NWR is it gift grabby to invite people you haven't seen in a long time to a baby shower?

photokitty

My friend from college got married last year and is now having a baby. I have not seen this friend since my best friend's wedding 4 years ago and have never met their spouse. I was not invited to the wedding. Basically we only interact on FB at the standard minimum level.
Do you think it is odd or gift grabby to invite people you haven't seen in that long to a baby shower?

ETA - I was trying to cut the snark but feel I should add - the invite was on FB and it is at a restaurant where they will provide apps or wine for the table. Someone is bringing a cake. The invite was from the friend not a host (as in they are throwing their own baby shower) -  if that helps, so I don't sound like a total brat just not wanting to buy a gift.

cowgirl8238

While I do think it is a little odd, I don't see it as gift grabby.  Maybe your friend feels closer to you than you feel to her?  I know that some of my FB friends are like that.  Honestly if you aren't sure I would justnot go and send her a small gift (if you want) or a nice card congratulating them on their baby.

bethsmiles

I think it's gift grabby and I wouldn't attend or send a gift but depending on how nice I was feeling I might send a nice card.

Inkdancer

It really depends on the situation. There are some friends I haven't seen in ages, but I'd go to their baby shower in a heartbeat. Others, not so much. No matter what her intention was with the invite, don't go if you don't want to.

photokitty

I guess I feel salty bc they got married last year and if I didn't warrant an invite when they were paying - it seems rude to invite me now to pay for my own meal and bring a gift.

It's not like the relationship has changed since last year and they din't have a small wedding - I know from seeing it on FB :-\

OliveOilsMom

Being as you were not invited to the wedding, I see it as gift grabby.  Unless, their ceremony/reception was super small or this is a surprise shower and she doesn't know the guest list or date.

sofakingmad

Regardless of what it is or isn't, if you feel slighted by the invite, don't go.  Just decline the invite.

Easy peasy.

KeptInStitches

I think it depends on the person. The situation you're describing, though, sounds gift grabby to me.

melbelleup

I don't see it as gift grabby, until you mention how it was done. Over facebook from the pregnant lady is a no go. That to me, screams gift grabby.

manateehugger

Yeah, in general, I wouldn't see this as gift grabby, but facebook invite, self-hosted, recent large wedding to which you weren't invited - seems gift grabby. 

photokitty

I really wish people thought things through before they did them. Etiquette exists for a reason - to not insult or hurt the feelings of your guest.

I know from reading the posts on the event page (aka invite) a lot of their friends "support" their cost savings decision to throw their own party and have the guests buy their own meals. But those close friends probably got invited to the wedding last summer and know what all the inside jokes being thrown around in the posts mean too.

At least send me a paper invite so I feel like you care enough about me know my address. BC it's not like a got a Christmas card or anything since graduating form college either. Basically all I read is - bring me a gift while I am in town for the afternoon.

RebeccaB88

Under these circumstances, yes, definitely a gift grab. If she wanted to see you that badly, she could have facebooked you and suggested getting lunch or coffee. Not made the first overture in 4 years be to a gift giving event.

RebeccaB88

Under these circumstances, yes, definitely a gift grab. If she wanted to see you that badly, she could have facebooked you and suggested getting lunch or coffee. Not made the first overture in 4 years be to a gift giving event.

EverAfer

photokitty said:

I really wish people thought things through before they did them. Etiquette exists for a reason - to not insult or hurt the feelings of your guest.

I know from reading the posts on the event page (aka invite) a lot of their friends "support" their cost savings decision to throw their own party and have the guests buy their own meals. But those close friends probably got invited to the wedding last summer and know what all the inside jokes being thrown around in the posts mean too.

At least send me a paper invite so I feel like you care enough about me know my address. BC it's not like a got a Christmas card or anything since graduating form college either. Basically all I read is - bring me a gift while I am in town for the afternoon.

They didn't invite you to the wedding that happened last year. Sent you a FB invite to a shower they're hosting themselves and the guests are buying their own meals and..bringing shower gifts?

That is Gift Grabby.  You're right, etiquette exists for a reason.

ETA: Why can't I pick two answers in the poll? I really do like turtles!

cupcait927

In your situation, yes, I would definitely see this girl as being gift-grabby. If she has no relationship with you outside of FB and you haven't seen her in four years and weren't special enough to come to her wedding, why on earth would it be reasonable to invite you to the baby shower? I can't say that it's always the case when someone invites a guest they haven't seen in a long time but it is definitely attention seeking in this situation.

JCbride2015

Yep, I think it's totally gift grabby, considering you weren't invited to the wedding.  So annoying, and the Facebook event is just awful.

kgd7357

I don't think the wedding and baby shower invites are related, but I do think the event is odd. Just have it in a living room if you aren't providing meals. I'm down with wine and snacks for an afternoon baby shower in a living room. And just no to FB invites. I'd probably go and bring a small gift if I could make it.

climbingsingle

Totes gift grabby. 

JennyColada

photokitty said:

I guess I feel salty bc they got married last year and if I didn't warrant an invite when they were paying - it seems rude to invite me now to pay for my own meal and bring a gift.

It's not like the relationship has changed since last year and they din't have a small wedding - I know from seeing it on FB :-\

I'd feel the same way.

One of my BEST friends from high school (we've fallen out of touch since) never invited me to her wedding (despite posting about it on FB, and even commenting on another mutual friend's wall "send me your address so that I can send you an invite to my wedding!"

I'm super salty about it and would almost be OFFENDED if she then invited me to a baby shower.

But I'm also kind of one to hold a grudge.

I do think it's a bit out of place for her to do this though, and while I certainly wouldn't openly comment disdainfully, I certainly would make it a point to attend and bring a pricey gift. As other's mentioned, I may or may not send a thoughtful card (although I'd probably just leave it at a "congrats!" FB message).

photokitty

Thanks everyone

I talked with my best friend about it and he agreed it was totally weird that I got invited as this person and I are really on friends through him and have never hung out on our own without him. I'm not going, if my best friend and his wife were going I would go so I could spend time with them as they live out of town, but since they aren't there's no reason for me to go.

I would consider sending a card or gift if I had the couple's address, but like I said I've had no contact with them except Facebook.

I do think you shouldn't invite people to the baby shower that you didn't invite to the wedding unless the relationship/ friendship is new or has changed since the marriage - unless you had a small wedding. These people had a full blown wedding and if I wasn't important enough to be invited to it (which it totally fine) I shouldn't be important enough to invite to a baby shower since nothing has changed in our relationship since the wedding. It just ends up feeling gift grabby and my best friend agrees. I'll stop whining now :-p

OliveOilsMom

I think its time to cull down your Friends list!

HisGirlFriday13

I see it as gift-grabby, given the circumstances you presented. I'd be offended and I wouldn't go.

I don't expect to be invited to every wedding or every shower or every event, and I don't even particularly like showers, but this bothers me.

Jen4948

In these circumstances, yeah, it seems gift-grabby.

AddieCake

Yes.