bridesmaid dilemma

themuffinman16

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

misshart00

Seriously? Your friend is having a baby and you're worried how it will affect your wedding? FYI, a week old baby rarely screams. They kind of whimper, if they make noise at all. I had one a short time ago. You can tell her no kids, but be prepared for her not to come, and if she doesn't come, her husband may not. It's up to you.

smalfrie19

1. It stopped being "your day" when you invited guests

2, I don't know anyone who thinks infants are easy, however infants do sleep..a lot. the infants will PROBABLY sleep through the entire thing. If not, people are adult enough to remove a distraction and if they don't, your guest will probably make the point known to leave with glares towards a screaming baby (PS ...why does everyone think a baby will scream through VOWS, why not a reading or the opening prayer)

3. this is your FRIEND! shouldn't you be happy for her? perhaps you should see what you can do to make HER comfortable, ie giving her a room to go and BF if necessary etc.

smalfrie19

dup.

Jen4948

misshart00 said:

Seriously? Your friend is having a baby and you're worried how it will affect your wedding? FYI, a week old baby rarely screams. They kind of whimper, if they make noise at all. I had one a short time ago. You can tell her no kids, but be prepared for her not to come, and if she doesn't come, her husband may not. It's up to you.

The bolded generalization is not always true.  Sometimes newborn babies do scream.  And babies of all ages can be smelly and messy.  So I can understand the OP not wanting that going on during her wedding.

That said, I'm not sure what you can do.  I agree with @misshart00 that you can stand firm and not allow her to bring her baby. I don't think that means that you have to cave, but you will have to be prepared for her or her husband or both to decide that they won't attend if they can't bring the baby, and not replace her in your wedding party if she chooses to drop out for that reason.

AddieCake

I need cake to deal with this nonsense.

themuffinman16

Yes, I am worried how it will affect my wedding.  I am the one who is always there for everyone else for their weddings, showers, babies, you name it, and I would like the same courtesy extended to me.  It took me 12 years for my fiance to propose.  I would like people to be respectful of my day as I have been respectful in all of their big moments. If she couldn't come, I would understand.  I would love her to attend, but with a newborn, I understand that unless she brings a baby (and there are no places to sneak away if the baby gets fussy), she probably won't be able to attend.  I would feel terrible though, if my FI's best man couldn't attend. Although, he may not be able to attend, if she goes past her due date, which is common for a first pregnancy.

misshart00

Jen4948 said:

misshart00 said:

Seriously? Your friend is having a baby and you're worried how it will affect your wedding? FYI, a week old baby rarely screams. They kind of whimper, if they make noise at all. I had one a short time ago. You can tell her no kids, but be prepared for her not to come, and if she doesn't come, her husband may not. It's up to you.

The bolded generalization is not always true.  Sometimes newborn babies do scream.  And babies of all ages can be smelly and messy.  So I can understand the OP not wanting that going on during her wedding.

That said, I'm not sure what you can do.  I agree with @misshart00 that you can stand firm and not allow her to bring her baby. I don't think that means that you have to cave, but you will have to be prepared for her or her husband or both to decide that they won't attend if they can't bring the baby, and not replace her in your wedding party if she chooses to drop out for that reason.

I'll give you that it's a broad generalization, but either way, it won't ruin her wedding.

I just thought about this. If both of them are standing up in your wedding, where would they even leave the baby?

JCbride2015

dmyrick78 said:

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

To the bolded: Wait... you mean they didn't plan their procreation schedule around your special day?  Wow, they are really horrible friends.

Okay I'll be serious now.  What do you do?  You tell your friend you are happy for her, you get excited!  As for the wedding: when invitations go out, the invite is addressed to Mr. and Mrs.  That's it, don't list the baby on the invite.  If she says anything about bringing the baby, you have two choices.  1) Tell her you are planning not to have children at the reception and you hope she can understand.  Be prepared for her and H to choose not to attend if that's the case.  Don't make them feel guilty about this.  2) Tell her she can bring Baby, and does she need anything to make her and Baby a little more comfortable?  At the very least, I would make sure there is a comfy chair and blanket in a quiet spot if she needs to breast feed.

Ditto PP: week-old babies don't really scream.  And if she brings Baby, whatever adult is responsible for Baby can just bring him/her out into the hallway if something does happen.

OP, you don't really have a problem at all!  Just be happy for your friend and celebrate this time.

