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Step-Sister Pissed She's Not In Wedding Party...

My step-sister just realized over the weekend that I haven't asked her to be in my wedding party, and she is seriously pissed off. I chose my bridal party carefully, and I am really happy with who I've chosen; my best friend since middle school is my MOH, 3 of my cousins (who are like my sisters, because we grew up together) are my bridesmaids, and my last bridesmaid is a cousin of my FH. We are all around the same age, and all of them are really excited to be in the wedding. At the time I was choosing, I did consider my step-sister; after all, I've known her since I was 9 and she was 16, and she's the only 'sister' that I have. In the end, I didn't choose her because I didn't think it was something she'd be interested in, and I certainly didn't think she'd be as upset as she is. She's telling people she might not even show up to the wedding at all!

Some other reasons I didn't choose my step-sister: She's always told me it was awkward for her hanging out with me and my friends, because she feels too old (I've never felt that way, but I can't seem to convince her otherwise), she doesn't like to be the center of attention or have her picture taken, and she always blows me off when I try and make plans with her, so the last time we've even hung out was LAST summer (not summer of 2013, summer of 2012). I see her on holidays, but that's it. So, I really didn't think she'd take it so personally that I didn't choose her as one of my bridesmaids. She hasn't spoken to me AT ALL about being upset or feeling left out, but she's said plenty to my step-dad and my mom. She told my mom that she feels like she was 'slapped in the face, and then spat on' and that I must not think of her as a true sister. She's also even more offended that I didn't include my niece as a flower girl, but she's 10 years old, and I felt that was too old. My FH and I are having our 4 year old daughter be our flower girl, along with our 4-year old God-daughter.

To hear that she was so upset - she actually cried, and she does not cry, ever! - made me feel really, really bad. I mean, I've been stressing out for days now that I know how badly her feelings have been hurt, but she still hasn't said anything to me. And, she's been really rude to my mom and her own father! I almost wanted to change my mind and ask her to be a bridesmaid, but I feel like it's too late now because she was told by my mom she didn't get chosen. Not to mention, she's been throwing a fit like a spoiled little brat, and I don't want her to think every time she throws a fit like this she's going to get her way. 

What do you guys think? Should I stick with my original wedding party, or am I being really selfish? Should I have asked my step-sister in the first place? I am really stressing out about this.

Re: Step-Sister Pissed She's Not In Wedding Party...

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    My step-sister just realized over the weekend that I haven't asked her to be in my wedding party, and she is seriously pissed off. I chose my bridal party carefully, and I am really happy with who I've chosen; my best friend since middle school is my MOH, 3 of my cousins (who are like my sisters, because we grew up together) are my bridesmaids, and my last bridesmaid is a cousin of my FH. We are all around the same age, and all of them are really excited to be in the wedding. At the time I was choosing, I did consider my step-sister; after all, I've known her since I was 9 and she was 16, and she's the only 'sister' that I have. In the end, I didn't choose her because I didn't think it was something she'd be interested in, and I certainly didn't think she'd be as upset as she is. She's telling people she might not even show up to the wedding at all!

    Some other reasons I didn't choose my step-sister: She's always told me it was awkward for her hanging out with me and my friends, because she feels too old (I've never felt that way, but I can't seem to convince her otherwise), she doesn't like to be the center of attention or have her picture taken, and she always blows me off when I try and make plans with her, so the last time we've even hung out was LAST summer (not summer of 2013, summer of 2012). I see her on holidays, but that's it. So, I really didn't think she'd take it so personally that I didn't choose her as one of my bridesmaids. She hasn't spoken to me AT ALL about being upset or feeling left out, but she's said plenty to my step-dad and my mom. She told my mom that she feels like she was 'slapped in the face, and then spat on' and that I must not think of her as a true sister. She's also even more offended that I didn't include my niece as a flower girl, but she's 10 years old, and I felt that was too old. My FH and I are having our 4 year old daughter be our flower girl, along with our 4-year old God-daughter.

    To hear that she was so upset - she actually cried, and she does not cry, ever! - made me feel really, really bad. I mean, I've been stressing out for days now that I know how badly her feelings have been hurt, but she still hasn't said anything to me. And, she's been really rude to my mom and her own father! I almost wanted to change my mind and ask her to be a bridesmaid, but I feel like it's too late now because she was told by my mom she didn't get chosen. Not to mention, she's been throwing a fit like a spoiled little brat, and I don't want her to think every time she throws a fit like this she's going to get her way. 

