Open Bar vs Cash Bar

Maggie0829

Hosting your guests correctly and appropriately will never change regardless of the year we are in.  If you don't have the money to afford an open or limited bar then you just don't have alcohol.  Period.

lyndausvi

BethChampagne21 said:

I came to this site on recommendation, I was told most people on here are open, inviting, and helpful. It seems as though most people are nothing but condescending. Times have change and somethings change. Cash bar vs open is one those things. A groom seeing his bride before the walk  down the aisle was once one of the biggest taboos, getting married in the evening was unheard just  a couple of generations ago. Does that make these changes also in poor taste. It is funny you mention better manners, never once have I heard anyone even mention at a wedding or after that a couple was horrible, mean or dare I say rude for having a open bar. 

I have been to backyard thrown together in a week wedding to formal, if you are so stuck up or think poorly of a couple for having a cash bar, I would  not be proud to include you in such a happy day.

I think poorly of anyone one not a proper host.  Luckily, I don't have such friends.  We plan events (wedding or otherwise) accordingly.   We find a venue that can properly host an event on our budget. 

I have also attended backyard weddings to very formal 6-figure weddings.  I would think highly of the couple of the backyard wedding with a keg than a Ritz-Carlton wedding couple with a cash bar.

Jen4948

BethChampagne21 said:

I came to this site on recommendation, I was told most people on here are open, inviting, and helpful. It seems as though most people are nothing but condescending. Times have change and somethings change. Cash bar vs open is one those things. A groom seeing his bride before the walk  down the aisle was once one of the biggest taboos, getting married in the evening was unheard just  a couple of generations ago. Does that make these changes also in poor taste. It is funny you mention better manners, never once have I heard anyone even mention at a wedding or after that a couple was horrible, mean or dare I say rude for having a open bar. 

I have been to backyard thrown together in a week wedding to formal, if you are so stuck up or think poorly of a couple for having a cash bar, I would  not be proud to include you in such a happy day.

The rudeness of making your guests open their wallets instead of paying for drinks yourselves has never, and will never, change with the times.  It is not "stuck up" to assume the costs yourself.  If you would think badly of a host who didn't charge you for the drinks, well, that says more about you than any of the name-calling you did here.

LondonLisa

BethChampagne21 said:

I came to this site on recommendation, I was told most people on here are open, inviting, and helpful. It seems as though most people are nothing but condescending. Times have change and somethings change. Cash bar vs open is one those things. A groom seeing his bride before the walk  down the aisle was once one of the biggest taboos, getting married in the evening was unheard just  a couple of generations ago. Does that make these changes also in poor taste. It is funny you mention better manners, never once have I heard anyone even mention at a wedding or after that a couple was horrible, mean or dare I say rude for having a open bar. 

I have been to backyard thrown together in a week wedding to formal, if you are so stuck up or think poorly of a couple for having a cash bar, I would  not be proud to include you in such a happy day.

You see, you are confusing tradition with etiquette. Tradition is things that a group usually does to celebrate like doing the polka, or the bride not seeing the groom before the wedding. Etiquette is hosting people properly. You are the host, your guests are just that: GUESTS. They should never open their wallets for something you want at your wedding.  What if you invited people to your house for dinner and you wanted to serve lobster. But you couldn't afford it for everyone. Would you offer everyone chicken and then allow people to pay for themselves to upgrade to lobster for a price? Of course you wouldn't. You would just serve everyone what you could afford, even if it was BBQ and coca-cola. There is nothing wrong with a casual wedding, but there is something very "entitled", and frankly rude, about wanting a fancy, evening wedding with alcohol but making your guests pay for your wedding "vision". 

grumbledore

Maggie0829 said:

Hosting your guests correctly and appropriately will never change regardless of the year we are in.  If you don't have the money to afford an open or limited bar then you just don't have alcohol.  Period.

This. It's not as if your only options are full open bar or cash bar. You don't have to serve alcohol if you can't afford it. Or you can offer limited options. Just choose your venue carefully to insure that those options are available to you.