Jen4948

misshart00 said:

Jen4948 said:

misshart00 said:

Seriously? Your friend is having a baby and you're worried how it will affect your wedding? FYI, a week old baby rarely screams. They kind of whimper, if they make noise at all. I had one a short time ago. You can tell her no kids, but be prepared for her not to come, and if she doesn't come, her husband may not. It's up to you.

The bolded generalization is not always true.  Sometimes newborn babies do scream.  And babies of all ages can be smelly and messy.  So I can understand the OP not wanting that going on during her wedding.

That said, I'm not sure what you can do.  I agree with @misshart00 that you can stand firm and not allow her to bring her baby. I don't think that means that you have to cave, but you will have to be prepared for her or her husband or both to decide that they won't attend if they can't bring the baby, and not replace her in your wedding party if she chooses to drop out for that reason.

I'll give you that it's a broad generalization, but either way, it won't ruin her wedding.

I just thought about this. If both of them are standing up in your wedding, where would they even leave the baby?

I think the bolded isn't your decision to make.  But the question of where the baby would be, or who would look after it, is an interesting one.

BMoreBride6

AddieL73 said:

I need cake to deal with this nonsense.

I just made some amazing brownie/cookie bars I'll send some over...

JCbride2015

Yeah-- OP, does BM have a close friend or something who isn't in the WP who could look after the little one?  As long as there's a responsible adult in the situation, I don't think it's really a problem to bring the baby.  And personally, as a guest I wouldn't get offended if, say, my 5 year old wasn't invited, but a week-old baby was there.  It makes sense to draw that line when inviting children: breast-feeding babies can't really separate from their mothers.

MyNameIsNot

dmyrick78 said:

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

Although not required, most couples make newborns and infants the exception to no children weddings, especially with babies younger than a month.

If you absolutely aren't willing to make an exception for either of these babies, you don't have to, but you have to understand that you may also be excluding the mothers.  Even with the one who thinks she'll be able to leave the child behind, you need to consider that things may change.  It's easy for her to say that now while she's pregnant, but when she actually has the baby at home she may change her mind about leaving a child that young with a sitter.  

You should change your perspective here.  These are your friends and they are welcoming new lives into the world.  You may not like babies, but a good friend would be happy for the new mothers, not worrying about how it effects her wedding.  They didn't need to "think it through" and plan around your wedding.  

misshart00

Was this baby a surprise? Not that it matters. How dare they not be more careful with their procreation and plan around your big special day. I mean, you've been there for all of them, and she had the nerve to go get pregnant.

phira

I'm not sure I see what your dilemma is, since that implies you have a decision to make. You already made your decision, which is that you don't want to have any children at the wedding. At this point, it's up to your guests, which includes your friend, to decide if they can/will attend without their children.

I'm not even going to touch this:

dmyrick78 said:

Yes, I am worried how it will affect my wedding.  I am the one who is always there for everyone else for their weddings, showers, babies, you name it, and I would like the same courtesy extended to me.  It took me 12 years for my fiance to propose.  I would like people to be respectful of my day as I have been respectful in all of their big moments. If she couldn't come, I would understand.  I would love her to attend, but with a newborn, I understand that unless she brings a baby (and there are no places to sneak away if the baby gets fussy), she probably won't be able to attend.  I would feel terrible though, if my FI's best man couldn't attend. Although, he may not be able to attend, if she goes past her due date, which is common for a first pregnancy.

themuffinman16

My sister is leaving the baby with a family member who is a physician's assistant.  She made sure to leave the baby in good hands, because you don't leave a baby that young with just anyone.  I love babies, but I think there is a time and a place for them.  Weddings and funerals, i think are inappropriate places for babies. I guess I am on the wrong side of the argument on this one, even though I wanted to postpone the wedding so it worked for everyone.

Jen4948

MyNameIsNot said:

dmyrick78 said:

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

Although not required, most couples make newborns and infants the exception to no children weddings, especially with babies younger than a month.

If you absolutely aren't willing to make an exception for either of these babies, you don't have to, but you have to understand that you may also be excluding the mothers.  Even with the one who thinks she'll be able to leave the child behind, you need to consider that things may change.  It's easy for her to say that now while she's pregnant, but when she actually has the baby at home she may change her mind about leaving a child that young with a sitter.  

You should change your perspective here.  These are your friends and they are welcoming new lives into the world.  You may not like babies, but a good friend would be happy for the new mothers, not worrying about how it effects her wedding.  They didn't need to "think it through" and plan around your wedding.  