    What do you guys think? Should I stick with my original wedding party, or am I being really selfish? Should I have asked my step-sister in the first place? I am really stressing out about this.


    It doesn't sound like you and your step sister are very close.  So there is no reason to choose her to be in your BP.  You should choose your nearest and dearest to be in your WP, and that doesn't sound like your SS.  I would not add her in now.  However, it is the holidays and you will be seeing her (?), so be prepared for her to bring this up with you.  Practice something that you will say to her, so that you have it all ready to say.  Maybe: Sister, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings about not choosing you to be in the WP.  But we aren't as close as we used to be and I wanted those I am closest to standing up with me. 
    doeydoPrettyGirlLostKeptInStitches
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Why do people get so crazy over weddings?? It's unreal. I think that it is your wedding, and your decision. I think that you should stick to your original wedding party. She is acting like a spoiled child, and giving in will only make it worse. Plus, she will most likely feel like you are throwing her a pity invite. Has she always been like this? Is she one to scream and cry if she doesn't get her way? Maybe there is another way that you can incorporate her in your wedding, invite her to go dress shopping with you, maybe ask if you can bounce ideas off of her. I would try to talk to her and reason with her, but if it fails, you did not do anything wrong. Just because she is family does not mean she automatically gets to be in your wedding. You are supposed to choose those that are closest to you, and clearly that is what you did. Try not to stress over it, I know it is easier said than done.
                                 Anniversary
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    doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • @OliveOilsMom - Thanks, that is a good idea to plan now what I'm going to say to her. I am seeing her tomorrow, and so far I've been dreading it haha.

    @pinkcow13 - Yes, she's always been very bratty and over-dramatic when she doesn't get her way, and she often thinks someone did something to her personally when it has nothing to do with her. I should have known she'd be this upset, but I'd been hoping being 30 matured her a bit. I guess not...Thanks for your suggestions though :)

    @AddieL73 - Thank you! I just wanted a few outside opinions(:

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    She's really acting out of line. I'm sorry. It doesn't sound like you two are close at all. I wouldn't add her in now either. And if she decides not to come to the wedding, she's the one missing out. 

    doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd stick with your original wedding party.  I would not want a bridesmaid who I'm not close to, told me that it's awkward to hang around me, blows me off when I try to make plans with her, and creates unnecessary drama.
    doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • Thanks ladies for you opinions!:) I think I will definitely stick to my original wedding party. I will talk with my step-sister, but I think she'd be too much drama and I made the right choice with my original girls:)
  • Just a thought....but would you want her to do a reading for your wedding? It's an honor and a way to involve her/appease her...

    That's how I involved my older brother (who I am not close with), while my younger brother was a groomsman BC he and FI have gotten to be friends
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Until or unless she is adult enough to take it up with you, I wouldn't worry about it. I refuse to take seriously anything that someone won't tell me to my face. If you can't bring it up with me in a mature, adult fashion, then clearly it's not really that big of a deal to you, now is it?

    Stick to your guns, don't ask her to be a BM, and don't ask her to do a reading. There's no reason to offer her a reward (being in the wedding) for her behaviour.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    MalMondo1020
  • Until or unless she is adult enough to take it up with you, I wouldn't worry about it. I refuse to take seriously anything that someone won't tell me to my face. If you can't bring it up with me in a mature, adult fashion, then clearly it's not really that big of a deal to you, now is it?

    Stick to your guns, don't ask her to be a BM, and don't ask her to do a reading. There's no reason to offer her a reward (being in the wedding) for her behaviour.
    This. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MalMondo1020
  • Stick with the bridal party you chose.  If you want to ask her to do a reading, it migh mend some fences.  But I don't understand why people assume the're going to be bridesmaids for people who they're not actually close to.  It happens a lot for some reason.
  • I was forced into making my sister my MOH, whatever it didn't make a difference to me. I had a co- MOH who in my eyes was my REAL MOH at my wedding. 

    I wish I could go back and keep it the way I wanted it to be in the beginning, without my sister. Keep your original party, and people will get over shit. 
    MalMondo1020
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