My step-sister just realized over the weekend that I haven't asked her to be in my wedding party, and she is seriously pissed off. I chose my bridal party carefully, and I am really happy with who I've chosen; my best friend since middle school is my MOH, 3 of my cousins (who are like my sisters, because we grew up together) are my bridesmaids, and my last bridesmaid is a cousin of my FH. We are all around the same age, and all of them are really excited to be in the wedding. At the time I was choosing, I did consider my step-sister; after all, I've known her since I was 9 and she was 16, and she's the only 'sister' that I have. In the end, I didn't choose her because I didn't think it was something she'd be interested in, and I certainly didn't think she'd be as upset as she is. She's telling people she might not even show up to the wedding at all!
Some other reasons I didn't choose my step-sister: She's always told me it was awkward for her hanging out with me and my friends, because she feels too old (I've never felt that way, but I can't seem to convince her otherwise), she doesn't like to be the center of attention or have her picture taken, and she always blows me off when I try and make plans with her, so the last time we've even hung out was LAST summer (not summer of 2013, summer of 2012). I see her on holidays, but that's it. So, I really didn't think she'd take it so personally that I didn't choose her as one of my bridesmaids. She hasn't spoken to me AT ALL about being upset or feeling left out, but she's said plenty to my step-dad and my mom. She told my mom that she feels like she was 'slapped in the face, and then spat on' and that I must not think of her as a true sister. She's also even more offended that I didn't include my niece as a flower girl, but she's 10 years old, and I felt that was too old. My FH and I are having our 4 year old daughter be our flower girl, along with our 4-year old God-daughter.
To hear that she was so upset - she actually cried, and she does not cry, ever! - made me feel really, really bad. I mean, I've been stressing out for days now that I know how badly her feelings have been hurt, but she still hasn't said anything to me. And, she's been really rude to my mom and her own father! I almost wanted to change my mind and ask her to be a bridesmaid, but I feel like it's too late now because she was told by my mom she didn't get chosen. Not to mention, she's been throwing a fit like a spoiled little brat, and I don't want her to think every time she throws a fit like this she's going to get her way.
What do you guys think? Should I stick with my original wedding party, or am I being really selfish? Should I have asked my step-sister in the first place? I am really stressing out about this.