What do Bridesmaids do?

hlpopper

So, I have always been a very independent person when it comes to planning and the nitty-gritty stuff for the wedding, but I had lunch with my maid of honor who asked what I expected of her and if I needed any help with anything. I've booked all my vendors, they helped me when I went to get my dress, and we're going to have a day where we're going out to coffee to discuss their dresses and budget for dresses and shoes. I figured they are my wing women, the people who will be there for me and support me during the biggest moment of my life, but multiple times they've asked me what I want them to do and the standard answer I give is "be there for me at the wedding." I don't know what exactly they're expecting me to say or even what bridesmaids are supposed to do besides be there for the bride on the day of. Is there something I'm missing? Are bridesmaids expected to do more than just be there and look pretty?

Maggie0829

BMs aren't required to do anything but buy the dress and show up on the day of your wedding ready to smile.

If they keep asking if you need help just thank them for the offer but you have it covered.  If you end up needing help you can certainly go to them since they have already made the offer.

MyNameIsNot

Their only duty is to show up on the day of the wedding wearing the agreed upon dress and to smile and be appropriate.

Many WP members choose to do other things.  Many want to help with wedding planning, or plan showers and b-parties.  If they want to plan parties, they'll figure that out on their own.  If you could use any help with any planning details, it sounds like they're interested.

You should ask each of them for a dress budget individually and privately to avoid any potential issues.  Matching shoes is a bad idea, but if you insist, you pay.  

hlpopper

With the dresses, we're looking to do infinity dresses so they can wear them multiple times after the wedding as well as have a dress style that makes them look great and feel comfortable. The only reason why we would like to discuss the budget is that my Maid of honor is actually the one making the dresses and she needs to know what fabric would be the best for everyone based on the budget and the fabrics that work best for that particular dress. She makes dresses professionally and made three of them that looked absolutely stunning before I agreed to let her make the dresses, plus she's only charging for the fabric and I know she is reliable on things like this.

As for the shoes, I won't make them wear matching shoes, I was just going to talk to them about it since it will be a bit tricky since the ceremony will be in a rose garden and heels run the risk of sinking and getting stuck in the grassy areas.

[Deleted User]

I tried to keep my expectations simple to avoid stress for everyone. I did coordinate a date for all of us to go pick out dresses. I then sent cards that each other's information on it (phone, email, address, etc) so they would be able to get in touch with each other easily (and without having to go through me). The did all of the planning of the bachlorette party & bridal shower without any input from me except for the guest list. They just told me what date & where to show up.

I did a lot of communicating with them via email due to our schedules. I did need at least one person to go with me for my final fitting to see how to do my corset & bustle so I sent out an email to all four of them asking who was available. Two of them were able to come so it worked out great.

When it came to hair, I was getting mine done at a salon so again I sent out an email to everyone letting them know where I was getting my hair & makeup done & the cost & to let me know if they wanted me to make sure there was a stylist available for them. Then about a week before the wedding I sent out to the bridal party (BM & GM) an day of itinary so they would know what to expect as the day went on. It included details like what time photos were, where GM were meeting for breakfast & then getting dressed. When & were limo would pick up, etc. It was nice because since they knew then how the day was going to go, I didn't get any, what's next, when are we going to do this questions, which made my wedding day more relaxing. Last thing I wanted was to be hit up with a bunch of questions all day long.

Other things the BM helped me with was getting into my dress and helping me stay calm. Had a few melt downs before the ceremony (aniexty attacks are not fun). They helped me with my dress some for photos, like carrying it down the esculator, yes I went down an esculator in my dress. IMO...your BM are your BM because they are special people in your life. Chances are they are going to offer to help you at some point and do whatever they can to make sure your wedding day goes smoothly for you.