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Wedding Party

Ring Bearer Dilemma

Hello!
My fiancé and I originally had our ring bearer picked out. Our close friends (best man and bridesmaid) had a little boy Dec 3. We planned to get married January 17, 2015. So by then he would be walking more than likely.

However, we won a honeymoon back in November that has to be used within a year so we moved our date up to Sept 13th. So chances are he won't be walking at 9 months. We are getting married outdoors at a vineyard. I'm just unsure how to work him into the wedding without him being able to walk.

I considered a rustic wagon and having the flower girl pulling him but I'm just nervous about it since she will only be 2 at that time. Thoughts? Ideas? 

I appreciate it!
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Re: Ring Bearer Dilemma

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello!
    My fiancé and I originally had our ring bearer picked out. Our close friends (best man and bridesmaid) had a little boy Dec 3. We planned to get married January 17, 2015. So by then he would be walking more than likely.

    However, we won a honeymoon back in November that has to be used within a year so we moved our date up to Sept 13th. So chances are he won't be walking at 9 months. We are getting married outdoors at a vineyard. I'm just unsure how to work him into the wedding without him being able to walk.

    I considered a rustic wagon and having the flower girl pulling him but I'm just nervous about it since she will only be 2 at that time. Thoughts? Ideas? 

    I appreciate it!
    He can be the ring bearer without actually processing down the aisle.  My 2 yr old, at the time, nephew was one of my ring bearers.  There was no way he was walking down the aisle, but I still consider him one of my ring bearers.  I wouldn't even count on your flower girl walking down the aisle without any issues, let alone pulling a wagon.  I would also be nervous with a child old enough to roll over and climb things, sitting in a wagon without an adult pulling it, then add in uneven ground and you have a potential disaster.

    Keep this child as your ring bearer, just don't expect him to make any attempt down the aisle.  Or have your BM carry him down the aisle and then hand him off to someone who can care for him during the ceremony. Since both parents will be in the WP, perhaps you can invite one set of grandparents to care for the child during the ceremony.
    KeptInStitchesdoeydo
  • We are inviting his grandparents but if they don't come there are plenty of our close friends or family in the wedding who would watch him. I read a post about it a few minutes ago and read where the last bridesmaid/groomsmen would hold his hands (in between them) and walk him down the aisle as well. Our flower girls is very social so I am not too worried about her cause her mom and dad are in the wedding party also so I know she will go to her mom or dad.

    If nothing else I will see about having my last bridesmaid carry the 9 month old ring bearer and then have our last groomsmen hold our 2 year old flower girls hand.
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  • Tried to quote, it glitched though. At 9 mos old I doubt he would be walking (even assisted). I would recommend that you just choose one of his parents (he may be upset by strangers at that age) to carry him down. Definitely skip the wagon, I would have someone else lead the 2 year old down. At a recent family wedding FI's second cousin (4 yo) was a flower girl who is super outgoing and she still froze and needed help finishing the walk. 

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    [Deleted User]
  • Yes, I'd say let the mom carry the RB, let the dad walk the FG.  I think it would be super cute
  • Those kids are way way too young to be FG and RB.  I don't see that going well at all.

    As a grandparent myself I do want to offer a point of view on the children.  You said, "We are inviting his grandparents but if they don't come there are plenty of our close friends or family in the wedding who would watch him."  This is very presumptuous and kind of rude.  It is also wrong to assume other family and friends will pick up the slack if the grandparents don't attend.  These people are all invited guests who want to be dancing, having a cocktail, and enjoying adult conversation - not being the chosen one to babysit a child who is still in diapers.  That little guy is going to require a lot of attention!

    When I go to a wedding I am not there to babysit - not even my own grandchildren.  I am there to have an adult evening out and enjoy myself as a guest.  My girls know that if we are all invited to an event and the kids are included, I am not babysitting and keeping an eye on the kids.

    Before you bank on your RB having someone to watch him, make sure the grandparents WANT to do this.  DH and I would be enjoying ourselves and not babysitting such a young child.
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]SKPM
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kmmssg said:
    Those kids are way way too young to be FG and RB.  I don't see that going well at all.

    As a grandparent myself I do want to offer a point of view on the children.  You said, "We are inviting his grandparents but if they don't come there are plenty of our close friends or family in the wedding who would watch him."  This is very presumptuous and kind of rude.  It is also wrong to assume other family and friends will pick up the slack if the grandparents don't attend.  These people are all invited guests who want to be dancing, having a cocktail, and enjoying adult conversation - not being the chosen one to babysit a child who is still in diapers.  That little guy is going to require a lot of attention!

    When I go to a wedding I am not there to babysit - not even my own grandchildren.  I am there to have an adult evening out and enjoy myself as a guest.  My girls know that if we are all invited to an event and the kids are included, I am not babysitting and keeping an eye on the kids.

    Before you bank on your RB having someone to watch him, make sure the grandparents WANT to do this.  DH and I would be enjoying ourselves and not babysitting such a young child.
    I have to agree.  And skip the wagon.