Cookie Pusher

As the reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to witness you get married, it's extremely rude to expect them to open their wallets. How would you feel if your boss said he was throwing you a party to thank you for the hard work you do at your job, then took part of the cost of the party from your paycheck?

chastars

Cash bars are not RUDE...especially when you will offer beer and wine and virgin drinks...your friends and family will understand...people who matter should be at your wedding...weddings are expensive not everyone can have a million dollar wedding...so go for what you can afford...the people who will be celebrating your day with you will love you still

chibiyui

chastars said:

Cash bars are not RUDE...especially when you will offer beer and wine and virgin drinks...your friends and family will understand...people who matter should be at your wedding...weddings are expensive not everyone can have a million dollar wedding...so go for what you can afford...the people who will be celebrating your day with you will love you still

Or, you don't have the option for liqour if you're already hosting beer, wine and non alcholic beverages. You're friends will understand and still love you if they can't order a jack and coke one night.

NYCBruin

chastars said:

Cash bars are not RUDE...especially when you will offer beer and wine and virgin drinks...your friends and family will understand...people who matter should be at your wedding...weddings are expensive not everyone can have a million dollar wedding...so go for what you can afford...the people who will be celebrating your day with you will love you still

This is a terrible attitude.  Presumably you are inviting people to your wedding because you care about them.  So treat them well.  Them loving you doesn't give you an excuse to disregard their comfort and ask them to cover the cost of your party.  Sure, they do love you and understand if you can't afford to pay for a full open bar.  The solution is that you just offer what you can afford, rather than asking them to cover the extras you can't.

You are right about one thing: weddings ARE expensive.  And not just for the hosts.  Think about how much money your guests are spending to celebrate your nuptials: travel costs (flight/gas/train), possibly a hotel room, appropriate attire, gift, possibly unpaid time off of work and probably a gift for you.  For FI and I to attend a wedding, it can easily run us upwards of several hundred dollars.  To get up to the bar and be told that I owe money for a drink at a party that is supposed to be my thank you for attending your wedding would just be a slap in the face.

banana468

chastars said:

Cash bars are not RUDE...especially when you will offer beer and wine and virgin drinks...your friends and family will understand...people who matter should be at your wedding...weddings are expensive not everyone can have a million dollar wedding...so go for what you can afford...the people who will be celebrating your day with you will love you still

People understand that you host what you can and NEVER ask them to fund a portion of your event. If you can't afford alcohol then don't have it. But make sure you're still putting your guests first. I have zero sympathy for a couple who opt to treat their guests on the cheap while they wear expensive attire or use a pricey venue.

The logic that those love you even if you're rude to them is the same logic a manipulative abuser uses. "If you love me then you'll do X thing for me and if you fight me on it then I'll question your love and commitment to the relationship. " How about you treat others appropriately in the first place?

Jen4948

chastars said:

Cash bars are not RUDE...especially when you will offer beer and wine and virgin drinks...your friends and family will understand...people who matter should be at your wedding...weddings are expensive not everyone can have a million dollar wedding...so go for what you can afford...the people who will be celebrating your day with you will love you still

Oh yes, they are extremely rude.  Regardless of what you are offering, cash bars are always rude.  Your friends and family not only will not understand, they should not be expected to "understand," let alone open their wallets at your wedding.  You host, you offer what you can afford without making your guests open their wallets or expecting them to "understand." 

JoanE2012

chastars said:

Cash bars are not RUDE...especially when you will offer beer and wine and virgin drinks...your friends and family will understand...people who matter should be at your wedding...weddings are expensive not everyone can have a million dollar wedding...so go for what you can afford...the people who will be celebrating your day with you will love you still

Lemme guess....you're having a cash bar??

As a good host, you never allow your guests to pay for anything.  If you want an open bar, you have plenty of options.....save up longer until it fits in the budget, cut your guest list, choose a different venue that is cheaper, forego favors and save the dates, select cheaper centerpieces (or cheaper invitations, dress, etc).