I'm going to disagree a little bit.  I agree that the parents didn't need to "think it through" and plan their reproductive lives around the wedding.

But, that doesn't require the OP to "change her perspective."  She is not required to invite any baby, not even a newborn, a nursing baby, or the baby of two wedding party members.  Certainly it would be a kindness for her to invite the babies, especially because the parents are in the wedding party, but she is not required to do so.  If she and her FI don't want babies there for whatever reason, that is their prerogative. (Seriously.  Whether or not it "ruins the wedding" is irrelevant because it's subjective.) 

It is also the prerogative of the parents of the baby to decide that they can't attend if the baby is not invited.  It's totally fair

So nobody has to "change their perspective" here.  Both sides just have to accept that the couple has the right to decide that the baby can't come and its parents have the right to decide that they can't attend without it.  Whatever decisions are made, both sides have to honor them without guilt-tripping each other into allowing the baby against the couple's wishes or pouting if the parents step down from the wedding party and/or don't attend without the baby.

misshart00

No one is saying you have to let the baby come. That's your prerogative. But you can't be mad if the parents can't come now.

jdluvr06

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

dmyrick78 said:

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

Although not required, most couples make newborns and infants the exception to no children weddings, especially with babies younger than a month.

If you absolutely aren't willing to make an exception for either of these babies, you don't have to, but you have to understand that you may also be excluding the mothers.  Even with the one who thinks she'll be able to leave the child behind, you need to consider that things may change.  It's easy for her to say that now while she's pregnant, but when she actually has the baby at home she may change her mind about leaving a child that young with a sitter.  

You should change your perspective here.  These are your friends and they are welcoming new lives into the world.  You may not like babies, but a good friend would be happy for the new mothers, not worrying about how it effects her wedding.  They didn't need to "think it through" and plan around your wedding.  

I'm going to disagree a little bit.  I agree that the parents didn't need to "think it through" and plan their reproductive lives around the wedding.

But, that doesn't require the OP to "change her perspective."  She is not required to invite any baby, not even a newborn, a nursing baby, or the baby of two wedding party members.  Certainly it would be a kindness for her to invite the babies, especially because the parents are in the wedding party, but she is not required to do so.  If she and her FI don't want babies there for whatever reason, that is their prerogative. (Seriously.  Whether or not it "ruins the wedding" is irrelevant because it's subjective.) 

It is also the prerogative of the parents of the baby to decide that they can't attend if the baby is not invited.  It's totally fair

So nobody has to "change their perspective" here.  Both sides just have to accept that the couple has the right to decide that the baby can't come and its parents have the right to decide that they can't attend without it.  Whatever decisions are made, both sides have to honor them without guilt-tripping each other into allowing the baby against the couple's wishes or pouting if the parents step down from the wedding party and/or don't attend without the baby.

Jen I could be wrong but I think what she meant when she said that the OP should change her perspective is that instead of worrying over how the new baby could effect her wedding she should be happy for her friend. I don't think she was implying that the OP needs to change her mind on having the baby there or not.

sofakingmad

LOL @ the OP

Jen4948

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

dmyrick78 said:

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

Although not required, most couples make newborns and infants the exception to no children weddings, especially with babies younger than a month.

If you absolutely aren't willing to make an exception for either of these babies, you don't have to, but you have to understand that you may also be excluding the mothers.  Even with the one who thinks she'll be able to leave the child behind, you need to consider that things may change.  It's easy for her to say that now while she's pregnant, but when she actually has the baby at home she may change her mind about leaving a child that young with a sitter.  

You should change your perspective here.  These are your friends and they are welcoming new lives into the world.  You may not like babies, but a good friend would be happy for the new mothers, not worrying about how it effects her wedding.  They didn't need to "think it through" and plan around your wedding.  

I'm going to disagree a little bit.  I agree that the parents didn't need to "think it through" and plan their reproductive lives around the wedding.

But, that doesn't require the OP to "change her perspective."  She is not required to invite any baby, not even a newborn, a nursing baby, or the baby of two wedding party members.  Certainly it would be a kindness for her to invite the babies, especially because the parents are in the wedding party, but she is not required to do so.  If she and her FI don't want babies there for whatever reason, that is their prerogative. (Seriously.  Whether or not it "ruins the wedding" is irrelevant because it's subjective.) 

