be a BM after you had already chosen your BMs and found out one couldn't be there. And I would probably reconsider our friendship. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitches
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