    I think that if you want to have any kids as ring bearers or flower girls, they should not only be able to get up and down the aisle by themselves (no wagons or being carried) but they should be able to remember and understand, even in simple terms, what's going on.  Kids under 3 really don't have the second ability, and sometimes (depending on their ages) the first either.
  • The mother of the ring bearer is my 2nd bridesmaid (after MOH) and the flower girls dad is our 3rd groomsmen (after BM).

    I would never ask the children's grandparents to watch the children. I will discuss that with their parents and see what they think is best. I know they will be bringing their children regardless of if they are RB and FG so they would have to be watched either way by family or friends since both sets of parents are in the wedding party. We are a close knit bunch so I don't think anyone would be upset by it. I have tons of children in my family so children are not going to be a nuisance to anyone in my family personally. I would have the kids in my family but there are 5 in one family alone and I don't want to pick and chose between them and their cousins. These are our only two friends with children so it was perfect for us.

    I will discuss it further with their parents to see what they think would work best for them personally. I mean we don't absolutely have to have them but I know the FG's parents were extremely excited for her to be in the wedding also. The RB's parents are just now adjusting to parenting so they are too busy to pester with these things yet.

    I am nixing the wagon idea just because of danger. I hadn't considered him toppling before. I do not have children so those things don't just come to my mind. 
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  • The mother of the ring bearer is my 2nd bridesmaid (after MOH) and the flower girls dad is our 3rd groomsmen (after BM).

    I would never ask the children's grandparents to watch the children. I will discuss that with their parents and see what they think is best. I know they will be bringing their children regardless of if they are RB and FG so they would have to be watched either way by family or friends since both sets of parents are in the wedding party. We are a close knit bunch so I don't think anyone would be upset by it. I have tons of children in my family so children are not going to be a nuisance to anyone in my family personally. I would have the kids in my family but there are 5 in one family alone and I don't want to pick and chose between them and their cousins. These are our only two friends with children so it was perfect for us.

    I will discuss it further with their parents to see what they think would work best for them personally. I mean we don't absolutely have to have them but I know the FG's parents were extremely excited for her to be in the wedding also. The RB's parents are just now adjusting to parenting so they are too busy to pester with these things yet.

    I am nixing the wagon idea just because of danger. I hadn't considered him toppling before. I do not have children so those things don't just come to my mind. 
    Just curious, why does the order matter?  Is there some kind of hierarchy of wedding party members? 
    [Deleted User]
  • No not at all. I'm just saying typically the flower girl and ring bearer go between the bridesmaids/groomsmen and bride. We may not even have the groomsmen walk the bridesmaids down so our FG could walk with her mom who is the 3rd bridesmaid.

    I just don't know if it will look odd or be confusing so I am asking for opinions on them walking with their moms when there is still another bridesmaid after them who will not have a child. Then me off course.
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  • No not at all. I'm just saying typically the flower girl and ring bearer go between the bridesmaids/groomsmen and bride. We may not even have the groomsmen walk the bridesmaids down so our FG could walk with her mom who is the 3rd bridesmaid.

    I just don't know if it will look odd or be confusing so I am asking for opinions on them walking with their moms when there is still another bridesmaid after them who will not have a child. Then me off course.
    yes, but why can't you just change the order so the mom would be last?
    [Deleted User]
  • That is an option but we really don't want to change our line-up because it is something we had already decided earlier on. The first bridesmaid (RB's mom) is one of my absolute best friends and I don't want her to be the last one down the aisle just for that reason.

    We just did it in order of family and close friends and years known. The last bridesmaid I have is a very close friend but not like my sister-in-law and my other two best friends who have the children.
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  • I'm sorry I mis-read the hierarchy comment. I wasn't sure what you meant by that but yes our friends are lined up in order of closeness to us and from different parts of our lives.
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  • I'm sorry I mis-read the hierarchy comment. I wasn't sure what you meant by that but yes our friends are lined up in order of closeness to us and from different parts of our lives.
    So you ranked your friends? No one but you cares about the order of the BM or GM. I'm sure the BM that has the little girl would be just as honored to walk in last with her little girl as second last. Plus it would really help with your current predicament as PP have mentioned.
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    KeptInStitches[Deleted User]
  • I know they don't really care. I was just saying that is how we did it. I will talk to my girls and see what they would rather do. Thank you for the advice.
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  • I know they don't really care. I was just saying that is how we did it. I will talk to my girls and see what they would rather do. Thank you for the advice.
    sounds like a plan.  I just hope they don't know they've been ranked (it doesn't sound like you have told them that so it should be in the clear)
    [Deleted User]
  • They are probably aware though regardless. I mean they are all from different walks of my life and know I see some people more than others because we love hours away from a few of them.
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  • They are probably aware though regardless. I mean they are all from different walks of my life and know I see some people more than others because we love hours away from a few of them.
    So that makes it okay to put them in order of highest to lowest importance?
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    [Deleted User]
  • I'm just saying thats not something that they would care about. They all know my best friend since I was little is my MOH, my closest friend since college is my 2nd, the third is a great friend and wife of my FI's best friend, and the last is a friend just from the last couple years since we moved out here. They are all important to me just in different aspects of my life.