But to shift the cost of a cash bar on to your guests because you don't want to take on that expense is plain old rude.  An open bar is not a requirement for a wedding, so if you can't afford it and don't want to do the options above, you just serve non-alcoholic drinks only!

grumbledore

chastars said:

Cash bars are not RUDE...especially when you will offer beer and wine and virgin drinks...your friends and family will understand...people who matter should be at your wedding...weddings are expensive not everyone can have a million dollar wedding...so go for what you can afford...the people who will be celebrating your day with you will love you still

Incorrect. Expecting your guests to subsidize anything that you want to provide at your wedding is indeed rude. Simply do not offer liquor if you cannot afford it. A little creativity will get you a long way on a budget too - too many couples jump into venues and contracts without exploring all of their options.

FiancB

In laws offered to pay for an open bar, which is very generous of them. Why on earth would you STILL try to work in a cash bar in that case? Do some simple catering as far as food goes and be happy that you don't need to worry about paying for alcohol. Asking them to pay for something else instead would be extremely rude.

tcnoble

I always wonder, to those who think cash bars are okay, is it okay to make guests pay per piece of cake they want? Because by your logic this would be acceptable and guests would "understand."

NYCBruin

tcnoble said:

I always wonder, to those who think cash bars are okay, is it okay to make guests pay per piece of cake they want? Because by your logic this would be acceptable and guests would "understand."

Obviously!  I mean they don't HAVE to eat the cake.  You're just providing them with the OPTION to have the cake.

See what I did there?

pinkshorts27

I don't like chicken, can I pay to upgrade my meal to lobster? I also don't like wedding cake, can I pay for carrot cake instead? 

themuffinman16

Ok, since we are the topic of hosting, I have a question.  If a friend of mine is making dinner, is it rude of me to bring a bottle of wine (would that be like saying what they have isn't good enough, or would it be considered appreciation for the dinner.)  Btw, I am not having a cash bar, but just wondered how this etiquette transferred into something I have done for dinners every family member or friend has hosted.  And I don't George Costanza the wine, either (bring it home with me if no one drank it. Lol).

Maggie0829

themuffinman16 said:

Ok, since we are the topic of hosting, I have a question.  If a friend of mine is making dinner, is it rude of me to bring a bottle of wine (would that be like saying what they have isn't good enough, or would it be considered appreciation for the dinner.)  Btw, I am not having a cash bar, but just wondered how this etiquette transferred into something I have done for dinners every family member or friend has hosted.  And I don't George Costanza the wine, either (bring it home with me if no one drank it. Lol).

No, because that bottle of wine is more of a hosting gift rather then a "what you have sucks and we must drink this instead" thing.  When you bring a bottle of wine over for a dinner party the hosts have the right to decide whether or not they will open it for the night or save it for a later time. Because the bottle of wine is a gift, not something that is required to be drunk that night.

grumbledore

themuffinman16 said:

Ok, since we are the topic of hosting, I have a question.  If a friend of mine is making dinner, is it rude of me to bring a bottle of wine (would that be like saying what they have isn't good enough, or would it be considered appreciation for the dinner.)  Btw, I am not having a cash bar, but just wondered how this etiquette transferred into something I have done for dinners every family member or friend has hosted.  And I don't George Costanza the wine, either (bring it home with me if no one drank it. Lol).

It's ok to bring a bottle of wine to a dinner party. Whether it is opened or not is at the host's discretion since it was given to them as a gift. This doesn't really translate to a wedding since that is not an event at which it would be appropriate to bring a bottle of wine.

LondonLisa

It is different because it is rude to bring a bottle, food, anything to a dinner party and expect it to served that evening (obviously, if there was a prior arrangement about bringing drinks or a dish that is different). 

The host/ hostess has planned his or her menu and that may include wine/ dessert/ whatever that she has already intended to serve. So the bottle of wine/ cake/ whatever that you brought is a gift for them, not for you to enjoy with them on that evening unless the hosts chose to do so.