It is also the prerogative of the parents of the baby to decide that they can't attend if the baby is not invited.  It's totally fair

So nobody has to "change their perspective" here.  Both sides just have to accept that the couple has the right to decide that the baby can't come and its parents have the right to decide that they can't attend without it.  Whatever decisions are made, both sides have to honor them without guilt-tripping each other into allowing the baby against the couple's wishes or pouting if the parents step down from the wedding party and/or don't attend without the baby.

Jen I could be wrong but I think what she meant when she said that the OP should change her perspective is that instead of worrying over how the new baby could effect her wedding she should be happy for her friend. I don't think she was implying that the OP needs to change her mind on having the baby there or not.

I read it that she should "change her perspective" and not worry about how the new baby could affect her wedding.  Whether or not she's "happy" for the parents isn't the issue.  And it sounds to me like she is happy for them in general, just not about the prospect that they'll want to bring the baby to her wedding.  She doesn't have to be "happy" about that.

But either way, I don't think she has to change her perspective on anything-just accept that if the baby can't come, possibly the parents won't.

themuffinman16

I am happy for my friend, I have baked her all sorts of goodies, when i found out she was pregnant.  I have just been to several weddings where there was an inconsolable baby or child, and  I would never want that at my wedding. I guess I have to allow babies at the wedding, and suck it up. As long as her wedding went seamlessly, I guess that's all that matters.

Jen4948

If you're going to allow the baby to attend, then it's a non-issue.

ChemFanatic25

dmyrick78 said:

Yes, I am worried how it will affect my wedding.  I am the one who is always there for everyone else for their weddings, showers, babies, you name it, and I would like the same courtesy extended to me.  It took me 12 years for my fiance to propose.  I would like people to be respectful of my day as I have been respectful in all of their big moments. If she couldn't come, I would understand.  I would love her to attend, but with a newborn, I understand that unless she brings a baby (and there are no places to sneak away if the baby gets fussy), she probably won't be able to attend.  I would feel terrible though, if my FI's best man couldn't attend. Although, he may not be able to attend, if she goes past her due date, which is common for a first pregnancy.

I just want to point out one thing and then I will be on my way. Not everything is tit-for-tat. You are the one who decided to put as much effort as you did into your friends and loved ones and that is commendable. That doesn't mean that they are required to do the same. It would be nice but that isn't always the case. 

Also, why feel terrible if your FI's best man can't attend? His child is going to be born; he won't be feeling terrible about missing your wedding if in the end his wife and him have too. His baby is being born! and I don't want to sound snarky but I'm sure in a mother or father's eyes that is much more important that a friend's wedding. 

I really would not worry about it at all. If you don't want children at the wedding, then stick to your ground and don't have children but like all the PP's said, be prepared for her not to attend and possibly even the new father. I would picture it as you and your FH are celebrating a start to a new life and your friends are celebrating a new life they have made so cheers to everyone even if one another can't be together at that point in time.

jdluvr06

I am happy for my friend, I have baked her all sorts of goodies, when i found out she was pregnant.  I have just been to several weddings where there was an inconsolable baby or child, and  I would never want that at my wedding. I guess I have to allow babies at the wedding, and suck it up. As long as her wedding went seamlessly, I guess that's all that matters.

No one is saying you have to let the baby come if you don't want to but in the original post it didn't sound like you were very happy for your friend. That was really my only issue was that you sounded more concerned about your wedding then your friend's happiness but you have cleared that up now and I know that isn't the case. If you don't want the baby there then do what one of the PPs said. Send the the invite to Mr and Mrs so and so and if your friend asks about bringing the baby you can tell her the truth, that you really don't want any children at your wedding. Since she didn't have any at her wedding she should be understanding of that. She can then either arrange for childcare or choose not to attend.

SlothGoals

dmyrick78 said:

I guess I have to allow babies at the wedding, and suck it up. As long as her wedding went seamlessly, I guess that's all that matters.


*stuck in the box*
Ugh, OP you just sound like you're trying to be a martyr here and it's really unbecoming. Instead of being happy for your friend you're letting yourself get jaded over a BABY.

Get over it ffs. Life isn't perfect, at the end of the day you'll still be married.

HisGirlFriday13

I want to assume the OP is a troll, because I want to believe that no one could actually be so selfish and self-centred as to think that one's should have rearranged their reproduction plans to accommodate one's wedding.

My brother and SIL told me and DH yesterday that they're having a baby, right around DH's and my on-year anniversary. Should I be offended that they're going to possibly have a baby while we're out of town for our anniversary?

MyNameIsNot

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

dmyrick78 said:

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

Although not required, most couples make newborns and infants the exception to no children weddings, especially with babies younger than a month.