    Just like when I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding.  She had 8 girls and I was number 5. I didn't care cause I knew thats where I was in here life. She had her sister, best friend, best college friend, a cousin, our close friend, then me. I wasn't hurt by it a bit. That's her choice and I didn't expect to be in the wedding at all so I was honored all the same.
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  • I'm just saying thats not something that they would care about. They all know my best friend since I was little is my MOH, my closest friend since college is my 2nd, the third is a great friend and wife of my FI's best friend, and the last is a friend just from the last couple years since we moved out here. They are all important to me just in different aspects of my life.

    Just like when I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding.  She had 8 girls and I was number 5. I didn't care cause I knew thats where I was in here life. She had her sister, best friend, best college friend, a cousin, our close friend, then me. I wasn't hurt by it a bit. That's her choice and I didn't expect to be in the wedding at all so I was honored all the same.
    I have never heard of this.  Is it common?  The weddings I've been at everyone just stands in height order (behind the MOH/BM), which is what I'm planning to do.  I don't care if I was #1 down the aisle, I'd still feel weird if the order was based on some friend ranking system.
    [Deleted User]
  • delujm0 said:
    I'm just saying thats not something that they would care about. They all know my best friend since I was little is my MOH, my closest friend since college is my 2nd, the third is a great friend and wife of my FI's best friend, and the last is a friend just from the last couple years since we moved out here. They are all important to me just in different aspects of my life.

    Just like when I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding.  She had 8 girls and I was number 5. I didn't care cause I knew thats where I was in here life. She had her sister, best friend, best college friend, a cousin, our close friend, then me. I wasn't hurt by it a bit. That's her choice and I didn't expect to be in the wedding at all so I was honored all the same.
    I have never heard of this.  Is it common?  The weddings I've been at everyone just stands in height order (behind the MOH/BM), which is what I'm planning to do.  I don't care if I was #1 down the aisle, I'd still feel weird if the order was based on some friend ranking system.
    no I've absolutely never heard of "ranking" your nearest and dearest.  Yes, I get MOH is first but really?  It's pretty rude...
  • Well I just thought that's how it was. Sorry. I've seen the height thing but I think they are all around the same height.
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  • I'm letting them work it out though because I really don't care. I just thought that's how you placed them to have an order. Sorry but I've only been in one wedding and that's what she did. Besides that I've been to onlya few and never knew the girls anyways. I didn't ask for an opinion from my mom or anyone so this is just what I thought. My naivety.
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  • Wow, I think lining people up by importance is a yucky move and going to make people feel like crap. 

    I've been in a number of weddings, and all but one has gone by height or alpha order. That one was due to the fact that there were three couples in the WP (including me and FI), so they matched us up to walk down the aisle. 


    image
    [Deleted User]
  • skip the ranking of girls, skip the wagon (your FG probably won't be able to make it down the aisle as it is), have the BM carry the RB. Have her go either first or last.

    Since you have lots of spouses in your WP, why not match them up so they spouses walk back up the aisle together?

    seriously though, the ranking....
    image
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  • Sorry. Like I said before I've never seen or heard different. One of the couples is already walking together. The other one is best man and bridesmaid. I'm all for that if there's a way to work it out for the best man and his wife. Never heard of the alphabet thing at all. That could work too.
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  • Oh and both couples are the RB and FG parents all if there is a way for them to walk together that would be cool too.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    If they're close to the same heights, why not go by birthdays?
  • I just think it will look weird to have a random baby toted down the aisle. I mean, why? He's not actually bearing the rings so why have him do it at all? Is his mom just going to hold him at the alter the whole time? Babies get heavy. And they shouldn't be used as props.
    [Deleted User]
  • He's not just a random baby to us OR a prop so whether our guest think that or not doesn't really matter to me. He's our God child. His mother as well as the FG's mother asked if we could involve them. We didn't have any one else to be the RB or FG regardless so that seemed like a perfect place since we adore their children and want them involved. Also, a lot of ring bearers regardless of age don't carry the rings. They normally carry fake rings and the MOH and BM hold the real ones. 

    We are thinking about hiring a baby sitter for an hour or two in case the children get upset during the ceremony or pictures so that the parents don't have to run out or anyone from the wedding congregation would need to do anything.

    If the RB's mom wants to hold him, she can. However, it is not required by any means and we were thinking of ways to do that.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    He's not just a random baby to us OR a prop so whether our guest think that or not doesn't really matter to me. He's our God child. His mother as well as the FG's mother asked if we could involve them. We didn't have any one else to be the RB or FG regardless so that seemed like a perfect place since we adore their children and want them involved. Also, a lot of ring bearers regardless of age don't carry the rings. They normally carry fake rings and the MOH and BM hold the real ones. 

    We are thinking about hiring a baby sitter for an hour or two in case the children get upset during the ceremony or pictures so that the parents don't have to run out or anyone from the wedding congregation would need to do anything.

    If the RB's mom wants to hold him, she can. However, it is not required by any means and we were thinking of ways to do that.
    Believe it or not, there is no requirement that you have a flower girl or ring bearer at all.

    And if you think there's a possibility that the children will get so upset that you need to get a babysitter, that's actually an argument against even having them.
    [Deleted User]SKPM
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