If you absolutely aren't willing to make an exception for either of these babies, you don't have to, but you have to understand that you may also be excluding the mothers.  Even with the one who thinks she'll be able to leave the child behind, you need to consider that things may change.  It's easy for her to say that now while she's pregnant, but when she actually has the baby at home she may change her mind about leaving a child that young with a sitter.  

You should change your perspective here.  These are your friends and they are welcoming new lives into the world.  You may not like babies, but a good friend would be happy for the new mothers, not worrying about how it effects her wedding.  They didn't need to "think it through" and plan around your wedding.  

I'm going to disagree a little bit.  I agree that the parents didn't need to "think it through" and plan their reproductive lives around the wedding.

But, that doesn't require the OP to "change her perspective."  She is not required to invite any baby, not even a newborn, a nursing baby, or the baby of two wedding party members.  Certainly it would be a kindness for her to invite the babies, especially because the parents are in the wedding party, but she is not required to do so.  If she and her FI don't want babies there for whatever reason, that is their prerogative. (Seriously.  Whether or not it "ruins the wedding" is irrelevant because it's subjective.) 

It is also the prerogative of the parents of the baby to decide that they can't attend if the baby is not invited.  It's totally fair

So nobody has to "change their perspective" here.  Both sides just have to accept that the couple has the right to decide that the baby can't come and its parents have the right to decide that they can't attend without it.  Whatever decisions are made, both sides have to honor them without guilt-tripping each other into allowing the baby against the couple's wishes or pouting if the parents step down from the wedding party and/or don't attend without the baby.

Jen I could be wrong but I think what she meant when she said that the OP should change her perspective is that instead of worrying over how the new baby could effect her wedding she should be happy for her friend. I don't think she was implying that the OP needs to change her mind on having the baby there or not.

I read it that she should "change her perspective" and not worry about how the new baby could affect her wedding.  Whether or not she's "happy" for the parents isn't the issue.  And it sounds to me like she is happy for them in general, just not about the prospect that they'll want to bring the baby to her wedding.  She doesn't have to be "happy" about that.

But either way, I don't think she has to change her perspective on anything-just accept that if the baby can't come, possibly the parents won't.

She needs to change her perspective in that she needs to stop thinking that these parents should have planned their child around her wedding and stop thinking of her friends' pregnancies as wedding problems.  

People have lives and they usually don't plan their families around other people's weddings.  That's not a bad thing.  It doesn't mean that OP should plan her wedding around the babies.  I don't like kids at all, but I can't understand the mentality of refusing to make an exception to accommodate two new mothers who are close enough to be in the wedding party.  OP doesn't have to make an exception if she doesn't want to, but she needs to understand that she is putting her friend in a position where she is forced to miss the wedding.   

KickAssMOH

My friend had a 3-week-old baby at the time of my wedding. I was overjoyed with the baby's arrival and I asked her "what can I do to accomodate you and your baby? I understand completely if you cannot make it to my wedding." We had her bring the baby but she kept him in a pack-and-play in an adjoining room where she alternated with her husband and parents so that someone was with the baby at all times. So, the baby was at my wedding but was in another room where he was seen nor heard. She was not a BM, but she WAS present during the entire ceremony and that meant alot to me (i think her husband sat with the baby during that time). Your friend can probably do the same. Don't freak out about this, it makes you look really bad.

Jen4948

MyNameIsNot said:

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

dmyrick78 said:

One of my bridesmaids was trying to get pregnant (her husband is the best man).  She got pregnant and her due date is a week and a half before the wedding.  It is her first child. I don't want any children at the wedding.  I think she is planning on bringing the week old infant, and I don't know what to do. Infants are not easy, especially if you are breast feeding, and if it is your first child.  My twin sister (maid of honor) is having a baby a month before, but has all ready found someone to watch the baby, while she attends the wedding. I don't know how it would be possible for this bridesmaid to even attend our wedding, unless she brought the baby (the venue is 45 minutes away).  If she is planning on breast feeding with a week old baby, it would  be impossible for her to leave the baby at home with a sitter. I talked to my FI and he was adamant against postponing the wedding, but now we are tied into the date with our venues and I don't know what to say to her.  I think she thinks infants are so easy. I do not want a baby screaming during our vows and taking away from our special day, What do i do, ask her if she knows who would watch the baby, or let the pieces fall where they may? I was at her wedding, and she did not have any children at her wedding.  I understand not waiting until after the wedding to go on with your lives, but I don't think they thought this through with both her and her husband in our wedding party, how difficult it would be to have a baby a week before and attend an all-day event. What do I do?

Although not required, most couples make newborns and infants the exception to no children weddings, especially with babies younger than a month.

If you absolutely aren't willing to make an exception for either of these babies, you don't have to, but you have to understand that you may also be excluding the mothers.  Even with the one who thinks she'll be able to leave the child behind, you need to consider that things may change.  It's easy for her to say that now while she's pregnant, but when she actually has the baby at home she may change her mind about leaving a child that young with a sitter.  

You should change your perspective here.  These are your friends and they are welcoming new lives into the world.  You may not like babies, but a good friend would be happy for the new mothers, not worrying about how it effects her wedding.  They didn't need to "think it through" and plan around your wedding.  

I'm going to disagree a little bit.  I agree that the parents didn't need to "think it through" and plan their reproductive lives around the wedding.

But, that doesn't require the OP to "change her perspective."  She is not required to invite any baby, not even a newborn, a nursing baby, or the baby of two wedding party members.  Certainly it would be a kindness for her to invite the babies, especially because the parents are in the wedding party, but she is not required to do so.  If she and her FI don't want babies there for whatever reason, that is their prerogative. (Seriously.  Whether or not it "ruins the wedding" is irrelevant because it's subjective.) 

It is also the prerogative of the parents of the baby to decide that they can't attend if the baby is not invited.  It's totally fair

So nobody has to "change their perspective" here.  Both sides just have to accept that the couple has the right to decide that the baby can't come and its parents have the right to decide that they can't attend without it.  Whatever decisions are made, both sides have to honor them without guilt-tripping each other into allowing the baby against the couple's wishes or pouting if the parents step down from the wedding party and/or don't attend without the baby.

Jen I could be wrong but I think what she meant when she said that the OP should change her perspective is that instead of worrying over how the new baby could effect her wedding she should be happy for her friend. I don't think she was implying that the OP needs to change her mind on having the baby there or not.

I read it that she should "change her perspective" and not worry about how the new baby could affect her wedding.  Whether or not she's "happy" for the parents isn't the issue.  And it sounds to me like she is happy for them in general, just not about the prospect that they'll want to bring the baby to her wedding.  She doesn't have to be "happy" about that.

But either way, I don't think she has to change her perspective on anything-just accept that if the baby can't come, possibly the parents won't.

She needs to change her perspective in that she needs to stop thinking that these parents should have planned their child around her wedding and stop thinking of her friends' pregnancies as wedding problems.  

People have lives and they usually don't plan their families around other people's weddings.  That's not a bad thing.  It doesn't mean that OP should plan her wedding around the babies.  I don't like kids at all, but I can't understand the mentality of refusing to make an exception to accommodate two new mothers who are close enough to be in the wedding party.  OP doesn't have to make an exception if she doesn't want to, but she needs to understand that she is putting her friend in a position where she is forced to miss the wedding.   

FFS, I did not say that she thought these people should have planned their reproductive lives around her wedding-nor do I think that way.  Nor did she say so.  Nor is there any requirement whatsoever that every couple has to welcome babies to their weddings or plan their weddings around the possibility that someone in their wedding party may have a baby at the time of their wedding.

Nobody is required to have newborn babies at their weddings-not even their best friends' or their wedding party members'. And parents of newborn babies need to accept that not everyone is going to welcome their babies, at their weddings, events, or homes.  Each side needs to accept what the other decides without fuss.

themuffinman16

First of all, I am not a troll. She and her husband are in the wedding party.  Who will take care of the baby? I KNOW how important my FI's brother is to him, and I offered to rearrange MY wedding day to suit them.  I am not selfish.  I have just waited a long time, and If I had to wait a bit longer for my day to be perfect, I would have.  No one would be put out, everyone could come, and I could have the wedding I envisioned.  My FI did not want to postpone the wedding. I was the one who was going to bend, first.  So please don't act like I don't care for this woman.  I just wanted a dream wedding, as my FI and I cannot have a honeymoon. I just wished she would have asked me what my wishes were, not to wait to start their family, but to know that it is going to be impossible to have an infant at this venue.  There is nowhere to nurse, and new moms are shy about that.  There is no hotel, and her and the groom are in the wedding.  They have put me in a difficult position.  Had I known, I would have rented a venue with a hotel to accommodate everyone, or just went with my gut and post-poned the wedding.